(no subject)
Have you ever grown out of a friend? I mean, when you're little you grow out of your clothes, and your cousins send you the clothes that they've grown out of, and you have to buy new shoes when your feet get to big for your old ones. You need a new bike, or new toys when you've gotten too old for the ones you have, and most of the time your friends from elementary school aren't still your friends in high school, or college, because you grow out of each other. You just get older, or more mature, or whatever. THe stage where you need them as your friend ends, and you just get to old or too mature or you just don't fit into each other the same way you used to.
It's been a long time since I've done that. The last friends I really grew out of were the Ashlee/Ethan/Tim set that I gave up on and grew out of junior year after Ethan and I broke up. THe only one that I really stayed friends with was Erin, but we've been friends since we were 4 and we've just always managed to need each other and grow with each other. And sometimes, we break up for a few weeks, but we always end up back together. Marla and I, I thought, were like that too. I thought that we would just always need each other on some level, that we would always be in a similar place, that we would always fit together in the right way. I, sadly, was wrong.
It's hard to know that. To realize that suddenly, this person that you have been friends with for the past eight years is just not right for you. I mean, I love her dearly. I have never given up on her, I have never walked out on her, I have always just been there, with her, through all her bullshit and through all the tough times. WHenever she's needed me I've been there, and I figured if I ever called her bawling, she'd see me through too. But now, last night, I realized that I have, to an extent, grown out of my friendship with Marla.
Last night was definitely the wake-up call. Nick and I were going to hang out, and since it was beautifully warm out, we were going to get some friends together and play frisbee at the park. He knows all of my friends, because of last year, when we were all still in high school. So we were suggesting people, and he suggested Marla. I think he genuinely wants to like Marla. In the friendly kind of way, I mean. Like, even though she has never pretended to like him for a second of her existence, he just keeps on trying to be her friend. Maybe because he knows that she's one of my dearest friends, or was. Maybe just because he thinks that he needs as many friends as he can find, which we all do. Maybe just because he's a nice kid. Who knows. He suggested Marla, and I warned him that she was not a good choice. SHe wasn't a good mix with him last year, when we were all still in high school. After a year at college, she is even more impossible if that's even possible. I'm not sure if it is, but it's to the point where I can't even stand her. I don't understand how someone that she isn't all that keen on would ever survive hanging out with her!!! SO...the kid decided that we should try. I wasn't going to talk him out of it, even though I figured it was a bad idea. The idea went from bad to worse, let me tell you.
THe group....ended up being me, Nick, Erin, Marla, and Matt. THis is a terrible situation right from the get-go. If it was me, Nick, Erin, and Matt, it might have worked. Probably not....but maybe. If it was just me, Nick, and Erin, it might have worked, and if it was just Me and Nick, it would have worked. The fact that 2 of my ex-relationships, and someone who has to have the entire focus, all the time, and HATES NICK and isn't ashamed to show it, were going to be together in the same area did not make me happy or comfortable. THe only saving grace was the fact that I had my car, so Nick and I could just get into my car, and ERin could take her car and take Marla and Matt, so there would be noooo bloodshed.
It didn't quite work out that way. I have never seen Marla act so childish. Nick was acting like he normally acts, which is a bit on the hyper side. He was being so cute though. And the poor kid was subjected to me and Erin, who are just nutcases anyways, but he loves us both. It was the Marla thing though... everything he said, she had a comment that was RUDE. Every time she got the frisbee, she threw it nine miles over his head or behind him or way out of his reach. She stopped even aiming for him! She would just fling it, and whereever it went, she would say it was to him so he'd have to run and get it. If he threw it to her, she wouldn't move. She was being a brat. THen we went to JJ's and she was making cracks about him being gay. She can't let go of the fact that maybe the kid and I are just hanging out trying to see if things work. She had told me she would be civil. SHE FAILED MISERABLY!! JJ's was even worse because every time Nick would talk about something that me, him, and Erin had in common about high school, (like IPP class, AP classes, Physics, our physics teacher, whatever) Marla would make some incredibly rude comment about how we weren't in high school anymore, "thank God" and that high school was over, and it was about time he realized that and stopped boring us to death.
Here we were, me and Erin, who know that Marla hates Nick, trying to do damage control. Erin and I had been getting sick of her shit before this, and while this isn't friendship-ending or anything, it makes me think twice about the next time she wants to hang out. So we're standing in the JJ's parking lot, trying to decide what to do next, and everything I suggest gets vetoed. I mean, bowling, ice skating, rollerblading, mini-golf, a movie, watching a movie at my house, going to the park and just hanging out for a while, going to play pool...everything I suggested, got shot down. Marla kept saying that we could just take her home...I was about to.
