Amorphous Personality
I.. know who I am. But do you know who I am? That just might be a problem. Whatever your answer may be. Inside I know it is wrong. Even though I know you truly aren't any further from the truth.
We are supposed to become the person we want to be. Take action to personify the person from the inside out. But what devices do we use to identify ourselves? Do we base who we are on our role models? Or on our first feelings and reactions towards things. Or possibly by our interests. It is something that can come much easier for some people than others. It is easy to be okay with things while in the middle of them. Usually some form of retrospect takes hold. Deforms.
But what do we do when we've gone so very far as something to someone. Then we realize that it isn't what you want to be to that person. Even though you are comfortable being that person. It just isn't enough internally.
I can never seem to be enough.
Things have a way of feeling easier in the past. Pain or situation is a subject of pure present. Despite any pain or any situation you have found yourself in the past, when it is in the past, it is over. You can carry the memory and the scars and the lessons. It will shape who you are. But a pin prick now will trump the gaping wound you had in the past. The reason being that you cannot feel that pain from the past then. All you feel is that pin prick in the present.
Can you remember something.. some trait that you admire about yourself. That may sound a little funny. But there is something, I know is who I am. But the actions don't seem to surface just when I think they should have. Retrospect is so much... easier. It is always easier to feel than it is to do. It can be easier to think things through the moment and reason things out within yourself than it was when you acted.
You still are that person, those traits that you know that are inside of you. No one has to prove anything to anyone. No one has to justify their actions. However, it will seem in time, that 'having' to do something is not the real case and rather you are expected for things. It can be easy to feel travailous. Which can start the slope where sooner or later your back to retrospect.
Then there are some people who don't exactly have this problem. It isn't because they are simply more decisive. It is still possible for them to go through these tribulations. I guess, in the end, we all make the choice to go through this.
To get out of this cycle though. Well, you don't. You adapt. Transform. Let the cycle fade on it's own.
Many things in life worth doing are not easy to do. But there are times where there is need to 'bite the bullet'. Face the day. Times to deal. We wont always be sure of our actions. It is one thing to reminisce and speak of ways for a sense of correctness - a sense of perfection. However, realize that everything is tied to a contradiction. Accept. Don't accept. It wont change the way things have happened. In the end, all that we are is all that we do.
We are supposed to become the person we want to be. Take action to personify the person from the inside out. But what devices do we use to identify ourselves? Do we base who we are on our role models? Or on our first feelings and reactions towards things. Or possibly by our interests. It is something that can come much easier for some people than others. It is easy to be okay with things while in the middle of them. Usually some form of retrospect takes hold. Deforms.
But what do we do when we've gone so very far as something to someone. Then we realize that it isn't what you want to be to that person. Even though you are comfortable being that person. It just isn't enough internally.
I can never seem to be enough.
Things have a way of feeling easier in the past. Pain or situation is a subject of pure present. Despite any pain or any situation you have found yourself in the past, when it is in the past, it is over. You can carry the memory and the scars and the lessons. It will shape who you are. But a pin prick now will trump the gaping wound you had in the past. The reason being that you cannot feel that pain from the past then. All you feel is that pin prick in the present.
Can you remember something.. some trait that you admire about yourself. That may sound a little funny. But there is something, I know is who I am. But the actions don't seem to surface just when I think they should have. Retrospect is so much... easier. It is always easier to feel than it is to do. It can be easier to think things through the moment and reason things out within yourself than it was when you acted.
You still are that person, those traits that you know that are inside of you. No one has to prove anything to anyone. No one has to justify their actions. However, it will seem in time, that 'having' to do something is not the real case and rather you are expected for things. It can be easy to feel travailous. Which can start the slope where sooner or later your back to retrospect.
Then there are some people who don't exactly have this problem. It isn't because they are simply more decisive. It is still possible for them to go through these tribulations. I guess, in the end, we all make the choice to go through this.
To get out of this cycle though. Well, you don't. You adapt. Transform. Let the cycle fade on it's own.
Many things in life worth doing are not easy to do. But there are times where there is need to 'bite the bullet'. Face the day. Times to deal. We wont always be sure of our actions. It is one thing to reminisce and speak of ways for a sense of correctness - a sense of perfection. However, realize that everything is tied to a contradiction. Accept. Don't accept. It wont change the way things have happened. In the end, all that we are is all that we do.