j'adore
J’adore
{the things we do to the people that we love}
You have always enjoyed the way she feels, bare skin and nothing else, and you like whispering pointless things like love in her ear. She giggles under you and hooks fingers onto your belt loops as an afterthought and pulls you lazily towards her. You smile against the inside of her cheek and she swallows you whole.
She smells faintly of him and you hate it.
{Darling, she said one day, darling, won’t you please love me?
And, you said, I already love you.
The disbelief of her eyes seeped a little into your veins and you thought of his face.}
She refuses to move aside and you can’t see him anymore as he gets engulfed by the crowd. He’s supposed be right here next to you, that’s how it’s supposed to be.
“Ji Yong, are you even listening?”
You want to run a knife into the wrinkles of her frown.
“Ji Yong, are you even-“
“No.”
She briefly slouches before bringing her face awfully close to yours.
“Stop.”
And, you understand exactly what she wants you to discontinue; loving him. But you’ve never really been good at following instructions
You try to reason with her, tell her he hasn’t crossed your thoughts for centuries, but she scoffs and pushes you where it hurts.
She digs her nails into your cheeks and there are hints of rainfall in her smile.
“You love him, Ji.”
You shake your head, “No, you don’t get it. No one loves Seungri. No one.”
“Then, who are you?”
You begin to get a headache.
“You smell like him.”
Her face splits into two clean slices as she smiles asymmetrically.
“Oh, I understand.”
{So, you tried to find him in me?
You don’t like confrontations, but, yes, yes I did.}
It feels like molten lava only a lot more painful, the sting of his fingers burning away at your skin. You hold your cheek and what the fuck. He grins, no, sneers, and you feel like hurting him. Maybe inflicted pain will help ease your own. You raise your hand halfway before realizing you could never hurt him.
“Come on, hyung. Hit me back. Don’t let your conscience tell you otherwise.”
You blink and exhale like you don’t understand what you’ve done to deserve the hatred so deep set in his every syllable. But, really, you’re just hoping for the scorch in your throat to not betray you.
“What? Can’t fight back all of a sudden? Can’t hurt anyone all of a sudden?”
He hisses the words and you wince a little, crystalline tears stinging as you hold them in.
“Seungri-ah-”
“Please,” he says holding up his hand, “Don’t bother.”
He leaves like smoke, hints of his presence lingering long after he has gone, and that scorch betrays you after all.
Seungri catches the fallen, that’s his job. He’s supposed to have his arms open and heart unpeeled, just waiting for someone to stumble and tip over.
She laughs against your chin, squeezing your hands between hers, “Kwon Ji Yong, do you take Lee Seungri to be your lawfully wedded bitch?”
You say, “You’re drunk,” and she cackles a little before slumping into your arms. And, the remnants of her truth threaten to drown you.
A nightmare. This is only nightmare.
Seungri’s face looks too pale to be beautiful and his lips are the prettiest of blue.
No, no. I’ll wake up soon.
Seungri wraps frayed hands around your face and pulls you real close, eyes uneven and smile so wide that you could live for centuries with its mere memory. He laughs, amplified against your neck, and you dig naked fingers into the grooves of his ribs. You lean down to kiss him, but he’s suddenly screaming. Pushing you away and saying such horrible things that you begin to crumble.
I’ll wake up, he’ll be next to me, and he’ll say-
A dark room and darker shadows. This isn’t the sort of place Seungri should be. Lee Seungri is better suited for wide open fields and daffodils.
He steps behind you and whispers against your ear, “Hide and seek. Want to play?”
You shiver despite his warm hands and he’s gone by the time you turn around. You try to find him, but the room begins to dim until you can’t see your own hands. A lack of oxygen and no Seungri. You panic.
A nightmare. He’ll kiss me and we’ll-
“Ji Yong!”
You wake up in cold sweat and he’s looking down at you with such concern that you wince just so he’ll worry. He jumps off of the bed and gets you a glass of water. You pretend to shiver and beg him, puppy eyes and pouty lips, to please sleep with you tonight. He complies, wrapping skinny arms around you, and he promises that it’ll be fine. You breathe him in and don’t sleep that night.
She shakes her head, pinpoints each scar for childhood tragedies, and makes you coffee. You crumble in a subtle way, so she only notices when you begin to cry. She takes your head in her hands and smoothes away tears.
“Ji, it’s simple: tell him how you feel.”
If you weren’t crying, you would have laughed.
Lee Seungri.
Kwon Ji Yong.
Lee Seungri and Kwon Ji Yong.
It’s an awkward combination, crooked lines and premature dips. You wish that your name fit a little better with his. But, just like the relationship itself, the pieces don’t fit right and it’s like you’re from another puzzle and were just put in the wrong box.
