[fic] Scut Hamsters (chapter 10)
Title: Scut Hamsters
Pairing: Jaemin, Jaechun
Rating: PG-13 to R
Warning: a little bit WTFs in the latter chapters
Summary: Just another campus life story
Chapter 10
"...yung... ake up..."
I hear a voice next to my ear but the warmth and pleasant smell has been spoiling me too much that I refuse to even budge. Only when the warmth leaves my skin I whine in annoyance and quickly trap the comfort inside both arms, still with eyes closed. Silence returns and I feel content, just for a short moment before the voice bugs me again, in the stuttering mode.
"W-wake up Hyung... W-we should return and wash ourselves first..."
Everything becomes cold and I go frantic, that's when I peak through heavy, lazy eyelids, to find myself cling greedily onto Frog's arm while he tries to pull away. I shoot him with a 'What!?' look as he smiles awkwardly.
"BitchIwashavinganicedream." as far as I remember this isn't the first time I curse him for waking me up, he has fully known how my tongue downgrades in the morning.
"It's 5 am..."
"Wegatheratseven." I mumble to his shoulder and attempt another sleep.
"You don't want people to find us here, right?"
"Fiveminutes."
"Okay, five minutes."
I think it's only thirty seconds but then he moves, a lot, making it's hard for me to snuggle to him.
"Ugh... Don't move..." I protest.
"I can't find my glasses..."
"Good. Stop wearing glasses."
"But I can't see..."
"Then don't see."
I'm not making any sense of course, too sleepy to reply in a smarter way. I can't even process his sentence properly.
"Oh it's here." He says. I only groan while keeping my eyelids glued tight.
"That wasn't counted as five minutes."
"Okay..."
For a while I can enjoy the calmness and try to reshape the lost dream, but right when I almost succeed Frog shakes my shoulder.
"Five minutes already..."
Nothing I can do to express the resentment but pretend not to hear. Even when he pulls his arm I whine and cling tighter, “Five minutes more!”
"Hyung...I... I love being like this but people will appear soon…"
I thought he’ll be forever helpless if I keep ignoring him, so it shocks me when he moves closer and bites my ear.
He BITES me.
Needless to say that it makes my eyes snap wide as the electric current travels down my spine
"Fuck, Changmin-ah."
"Wake up now or I won't bite you again for the rest of my life." He states, threatening.
I kick his shin. "Hey! Since when you-!?"
"Come on." He brings my hand to his mouth and bites my finger, in a way that I should cover my mouth to hide a miserable face.
"Ugh…. I hate you so much."
He chuckles and helps me put aside the cushions and blanket, while I got up from the (surprisingly) not-so-cold bus floor, lazily wear my shoes and head to the exit door, sulking and yawning on the process. The sky is still dark, not even the slightest ray of sunrise reveals itself. Changmin follows me soon after and we part ways without saying anything.
No one has awakened yet by the time I reach my place, as expected from the bunch of heavy sleepers (as if I’m not one of them). With a light step of a cat I reach my luggage for some new clothes and plan to sneak into the bathroom without waking up anyone, but the creaking sound of the door awoke Seungri, one of the boys who keen on spreading false rumor. (that's why I should be extra careful) Half asleep, he asks me where I have been and I answer with a short "meet a friend" before closing the door.
I think I don’t have to describe how I’m having a hard time washing my own pants from dried cum afterward. The most important thing is, no one seems to care where and how I have spent the night, so I guess I might sleep there in the other nights, with or without Changmin.
*
*
The activity for some groups, including mine, began at a local football field which has been lent solely for our events. It's too crowd with people lining up that I lose count on how many tents are here, but some of them provide free medication, health check up and children's measuring. So, yeah. Lots and lots of children and I feel like wanting to explode by their ear stabbing squeal and unnecessarily loud volume, not to mention by how they can't stop running around, bumping me, and crying hysterically when I step on their feet to shut them up.
From my shady spot under the tree (where I stand up with nothing to do) I can see Hunsu leading a group of children to do morning exercise with Cambio Dolor disco trance version as the background song. He introduced himself as Hunsu the Mexicano and wearing a leather Fedora, boasting his skill in dancing and conquering senoritas. The allure is, those who have bravely received a capsule of vitamin A or any kinds of shot will have a chance to join Hunsu's clique and those who have joined Hunsu's clique will get a pencil and a notebook with Hunsu's autograph.
Don't ask whose idea it was. At first it sounded absurd to me, but after seeing how the kids actually strive hard to get those 'priviledge', (it's like... You're so left out if you haven't got Hunsu's autograph) I feel a pang of pity.
Children... Can they be more pathetic?
"Jaejoong..." I hear Yunho's strained voice right after I extend a leg to make a hyperactive toddler trips on purpose. "What did you do that for?" He asks.
