confounded - I need guidance
Author’s note: This is a pretty damn long entry, and I recommend that you either read all or none of it. I tried to tell the truth to the best of my ability, and to make it fact and nothing but. Thanks for reading, and any comments would be appreciated.
I am so confused.
I have no idea how whatever happened happened last night. For a couple months now I've had a crush on an extremely cute sophomore that works with me at Target, and I had gotten to be pretty good friends with her and had recently dumped my not-so chipper girlfriend, so I was out and about looking for a rebound. It only made things worse that I had been totally obsessed with her as of late. So, I decided to invite her over to the MEGASHINDIG, the party I had recently. She felt like she'd be out of place or something so I say I trust her judgment when she asks to bring a friend. This friend turns out to be a good-looking Asian sophomore named Nikki. Josh goes all the way out to Hazelwood - he’s the best friend in the world that a guy could have - and uses the shitty directions that Amy (Target chick) and I put together over the phone. He takes not only himself but also Erin, his girlfriend. I really owe him. 30-40 minutes later they all arrive, and we all get wasted. It was my first time drinking, and I was no match for Amy in the drinking contest that she challenged me to.
[skip 2 hrs of nothing worth mentioning]
I find out that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and isn’t seeing anyone-looking good for our hero-and I finally tell her that she is the main reason I had the party. She reacts to this by telling me that this winter she had the biggest obsession with me until I told her I went over to my then girlfriend’s house for my birthday, then she cried her eyes out at home after work that night. Now you have to realize that by no means I am someone to cry over. Harsh, but I know I’m no prize to be had, but I try and I figure it’s all I can do without being me, without being who I’ve made myself to be and grown to like it that way. I was shocked to learn this, but she soon followed up with something that had the jist of, ‘but I’ve gotten over it now’, or something like that.
BANG! (Our hero gets shot through the leg)
I try to go on and improve my chances by telling her how great she looks and is, but in the process entirely become obsessed with her all over again. She proceeds to leave with Nikki via a third friend, who she says she has some kind of feelings for, whatever the fuck those are, and I’m sad and depressed for the rest of the night and try to drown myself in a bottle of whatever the hell is on the kitchen counter.
-NEXT DAY-
We work closely together for an hour or two, quality time with virtually no interruptions. I get a laugh or two in this time, but with no real feedback. I get the feeling that she regretted coming over the previous night, but we all knew we were going to get drunk, and she didn’t do anything with me (which I was totally fine with), and the only word I can use to describe her mood towards me: indifferent.
Now you have to understand that while all of my joking around and flirting and harassing my co-workers at Target, I had a smaller, but equal in effort crush with a second girl. She is a senior at Liberty and will be moving to the east coast by the end of August. She is incredibly interesting, and while I wouldn’t go as far as saying she is hot, seeing as how people that are usually what I define as hot are hugely naive and shallow, she is quite good-looking to me. I knew that she had at least a fair amount of interest in me, and I am a lucky dumb idiot, so I got some action last night.
First of all, I came to work yesterday when I wasn’t scheduled to work at all that Saturday, I had gotten the date wrong. So I got to lie and make up my own work schedule and thus handed it in to my boss who I am sure is as intelligent or less than I was during seventh to eight grade. Sad but true, but let us get on with the story. I fixed it so that I got off the same time Lauren (Liberty chick) did, right after learning she had nothing to do after work. I had thought originally that I was working until ten or ten thirty but fixed it so that I was up and out of there by 8:15 along with Lauren. Mind you, I had no intention whatsoever on ever asking her out on a date, let alone last night, but she misinterpreted me, or I lied to myself about it, or I am just plain lucky. I suggested that we do something later after work, she accepted, and then I inform her that I still have her number (obtained for business purposes originally), and that I will call her when she gets home and we’ll do something. That statement was the most vague, open, non-descript one that any guy has said anywhere, to anyone, about anything, in all of history. Gotta say, I’m proud to be no. 1.
When I call her she has it all laid out that we can either go see Chicago (which I had no problems with, contrary to what you’re thinking right now), or Tears of the Sun (which I would have seen with no qualms either). She decides for us that Tears of the Sun would be better because it’s later, and that I’m going to have to pick her up because she can’t drive and her parents are getting ready for bed. I first have mixed feelings about this; she has to see me pick her up for a date in a mini-van, but it also tells me whether she is shallow enough to be discouraged by this gas-burning metal waste of time or not. She seems pleased enough by the van when I pick her up, but she got dressed up like I couldn’t believe; lipstick, a rockin’ perfume, way nice clothes, the works. I pay for the ticket, saying that she needs her money for the move to the east coast, and to try and score points. At this point in the night I realize this is no friendly outing, but has turned into a full-fledged date, with which I am strangely pleased about. I continue in the theatre just trying to pull off my typically hilarious self, and she eats it up with spoons. Thirty minutes into the movie I find that she’s shaking uncontrollably, and I first think she is having a mini-heart attack! No joke, she has an incredibly serious stress condition, which gives her occasional heart attacks at seventeen - a sign that something is truly wrong in the universe. Thankfully, I find out that she always gets very cold, and seeing how I have the blessing of not feeling temperature disturbing at all, I had the foresight to bring my warmest jacket just in case she got cold later in the evening. I hold her tight for a while, until the shaking stops.
