taxi ride
taxi ride
sustal (junmyeon/soojung)
pg
au, romance
oneshot, ~6k
The first ride was started with a mom telling his son to accompany her best friend’s daughter in a cab from mall to home. The second ride happened with more words being exchanged and few realizations.
More rides happen and at last, what they need is simply a vacant cab to go back home.
prologue
One afternoon at the end of May - summer is approaching and people can't wait to start planning how to spend the weeks with sun streaming down the town.
Junmyeon has just arrived from playing soccer with his friends. He's all worn out and drenched in sweat when her mother bursts out of her door.
"There's a reunion this week and she's coming!" She yells and comes to hug him, without any protest of how sticky her son is like she usually does.
Her eyes are glistening in happiness and Junmyeon is just grimacing at how energetic his mother now.
Maybe asking for an iPod now is a good idea.
On the other side of the city, Soojung is running around the house whilst her mom is chasing for her to drink her vitamin. They stop when the home phone's ringing and look at each other.
She shushes her daughter who's snickering at the side and answers the phone.
Few yelps are heard during the phone call and Soojung sulks the whole night after being told that tomorrow she couldn't be home to watch the new episodes of Totally Spies.
She narrows her eyes at her grinning from ear to ear mother. At least she doesn't need to drink the smelled vitamin.
-
It was all started with a mom telling his son to accompany her best friend’s daughter in a mall to home taxi ride. It was all started when she was 10 and he was three years older. It was all started when she began nagging how she badly preferred to stay home and watch her favorite cartoon series - she said it was the famous TV series, not cartoons - instead of joining her mom in a high school reunion.
It was all started when he said yes the time he laid his eyes at her scowling face. He found it cute and the ‘cute’ word had never ever changed no matter how dead silent the ride home was.
“I could go home by myself.” She muttered while looking to the scenery of crowded streets and the tip tap drops of rain on the window.
“But your mom insisted me taking you home.” And he managed to answer with this matter of fact reason - which just made her scowl even deeper.
The ride home was silent as the taxi driver tapped his fingers on the steering wheel occasionally, hoping the pair behind realized how uncomfortable the situation was. But still, none of them talked. The long ride home finally came to an end after an extra of two hours and a half due to the busy hour and she just stalked off as the taxi halted in front of her house.
And all he could say just his home address to the gaping in disbelief taxi driver.
He smiled. The so-called spoiled girl isn’t so cold after all, he thought as he recalled the millisecond smile she put right after she mumbled a ‘thanks’ before she stalked out of the door in instant.
The second taxi ride happened about two months after the previous one. He couldn’t help but grin at the same appearance of the girl right before him; all dressed in a big sized broken white sweater and a pair of shorts with earplugs tucked lazily to her ears. It was really a wise decision that he made hours ago when her mom asked her to come with her to another meeting-old-friends event. He made his way to take a sit two chairs separated from her, keeping a distance because he noticed how hard she tried to keep her cool.
There happened another similar situation when her mom asked her why did she come along at the first place when later she just nagged how she wants to go back because of the untouched home works. Again, his mom kindly smiled - a similar smile as his son’s - to her as she offered the free taxi ride and secretly winked at the shocked expressions of the children.
He learned that that time; it was her who wanted to come with her mom unlike the last time where she was literally dragged along because there was no one at home. He learned that time; the air conditioner was too cold that she had been fidgeting after some times inside the vehicle. And she realized right there; how soft his voice was when he spoke to her for the second time in history.
“Take this.” He said. “I don’t want your mom to scold me later if you catch a cold.”
Reluctantly, she took it and covered her bare thighs. She could picture the smile that plastered on his face and strangely, she felt herself warming up to this boy.
“Thanks.” She mumbled.
That was the last word exchanged that night before another short ‘thanks’, but soon before she really left him on the black cheap leathered seat alone, she quickly added ‘and for the jacket’ which made him smile even wider. She went out after that, leaving the grey varsity jacket on her now vacant seat. He reached a hand to take it back and he could feel the different feeling on the fabric; he smiled and told the driver his home address.
There was no more reunion or meeting between the parents and soon, three years passed in a flash.
He made it to get in the prestigious high school and got a car as a present. As for her, she began to experience the infamous first love story. That was why; he didn’t see her at the café where his mom would meet her best friends - which includes her mom, of course.
He had nicely dressed, thinking he must impress her after the three years not meeting each other. He had sufficiently sprayed the perfume, thinking puberty wouldn’t do right about smell. But later, he really thanked himself for bringing his iPod; because his mom offered no one to accompany in a taxi ride; because her mom brought no one with her but a long story about their ex-high school crush who got married to their school nerd recently; and because he later knew from a chit chat from the group of gossip ladies - she just got a boyfriend.
He thought himself during his ride home - on his car this time, mom driving while humming to the today’s jam from the radio - maybe he should really get over his first love too.
There another year rolled in a blink and he finally made it to experience another love story. Way to go with that pretty face, Jongdae - one of his bunch of friends - said jokingly. He got his way to this girl called Sunyoung - a junior he knew from Kyungsoo - after five whole months crushing on her. Luckily, the feelings were mutual and he admitted he couldn’t be happier.
They were on somehow a date when his mom’s call interrupted. Sunyoung, being the kind soul she was, let him go easily to pick his mom at (another) bonding time with her friends. Friends come first, she said in repeat every time a sigh followed by protests came out from the other line. After dropping off his girlfriend to her house, he finally made it to reach his mom with a familiar sight. His eyes widened and he could feel his heart beats faster than the usual, yet in a tone he used to feel.
She was there.
Strangely, her eyes were red and the aura around her was solemn. He kept on staring at her from a distance before her mom came thanking him - there’s this important file his mom has with in his car that her mom needs at the moment was the actual reason of him coming there - with an offer of drink which he kindly accepted. He then made his way sitting on the wooden stool - one chair away this time - and slowly ate the chocolate truffle he bought earlier on his date. He swore he could feel her glancing some times and he hid the smile that was threatening to appear in any minute if she kept on doing that. Side glancing her, he pulled out another piece of truffle - wrapped in a plastic with a quote about smiling could make the life brighter or something written on the back of the bag. Her eyes widened when a hand along with the tempting chocolate flavored treat appeared in her very own eyes. Her stare went up to see him trying hard to lean in from his seat - which looked so awkward - and as hard as she tried to deny, the smile on his face somehow calmed her troubled feelings.
Hesitantly, she took it without saying another word. He sighed in relieve inwardly, seeing his offer wasn’t rejected. He straightened back in his seat as he slurped the hot mocha. Just hearing the sound of the plastic being opened from beside him could really make him feeling relieved inside. She munched the snack silently and he smiled, taking out his phone to play Sudoku.