"Do what?" I put an innocent gimmick, trying to look confuse. A new method to face Yunho, don't oppose, don’t shout, just act nice.
"You've been glaring at kids and stepping at their feet."
"Hyung, I don't do it on purpose… can't help it, they're everywhere..."
He sighs, perfectly grasps my newest method. "Help me with kids, then?"
See. See? Seeeeee??? Emperor Yeti will feel deeply tortured to see me having an easy time in life!
Trying to suppress a distaste look, I follow him to one of the tents where a lady has waited with a little boy around 2 years old on her lap.
"Check his weight, Jaejoong." Yunho points at a weight scale near my feet.
Okay, that means I should like... Touch this kid. And from his drool he doesn't seem to be in a good hygiene.
"Can I use gloves?"
Yunho gives a 'wtf' looks for a short moment before nods with a frown. "Universal precaution is nice I guess." He says, sounds unsure but nonetheless hands me a box of latex gloves.
I wear a pair of gloves properly and awkwardly try to lift the kid by his waist. Again, I don't know why, he starts to cry as if my hands were blazing charcoal. Maybe I do have 'Kid back off' words written on my forehead? Series of unfortunate events always happens regarding kids.
Still I try to persuade him nicely. "Come on kiddo... Uhm... Show me who's the Joker."
"He likes Batman." the mother whispers.
"Seriously? That hero wannabe pimp is a sissy, Joker is better. Believe me."
The boy cries harder. He loves Batman that much?
"Okay, okay..." I sigh and lift hands in defeat. "Batman is cool. Now please stand here." I pat the weight scale with the tip of my feet. Regardless of my nice attitude, the kid can't seem to let go of his mom's arm and looks at me as if I'm a witch.
"You just need to stand on this thing okay!? I won't cut you or anything!"
The boy cries even more. Now I feel like crying too, I don't know what to do and have no idea why kids always hate me. I turn to Yunho for reinforcement and notice that he's messaging his temple while watching me. Why does he act as if I’m to blame here?
Thinking that I can't progress further Yunho gets up from his chair and nods an apology to the boy's mother, while she bites her lips, fighting back a smile. I stomp to the chair Yunho used previously and flop onto it, arms crossed, pissed off.
And becoming even more pissed off when Yunho only needs to squat near the boy and whispers something to him to gain his trust, and manages to do various things to him even makes him go “Aaah” to check his throat.
I can only swallow my tarnished ego when the boy narrows his eyes towards my direction, implying ‘Now I’m inside a better care unlike yours’. Yunho speaks a thing or two about nutrition with the mother and hands her the prescription, leads them out of the tent and glances at me.
"You have siblings?" He asks out of the blue.
"No."
"Younger cousins?"
"No."
"Hmm..."
What's that supposed to mean!?
“What did you say to the kid?” I ask incredulously, feeling kind of curious.
"I told him that he'll get Hunsu's autographed photo."
Okay. First, I'm hurt deeply. That freak gets such popularity and I don't. Second, how the hell Yunho got Junsu's photo?
“You have Junsu’s photo?”
He jerks his head to the table next to mine and sighs. "He gives me a stack."
I peek at the stack of photos. The one in the foremost is laminated, written “For Yunho Hyung from yours truly remember me in your dream” with a pink, glittery ink.
I don’t know what to say. "Uhm… he really gives his all, doesn't he?"
Yunho raises an eyebrow as an agreement and switches his attention to a note, writing the data he has gotten earlier on a certain form and chart for the research purpose.
"I thought this supposed to be done by those from pediatrics." I comment.
"We don't do such segmentation here."
"Oh..."
Finish with the thing he writes, Yunho tells me to let the next kid in. She’s about ten years old, has red rashes all over her face and body and old enough to feel embarrassed about that condition. Yunho tells her something about the disease being a viral infection and will heal without scars soon, while I go paranoid, imagining how my pretty skin will look miserable with those red papules.
Kids come and go after that. Clock ticking so slowly, taking ages to reach 12pm. Surprisingly Yunho hasn’t make me do much. That’s why when he suddenly gets out of the tent, the first thing I can think about is him planning something to bully me.
But then I know something is wrong when people’s buzz sound loud outside the tent, along with the voice of some doctors shouting at each other. Curious, I go outside to see the commotion. The first person catches my attention is Changmin, standing with hands clasp, worries drawn on his face. Not so far from him people gather, too crowded that I can’t see what they’re fussing about.
“Min, what happen?”
“Hyung!” He smiles slightly and approaches me, but still can’t hide the tension. “A young girl attempted suicide.”
“Attempt? So she hasn’t dead yet?”
“No… and they’re trying to save her now…”
I purse my lips in annoyance. “Ugh, she wants to die, let her be. What’s so useful about suicidal emo teens anyway.”