In the end, we had to go to the apartment, because she wouldn't do anything else. It was a treat, let me tell you. Erin had the brilliant idea that we should go attack the house with Febreeze, cuz it smells. So she and I came into the house to go get the Febreeze, and E (genius that she is) suggested we take 1 car, so that if one of us had to leave, we all had to leave!!! She's fucking brilliant and I love her. So we go...and we rescue Matt from boredom, and it gets awkward even MORE!!!
Imagine being squished in the back seat of a car between your 2 ex-boyfriends, wondering what the hell is going on. Suddenly, the one that you're building something tentatively with again, puts his arm around you. THe one that hasn't quite gotten over you yet is to your left, looking despondent. You want to DIE!!! I really really did. It was just the most embarassing thing ever. Then we get to Northampton, and me and Nick are the black sheep. Marla just ignores the both of us completely, or she'll speak to me, but not him. It's rude, it's wrong, it's just not cool. She and Matt lagged behind, while me Erin and Nick were up ahead. I know that she was talking about how much she hates Nick. I tried to apologize for her to him....it didn't work. I didn't expect it to. He said that I had warned him and that it was his fault...I feel so bad, still, about it. He was so sweet, and he tried so hard to not be hyper and not do all the things that annoy her about him... and she was still wicked mean to him.
By the time we got back to West Springfield, he was like, "Just take me to Jo's...I want to go home", in a very much nicer, more polite way. So I drove him home, apologizing the whole time for the way she acted. THere's just no excuse for that kind of shit. I can't imagine ever acting that way to someone, especially someone one of my friends cared about. It's childish and I don't care what her reason is, it's not fair. And I'm not choosing Nick over her. I realy think that her behavior was inappropriate and rude, especially since he and I aren't together or anything, we're just hanging out as friends. THat's just wrong. Really really wrong.
I've grown out of her. I've grown up and gone to a year of college and come back able to deal with people even if I don't like them. I've had my horizons broadened and my tolerance raised and my attitude adjusted, and I think I'm so much the better for it. She goes to a year of college and comes back with a different attitude too...an almost insufferable one. I can't take it. She has to be the focus, and everything has to be done her way, and she hates everythign that she didn't see first, and all she wants to do is go to the apartment, where she's the queen. Everything else is just not fun anymore. I can't take it. I can't take her.
On the plus side, the trivial side, he said he would call me sometime this week, and he wished me good luck with my job training and everything. He remained a perfectly good guy the entire time. *sigh*
It's been a long time since I've done that. The last friends I really grew out of were the Ashlee/Ethan/Tim set that I gave up on and grew out of junior year after Ethan and I broke up. THe only one that I really stayed friends with was Erin, but we've been friends since we were 4 and we've just always managed to need each other and grow with each other. And sometimes, we break up for a few weeks, but we always end up back together. Marla and I, I thought, were like that too. I thought that we would just always need each other on some level, that we would always be in a similar place, that we would always fit together in the right way. I, sadly, was wrong.
It's hard to know that. To realize that suddenly, this person that you have been friends with for the past eight years is just not right for you. I mean, I love her dearly. I have never given up on her, I have never walked out on her, I have always just been there, with her, through all her bullshit and through all the tough times. WHenever she's needed me I've been there, and I figured if I ever called her bawling, she'd see me through too. But now, last night, I realized that I have, to an extent, grown out of my friendship with Marla.
Last night was definitely the wake-up call. Nick and I were going to hang out, and since it was beautifully warm out, we were going to get some friends together and play frisbee at the park. He knows all of my friends, because of last year, when we were all still in high school. So we were suggesting people, and he suggested Marla. I think he genuinely wants to like Marla. In the friendly kind of way, I mean. Like, even though she has never pretended to like him for a second of her existence, he just keeps on trying to be her friend. Maybe because he knows that she's one of my dearest friends, or was. Maybe just because he thinks that he needs as many friends as he can find, which we all do. Maybe just because he's a nice kid. Who knows. He suggested Marla, and I warned him that she was not a good choice. SHe wasn't a good mix with him last year, when we were all still in high school. After a year at college, she is even more impossible if that's even possible. I'm not sure if it is, but it's to the point where I can't even stand her. I don't understand how someone that she isn't all that keen on would ever survive hanging out with her!!! SO...the kid decided that we should try. I wasn't going to talk him out of it, even though I figured it was a bad idea. The idea went from bad to worse, let me tell you.