It was when he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder and he swore his heart was about to jump out of its cage as his throat let out a humiliating squeak. She was standing right behind him and that really made him wonders when and why did she start to move?
He raised an eyebrow in question and she barely met his eyes.
“Can you take me home?” Was all his ears caught.
It was silent before he could see the faint blush on her cheeks. He looked at the background where the mothers and their other friends were busy chatting and it looked like they were really enjoying the time of their lives so they wouldn’t stop anytime soon. His eyes drifted again to the girl in front of him - her head hung down and he then noticed how a mess she was.
“Okay. We can use my car-“
“No.” She interrupted and there he could see waters filling her eyes. His heart couldn’t help but clenched. Why-what’s happened, he wanted to ask. “Can we just... use taxi instead?” She asked again in a low tone, eyes glistening. Before he could blink, she quickly wiped her eyes and looked away. “But it’s up to you, though.”
He bored his eyes through hers before he said, “Finish your drink.”
He left her standing there and made his way to the group of mothers. She stayed rooted on the ground, unsure of what was going on. Nonetheless, she really walked to gulp down the hot chocolate that was no longer hot while listening of what was happening behind her back.
The sound of keys being put on the table and the question his mother asks that sounded like ‘where are you going’ and how he casually responded by ‘I’m going first, mom’ then he turned to her mom to ask her permission.
“And I’m taking her home, too, Mrs. Jung.” He said and added another words after a split second. “If… you’re okay with it.”
She could really picture her mom with widened eyes but then followed with a knowing grin - the other mothers soon followed - and soon, waved them off.
Five minutes of their ride home was silent. The silent, this time, didn’t last long as she began to cry. He, on the other side of the backseat, unconsciously scooted closer and handed her his hanky. She took it only to be grasped hard in her palm but still, she couldn’t stop. She slowly started talking things; first it was something like ‘I hate him’ and ‘I don’t want to go to school tomorrow’ and soon the blabbers changed into ‘love is bullshit’ and ‘jerks, guys are all jerks’ with a ‘I don’t want to fall in love again’ in between her chokes. He constantly heard name flowed out of her mouth that sounded like Taemin, which he assumed as her ex-boyfriend. More like an ass-boyfriend to him.
It was raining again outside and that just turned the atmosphere more somber. The girl was still sobbing when his hand reached out - without his knowing - to give her a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and suddenly moved to the other side of her head and soon - she was leaning on his shoulder. She was still crying and the brand new plaid shirt he just bought last week was now damp with her tears. The hand that was used to push her head was still there as he began to stroke her long straight hair. He shushed her every time she tried to talk but muffled with her own sob that just made her coughing hard. He mentally scolded himself for not bringing a water bottle when he usually does.
“Alright. It’s alright now.” He said when she finally went quite, just with a frequent sob and tears slowing down.
“I- I hate him. I’m not falling in love again.” She said as she harshly rubbed her eyes.
He quickly caught her wrist from wiping her eyes even further and made her face him. She looked so vulnerable at that moment that his heart felt really aches at the sight.
“Stop.” He demanded and she stopped as per request. “Don’t hurt yourself even further.”
His order sounded more like a plea as he begged her to stop when she struggled to get over his hold.
“Please.” He stared at her. “Please, stop hurting yourself.” His voice was no longer soft and soothing but it sounded really sad, and she wasn’t sure if she really caught a hint of pain inside his voice.
She just looked at him straight, still brimming with tears and sobbing. Both of them didn’t really realize that she had been crying all the way home until the driver awkwardly coughed - signaling they had arrived at the destination.
His hands were still around her wrists, holding them hard.
“We’re arrived.” He sighed and let go of her wrists.
He wanted to apologize for the faint red marks on her wrists when she went out of the car, without any single word. The door was slammed on his face without any gust of wind as the impact. He sighed and after making sure she - once again - closed the front door of her house in a weak slam, he asked the driver to drive to his house.
He tried, after all.
Not so long after the tearful event, surprising news came through from his screaming mom downstairs when he was working on his Economy homework.
“She-she crashed-car.” Was all his mom could say before fainted, a phone in her hand.
They immediately drove off to the hospital where the person on the other line had addressed them. Several times, he patted his mom’s hand in comfort but she would just look outside and whimpered.
They were best friends since diapers and never ever separated until they went for different colleges. Years after years without being in contact with each other, they finally met on that rainy day four years ago. He could really picture how in glee his mom was when she announced that she was going to a reunion that included her very best friend - the one she had been talking about. He remembered him cringing at the sight of the two best friend met that day and but wouldn’t forget how smiley his mother ever since that day. Even during the three years without any meeting with each other, he would always overheard her mother gossiping with her or barely said what’s up with her cupcake business through her phone every time he walked past her mother’s room. She sometimes visited her on her house without him knowing, even. They’re both widows, in fact. He was secretly amazed at how the two could be that happy and independent without a figure of a husband in raising their children.
But then again, who could really against the fate design.
He sighed as he parked his car inside the parking lot and nudged his sleeping mother. She seemed to be drift off a while back then when there was a traffic jam.
The hospital room was filled with tears. There were unfamiliar faces who were crying and he was sure they are her relatives. The moment they stepped inside, all eyes were on them; some of those unfamiliar figures went to his mom and led her to the room. He spotted a figure in the corner, being hugged tightly with a friend of their mothers whom he once met in a reunion or the so-called bonding time. Their eyes met for a second before she burst into another sob and her vision was blocked by her own tears while he rushed into the patient’s room after another scream breaking through from inside.
The time his mother was in front of the lifeless figure covered in white thin cloth, she broke down again and he had to pick her from the floor. That situation didn't happen only once.
After some time of making sure his mom was okay by her friend’s side, he made his way out and sat down on one of the couches. Some of her relatives had gone home and some went out to buy foods.
“She left-she left me.” She said, not even glancing her side but knew - it was him.
“She didn’t leave, she doesn’t.”
“No.” She shook her head. “She left. She really left.” She looked to her side to see him already staring at her with unusual expression in his face - gloom. She wasn’t used with this expression on his face. She had expected him with his warm smiles, with his soft voice, with his everything he wasn’t at that time. Her voice cracked. “She left me alone.”
Without another time of thinking ‘what should I do’ or ‘what would he do’, he brought her closer and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. You’re not alone, he whispered in her ears. I’m here, he whispered in her ears. As much as both of them didn’t realize of what was happening, they both felt relieved - a pleasant feeling after all that happened that day. She clutched her hand desperately at the hem of his now damp sweater - soaking it with her tears that wouldn’t stop anytime soon. He let her. He let her do that as long as she believed that she’s not alone.
She had him.