Now you have to understand that these weren’t your average shivers, but body-shaking spasms that really alarmed me at first. A little while longer into the movie I decide to be bold with a girl - something that only happens with me when I’m drunk or I’m not myself - and ask her what she would do if I tried to kiss her. Keeping in mind this was our first date, which I didn’t even plan on, and that I for one had never looked at her in a sexual way before, this was a pretty big step as far as I was concerned. Now I realize that if you’ve read all the way down here you must be getting kind of bored, so I tell you now that it’s close to over and please stay with me on this.
She kisses me back, and very well I might add, and we tune out the movie for the rest of the night, completely engulfed in each other’s presence. She says somewhere in the night that I’m so sweet, which is a huge contrast to what I get at work - “Corey, why are you so mean? God…” - and this gives me the confidence that lasts me the rest of the night. She drapes me jacket over her after I offer for the third time, then myself on top of the jacket, placing my hand right on top of her breast. Now, I was feeling pretty weird about this, not wanting to have things move too fast and all (I guess I was just scared or something), put settled me hand on her arm opposite me instead. The night goes on well, and I get a goodnight kiss right when I drop her off. “Call me,” she says in her honey-sweet voice as she walks of into the foreboding darkness that is her house.
There is a huge conflict raging inside of me right now, and this was one of the hardest things I’ve had to write by being completely objective and honest about this whole idea. I trust that none of you will humiliate me because of this, and I rarely tend to open up like this so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take advantage of me here.
I have my newfound fixation with Lauren, competing with the months-long obsession with Amy, who I’ve already had drunk in my arms and who I’ve made cry just by having a girlfriend. I have no idea what to do, because I’ve never really had this problem before, I’ve always just had one girl to go after and I could just really use some guidance on this based on what you know of this situation.
Be totally honest about what you think about my story here in any comments that I hope you make, and thanks again for reading.
I am so confused.
I have no idea how whatever happened happened last night. For a couple months now I've had a crush on an extremely cute sophomore that works with me at Target, and I had gotten to be pretty good friends with her and had recently dumped my not-so chipper girlfriend, so I was out and about looking for a rebound. It only made things worse that I had been totally obsessed with her as of late. So, I decided to invite her over to the MEGASHINDIG, the party I had recently. She felt like she'd be out of place or something so I say I trust her judgment when she asks to bring a friend. This friend turns out to be a good-looking Asian sophomore named Nikki. Josh goes all the way out to Hazelwood - he’s the best friend in the world that a guy could have - and uses the shitty directions that Amy (Target chick) and I put together over the phone. He takes not only himself but also Erin, his girlfriend. I really owe him. 30-40 minutes later they all arrive, and we all get wasted. It was my first time drinking, and I was no match for Amy in the drinking contest that she challenged me to.
[skip 2 hrs of nothing worth mentioning]
I find out that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and isn’t seeing anyone-looking good for our hero-and I finally tell her that she is the main reason I had the party. She reacts to this by telling me that this winter she had the biggest obsession with me until I told her I went over to my then girlfriend’s house for my birthday, then she cried her eyes out at home after work that night. Now you have to realize that by no means I am someone to cry over. Harsh, but I know I’m no prize to be had, but I try and I figure it’s all I can do without being me, without being who I’ve made myself to be and grown to like it that way. I was shocked to learn this, but she soon followed up with something that had the jist of, ‘but I’ve gotten over it now’, or something like that.
BANG! (Our hero gets shot through the leg)
I try to go on and improve my chances by telling her how great she looks and is, but in the process entirely become obsessed with her all over again. She proceeds to leave with Nikki via a third friend, who she says she has some kind of feelings for, whatever the fuck those are, and I’m sad and depressed for the rest of the night and try to drown myself in a bottle of whatever the hell is on the kitchen counter.
-NEXT DAY-
We work closely together for an hour or two, quality time with virtually no interruptions. I get a laugh or two in this time, but with no real feedback. I get the feeling that she regretted coming over the previous night, but we all knew we were going to get drunk, and she didn’t do anything with me (which I was totally fine with), and the only word I can use to describe her mood towards me: indifferent.