{Scars are beautiful.
Seungri-ah, your voice sounded so distant, Seungri.
He sat too close, that’s why you fell in love.
Hyung, give me a piggyback ride.
You were tired, but he was smiling, and one piggyback ride wouldn’t hurt anybody.}
His face is scrunched up like he’s got all the world’s problems to solve and his fingers tap the glass as he contemplates just which flavor to pick.
You watch his hands dance along the glass and hover above chocolate.
“That one, hyung,” he says, childish giggles bitten back by a mature nod.
You roll your eyes, “Sure thing, kid.”
He grins bashfully, a sigh of relief evident in his eyes like he’s just so glad he doesn’t have to pretend to be an adult for a little while. You touch his face and you can almost feel childhood trying to escape. You kiss his lips, lollipop red as they always are, and he takes your hand. A mischievous smile crisscrosses his face and he’s running.
The sun is falling into a slumber, peeping only slightly above the horizon, and Victory is running without sails holding him back. You want to capture the picture forever and maybe when you’re both old, show it to him and say, See? You weren’t always so dull.
The world as you see it is coming apart at the corners until everything teeter-totters between reality and what should have been.
Lee Seungri is falling.
No, oh god, please no. Please, not him. Not him-
“Yah! Kwon Ji Yong, get up already!”
You blinks furiously until you can make out an angry Seunghyun ready to shake you once again if need be. The creases of his face ease as he takes in the, what must be, pure terror in your eyes. He hugs you before you can ask for comfort and you begin to breathe again.
{You didn’t really like him at first, always preferred Hyunsung.
But, then, he began to hover around you, all poking fingers and incessant questions, and you couldn’t walk two feet without him doing the same.
He grew on you like a parasite, sucking away at your life until you needed him more than he needed you.}
You stand at his doorway, rapping at the door for a second before entering. You slip under the covers and he mumbles something in his sleep, hands unconsciously threaded into your hair. You kiss his brow and make him promises.
He sleeps as if without phantoms and you pray to god to never let your nightmares rub off on him.
*cindy, i put ice cream in there for you. /is so generous :3
**nigthmares fascinate me if you couldn't tell. :| and the paragraphs in brackets are flashbacks. jsyk.
***some more pointless information. j'adore is french for, literally, 'i adore'/'i love to the full extent'. or so i've read. :|||||
{the things we do to the people that we love}
You have always enjoyed the way she feels, bare skin and nothing else, and you like whispering pointless things like love in her ear. She giggles under you and hooks fingers onto your belt loops as an afterthought and pulls you lazily towards her. You smile against the inside of her cheek and she swallows you whole.
She smells faintly of him and you hate it.
{Darling, she said one day, darling, won’t you please love me?
And, you said, I already love you.
The disbelief of her eyes seeped a little into your veins and you thought of his face.}
She refuses to move aside and you can’t see him anymore as he gets engulfed by the crowd. He’s supposed be right here next to you, that’s how it’s supposed to be.
“Ji Yong, are you even listening?”
You want to run a knife into the wrinkles of her frown.
“Ji Yong, are you even-“
“No.”
She briefly slouches before bringing her face awfully close to yours.
“Stop.”
And, you understand exactly what she wants you to discontinue; loving him. But you’ve never really been good at following instructions
You try to reason with her, tell her he hasn’t crossed your thoughts for centuries, but she scoffs and pushes you where it hurts.
She digs her nails into your cheeks and there are hints of rainfall in her smile.
“You love him, Ji.”
You shake your head, “No, you don’t get it. No one loves Seungri. No one.”
“Then, who are you?”
You begin to get a headache.
“You smell like him.”
Her face splits into two clean slices as she smiles asymmetrically.
“Oh, I understand.”
{So, you tried to find him in me?
You don’t like confrontations, but, yes, yes I did.}
It feels like molten lava only a lot more painful, the sting of his fingers burning away at your skin. You hold your cheek and what the fuck. He grins, no, sneers, and you feel like hurting him. Maybe inflicted pain will help ease your own. You raise your hand halfway before realizing you could never hurt him.
“Come on, hyung. Hit me back. Don’t let your conscience tell you otherwise.”
You blink and exhale like you don’t understand what you’ve done to deserve the hatred so deep set in his every syllable. But, really, you’re just hoping for the scorch in your throat to not betray you.
“What? Can’t fight back all of a sudden? Can’t hurt anyone all of a sudden?”
He hisses the words and you wince a little, crystalline tears stinging as you hold them in.
“Seungri-ah-”
“Please,” he says holding up his hand, “Don’t bother.”
He leaves like smoke, hints of his presence lingering long after he has gone, and that scorch betrays you after all.
