He's got a heart that will never never melt. Shields up! Shields up! Bar the door, and keep your duk
You know, it's funny how much of my life is ruled by things of which I have absolutely no control of, especially since I've always considered myself to be determined and dedicated to having full independence. Hmm. I've become so humbled by the daily activities of life and I feel like such a sap. There's so many things that I pay no attention to; not even a glance nor listen. It makes me feel like this glacial, egotistical bastard, almost like I've become so caught up in my own existence to notice what's good around me.
I'm fed up with being jaded and I'm definitely feeling stale with my life. I may have new experiences on a daily basis, but I'm not doing anything with them. I'm sick of being the person that's just there.I can deal with being behind the scenes because I certainly sleep better, but I just want something out of my life that I can hold on to and call my own. I don't want to become so haggard and cold that I lose all sense of humanity in my soul. I constantly question my morality and why I find fault with people when I don't even have a set of reasonable standards by which I live.
Even if I'm disgusted by people that grab my cock while I'm sitting at a table at a club after slinging around words for only a few moments, or by inebriated women in cars flashing me their self-declared fake tits for sheer gratification, why should I judge their characters? I've barely got an inkling of what kind of person I am. Seriously. I haven't a clue. All I know is my name and my sense of direction. As much as I thought ethics played a role in my existence, I've recently realized that morals cannot dictate every part of my life when I'm not even two decades of age, especially when I haven't even come close to learning everything about my entire persona. JD Bray the human morph is hardly complete.
Perhaps I'm not trying hard enough (or too hard) at finding something or someone that I feel is compatible. I'm growing weary of having mere companions. I have plenty of comrades and confidants to last a lifetime. I'm beginning to have this perplexing wish for a bedfellow, if I can catch my own drift by this statement. (No, I'm not interested in strictly physical expressions... just a future reference for myself). I don't feel lonesome or desolate by any means, because that's not my style. I just... I can't put my finger on it. I've never felt the need for attachment to anyone or anything else. I feel so weakly by that sort of practice or manner; I always have and probably always will. It seems like a crutch to me. I don't really have a huge gaping hole to be filled in my life, I've just been having a driving desire to have something concrete in my life. That's all.
I'm fed up with being jaded and I'm definitely feeling stale with my life. I may have new experiences on a daily basis, but I'm not doing anything with them. I'm sick of being the person that's just there.I can deal with being behind the scenes because I certainly sleep better, but I just want something out of my life that I can hold on to and call my own. I don't want to become so haggard and cold that I lose all sense of humanity in my soul. I constantly question my morality and why I find fault with people when I don't even have a set of reasonable standards by which I live.
Even if I'm disgusted by people that grab my cock while I'm sitting at a table at a club after slinging around words for only a few moments, or by inebriated women in cars flashing me their self-declared fake tits for sheer gratification, why should I judge their characters? I've barely got an inkling of what kind of person I am. Seriously. I haven't a clue. All I know is my name and my sense of direction. As much as I thought ethics played a role in my existence, I've recently realized that morals cannot dictate every part of my life when I'm not even two decades of age, especially when I haven't even come close to learning everything about my entire persona. JD Bray the human morph is hardly complete.
Perhaps I'm not trying hard enough (or too hard) at finding something or someone that I feel is compatible. I'm growing weary of having mere companions. I have plenty of comrades and confidants to last a lifetime. I'm beginning to have this perplexing wish for a bedfellow, if I can catch my own drift by this statement. (No, I'm not interested in strictly physical expressions... just a future reference for myself). I don't feel lonesome or desolate by any means, because that's not my style. I just... I can't put my finger on it. I've never felt the need for attachment to anyone or anything else. I feel so weakly by that sort of practice or manner; I always have and probably always will. It seems like a crutch to me. I don't really have a huge gaping hole to be filled in my life, I've just been having a driving desire to have something concrete in my life. That's all.