Changmin looks surprise at my sarcasm but then nods with a long ‘Mmm’. “That period is emotionally labile…” He says.
“Well, teens or not, I hate suicide cases the most… well, unless they’re mentally disturbed, which can be understood. But most of them just wanted the attention.” I yawn. “Boring and annoying.”
“Somehow it’s not surprising coming from you, Hyung…” He giggles. “Ah…. Hyung, Yunho Hyung calls you.”
Turning around in horrid looks, I notice that Yunho waves his hand, giving a sign for me to come to him.
Crap.
*
*
Yeah, as predicted, Yunho asked me to assist a doctor monitored the suicidal girl’s vital sign and administering atropine sulfate until the ambulance came and took her to the hospital. As a result I got my break time latter than most of the scuts, something I considered as Yunho’s punishment for me. Furthermore it was also torturing to watch doctors gave her exactly what she wanted, ATTENTION (read: psychiatric assessment). Like… asking her what was wrong, how did she feel about life, did she have someone to share with, how was her family, etc etc. I felt like wanting to feed her more insecticide after knowing that she tried to commit suicide because her boyfriend dumped her.
Hello……???? She’s not the only person with unrequited love in this world.
Anyway, I escaped soon after the ambulance. Really, aside from few ambitious geeks, I was the only scut left in the field, while the others had gone to take their break, probably touring around the village. Damn Jung Yunho, again.
Having no appetite, I decided to walk around the nearby hills, looking for some nice scenery to be captured. Some nature photos might be useful to lift Anhee’s mood up. Or maybe I can show them to Yoochun or my mother.
And so I’m here, alone, camera hangs on my neck. As I ascend I realize that the place is quite pleasuring. Mushrooms and flowers grew along the way, small streams are crystal clear and the damp earth smells nice. Everything is so green. I keep exploring and taking pictures here and there, while making sure that I don’t go too far or else I might get lost and met Yunho’s family, the Yetis.
I stop when the faint sound of laughter and cackles reach my ear, together with the refreshing sound and smells of stream currents. After a while walking, I finally find the source of the sounds.
It’s Changmin and Kibum, playing in a stream, just the two of them. Their shoes are left on the stream side and their pants are rolled up above the knees. The water is only as high as Changmin’s calf but definitely higher for Kibum. While the latter walks faster, Changmin groggily tiptoes against the current, giggling as he tries to maintain balance. His lips look slightly pale due to the temperature, but from his wide smile and mismatched eyes I know he’s having a good time.
"Fall!!!" Kibum grabs his side from behind, threatening his balance. Changmin yelps before he dips a hand to splash his shorter friend, in which they end up splashing each other, laughing their lungs out. As predicted, probably out of pity, Changmin can't bring himself to splash a lot of water while Kibum mercilessly lashes a big handful in every attack. The former one is drenched in no time.
"I don't bring many clothes, Kibummie..." He pouts. Pouts. And calls the guy with his name. ... Why? They're of the same age?
"It's okay, you can borrow mine." Still laughing, Kibum takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes it over Changmin's head. The latter crunches his nose as the cloth rubs against his face.
I hate to admit it but they look cute together. Changmin always smile, but he never looked that happy in front of me. He’s nice and good-tempered, that’s why he can bear with me so far, but I don’t think he’s really happy to be my roommate. Well, sometimes I can’t control how I act or what I say… come to think of it, maybe I’ve hurt him many times… though I can’t really remember the events now.
I prepare my camera and direct it to him, zoom the view and try several shots. The first attempt doesn't look too good. I try again and again, carefully, not wanting him to find my hiding place.
Like a stalker, am I?
"Seriously Bummie, how can we slack off like this? Let's go back to the sunbaes..." He speaks between the chuckles.
"Everyone is taking a break, the last one who was still busy with stuffs is only your roommate."
"Jaejoong Hyung?"
"Yeah, that sharp-mouthed fella."
"Oh, I think I should go there..."
"Well, I think he has already finished by now."
"It's okay, I'm just going to make sure-" Changmin turns around but Kibum holds his hands.
"Come on, why are you worrying so much? He's the Hyung, he should be the one who takes care of you and not the other way around. From what I see he didn't do any good."
"Bummie, you don't even know him."
"But it's Kim Jaejoong. Aside from face and money that guy is good for nothing."
Okay, that's it. I'm too familiar with that kind of talk about me to the point where I don’t feel hurt anymore, but I just don't want to hear how Changmin thinks about me, thank you. I quickly plug my ear with fingers and turn around, leaving my hiding place. My previous determination to collect pictures decreases drastically. Instead of continuing the exploration I decide to return to the field; working with the stoic face of emperor Yeti surprisingly feels better than stumbling in an unknown place, witnessing a couple displaying romance scenes.
Oh yes, I miss emperor Yeti, I sooo want him to ask me to poke a toddler's belly or wipe their snots or anything.