Seungri catches the fallen, that’s his job. He’s supposed to have his arms open and heart unpeeled, just waiting for someone to stumble and tip over.
She laughs against your chin, squeezing your hands between hers, “Kwon Ji Yong, do you take Lee Seungri to be your lawfully wedded bitch?”
You say, “You’re drunk,” and she cackles a little before slumping into your arms. And, the remnants of her truth threaten to drown you.
A nightmare. This is only nightmare.
Seungri’s face looks too pale to be beautiful and his lips are the prettiest of blue.
No, no. I’ll wake up soon.
Seungri wraps frayed hands around your face and pulls you real close, eyes uneven and smile so wide that you could live for centuries with its mere memory. He laughs, amplified against your neck, and you dig naked fingers into the grooves of his ribs. You lean down to kiss him, but he’s suddenly screaming. Pushing you away and saying such horrible things that you begin to crumble.
I’ll wake up, he’ll be next to me, and he’ll say-
A dark room and darker shadows. This isn’t the sort of place Seungri should be. Lee Seungri is better suited for wide open fields and daffodils.
He steps behind you and whispers against your ear, “Hide and seek. Want to play?”
You shiver despite his warm hands and he’s gone by the time you turn around. You try to find him, but the room begins to dim until you can’t see your own hands. A lack of oxygen and no Seungri. You panic.
A nightmare. He’ll kiss me and we’ll-
“Ji Yong!”
You wake up in cold sweat and he’s looking down at you with such concern that you wince just so he’ll worry. He jumps off of the bed and gets you a glass of water. You pretend to shiver and beg him, puppy eyes and pouty lips, to please sleep with you tonight. He complies, wrapping skinny arms around you, and he promises that it’ll be fine. You breathe him in and don’t sleep that night.
She shakes her head, pinpoints each scar for childhood tragedies, and makes you coffee. You crumble in a subtle way, so she only notices when you begin to cry. She takes your head in her hands and smoothes away tears.
“Ji, it’s simple: tell him how you feel.”
If you weren’t crying, you would have laughed.
Lee Seungri.
Kwon Ji Yong.
Lee Seungri and Kwon Ji Yong.
It’s an awkward combination, crooked lines and premature dips. You wish that your name fit a little better with his. But, just like the relationship itself, the pieces don’t fit right and it’s like you’re from another puzzle and were just put in the wrong box.
{Scars are beautiful.
Seungri-ah, your voice sounded so distant, Seungri.
He sat too close, that’s why you fell in love.
Hyung, give me a piggyback ride.
You were tired, but he was smiling, and one piggyback ride wouldn’t hurt anybody.}
His face is scrunched up like he’s got all the world’s problems to solve and his fingers tap the glass as he contemplates just which flavor to pick.
You watch his hands dance along the glass and hover above chocolate.
“That one, hyung,” he says, childish giggles bitten back by a mature nod.
You roll your eyes, “Sure thing, kid.”
He grins bashfully, a sigh of relief evident in his eyes like he’s just so glad he doesn’t have to pretend to be an adult for a little while. You touch his face and you can almost feel childhood trying to escape. You kiss his lips, lollipop red as they always are, and he takes your hand. A mischievous smile crisscrosses his face and he’s running.
The sun is falling into a slumber, peeping only slightly above the horizon, and Victory is running without sails holding him back. You want to capture the picture forever and maybe when you’re both old, show it to him and say, See? You weren’t always so dull.
The world as you see it is coming apart at the corners until everything teeter-totters between reality and what should have been.
Lee Seungri is falling.
No, oh god, please no. Please, not him. Not him-
“Yah! Kwon Ji Yong, get up already!”
You blinks furiously until you can make out an angry Seunghyun ready to shake you once again if need be. The creases of his face ease as he takes in the, what must be, pure terror in your eyes. He hugs you before you can ask for comfort and you begin to breathe again.
{You didn’t really like him at first, always preferred Hyunsung.
But, then, he began to hover around you, all poking fingers and incessant questions, and you couldn’t walk two feet without him doing the same.
He grew on you like a parasite, sucking away at your life until you needed him more than he needed you.}
You stand at his doorway, rapping at the door for a second before entering. You slip under the covers and he mumbles something in his sleep, hands unconsciously threaded into your hair. You kiss his brow and make him promises.
He sleeps as if without phantoms and you pray to god to never let your nightmares rub off on him.
*cindy, i put ice cream in there for you. /is so generous :3
**nigthmares fascinate me if you couldn't tell. :| and the paragraphs in brackets are flashbacks. jsyk.
***some more pointless information. j'adore is french for, literally, 'i adore'/'i love to the full extent'. or so i've read. :|||||