She felt asleep on his arms with stained cheeks and puffy eyes. He wiped another tear that just fell from her left eye with his thumb. Her cheeks were cold and he could feel her choke some while in her sleep. Slowly, he changed her position so then she had her head on his lap and her body sprawled across the couch. He removed a strain of hair that was on her forehead and tucked it behind her ear. Her face was much calmer in this state - no scowling, no crying, just sleeping peacefully. He could see how her eyebrows wrinkled occasionally while mumbling incoherent things. She was troubled in her sleep too. He wished he could burst into dreams and knock down all the troubles in her sleep - because in real life, her problem was because a particular person is being knocked out of her life.
He caressed her hair and wiped every tear that escapes. He made sure she won’t be alone from that time on, as their fingers interlaced tightly on the side like the both of them afraid of losing each other.
They stayed together in that position until the morning came, and an announcement of funeral was being made.
He took her home - with his car and his mom this time. Both women stayed silent during the ride and he didn’t try to enlighten the atmosphere because there was no use of it. He was as sad as them, after all. He escorted her until they were before her front door. She was looking down and still looked in a mess as ever.
“Go take a refreshing bath. Your mom wouldn’t be pleased to see you in this state.” He said.
All she did was nodding weakly and she pulled out her keys. She stumbled while finding the right one and she broke down there again. He immediately caught her and steadied her until she could stand up straight. He took the keys out of her hand and found one with an obvious ‘front’ word written there. He opened the door and led her inside. It was the first time for him to step inside the house, even after dropping off his mom here several times in the past. He didn’t have any clue of where should he brought the sobbing wreck that could break in any moment if he didn’t put his arm around her shoulder.
He spotted that one room with a purple sign with doodles of crystals and he just knew where to bring her.
“I don’t want to go to the funeral.” She muttered as he slowly made her sit on her bed.
“No.” He said and made her face him. “You must go. Don’t you want your mom to see you for the last time? Her beloved one and only daughter?”
She furrowed her eyebrows and cried again. “You said she doesn’t leave, then why do I have to come at her funeral? She doesn’t leave me, right? I could sleep now and I would be kicked out of my bed with my mom later, right?” She sobbed hard. “I’ll come out of the room and see her smiling by the kitchen - asking me what do I want for lunch, right? Tell me.” She sobbed and hung her head low, facing her lap while watching her own tears.
He reached her face and cupped it, only to see her red face, yet it felt cold once again in his grasp. “Don’t do this to yourself.” He whispered and wiped her cheeks gently.
She shook her head weakly. “How-what do you expect me to do, then?” She sobbed uncontrollably.
“Just don’t cry at her funeral later. That would be enough.” He said, eyes searching her. She looked back even her tears were blurring everything, including his tender face.
She sniffled. “I don’t-I can’t do that-“
“You can.” A reassuring smile appeared in his lips - the smile she had been longing. “You can, Soojung.”
Her heart stopped beating the moment he called her name for the first time. She stared at him and found herself nodding like she was in a spell.
“You can cry all you want now but not at her funeral, not even a shed.” He said again and wiped the remaining tears. “Promise me.”
It would be impossible for her but she felt like she wasn’t sober the moment she opened her mouth to say, “I promise.” Her voice cracked once again but she could care less as he leaned in to give her forehead a peck, which he didn’t know where the hell he got the idea to do so.
A blush crept on her cheeks. Her pale face finally had some color with a little help from him. He pulled away and looked at her. “Now go bath and dress prettily. You must impress her.” He stood up from her bed and looked at her once again, reluctant to leave her alone but he had promised he would make it quick and came back here to pick her up. She was left alone at last.
She touched the spot where the heat came from and her eyes widened at the familiar feeling inside her chest. She made her way slowly to the Polaroid of her and her mom - hugging each other tightly with her red eyes and she was pouting - from few days ago on her desk. She remembered perfectly the time her mom arrived from her so-called meeting and didn’t make her way to her room - unlike she expected. Instead, she made a commotion in the kitchen and half yelled at her to come out and taste the new recipe she just learned earlier from her friend - his mother.
“Taste this!” She excitedly pointed the new fresh soup on the pot.
She was too tired to argue that she wasn’t hungry when in fact, her belly had been growling in a silent manner ever since she was in the taxi. She limply walked to the dining table to take a sip and her eyes widened. She could feel her whole body no longer numb and she looked up to see her mother smiling.
“You should learn to try something new instead of wailing because the non existent one to feel again, honey.” Was all she said before she stood up and ran to give her a hug.
“Mom, it hurts.” She cried in her embrace.
She soothed her hair. “I know, honey. I know.” She pulled away to stare at her broken daughter lovingly. “Love hurts, and love is hard. But don’t make it harder than it supposed to be by hurting yourself like this.”
“What do you expect me to do, then?” She whimpered as her mom wiped her tears.
She smiled. “Nothing.” She hugged her daughter again. “Just promise me to not close your heart and promise me,” she brought her face to look at her straight, “you’ll love again. That would be enough.”
The funeral went in a blink of eye.
She found herself staring blankly as her mom being dragged to the ground. It was raining again and the cemetery filled with black umbrellas and sound of muffled cries. But none of those sound belonged to her. She kept her promise. She just felt her heart sobbing wildly when her outside just stayed rooted, holding her umbrella tight that she could break it soon. She was dressed in a black knee length dress and had applied simple make up with a touch of red lipstick. Her long hair was tied in a messy bun. Her face was no longer pale, but he could see it from a distance how empty she was.
The ceremony was simple - ended with reassuring pats on her shoulder and some warm hugs. She just nodded at everything people said to her to not drown in sadness even longer. She barely realized some of her aunties and other relatives from her father were present too. “You can always move to our house for the time being, dear.” One of her nicest auntie said and she just smiled weakly in return, but turned the offer down eventually.
“Come on.” Said someone from behind. “I have flagged a cab for us.”
She turned around and took the hand that was stretched out to her. She looked back once again to see her mother - a frame of her smiling sweetly on top of her grave that surrounded by bunch of flowers warmed her heart - and back at him. He smiled and waited patiently for a nod from her, and they walked away, leaving the cemetery with heavy steps of her - but she kept her promise not to cry because of her again.
“I promise, mom.” She mumbled from the back of the window and the sight of her mother slowly faded away.
She sighed and turned around to see him. She really had the urge to break her promise with him right there when he asked her to come closer. She obeyed and instantly hid her face on the white shirt underneath his black blazer. She tried so hard to not let out a cry by desperately hugging him tight. She was afraid. She didn’t want to be alone. She just realized that her mother was no longer there, literally. No matter how hard she tried to convince her self that she could do it - that she could survive, she couldn’t.
“I won’t cry.” She said, a bit muffled but he could hear her perfectly. “I’m not crying.” But he perfectly felt his shirt was getting moist. “I won’t-I won’t break my promise.” She said, now she was really sobbing. “I’m sorry. I really am.” She said the last time before he shushed her by hugging her back. She repeatedly said how much she hates her life and asked him to not leave her alone. He could feel his heart aches every time she talked with pain; in her every word; in her every sob.