I make my way to the field, panting for walking a bit too fast along the way. Believe it or not I actually head straight to the tent, hoping that Yunho will still be there. Suddenly I want to discuss something light like… the death of Michael Jackson. Or Lady Di. Or appendicitis.
“Hyung!!”
Yunho is still inside the tent doing some writing works, looking surprise and a bit traumatize when I give him the first smile ever in the history of him knowing me.
"Oh, Jaejoong... " He rises from the slouching position.
"I know, I know, I won't leave again."
"Well, our tent has closed already."
"I can leave then." I turn around and prepare to leave but he calls me.
“Sit here…” He refers to a chair next to him, sounding a little bit more gentle than usual. I do as he told. "Listen... just now… one of the nurses in the ward called me. She informed me something you might need to know about Mrs. Lee Anhee..."
I try to register the preamble for a moment before ask, "What happened with her?"
"They stop the medication. From now on she'll undergo palliative treatment."
Palliative. Meaning we have been extremely pessimistic about her chance of survival and decided to let her die peacefully with painkillers and sedatives. Exactly what I had thought before, when learning about her cancer stage. So it's not unpredicted. But still I can't help but feel a little shock.
"She... She agrees to that?" I ask in doubt.
"It's her request. She's been in too much pain, Jaejoong."
I don't know. I believe she's a kind of woman who doesn't believe that death can conquer her.
"But now, she's fine, right? I mean, of course she isn't fine, but..." I'm trying to ask whether she's still conscious and manages to eat and drink and speak well, but can't really make my point.
"As for now she's unconscious and still breathing, but they won't aid the respiratory failure that’s likely to happen soon."
So many questions pop in my head and I can't utter it out. Who's with her now? Who spoke to her about her hopeless condition? Did the doctor inform about it nicely? Did she feel hurt when receiving such news? Has she met her sister in Gwangju?
"I see.", is the only words I can say.
Yunho stares at me for a while before pats me on the head. "If you want to accompany her, you can go back to Seoul tomorrow. That is, if you're familiar with public transportation or can have someone pick you up."
Well, I can use my family's driver (no matter how I hate to involve them) but I simply can't believe that Jung Yunho has given me a permission to skip this event.
"But if you want to stay here it's okay." He gives me an assuring looks.
While fixing my gaze to him I clutch my bag, gripping the edge of my camera, the one with Changmin's smiles in it. Isn't it strange that Anhee desperately wants to see his sincere smile reflected in a photograph, when she doesn't know the guy at all?
I don't understand people, let alone the weird one like her. But maybe, just maybe, for someone who's constantly threatened by pain and the fear of death everyday, smiling has become a difficult thing that she needs to see a smile to remind her how it's like to smile?
Or maybe, since Changmin looked sad in the photo, she wanted him to be happy because it'll encourage her?
“Yeah… I think I’ll return to Seoul tomorrow, Hyung.”
*
*
I was about to go to one of the buses to sleep just like yesterday, since tonight also my group can’t seem to be less noisy than ever, when Changmin approached me on the way and walked next to me nonchalantly as if he didn’t do something freakish.
He didn’t wear that Klu Klux Klan jacket, though. I could easily recognize him as Changmin.
“Are you stalking me?” I said, decreasing my pace.
“You’re going to sleep in the bus again, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I want to show you something first.” He smiled in excitement. I wondered what it was all about.
Apparently he brought me to a high viewing point near our bus parking lot where thousand white lights coming from citizen’s houses can be seen decorated the dark view as far as our vision field, twinkling like a night sky on earth.
Beautiful. It makes me want to cry for a reason I can’t explain.
“We passed this place on the first day, but in the daylight it didn’t seem too special...” He says. I’m too absorbed in the scenery that I don’t know how respond. After a while I realize that he seems like waiting for my reaction.
“I like it.” I say.
He smiles.
While inhaling the fresh night air I drop myself onto the damp grass and sitting with legs flexed, arms on my knees. He follows, takes a spot next to mine.
"Changmin-ah... What makes you happy?" My voice blends with the whirling sound of breeze.
"Eh? You mean like... things, or..."
"Anything. Something that can make you smile sincerely."
"This is about the photo, isn’t it?"
"Just answer."
He touches his chin with a finger, pursing his lips a bit while thinking. "Hmm… I can't really mention it, many things I guess..."
"Lame short jokes make you happy? I have one by the way."
He stares at me, half not believing but shows a blatantly curious looks.
"I didn't want to read it at first, okay? Accidentally found it on a newspaper.” I inhale. “A father went to the hospital to have his son operated. He asked everything to the doctor eagerly. 'We're going to use propofol so your son won't remember anything.' the doctor said. The father answered, 'Then you don't have to, my son is always hard to remember anything.'"