Now you have to understand that while all of my joking around and flirting and harassing my co-workers at Target, I had a smaller, but equal in effort crush with a second girl. She is a senior at Liberty and will be moving to the east coast by the end of August. She is incredibly interesting, and while I wouldn’t go as far as saying she is hot, seeing as how people that are usually what I define as hot are hugely naive and shallow, she is quite good-looking to me. I knew that she had at least a fair amount of interest in me, and I am a lucky dumb idiot, so I got some action last night.
First of all, I came to work yesterday when I wasn’t scheduled to work at all that Saturday, I had gotten the date wrong. So I got to lie and make up my own work schedule and thus handed it in to my boss who I am sure is as intelligent or less than I was during seventh to eight grade. Sad but true, but let us get on with the story. I fixed it so that I got off the same time Lauren (Liberty chick) did, right after learning she had nothing to do after work. I had thought originally that I was working until ten or ten thirty but fixed it so that I was up and out of there by 8:15 along with Lauren. Mind you, I had no intention whatsoever on ever asking her out on a date, let alone last night, but she misinterpreted me, or I lied to myself about it, or I am just plain lucky. I suggested that we do something later after work, she accepted, and then I inform her that I still have her number (obtained for business purposes originally), and that I will call her when she gets home and we’ll do something. That statement was the most vague, open, non-descript one that any guy has said anywhere, to anyone, about anything, in all of history. Gotta say, I’m proud to be no. 1.
When I call her she has it all laid out that we can either go see Chicago (which I had no problems with, contrary to what you’re thinking right now), or Tears of the Sun (which I would have seen with no qualms either). She decides for us that Tears of the Sun would be better because it’s later, and that I’m going to have to pick her up because she can’t drive and her parents are getting ready for bed. I first have mixed feelings about this; she has to see me pick her up for a date in a mini-van, but it also tells me whether she is shallow enough to be discouraged by this gas-burning metal waste of time or not. She seems pleased enough by the van when I pick her up, but she got dressed up like I couldn’t believe; lipstick, a rockin’ perfume, way nice clothes, the works. I pay for the ticket, saying that she needs her money for the move to the east coast, and to try and score points. At this point in the night I realize this is no friendly outing, but has turned into a full-fledged date, with which I am strangely pleased about. I continue in the theatre just trying to pull off my typically hilarious self, and she eats it up with spoons. Thirty minutes into the movie I find that she’s shaking uncontrollably, and I first think she is having a mini-heart attack! No joke, she has an incredibly serious stress condition, which gives her occasional heart attacks at seventeen - a sign that something is truly wrong in the universe. Thankfully, I find out that she always gets very cold, and seeing how I have the blessing of not feeling temperature disturbing at all, I had the foresight to bring my warmest jacket just in case she got cold later in the evening. I hold her tight for a while, until the shaking stops.
Now you have to understand that these weren’t your average shivers, but body-shaking spasms that really alarmed me at first. A little while longer into the movie I decide to be bold with a girl - something that only happens with me when I’m drunk or I’m not myself - and ask her what she would do if I tried to kiss her. Keeping in mind this was our first date, which I didn’t even plan on, and that I for one had never looked at her in a sexual way before, this was a pretty big step as far as I was concerned. Now I realize that if you’ve read all the way down here you must be getting kind of bored, so I tell you now that it’s close to over and please stay with me on this.
She kisses me back, and very well I might add, and we tune out the movie for the rest of the night, completely engulfed in each other’s presence. She says somewhere in the night that I’m so sweet, which is a huge contrast to what I get at work - “Corey, why are you so mean? God…” - and this gives me the confidence that lasts me the rest of the night. She drapes me jacket over her after I offer for the third time, then myself on top of the jacket, placing my hand right on top of her breast. Now, I was feeling pretty weird about this, not wanting to have things move too fast and all (I guess I was just scared or something), put settled me hand on her arm opposite me instead. The night goes on well, and I get a goodnight kiss right when I drop her off. “Call me,” she says in her honey-sweet voice as she walks of into the foreboding darkness that is her house.
There is a huge conflict raging inside of me right now, and this was one of the hardest things I’ve had to write by being completely objective and honest about this whole idea. I trust that none of you will humiliate me because of this, and I rarely tend to open up like this so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take advantage of me here.
I have my newfound fixation with Lauren, competing with the months-long obsession with Amy, who I’ve already had drunk in my arms and who I’ve made cry just by having a girlfriend. I have no idea what to do, because I’ve never really had this problem before, I’ve always just had one girl to go after and I could just really use some guidance on this based on what you know of this situation.
Be totally honest about what you think about my story here in any comments that I hope you make, and thanks again for reading.