She ended sleeping on his lap once again with wrecked mascara stained her cheeks. The long ride home was filled with pain as he realized how fond he was of the girl who was curling - and holding his hand tightly like he would ever slip away if she didn’t do that - down there.
Careful not to wake her up, he took his phone out from the pocket of pants to type a text message to someone; ‘I think we should break up.’
He didn't care if it was a one-sided feeling; he stared at the figure - who was in her deep slumber - and vowed mentally, he would take care of her from that time on and would love her unconditionally.
The next time they met was at her house. Her stuffs were packed and being stuffed into back of the car. Two large suitcases and her room was now empty. There were plastics covering the furniture inside. His mother was way better after two months, but he knew none had changed. She was just being her tough self.
“I’m going to miss you, dear.” His mother hugged her tightly. “Don’t ever hesitate to call me if you’re going back here.”
She was smiling in the hug. “I will, auntie.”
Then his mother went away checking her stuffs again - making sure nothing was left behind, leaving the two of them stood there without any word being exchanged.
“Will you-will you have a driver there?” He asked.
She raised her eyebrow but then understood how does his question came. She nodded. “Dad provides me.”
“I see.”
Then it was silent before he spoke again. “Don’t use the cab alone. I heard it’s more dangerous there.”
She smiled. “I will, Junmyeon.” She turned to go but stopped. “And happy birthday.”
She left him with widened eyes and thumping heart. She just called him by his name for the first time and how the hell she knew May 22nd is his birth date. All his questions were left unspoken when he realized she was already inside her father’s car. She rolled down the window to wave at them. His mother tearfully bid her goodbye and cupped her hands around her mouth to yell ‘take care’ at her. The last minutes before the car was speeding off, their eyes met and he wouldn’t have to yell like his mother to say what was he was going to say to her because there were a lot in the list.
He just stared at her and it was all enough. It was enough to tell her to be safe. It was enough to tell her to have enough sleep. It was enough to prevent her from crying again. It was enough to tell her to comeback as soon as possible.
She smiled and closed the window. And the smile was enough for him to know that she got it all. She understood, and she would comeback.
“Are you sure you’re leaving with me, dear?” Her father asked.
She smiled, looking from the rear mirror to see him slowly fading. “I’m more than sure, daddy. Besides,” she looked at him, “I miss you.”
Her father smiled and that brought her away; miles away from home; miles away from her mother; miles away from him.
Time passes. Seasons change. Days grow longer, but that doesn’t mean the nights go shorter.
He watches his graduation gown fell ugly on his body. He sighs inwardly, why didn’t he drink much milk when he was told to do so. He looks around to see his friends - avoiding the fact how good the gown looked on Yifan’s tall body - are all in glee.
“Hey.” Jongdae nudges him and he looks up. “You coming to the party tonight?”
He thinks for a bit before nods. “Maybe. I don’t know. I still have to go somewhere after this.”
Sehun whines from besides him. He isn’t graduating and only Lu Han knows how to drag him along with Jongin so they’re attending the ceremony too. They have been all friends since high school and luckily, they made it to the same university even with different majors. “Come on, hyung, you gotta come because partying while working later won’t sound so good~” He sings and walks away.
He chuckles. “I got it, Sehun.”
He then glances his phone. It’s been years ever since that day and never once they tried to contact each other. He occasionally visits her mother’s grave but the little hope he had inside would be just another empty wish the time he arrives at the cemetery.
He misses her, a matter of fact he will never say out loud because who will listen anyway? He has never mentioned that to his friends and that just makes them wonder if their friend wasn’t straight after the broke up with Sunyoung back then in high school.
“Kim Junmyeon.” The teacher announces and he stands up while applauses being heard from all over the hall, including the shouts from his noisy juniors behind. He never once forgets to praise how smart beings are they actually inside their childish outside frame. “Majoring in Economy and Politic, double degrees. Three years of studying to finish both, which is an incredible achievement.” His teacher continues and whistles are louder from around. He shyly bows to the audience and receives his diploma.
“Congratulation, Junmyeon.” His teacher says while shaking his hand. “Be success in everything you do. You’ve never failed to impress me.”
“Thank you, Sir.” He replies and bows once again.
The graduation halts to an end and hats are thrown in happiness. He bids goodbye to his friends and approaches his mother who’s now smiling proudly and hugs him.
“Congratulation, dear.” His mother has faint tears in her eyes and pats his cheeks.
He smiles. “Thanks, mom.”
In silent, he drives to the familiar place which he and his mom always visits. His mom said that every memorable memory should be shared with her. He didn’t complain, though, because she really got a point.
Today’s visit is different. The air is warmer, the sky is brighter - a really nice afternoon. There are some cars parked there, unlike the other empty days.
His mother brings her bucket of flowers and happily walks out of the car. He follows behind, still in his dress shirt. He feels different - in a good way. He doesn’t know why his heart beats faster than the usual; he doesn’t know why he’s still hoping for something that’s impossible the time he steps on the path way to her mother’s.
But his hope this time is not another empty hope like the other days.
He just knows when he sees another bucket there. His mother quickly looks back at him in equal shock. He blinks, not knowing what to do. His mother picks up the bucket and smells it. It’s still fresh. She smiles knowingly, signaling him to go and he doesn’t need to be told twice to turn around.
He sees a figure standing by the gate, back facing him. He gulps, contemplating whether he’s seeing things or she’s really coming back. Deciding it’s a nothing to lose opportunity, his feet move in a fast pace and he reaches to turn her around.
But she’s not her. She’s a different person. Her face shows an annoyed expression and quickly trots away the time he says sorry for mistaken her as another person.
He looks down in defeat. Years already and she’s still not coming back. He scolds himself mentally for bringing his hopes way too high and realizes how hurt it feels to be faced another similar disappointing situation. He sighs and run a hand through his hair while turning away to go back to his mother.
Then he stops.
He’s now seeing things, he believes.
“Leave. You’re not even real.” He tells the person in front of him.
Now he just awarded himself another diploma for being so good in imagining things, or he just misses her that much. The girl who’s standing here perfectly resembles her - pale white skin, sharp lips, and long dark hair that’s now with small curls in the very end. He learns she’s now taller that makes him scolds himself even more for not drinking sufficient calcium and for sleeping late. She’s smiling so warmly at him and he’s so certain - he’s not seeing the real her.
“She doesn’t smile like that.” He says to the creature. He stares at her but still; she’s not fading away. “Why are you still here?”
She chuckles and puts a hand in front of her lips later to cover her laugh. And why the hell the imaginative character’s laughing at me, he thinks. He needs more proofs.
“Can you take me home?" She smiles. "I’ve called the cab.”