He laughs like crazy, body shaking vigorously and clapping his hands like that mechanical monkey with cymbals.
"That one is strong!" he exclaims. What so strong about it!? It's a kind of story that makes you want to rip the newspaper and sue the publishing company for a refund, exactly my feeling when I saw Edward Cullen glittered after I paid ticket to see a vampire.
However I feel the corner of my lips curl watching his infectious laugh. He quickly regains control, looking a bit embarrassed.
"What about you? What makes you happy, Hyung?" he asks.
Yoochun. It's clear to me. But I guess he has gotten bored with such answer.
"I mean, aside from Yoochun Hyung." he adds quickly. He knows after all.
"Hmm... Not really sure."
"Coconut cheesecake….Fuwa... I don’t know much…."
The certain name he mentioned kinda surprises me a bit. "You know about Fuwa!?"
"Oh... uhm, not really… I heard people talk about you played with a cat and called her Fuwa..."
I frown. "People know? I think beside Yoochun no one knows how I call the cat."
"Well, not much, just few girls, you know girls love to gossip even the tiniest thing..."
Hmm. I never knew that. But I guess girls do gossip about everything.
"Hyung... Why do you love Yoochun Hyung so much?"
Such question suddenly? I almost forget that he's blunt. "What kind of question is that?"
"Sorry, I just want to know..."
"You can never know why you love someone, it just happens." I answer according to my gut feeling, since it'll be a novel to describe how Yoochun is an angel on earth. I'm not sure he understands anyway.
"But... What if... what if Yoochun Hyung can never love you? I mean, in the same way as you love him?"
“………Can we drop this topic? The last thing I want to do now is to talk deeply about this to someone who doesn’t know anything about us.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to pry…”
I exhale and drop my forehead to my knees. “I know. Sorry.”
Some moments are spent in silence until I realize how late it is according to my wristwatch, and decide to go to my sleeping nest.
"Okay, good night, Min. I should return to Seoul tomorrow, need to wake up early." I pat his shoulder and prop on it as a handle to get up.
He gets up after I did, looking surprise. "So soon? Why?"
"One of my patients is dying and Yunho lets me visit her for the last time."
"Oh, so sorry to hear that, Hyung.."
"Nah, it’s okay. Well… we're going to meet tons of dying people in the future and I know we don't need to fuss over it one by one, but this lady is weirdly special and I owe her something."
Glancing at the thousand lights view for the last time, we turn around and walk towards the bus parking lot. I put a hand inside my pocket while the other hand clings onto his arm, greedily wanting his body heat. As usual he never minds.
"That patient of yours... is she the one who asked for the smile photo?" He asks.
"Yes."
"Oh... I'm sorry I couldn't help…"
"It’s okay. Don’t apologize too much.”
"I'll sleep in the bus too."
“Do whatever you like.”
[to be continued]
A/N: I;m so sorrryyy xDD I can't update and online as much as before.... T_T I've moved to a new department and this one is hectic as hell... plus tons of test are waiting... so yeah.... but thank you so much for your support, I really appreciate it! xD
Pairing: Jaemin, Jaechun
Rating: PG-13 to R
Warning: a little bit WTFs in the latter chapters
Summary: Just another campus life story
Chapter 10
"...yung... ake up..."
I hear a voice next to my ear but the warmth and pleasant smell has been spoiling me too much that I refuse to even budge. Only when the warmth leaves my skin I whine in annoyance and quickly trap the comfort inside both arms, still with eyes closed. Silence returns and I feel content, just for a short moment before the voice bugs me again, in the stuttering mode.
"W-wake up Hyung... W-we should return and wash ourselves first..."
Everything becomes cold and I go frantic, that's when I peak through heavy, lazy eyelids, to find myself cling greedily onto Frog's arm while he tries to pull away. I shoot him with a 'What!?' look as he smiles awkwardly.
"BitchIwashavinganicedream." as far as I remember this isn't the first time I curse him for waking me up, he has fully known how my tongue downgrades in the morning.
"It's 5 am..."
"Wegatheratseven." I mumble to his shoulder and attempt another sleep.
"You don't want people to find us here, right?"
"Fiveminutes."
"Okay, five minutes."
I think it's only thirty seconds but then he moves, a lot, making it's hard for me to snuggle to him.
"Ugh... Don't move..." I protest.
"I can't find my glasses..."
"Good. Stop wearing glasses."
"But I can't see..."
"Then don't see."
I'm not making any sense of course, too sleepy to reply in a smarter way. I can't even process his sentence properly.
"Oh it's here." He says. I only groan while keeping my eyelids glued tight.
"That wasn't counted as five minutes."
"Okay..."
For a while I can enjoy the calmness and try to reshape the lost dream, but right when I almost succeed Frog shakes my shoulder.
"Five minutes already..."
