(Untitled)

[unabridged1]

and I've done it before I can do it again I'm sure but why can't I just think about that then? Why is it so hard to shake it off like I wish I could do like filthy coveralls....  what? go to the doctor and tell her what? Tell her that I'm fucking crazy? Tell her that I've been in the hospital and it's coming back again and I can't seem to make it

Comments

[mor_than_this]

I think, you really do love your sons. If you didn't, you wouldn't have felt such overwhelming guilt. How it came out, with this instability of yours you have little control of, is certainly far from what you wished it to be. But you do love them.
You can't change the past, they are grown up now. They have become what they have become, some of it was your influence and some was not. But you know, they only have one mother, and as imperfect as you are, it is you. Killing yourself won't heal the damage done, on the contrary, it might do further damage.
You can't be perfect, you can only be what you can be at any given moment. Your sons know that, and without knowing the nature of your relationships I'm sure that deep down, they love you too, despite everything.

[octoberyearning]

In this instance I am not so eloquent as Mor, but please know your friends ARE with you. We care so much about you and want and pray for your happiness. You are so loved honey, grasp that in any way that you can and hold tight to it. We are holding tightly in return. Always.