Now that's convincing enough.
sustal (junmyeon/soojung)
pg
au, romance
oneshot, ~6k
The first ride was started with a mom telling his son to accompany her best friend’s daughter in a cab from mall to home. The second ride happened with more words being exchanged and few realizations.
More rides happen and at last, what they need is simply a vacant cab to go back home.
prologue
One afternoon at the end of May - summer is approaching and people can't wait to start planning how to spend the weeks with sun streaming down the town.
Junmyeon has just arrived from playing soccer with his friends. He's all worn out and drenched in sweat when her mother bursts out of her door.
"There's a reunion this week and she's coming!" She yells and comes to hug him, without any protest of how sticky her son is like she usually does.
Her eyes are glistening in happiness and Junmyeon is just grimacing at how energetic his mother now.
Maybe asking for an iPod now is a good idea.
On the other side of the city, Soojung is running around the house whilst her mom is chasing for her to drink her vitamin. They stop when the home phone's ringing and look at each other.
She shushes her daughter who's snickering at the side and answers the phone.
Few yelps are heard during the phone call and Soojung sulks the whole night after being told that tomorrow she couldn't be home to watch the new episodes of Totally Spies.
She narrows her eyes at her grinning from ear to ear mother. At least she doesn't need to drink the smelled vitamin.
-
It was all started with a mom telling his son to accompany her best friend’s daughter in a mall to home taxi ride. It was all started when she was 10 and he was three years older. It was all started when she began nagging how she badly preferred to stay home and watch her favorite cartoon series - she said it was the famous TV series, not cartoons - instead of joining her mom in a high school reunion.
It was all started when he said yes the time he laid his eyes at her scowling face. He found it cute and the ‘cute’ word had never ever changed no matter how dead silent the ride home was.
“I could go home by myself.” She muttered while looking to the scenery of crowded streets and the tip tap drops of rain on the window.
“But your mom insisted me taking you home.” And he managed to answer with this matter of fact reason - which just made her scowl even deeper.
The ride home was silent as the taxi driver tapped his fingers on the steering wheel occasionally, hoping the pair behind realized how uncomfortable the situation was. But still, none of them talked. The long ride home finally came to an end after an extra of two hours and a half due to the busy hour and she just stalked off as the taxi halted in front of her house.
And all he could say just his home address to the gaping in disbelief taxi driver.
He smiled. The so-called spoiled girl isn’t so cold after all, he thought as he recalled the millisecond smile she put right after she mumbled a ‘thanks’ before she stalked out of the door in instant.
The second taxi ride happened about two months after the previous one. He couldn’t help but grin at the same appearance of the girl right before him; all dressed in a big sized broken white sweater and a pair of shorts with earplugs tucked lazily to her ears. It was really a wise decision that he made hours ago when her mom asked her to come with her to another meeting-old-friends event. He made his way to take a sit two chairs separated from her, keeping a distance because he noticed how hard she tried to keep her cool.
There happened another similar situation when her mom asked her why did she come along at the first place when later she just nagged how she wants to go back because of the untouched home works. Again, his mom kindly smiled - a similar smile as his son’s - to her as she offered the free taxi ride and secretly winked at the shocked expressions of the children.
He learned that that time; it was her who wanted to come with her mom unlike the last time where she was literally dragged along because there was no one at home. He learned that time; the air conditioner was too cold that she had been fidgeting after some times inside the vehicle. And she realized right there; how soft his voice was when he spoke to her for the second time in history.
“Take this.” He said. “I don’t want your mom to scold me later if you catch a cold.”
Reluctantly, she took it and covered her bare thighs. She could picture the smile that plastered on his face and strangely, she felt herself warming up to this boy.
“Thanks.” She mumbled.
That was the last word exchanged that night before another short ‘thanks’, but soon before she really left him on the black cheap leathered seat alone, she quickly added ‘and for the jacket’ which made him smile even wider. She went out after that, leaving the grey varsity jacket on her now vacant seat. He reached a hand to take it back and he could feel the different feeling on the fabric; he smiled and told the driver his home address.
There was no more reunion or meeting between the parents and soon, three years passed in a flash.
He made it to get in the prestigious high school and got a car as a present. As for her, she began to experience the infamous first love story. That was why; he didn’t see her at the café where his mom would meet her best friends - which includes her mom, of course.
He had nicely dressed, thinking he must impress her after the three years not meeting each other. He had sufficiently sprayed the perfume, thinking puberty wouldn’t do right about smell. But later, he really thanked himself for bringing his iPod; because his mom offered no one to accompany in a taxi ride; because her mom brought no one with her but a long story about their ex-high school crush who got married to their school nerd recently; and because he later knew from a chit chat from the group of gossip ladies - she just got a boyfriend.
He thought himself during his ride home - on his car this time, mom driving while humming to the today’s jam from the radio - maybe he should really get over his first love too.
There another year rolled in a blink and he finally made it to experience another love story. Way to go with that pretty face, Jongdae - one of his bunch of friends - said jokingly. He got his way to this girl called Sunyoung - a junior he knew from Kyungsoo - after five whole months crushing on her. Luckily, the feelings were mutual and he admitted he couldn’t be happier.
They were on somehow a date when his mom’s call interrupted. Sunyoung, being the kind soul she was, let him go easily to pick his mom at (another) bonding time with her friends. Friends come first, she said in repeat every time a sigh followed by protests came out from the other line. After dropping off his girlfriend to her house, he finally made it to reach his mom with a familiar sight. His eyes widened and he could feel his heart beats faster than the usual, yet in a tone he used to feel.
She was there.
Strangely, her eyes were red and the aura around her was solemn. He kept on staring at her from a distance before her mom came thanking him - there’s this important file his mom has with in his car that her mom needs at the moment was the actual reason of him coming there - with an offer of drink which he kindly accepted. He then made his way sitting on the wooden stool - one chair away this time - and slowly ate the chocolate truffle he bought earlier on his date. He swore he could feel her glancing some times and he hid the smile that was threatening to appear in any minute if she kept on doing that. Side glancing her, he pulled out another piece of truffle - wrapped in a plastic with a quote about smiling could make the life brighter or something written on the back of the bag. Her eyes widened when a hand along with the tempting chocolate flavored treat appeared in her very own eyes. Her stare went up to see him trying hard to lean in from his seat - which looked so awkward - and as hard as she tried to deny, the smile on his face somehow calmed her troubled feelings.
Hesitantly, she took it without saying another word. He sighed in relieve inwardly, seeing his offer wasn’t rejected. He straightened back in his seat as he slurped the hot mocha. Just hearing the sound of the plastic being opened from beside him could really make him feeling relieved inside. She munched the snack silently and he smiled, taking out his phone to play Sudoku.
It was when he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder and he swore his heart was about to jump out of its cage as his throat let out a humiliating squeak. She was standing right behind him and that really made him wonders when and why did she start to move?