Nothing I can do to express the resentment but pretend not to hear. Even when he pulls his arm I whine and cling tighter, “Five minutes more!”
"Hyung...I... I love being like this but people will appear soon…"
I thought he’ll be forever helpless if I keep ignoring him, so it shocks me when he moves closer and bites my ear.
He BITES me.
Needless to say that it makes my eyes snap wide as the electric current travels down my spine
"Fuck, Changmin-ah."
"Wake up now or I won't bite you again for the rest of my life." He states, threatening.
I kick his shin. "Hey! Since when you-!?"
"Come on." He brings my hand to his mouth and bites my finger, in a way that I should cover my mouth to hide a miserable face.
"Ugh…. I hate you so much."
He chuckles and helps me put aside the cushions and blanket, while I got up from the (surprisingly) not-so-cold bus floor, lazily wear my shoes and head to the exit door, sulking and yawning on the process. The sky is still dark, not even the slightest ray of sunrise reveals itself. Changmin follows me soon after and we part ways without saying anything.
No one has awakened yet by the time I reach my place, as expected from the bunch of heavy sleepers (as if I’m not one of them). With a light step of a cat I reach my luggage for some new clothes and plan to sneak into the bathroom without waking up anyone, but the creaking sound of the door awoke Seungri, one of the boys who keen on spreading false rumor. (that's why I should be extra careful) Half asleep, he asks me where I have been and I answer with a short "meet a friend" before closing the door.
I think I don’t have to describe how I’m having a hard time washing my own pants from dried cum afterward. The most important thing is, no one seems to care where and how I have spent the night, so I guess I might sleep there in the other nights, with or without Changmin.
*
*
The activity for some groups, including mine, began at a local football field which has been lent solely for our events. It's too crowd with people lining up that I lose count on how many tents are here, but some of them provide free medication, health check up and children's measuring. So, yeah. Lots and lots of children and I feel like wanting to explode by their ear stabbing squeal and unnecessarily loud volume, not to mention by how they can't stop running around, bumping me, and crying hysterically when I step on their feet to shut them up.
From my shady spot under the tree (where I stand up with nothing to do) I can see Hunsu leading a group of children to do morning exercise with Cambio Dolor disco trance version as the background song. He introduced himself as Hunsu the Mexicano and wearing a leather Fedora, boasting his skill in dancing and conquering senoritas. The allure is, those who have bravely received a capsule of vitamin A or any kinds of shot will have a chance to join Hunsu's clique and those who have joined Hunsu's clique will get a pencil and a notebook with Hunsu's autograph.
Don't ask whose idea it was. At first it sounded absurd to me, but after seeing how the kids actually strive hard to get those 'priviledge', (it's like... You're so left out if you haven't got Hunsu's autograph) I feel a pang of pity.
Children... Can they be more pathetic?
"Jaejoong..." I hear Yunho's strained voice right after I extend a leg to make a hyperactive toddler trips on purpose. "What did you do that for?" He asks.
"Do what?" I put an innocent gimmick, trying to look confuse. A new method to face Yunho, don't oppose, don’t shout, just act nice.
"You've been glaring at kids and stepping at their feet."
"Hyung, I don't do it on purpose… can't help it, they're everywhere..."
He sighs, perfectly grasps my newest method. "Help me with kids, then?"
See. See? Seeeeee??? Emperor Yeti will feel deeply tortured to see me having an easy time in life!
Trying to suppress a distaste look, I follow him to one of the tents where a lady has waited with a little boy around 2 years old on her lap.
"Check his weight, Jaejoong." Yunho points at a weight scale near my feet.
Okay, that means I should like... Touch this kid. And from his drool he doesn't seem to be in a good hygiene.
"Can I use gloves?"
Yunho gives a 'wtf' looks for a short moment before nods with a frown. "Universal precaution is nice I guess." He says, sounds unsure but nonetheless hands me a box of latex gloves.
I wear a pair of gloves properly and awkwardly try to lift the kid by his waist. Again, I don't know why, he starts to cry as if my hands were blazing charcoal. Maybe I do have 'Kid back off' words written on my forehead? Series of unfortunate events always happens regarding kids.
Still I try to persuade him nicely. "Come on kiddo... Uhm... Show me who's the Joker."
"He likes Batman." the mother whispers.
"Seriously? That hero wannabe pimp is a sissy, Joker is better. Believe me."
The boy cries harder. He loves Batman that much?
"Okay, okay..." I sigh and lift hands in defeat. "Batman is cool. Now please stand here." I pat the weight scale with the tip of my feet. Regardless of my nice attitude, the kid can't seem to let go of his mom's arm and looks at me as if I'm a witch.
"You just need to stand on this thing okay!? I won't cut you or anything!"
