Now and Forever...Itsumademo... - Chapter 16A
Title: Now and Forever…いつまでも…
Author: Mayonaka no Taiyou/Unare Haineko
Pairing: [Juntoshi] Matsumoto Jun x Ohno Satoshi
Rating: R-ish, but NC-17 this chapter.
Summary: This story follows Ayumu, a more or less normal child born in 2012, three years after the ending of ‘Kodoku kara Umareta Ai’ (which you can read here). His parents, Jun and ( Read more... )
“Yes, it’s true,” burst Daisuke into tears, grabbing his therapist’s hand and weeping over it. “It’s my fault. I gave him those wounds and it gets worse, sensei…”
“Next, you’ll be telling me that you suspect he knows you’re behind the plan resulting in his late sexual assault,” she intoned disinterestedly.
Daisuke cried even harder at this remark and hiccupped unevenly, “He knows, I know he knows something. If you had seen how he looked at me, sensei when he said his physical wounds were nothing because ‘Trust me, being betrayed by those closest to you and being at the brink of your sanity hurts way more’, and then he said, ‘such pain that feels like it’s shredding every tendon and smashing every organ and bone…yet when you look at yourself in the mirror…not a bruise mars your flesh, not a drop of blood stains it despite the excruciating pain you feel inside’. Sensei, I think he KNOWS that I betrayed him and that he’s hurt by it. I mean, I am kind of the closest to him seeing how I’m his personal assistant and everything. He sounded and looked at me like he didn’t understand why I could do such a thing to him. He said that it had really hurt him, no, like I had deeply hurt him by betraying him.”
“That is a normal reaction to elicit when the betrayer is closest to one,” stated her ladyship matter-of-factly whilst patting Daisuke’s cheek. “Did Mr Ninomiya lash at you for it?”
“No, that’s just it, sensei,” Daisuke was practically wailing by this point. “He acted like it was okay and that he forgave me - how crazy is that. Then he kissed me lightly like he was saying that he understood and that I was forgiven even though it was tearing him up inside. I feel so… so horrible for being responsible for what Reiya did to him and for what the Boss wants me to do to him, and Kazu-san actually forgave me for it…”
“There, there, mon pauvre,” she cooed, gathering the weeping lad into her arms. “You are beside yourself. It is a simple equation really - ever since your mummy died, you were starved for affection, and here is someone giving it to you. Of course, you feel awful. And it’s not like you were the model of probity when you came to Tokyo. You know that you’re a lying, cheating, materialistic, self-centred, insecure, inferiority complex ridden human being who is so wretched and degraded that you would sell your face, yourself, your body, and your soul just for money.”
“Sensei, stop, please,” he wept, clinging to her and trembling through his tears. “I already feel bad enough.”
“It’s perfectly natural to feel bloody awful when you realise you’ve betrayed yourself in the grossest terms possible,” she sharply snarled whilst stroking his head.
“Yes, it’s true, that’s the type of terrible person I’ve become. It’s all the more reason why I don’t deserve any kindness and I tried to ignore Kazu-san’s kind forgiveness, but I couldn’t help it,” he wailed, burrowing himself further into the devil’s bony shoulder.
“I can see that. You’re even clinging to me - now this is the height of desperation when you’re crying to a she-devil and expecting comfort,” she deadpanned, abruptly manoeuvring him so that she pinned him to the floor. “Ever since mummy died, you’ve lost the only person who has ever been unconditionally kind to you. That’s why you cast you off your old self and created that hard persona of a mendacious, materialistic, self-centred, insecure, inferiority complex ridden bilge rat. But now, we have Mr Ninomiya who freely forgives you for your transgressions and you suddenly recall how wonderful it was to have someone to care for you and give you simple affection.”
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“Poor baby,” she mockingly cooed, lightly pecking him on the mouth and running a finger down his neck. “Touch is a strange human sense, n’est-ce pas. It is the only sense that transcends the need to speak, and is best used when words are not enough. One can always lie with words when we say things like ‘It doesn’t hurt’ or ‘I forgive you’ or ‘I’m sorry’, but with a touch, one can convey those things and mean it. Rather, most human beings can’t lie with touch. Moreover, the touch, as you know only too well, does not have to be sexual. Take this awkward position we’re in, for instance. You’re not in the least frightened even though I seem to have you in tears and in a compromising position. You know from the way I touched you and kissed you that I don’t have any sexual intention towards you. And you like that, don’t you, mon pauvre? You like being petted and loved because it reminds you of your dear departed mummy.”
“Yes, yes, I admit it,” Daisuke broke down further, crying up a torrent. “I even thought better of Kazu-san for his kindness in asking me to change out of my wet clothes. Most people wouldn’t care if I caught a cold.”
“Ah, how moving are these nascent stirrings of friendship. May I know why it has suddenly afflicted you?”
“I don’t know!” he threw out in exasperation. “I only know that it’s not right to do these things to him. It’s not fair to him. I mean, Kazu-san is only a hardcore gamer, he doesn’t go out and actively hurt other people like Reiya or Kei or the Boss…”
“Ah, but we seem to have forgotten that you are the cause of his recent rape. His wounds bled again because you were near. That 16th century superstition is true in your context.”
“Yes, yes, it’s all my fault! That’s why I don’t think it’s right. If anything, Kazu-san should be protected not hurt and treated like he was some kind of rag doll!” threw out the lad.
It was the exact opening her ladyship had been waiting for and she admirably suppressed the quiver in her lips by saying, “You of all people know that your 666 Boss wants to do Mr Ninomiya over. You of all people know that your 666 Boss wants to crush Mr Ninomiya and leave him for dead. You of all people know WHY and HOW your 666 Boss wants to demolish Mr Ninomiya, shouldn’t you be the one protecting him instead of feeding him to the lion?”
“Eh?”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” teased her ladyship as she pinched his cheeks. “You’re looking for a means to redeem your sorry little self and reclaim your even sorrier little soul, n’est-ce pas? So, why not start here by not screwing with Mr Ninomiya any further and actually protecting him from the pernicious plans of your wretched 666 Boss instead?”
“But what will happen to me if I do that?”
“Physically, your 666 Boss will have your head on a plaque on his wall. Emotionally, you will be better able to live with yourself. Spiritually, you will have redemption. Choice is yours, boy. What will it be? Will it be (a) vain self-preservation, or (b) reclaiming your lost soul and (c) salvation?” was the simple answer as Lady Strange rose and snapped her fingers and disappeared into the cold flames of blackish-blue.
[NB: More therapy sessions to come]
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Who knows how Daisuke would react? He does crave affection and seeing how shabbily he's treated by others, it comes as no surprise that he should gravitate towards kindness when it's offered. At heart, he's still a boy who wants his boo-boos kissed and mamma to hold his hand and cuddle him.
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