THe group....ended up being me, Nick, Erin, Marla, and Matt. THis is a terrible situation right from the get-go. If it was me, Nick, Erin, and Matt, it might have worked. Probably not....but maybe. If it was just me, Nick, and Erin, it might have worked, and if it was just Me and Nick, it would have worked. The fact that 2 of my ex-relationships, and someone who has to have the entire focus, all the time, and HATES NICK and isn't ashamed to show it, were going to be together in the same area did not make me happy or comfortable. THe only saving grace was the fact that I had my car, so Nick and I could just get into my car, and ERin could take her car and take Marla and Matt, so there would be noooo bloodshed.
It didn't quite work out that way. I have never seen Marla act so childish. Nick was acting like he normally acts, which is a bit on the hyper side. He was being so cute though. And the poor kid was subjected to me and Erin, who are just nutcases anyways, but he loves us both. It was the Marla thing though... everything he said, she had a comment that was RUDE. Every time she got the frisbee, she threw it nine miles over his head or behind him or way out of his reach. She stopped even aiming for him! She would just fling it, and whereever it went, she would say it was to him so he'd have to run and get it. If he threw it to her, she wouldn't move. She was being a brat. THen we went to JJ's and she was making cracks about him being gay. She can't let go of the fact that maybe the kid and I are just hanging out trying to see if things work. She had told me she would be civil. SHE FAILED MISERABLY!! JJ's was even worse because every time Nick would talk about something that me, him, and Erin had in common about high school, (like IPP class, AP classes, Physics, our physics teacher, whatever) Marla would make some incredibly rude comment about how we weren't in high school anymore, "thank God" and that high school was over, and it was about time he realized that and stopped boring us to death.
Here we were, me and Erin, who know that Marla hates Nick, trying to do damage control. Erin and I had been getting sick of her shit before this, and while this isn't friendship-ending or anything, it makes me think twice about the next time she wants to hang out. So we're standing in the JJ's parking lot, trying to decide what to do next, and everything I suggest gets vetoed. I mean, bowling, ice skating, rollerblading, mini-golf, a movie, watching a movie at my house, going to the park and just hanging out for a while, going to play pool...everything I suggested, got shot down. Marla kept saying that we could just take her home...I was about to.
In the end, we had to go to the apartment, because she wouldn't do anything else. It was a treat, let me tell you. Erin had the brilliant idea that we should go attack the house with Febreeze, cuz it smells. So she and I came into the house to go get the Febreeze, and E (genius that she is) suggested we take 1 car, so that if one of us had to leave, we all had to leave!!! She's fucking brilliant and I love her. So we go...and we rescue Matt from boredom, and it gets awkward even MORE!!!
Imagine being squished in the back seat of a car between your 2 ex-boyfriends, wondering what the hell is going on. Suddenly, the one that you're building something tentatively with again, puts his arm around you. THe one that hasn't quite gotten over you yet is to your left, looking despondent. You want to DIE!!! I really really did. It was just the most embarassing thing ever. Then we get to Northampton, and me and Nick are the black sheep. Marla just ignores the both of us completely, or she'll speak to me, but not him. It's rude, it's wrong, it's just not cool. She and Matt lagged behind, while me Erin and Nick were up ahead. I know that she was talking about how much she hates Nick. I tried to apologize for her to him....it didn't work. I didn't expect it to. He said that I had warned him and that it was his fault...I feel so bad, still, about it. He was so sweet, and he tried so hard to not be hyper and not do all the things that annoy her about him... and she was still wicked mean to him.
By the time we got back to West Springfield, he was like, "Just take me to Jo's...I want to go home", in a very much nicer, more polite way. So I drove him home, apologizing the whole time for the way she acted. THere's just no excuse for that kind of shit. I can't imagine ever acting that way to someone, especially someone one of my friends cared about. It's childish and I don't care what her reason is, it's not fair. And I'm not choosing Nick over her. I realy think that her behavior was inappropriate and rude, especially since he and I aren't together or anything, we're just hanging out as friends. THat's just wrong. Really really wrong.
I've grown out of her. I've grown up and gone to a year of college and come back able to deal with people even if I don't like them. I've had my horizons broadened and my tolerance raised and my attitude adjusted, and I think I'm so much the better for it. She goes to a year of college and comes back with a different attitude too...an almost insufferable one. I can't take it. She has to be the focus, and everything has to be done her way, and she hates everythign that she didn't see first, and all she wants to do is go to the apartment, where she's the queen. Everything else is just not fun anymore. I can't take it. I can't take her.
On the plus side, the trivial side, he said he would call me sometime this week, and he wished me good luck with my job training and everything. He remained a perfectly good guy the entire time. *sigh*