He raised an eyebrow in question and she barely met his eyes.
“Can you take me home?” Was all his ears caught.
It was silent before he could see the faint blush on her cheeks. He looked at the background where the mothers and their other friends were busy chatting and it looked like they were really enjoying the time of their lives so they wouldn’t stop anytime soon. His eyes drifted again to the girl in front of him - her head hung down and he then noticed how a mess she was.
“Okay. We can use my car-“
“No.” She interrupted and there he could see waters filling her eyes. His heart couldn’t help but clenched. Why-what’s happened, he wanted to ask. “Can we just... use taxi instead?” She asked again in a low tone, eyes glistening. Before he could blink, she quickly wiped her eyes and looked away. “But it’s up to you, though.”
He bored his eyes through hers before he said, “Finish your drink.”
He left her standing there and made his way to the group of mothers. She stayed rooted on the ground, unsure of what was going on. Nonetheless, she really walked to gulp down the hot chocolate that was no longer hot while listening of what was happening behind her back.
The sound of keys being put on the table and the question his mother asks that sounded like ‘where are you going’ and how he casually responded by ‘I’m going first, mom’ then he turned to her mom to ask her permission.
“And I’m taking her home, too, Mrs. Jung.” He said and added another words after a split second. “If… you’re okay with it.”
She could really picture her mom with widened eyes but then followed with a knowing grin - the other mothers soon followed - and soon, waved them off.
Five minutes of their ride home was silent. The silent, this time, didn’t last long as she began to cry. He, on the other side of the backseat, unconsciously scooted closer and handed her his hanky. She took it only to be grasped hard in her palm but still, she couldn’t stop. She slowly started talking things; first it was something like ‘I hate him’ and ‘I don’t want to go to school tomorrow’ and soon the blabbers changed into ‘love is bullshit’ and ‘jerks, guys are all jerks’ with a ‘I don’t want to fall in love again’ in between her chokes. He constantly heard name flowed out of her mouth that sounded like Taemin, which he assumed as her ex-boyfriend. More like an ass-boyfriend to him.
It was raining again outside and that just turned the atmosphere more somber. The girl was still sobbing when his hand reached out - without his knowing - to give her a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and suddenly moved to the other side of her head and soon - she was leaning on his shoulder. She was still crying and the brand new plaid shirt he just bought last week was now damp with her tears. The hand that was used to push her head was still there as he began to stroke her long straight hair. He shushed her every time she tried to talk but muffled with her own sob that just made her coughing hard. He mentally scolded himself for not bringing a water bottle when he usually does.
“Alright. It’s alright now.” He said when she finally went quite, just with a frequent sob and tears slowing down.
“I- I hate him. I’m not falling in love again.” She said as she harshly rubbed her eyes.
He quickly caught her wrist from wiping her eyes even further and made her face him. She looked so vulnerable at that moment that his heart felt really aches at the sight.
“Stop.” He demanded and she stopped as per request. “Don’t hurt yourself even further.”
His order sounded more like a plea as he begged her to stop when she struggled to get over his hold.
“Please.” He stared at her. “Please, stop hurting yourself.” His voice was no longer soft and soothing but it sounded really sad, and she wasn’t sure if she really caught a hint of pain inside his voice.
She just looked at him straight, still brimming with tears and sobbing. Both of them didn’t really realize that she had been crying all the way home until the driver awkwardly coughed - signaling they had arrived at the destination.
His hands were still around her wrists, holding them hard.
“We’re arrived.” He sighed and let go of her wrists.
He wanted to apologize for the faint red marks on her wrists when she went out of the car, without any single word. The door was slammed on his face without any gust of wind as the impact. He sighed and after making sure she - once again - closed the front door of her house in a weak slam, he asked the driver to drive to his house.
He tried, after all.
Not so long after the tearful event, surprising news came through from his screaming mom downstairs when he was working on his Economy homework.
“She-she crashed-car.” Was all his mom could say before fainted, a phone in her hand.
They immediately drove off to the hospital where the person on the other line had addressed them. Several times, he patted his mom’s hand in comfort but she would just look outside and whimpered.
They were best friends since diapers and never ever separated until they went for different colleges. Years after years without being in contact with each other, they finally met on that rainy day four years ago. He could really picture how in glee his mom was when she announced that she was going to a reunion that included her very best friend - the one she had been talking about. He remembered him cringing at the sight of the two best friend met that day and but wouldn’t forget how smiley his mother ever since that day. Even during the three years without any meeting with each other, he would always overheard her mother gossiping with her or barely said what’s up with her cupcake business through her phone every time he walked past her mother’s room. She sometimes visited her on her house without him knowing, even. They’re both widows, in fact. He was secretly amazed at how the two could be that happy and independent without a figure of a husband in raising their children.
But then again, who could really against the fate design.
He sighed as he parked his car inside the parking lot and nudged his sleeping mother. She seemed to be drift off a while back then when there was a traffic jam.
The hospital room was filled with tears. There were unfamiliar faces who were crying and he was sure they are her relatives. The moment they stepped inside, all eyes were on them; some of those unfamiliar figures went to his mom and led her to the room. He spotted a figure in the corner, being hugged tightly with a friend of their mothers whom he once met in a reunion or the so-called bonding time. Their eyes met for a second before she burst into another sob and her vision was blocked by her own tears while he rushed into the patient’s room after another scream breaking through from inside.
The time his mother was in front of the lifeless figure covered in white thin cloth, she broke down again and he had to pick her from the floor. That situation didn't happen only once.
After some time of making sure his mom was okay by her friend’s side, he made his way out and sat down on one of the couches. Some of her relatives had gone home and some went out to buy foods.
“She left-she left me.” She said, not even glancing her side but knew - it was him.
“She didn’t leave, she doesn’t.”
“No.” She shook her head. “She left. She really left.” She looked to her side to see him already staring at her with unusual expression in his face - gloom. She wasn’t used with this expression on his face. She had expected him with his warm smiles, with his soft voice, with his everything he wasn’t at that time. Her voice cracked. “She left me alone.”
Without another time of thinking ‘what should I do’ or ‘what would he do’, he brought her closer and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. You’re not alone, he whispered in her ears. I’m here, he whispered in her ears. As much as both of them didn’t realize of what was happening, they both felt relieved - a pleasant feeling after all that happened that day. She clutched her hand desperately at the hem of his now damp sweater - soaking it with her tears that wouldn’t stop anytime soon. He let her. He let her do that as long as she believed that she’s not alone.
She had him.
