(no subject)
have you missed me?
so, xanga got old, &i realized livejournal OWNS.
- i'm happier right this very minute, than i have been in months, many months.
// he makes me smile. all the time.
&today, he told me he liked me! =]]]
- his name is travis. &he's simply amazing.
// he came over the other day.
&i got a .. weird, giggly feeling in my stomach. which is ODD.
i talked to gary the other night. &i told him exactly how i felt. betrayed. unloved. &straight played. he told me exactly how he felt. the same way. we want to be friends, but i don't think it will plan out like we want it to.
- someone told me the other day.. .. "all i know heather, is that he loves you, &always will love you"
^ &that's all i could really ask for.
i still love him, VERY much. when i see him, my heart races. when i'm with him, butterflies overtake my whole entire body. but those feelings will someday pass, as will his. he will always have a special place, deep within my heart, no one but him will ever feel. i realized something though.
i was so scared to not be w/ him because i didn't think i could remember how life felt without him. but i know now, that i can live without. i can, i will.. &so far, i'm doing a pretty good job of it. sure, when i'm listening to music, the occasional lyric will catch my attention &i think of him, &i begin to cry ; but if someone made you feel the way he did, you'd cry too. but the butterflies, &the heartache, &the missing him, will one day ease away, &i will find someone new. i think i already have =]
he will never be able to fit the shoes gary wore, or the place in my heart, with his intitals carved so deeply, but i'll be happy with someone else. not today. not tomorrow. but someday. i know it.
someone really smart, someone who really understands ; someone named kristin toothman told me this :
"you're a beautiful girl, &the love that you &gary have for each other will NEVER leave, but you'll find a new love, &someday you'll realize that if it's meant to happen, it will happen."
&i cried. really hard. but she's right. he cares for her so deeply. &she cares for him. &they both deserve to be happy. letting go hurts. letting go hurts REALLY effing bad, &being strong is oh so very hard
- but then again, i'm a tuff girl :) &admitting that someone i love so deeply cares for another girl, &may even love another girl, &knowing another girl feels for him the same way i did, is just a really hard concept for a 17 year old girl.
but i'm done rambling.
so, xanga got old, &i realized livejournal OWNS.
- i'm happier right this very minute, than i have been in months, many months.
// he makes me smile. all the time.
&today, he told me he liked me! =]]]
- his name is travis. &he's simply amazing.
// he came over the other day.
&i got a .. weird, giggly feeling in my stomach. which is ODD.
i talked to gary the other night. &i told him exactly how i felt. betrayed. unloved. &straight played. he told me exactly how he felt. the same way. we want to be friends, but i don't think it will plan out like we want it to.
- someone told me the other day.. .. "all i know heather, is that he loves you, &always will love you"
^ &that's all i could really ask for.
i still love him, VERY much. when i see him, my heart races. when i'm with him, butterflies overtake my whole entire body. but those feelings will someday pass, as will his. he will always have a special place, deep within my heart, no one but him will ever feel. i realized something though.
i was so scared to not be w/ him because i didn't think i could remember how life felt without him. but i know now, that i can live without. i can, i will.. &so far, i'm doing a pretty good job of it. sure, when i'm listening to music, the occasional lyric will catch my attention &i think of him, &i begin to cry ; but if someone made you feel the way he did, you'd cry too. but the butterflies, &the heartache, &the missing him, will one day ease away, &i will find someone new. i think i already have =]
he will never be able to fit the shoes gary wore, or the place in my heart, with his intitals carved so deeply, but i'll be happy with someone else. not today. not tomorrow. but someday. i know it.
someone really smart, someone who really understands ; someone named kristin toothman told me this :
"you're a beautiful girl, &the love that you &gary have for each other will NEVER leave, but you'll find a new love, &someday you'll realize that if it's meant to happen, it will happen."
&i cried. really hard. but she's right. he cares for her so deeply. &she cares for him. &they both deserve to be happy. letting go hurts. letting go hurts REALLY effing bad, &being strong is oh so very hard
- but then again, i'm a tuff girl :) &admitting that someone i love so deeply cares for another girl, &may even love another girl, &knowing another girl feels for him the same way i did, is just a really hard concept for a 17 year old girl.
but i'm done rambling.