The boy cries even more. Now I feel like crying too, I don't know what to do and have no idea why kids always hate me. I turn to Yunho for reinforcement and notice that he's messaging his temple while watching me. Why does he act as if I’m to blame here?
Thinking that I can't progress further Yunho gets up from his chair and nods an apology to the boy's mother, while she bites her lips, fighting back a smile. I stomp to the chair Yunho used previously and flop onto it, arms crossed, pissed off.
And becoming even more pissed off when Yunho only needs to squat near the boy and whispers something to him to gain his trust, and manages to do various things to him even makes him go “Aaah” to check his throat.
I can only swallow my tarnished ego when the boy narrows his eyes towards my direction, implying ‘Now I’m inside a better care unlike yours’. Yunho speaks a thing or two about nutrition with the mother and hands her the prescription, leads them out of the tent and glances at me.
"You have siblings?" He asks out of the blue.
"No."
"Younger cousins?"
"No."
"Hmm..."
What's that supposed to mean!?
“What did you say to the kid?” I ask incredulously, feeling kind of curious.
"I told him that he'll get Hunsu's autographed photo."
Okay. First, I'm hurt deeply. That freak gets such popularity and I don't. Second, how the hell Yunho got Junsu's photo?
“You have Junsu’s photo?”
He jerks his head to the table next to mine and sighs. "He gives me a stack."
I peek at the stack of photos. The one in the foremost is laminated, written “For Yunho Hyung from yours truly remember me in your dream” with a pink, glittery ink.
I don’t know what to say. "Uhm… he really gives his all, doesn't he?"
Yunho raises an eyebrow as an agreement and switches his attention to a note, writing the data he has gotten earlier on a certain form and chart for the research purpose.
"I thought this supposed to be done by those from pediatrics." I comment.
"We don't do such segmentation here."
"Oh..."
Finish with the thing he writes, Yunho tells me to let the next kid in. She’s about ten years old, has red rashes all over her face and body and old enough to feel embarrassed about that condition. Yunho tells her something about the disease being a viral infection and will heal without scars soon, while I go paranoid, imagining how my pretty skin will look miserable with those red papules.
Kids come and go after that. Clock ticking so slowly, taking ages to reach 12pm. Surprisingly Yunho hasn’t make me do much. That’s why when he suddenly gets out of the tent, the first thing I can think about is him planning something to bully me.
But then I know something is wrong when people’s buzz sound loud outside the tent, along with the voice of some doctors shouting at each other. Curious, I go outside to see the commotion. The first person catches my attention is Changmin, standing with hands clasp, worries drawn on his face. Not so far from him people gather, too crowded that I can’t see what they’re fussing about.
“Min, what happen?”
“Hyung!” He smiles slightly and approaches me, but still can’t hide the tension. “A young girl attempted suicide.”
“Attempt? So she hasn’t dead yet?”
“No… and they’re trying to save her now…”
I purse my lips in annoyance. “Ugh, she wants to die, let her be. What’s so useful about suicidal emo teens anyway.”
Changmin looks surprise at my sarcasm but then nods with a long ‘Mmm’. “That period is emotionally labile…” He says.
“Well, teens or not, I hate suicide cases the most… well, unless they’re mentally disturbed, which can be understood. But most of them just wanted the attention.” I yawn. “Boring and annoying.”
“Somehow it’s not surprising coming from you, Hyung…” He giggles. “Ah…. Hyung, Yunho Hyung calls you.”
Turning around in horrid looks, I notice that Yunho waves his hand, giving a sign for me to come to him.
Crap.
*
*
Yeah, as predicted, Yunho asked me to assist a doctor monitored the suicidal girl’s vital sign and administering atropine sulfate until the ambulance came and took her to the hospital. As a result I got my break time latter than most of the scuts, something I considered as Yunho’s punishment for me. Furthermore it was also torturing to watch doctors gave her exactly what she wanted, ATTENTION (read: psychiatric assessment). Like… asking her what was wrong, how did she feel about life, did she have someone to share with, how was her family, etc etc. I felt like wanting to feed her more insecticide after knowing that she tried to commit suicide because her boyfriend dumped her.
Hello……???? She’s not the only person with unrequited love in this world.
Anyway, I escaped soon after the ambulance. Really, aside from few ambitious geeks, I was the only scut left in the field, while the others had gone to take their break, probably touring around the village. Damn Jung Yunho, again.
Having no appetite, I decided to walk around the nearby hills, looking for some nice scenery to be captured. Some nature photos might be useful to lift Anhee’s mood up. Or maybe I can show them to Yoochun or my mother.
And so I’m here, alone, camera hangs on my neck. As I ascend I realize that the place is quite pleasuring. Mushrooms and flowers grew along the way, small streams are crystal clear and the damp earth smells nice. Everything is so green. I keep exploring and taking pictures here and there, while making sure that I don’t go too far or else I might get lost and met Yunho’s family, the Yetis.