She felt asleep on his arms with stained cheeks and puffy eyes. He wiped another tear that just fell from her left eye with his thumb. Her cheeks were cold and he could feel her choke some while in her sleep. Slowly, he changed her position so then she had her head on his lap and her body sprawled across the couch. He removed a strain of hair that was on her forehead and tucked it behind her ear. Her face was much calmer in this state - no scowling, no crying, just sleeping peacefully. He could see how her eyebrows wrinkled occasionally while mumbling incoherent things. She was troubled in her sleep too. He wished he could burst into dreams and knock down all the troubles in her sleep - because in real life, her problem was because a particular person is being knocked out of her life.
He caressed her hair and wiped every tear that escapes. He made sure she won’t be alone from that time on, as their fingers interlaced tightly on the side like the both of them afraid of losing each other.
They stayed together in that position until the morning came, and an announcement of funeral was being made.
He took her home - with his car and his mom this time. Both women stayed silent during the ride and he didn’t try to enlighten the atmosphere because there was no use of it. He was as sad as them, after all. He escorted her until they were before her front door. She was looking down and still looked in a mess as ever.
“Go take a refreshing bath. Your mom wouldn’t be pleased to see you in this state.” He said.
All she did was nodding weakly and she pulled out her keys. She stumbled while finding the right one and she broke down there again. He immediately caught her and steadied her until she could stand up straight. He took the keys out of her hand and found one with an obvious ‘front’ word written there. He opened the door and led her inside. It was the first time for him to step inside the house, even after dropping off his mom here several times in the past. He didn’t have any clue of where should he brought the sobbing wreck that could break in any moment if he didn’t put his arm around her shoulder.
He spotted that one room with a purple sign with doodles of crystals and he just knew where to bring her.
“I don’t want to go to the funeral.” She muttered as he slowly made her sit on her bed.
“No.” He said and made her face him. “You must go. Don’t you want your mom to see you for the last time? Her beloved one and only daughter?”
She furrowed her eyebrows and cried again. “You said she doesn’t leave, then why do I have to come at her funeral? She doesn’t leave me, right? I could sleep now and I would be kicked out of my bed with my mom later, right?” She sobbed hard. “I’ll come out of the room and see her smiling by the kitchen - asking me what do I want for lunch, right? Tell me.” She sobbed and hung her head low, facing her lap while watching her own tears.
He reached her face and cupped it, only to see her red face, yet it felt cold once again in his grasp. “Don’t do this to yourself.” He whispered and wiped her cheeks gently.
She shook her head weakly. “How-what do you expect me to do, then?” She sobbed uncontrollably.
“Just don’t cry at her funeral later. That would be enough.” He said, eyes searching her. She looked back even her tears were blurring everything, including his tender face.
She sniffled. “I don’t-I can’t do that-“
“You can.” A reassuring smile appeared in his lips - the smile she had been longing. “You can, Soojung.”
Her heart stopped beating the moment he called her name for the first time. She stared at him and found herself nodding like she was in a spell.
“You can cry all you want now but not at her funeral, not even a shed.” He said again and wiped the remaining tears. “Promise me.”
It would be impossible for her but she felt like she wasn’t sober the moment she opened her mouth to say, “I promise.” Her voice cracked once again but she could care less as he leaned in to give her forehead a peck, which he didn’t know where the hell he got the idea to do so.
A blush crept on her cheeks. Her pale face finally had some color with a little help from him. He pulled away and looked at her. “Now go bath and dress prettily. You must impress her.” He stood up from her bed and looked at her once again, reluctant to leave her alone but he had promised he would make it quick and came back here to pick her up. She was left alone at last.
She touched the spot where the heat came from and her eyes widened at the familiar feeling inside her chest. She made her way slowly to the Polaroid of her and her mom - hugging each other tightly with her red eyes and she was pouting - from few days ago on her desk. She remembered perfectly the time her mom arrived from her so-called meeting and didn’t make her way to her room - unlike she expected. Instead, she made a commotion in the kitchen and half yelled at her to come out and taste the new recipe she just learned earlier from her friend - his mother.
“Taste this!” She excitedly pointed the new fresh soup on the pot.
She was too tired to argue that she wasn’t hungry when in fact, her belly had been growling in a silent manner ever since she was in the taxi. She limply walked to the dining table to take a sip and her eyes widened. She could feel her whole body no longer numb and she looked up to see her mother smiling.
“You should learn to try something new instead of wailing because the non existent one to feel again, honey.” Was all she said before she stood up and ran to give her a hug.
“Mom, it hurts.” She cried in her embrace.
She soothed her hair. “I know, honey. I know.” She pulled away to stare at her broken daughter lovingly. “Love hurts, and love is hard. But don’t make it harder than it supposed to be by hurting yourself like this.”
“What do you expect me to do, then?” She whimpered as her mom wiped her tears.
She smiled. “Nothing.” She hugged her daughter again. “Just promise me to not close your heart and promise me,” she brought her face to look at her straight, “you’ll love again. That would be enough.”
The funeral went in a blink of eye.
She found herself staring blankly as her mom being dragged to the ground. It was raining again and the cemetery filled with black umbrellas and sound of muffled cries. But none of those sound belonged to her. She kept her promise. She just felt her heart sobbing wildly when her outside just stayed rooted, holding her umbrella tight that she could break it soon. She was dressed in a black knee length dress and had applied simple make up with a touch of red lipstick. Her long hair was tied in a messy bun. Her face was no longer pale, but he could see it from a distance how empty she was.
The ceremony was simple - ended with reassuring pats on her shoulder and some warm hugs. She just nodded at everything people said to her to not drown in sadness even longer. She barely realized some of her aunties and other relatives from her father were present too. “You can always move to our house for the time being, dear.” One of her nicest auntie said and she just smiled weakly in return, but turned the offer down eventually.
“Come on.” Said someone from behind. “I have flagged a cab for us.”
She turned around and took the hand that was stretched out to her. She looked back once again to see her mother - a frame of her smiling sweetly on top of her grave that surrounded by bunch of flowers warmed her heart - and back at him. He smiled and waited patiently for a nod from her, and they walked away, leaving the cemetery with heavy steps of her - but she kept her promise not to cry because of her again.
“I promise, mom.” She mumbled from the back of the window and the sight of her mother slowly faded away.
She sighed and turned around to see him. She really had the urge to break her promise with him right there when he asked her to come closer. She obeyed and instantly hid her face on the white shirt underneath his black blazer. She tried so hard to not let out a cry by desperately hugging him tight. She was afraid. She didn’t want to be alone. She just realized that her mother was no longer there, literally. No matter how hard she tried to convince her self that she could do it - that she could survive, she couldn’t.
“I won’t cry.” She said, a bit muffled but he could hear her perfectly. “I’m not crying.” But he perfectly felt his shirt was getting moist. “I won’t-I won’t break my promise.” She said, now she was really sobbing. “I’m sorry. I really am.” She said the last time before he shushed her by hugging her back. She repeatedly said how much she hates her life and asked him to not leave her alone. He could feel his heart aches every time she talked with pain; in her every word; in her every sob.
