(no subject)
i haven't been this upset in a long time. the roommate and i just had a huge fight, which i think we all saw coming. i think i might need to do something about a room change finally.. but i really don't want to because everyone else here is so amazing, and i'm afraid i'll end up someplace else.. or i dunno. that's probably stupid.
i'm really upset about ben too. i feel like he hasn't had any time for me lately. he probably actually hasn't, and i haven't had a lot of free time myself, but this isn't right. he said tonight that i should come over because elliott's not coming home, but he's got a painting to finish.. will you be done around 2? ehhh.. i sorta figured they kick you out, but maybe since it's not the real art building they dont. so here it is, almost fucking 4.. i'm not awake anymore because i'm waiting for him, i'm awake because i'm too upset to sleep. i really need to talk to him, but the other problem with his busy-ness is his lack of availability. i've seen him during meals the past few days, but that's only by chance really or because i can anticipate his schedule. hell, even last weekend i feel like we didnt get much time together.. i guess we did, but the only alone-time was that date, which i suggested for exactly the reason that's even more amplified now. i love that we both like each other's friends, but we're not just friends here. i asked him today to come over before open mic, and he FORGOT. hi, i've hardly seen you at all since saturday. i think we have a lot to talk about about balancing stuff..i hope he gets less busy soon.. i dont even know when he's leaving for break, or if i'll get to see him over break at all.
i wish i could breathe through my nose, because it would probably make sleeping a little more possible.
fuck.
i'm really upset about ben too. i feel like he hasn't had any time for me lately. he probably actually hasn't, and i haven't had a lot of free time myself, but this isn't right. he said tonight that i should come over because elliott's not coming home, but he's got a painting to finish.. will you be done around 2? ehhh.. i sorta figured they kick you out, but maybe since it's not the real art building they dont. so here it is, almost fucking 4.. i'm not awake anymore because i'm waiting for him, i'm awake because i'm too upset to sleep. i really need to talk to him, but the other problem with his busy-ness is his lack of availability. i've seen him during meals the past few days, but that's only by chance really or because i can anticipate his schedule. hell, even last weekend i feel like we didnt get much time together.. i guess we did, but the only alone-time was that date, which i suggested for exactly the reason that's even more amplified now. i love that we both like each other's friends, but we're not just friends here. i asked him today to come over before open mic, and he FORGOT. hi, i've hardly seen you at all since saturday. i think we have a lot to talk about about balancing stuff..i hope he gets less busy soon.. i dont even know when he's leaving for break, or if i'll get to see him over break at all.
i wish i could breathe through my nose, because it would probably make sleeping a little more possible.
fuck.