She ended sleeping on his lap once again with wrecked mascara stained her cheeks. The long ride home was filled with pain as he realized how fond he was of the girl who was curling - and holding his hand tightly like he would ever slip away if she didn’t do that - down there.
Careful not to wake her up, he took his phone out from the pocket of pants to type a text message to someone; ‘I think we should break up.’
He didn't care if it was a one-sided feeling; he stared at the figure - who was in her deep slumber - and vowed mentally, he would take care of her from that time on and would love her unconditionally.
The next time they met was at her house. Her stuffs were packed and being stuffed into back of the car. Two large suitcases and her room was now empty. There were plastics covering the furniture inside. His mother was way better after two months, but he knew none had changed. She was just being her tough self.
“I’m going to miss you, dear.” His mother hugged her tightly. “Don’t ever hesitate to call me if you’re going back here.”
She was smiling in the hug. “I will, auntie.”
Then his mother went away checking her stuffs again - making sure nothing was left behind, leaving the two of them stood there without any word being exchanged.
“Will you-will you have a driver there?” He asked.
She raised her eyebrow but then understood how does his question came. She nodded. “Dad provides me.”
“I see.”
Then it was silent before he spoke again. “Don’t use the cab alone. I heard it’s more dangerous there.”
She smiled. “I will, Junmyeon.” She turned to go but stopped. “And happy birthday.”
She left him with widened eyes and thumping heart. She just called him by his name for the first time and how the hell she knew May 22nd is his birth date. All his questions were left unspoken when he realized she was already inside her father’s car. She rolled down the window to wave at them. His mother tearfully bid her goodbye and cupped her hands around her mouth to yell ‘take care’ at her. The last minutes before the car was speeding off, their eyes met and he wouldn’t have to yell like his mother to say what was he was going to say to her because there were a lot in the list.
He just stared at her and it was all enough. It was enough to tell her to be safe. It was enough to tell her to have enough sleep. It was enough to prevent her from crying again. It was enough to tell her to comeback as soon as possible.
She smiled and closed the window. And the smile was enough for him to know that she got it all. She understood, and she would comeback.
“Are you sure you’re leaving with me, dear?” Her father asked.
She smiled, looking from the rear mirror to see him slowly fading. “I’m more than sure, daddy. Besides,” she looked at him, “I miss you.”
Her father smiled and that brought her away; miles away from home; miles away from her mother; miles away from him.
Time passes. Seasons change. Days grow longer, but that doesn’t mean the nights go shorter.
He watches his graduation gown fell ugly on his body. He sighs inwardly, why didn’t he drink much milk when he was told to do so. He looks around to see his friends - avoiding the fact how good the gown looked on Yifan’s tall body - are all in glee.
“Hey.” Jongdae nudges him and he looks up. “You coming to the party tonight?”
He thinks for a bit before nods. “Maybe. I don’t know. I still have to go somewhere after this.”
Sehun whines from besides him. He isn’t graduating and only Lu Han knows how to drag him along with Jongin so they’re attending the ceremony too. They have been all friends since high school and luckily, they made it to the same university even with different majors. “Come on, hyung, you gotta come because partying while working later won’t sound so good~” He sings and walks away.
He chuckles. “I got it, Sehun.”
He then glances his phone. It’s been years ever since that day and never once they tried to contact each other. He occasionally visits her mother’s grave but the little hope he had inside would be just another empty wish the time he arrives at the cemetery.
He misses her, a matter of fact he will never say out loud because who will listen anyway? He has never mentioned that to his friends and that just makes them wonder if their friend wasn’t straight after the broke up with Sunyoung back then in high school.
“Kim Junmyeon.” The teacher announces and he stands up while applauses being heard from all over the hall, including the shouts from his noisy juniors behind. He never once forgets to praise how smart beings are they actually inside their childish outside frame. “Majoring in Economy and Politic, double degrees. Three years of studying to finish both, which is an incredible achievement.” His teacher continues and whistles are louder from around. He shyly bows to the audience and receives his diploma.
“Congratulation, Junmyeon.” His teacher says while shaking his hand. “Be success in everything you do. You’ve never failed to impress me.”
“Thank you, Sir.” He replies and bows once again.
The graduation halts to an end and hats are thrown in happiness. He bids goodbye to his friends and approaches his mother who’s now smiling proudly and hugs him.
“Congratulation, dear.” His mother has faint tears in her eyes and pats his cheeks.
He smiles. “Thanks, mom.”
In silent, he drives to the familiar place which he and his mom always visits. His mom said that every memorable memory should be shared with her. He didn’t complain, though, because she really got a point.
Today’s visit is different. The air is warmer, the sky is brighter - a really nice afternoon. There are some cars parked there, unlike the other empty days.
His mother brings her bucket of flowers and happily walks out of the car. He follows behind, still in his dress shirt. He feels different - in a good way. He doesn’t know why his heart beats faster than the usual; he doesn’t know why he’s still hoping for something that’s impossible the time he steps on the path way to her mother’s.
But his hope this time is not another empty hope like the other days.
He just knows when he sees another bucket there. His mother quickly looks back at him in equal shock. He blinks, not knowing what to do. His mother picks up the bucket and smells it. It’s still fresh. She smiles knowingly, signaling him to go and he doesn’t need to be told twice to turn around.
He sees a figure standing by the gate, back facing him. He gulps, contemplating whether he’s seeing things or she’s really coming back. Deciding it’s a nothing to lose opportunity, his feet move in a fast pace and he reaches to turn her around.
But she’s not her. She’s a different person. Her face shows an annoyed expression and quickly trots away the time he says sorry for mistaken her as another person.
He looks down in defeat. Years already and she’s still not coming back. He scolds himself mentally for bringing his hopes way too high and realizes how hurt it feels to be faced another similar disappointing situation. He sighs and run a hand through his hair while turning away to go back to his mother.
Then he stops.
He’s now seeing things, he believes.
“Leave. You’re not even real.” He tells the person in front of him.
Now he just awarded himself another diploma for being so good in imagining things, or he just misses her that much. The girl who’s standing here perfectly resembles her - pale white skin, sharp lips, and long dark hair that’s now with small curls in the very end. He learns she’s now taller that makes him scolds himself even more for not drinking sufficient calcium and for sleeping late. She’s smiling so warmly at him and he’s so certain - he’s not seeing the real her.
“She doesn’t smile like that.” He says to the creature. He stares at her but still; she’s not fading away. “Why are you still here?”
She chuckles and puts a hand in front of her lips later to cover her laugh. And why the hell the imaginative character’s laughing at me, he thinks. He needs more proofs.
“Can you take me home?" She smiles. "I’ve called the cab.”
Now that's convincing enough.