I stop when the faint sound of laughter and cackles reach my ear, together with the refreshing sound and smells of stream currents. After a while walking, I finally find the source of the sounds.
It’s Changmin and Kibum, playing in a stream, just the two of them. Their shoes are left on the stream side and their pants are rolled up above the knees. The water is only as high as Changmin’s calf but definitely higher for Kibum. While the latter walks faster, Changmin groggily tiptoes against the current, giggling as he tries to maintain balance. His lips look slightly pale due to the temperature, but from his wide smile and mismatched eyes I know he’s having a good time.
"Fall!!!" Kibum grabs his side from behind, threatening his balance. Changmin yelps before he dips a hand to splash his shorter friend, in which they end up splashing each other, laughing their lungs out. As predicted, probably out of pity, Changmin can't bring himself to splash a lot of water while Kibum mercilessly lashes a big handful in every attack. The former one is drenched in no time.
"I don't bring many clothes, Kibummie..." He pouts. Pouts. And calls the guy with his name. ... Why? They're of the same age?
"It's okay, you can borrow mine." Still laughing, Kibum takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes it over Changmin's head. The latter crunches his nose as the cloth rubs against his face.
I hate to admit it but they look cute together. Changmin always smile, but he never looked that happy in front of me. He’s nice and good-tempered, that’s why he can bear with me so far, but I don’t think he’s really happy to be my roommate. Well, sometimes I can’t control how I act or what I say… come to think of it, maybe I’ve hurt him many times… though I can’t really remember the events now.
I prepare my camera and direct it to him, zoom the view and try several shots. The first attempt doesn't look too good. I try again and again, carefully, not wanting him to find my hiding place.
Like a stalker, am I?
"Seriously Bummie, how can we slack off like this? Let's go back to the sunbaes..." He speaks between the chuckles.
"Everyone is taking a break, the last one who was still busy with stuffs is only your roommate."
"Jaejoong Hyung?"
"Yeah, that sharp-mouthed fella."
"Oh, I think I should go there..."
"Well, I think he has already finished by now."
"It's okay, I'm just going to make sure-" Changmin turns around but Kibum holds his hands.
"Come on, why are you worrying so much? He's the Hyung, he should be the one who takes care of you and not the other way around. From what I see he didn't do any good."
"Bummie, you don't even know him."
"But it's Kim Jaejoong. Aside from face and money that guy is good for nothing."
Okay, that's it. I'm too familiar with that kind of talk about me to the point where I don’t feel hurt anymore, but I just don't want to hear how Changmin thinks about me, thank you. I quickly plug my ear with fingers and turn around, leaving my hiding place. My previous determination to collect pictures decreases drastically. Instead of continuing the exploration I decide to return to the field; working with the stoic face of emperor Yeti surprisingly feels better than stumbling in an unknown place, witnessing a couple displaying romance scenes.
Oh yes, I miss emperor Yeti, I sooo want him to ask me to poke a toddler's belly or wipe their snots or anything.
I make my way to the field, panting for walking a bit too fast along the way. Believe it or not I actually head straight to the tent, hoping that Yunho will still be there. Suddenly I want to discuss something light like… the death of Michael Jackson. Or Lady Di. Or appendicitis.
“Hyung!!”
Yunho is still inside the tent doing some writing works, looking surprise and a bit traumatize when I give him the first smile ever in the history of him knowing me.
"Oh, Jaejoong... " He rises from the slouching position.
"I know, I know, I won't leave again."
"Well, our tent has closed already."
"I can leave then." I turn around and prepare to leave but he calls me.
“Sit here…” He refers to a chair next to him, sounding a little bit more gentle than usual. I do as he told. "Listen... just now… one of the nurses in the ward called me. She informed me something you might need to know about Mrs. Lee Anhee..."
I try to register the preamble for a moment before ask, "What happened with her?"
"They stop the medication. From now on she'll undergo palliative treatment."
Palliative. Meaning we have been extremely pessimistic about her chance of survival and decided to let her die peacefully with painkillers and sedatives. Exactly what I had thought before, when learning about her cancer stage. So it's not unpredicted. But still I can't help but feel a little shock.
"She... She agrees to that?" I ask in doubt.
"It's her request. She's been in too much pain, Jaejoong."
I don't know. I believe she's a kind of woman who doesn't believe that death can conquer her.
"But now, she's fine, right? I mean, of course she isn't fine, but..." I'm trying to ask whether she's still conscious and manages to eat and drink and speak well, but can't really make my point.
"As for now she's unconscious and still breathing, but they won't aid the respiratory failure that’s likely to happen soon."
So many questions pop in my head and I can't utter it out. Who's with her now? Who spoke to her about her hopeless condition? Did the doctor inform about it nicely? Did she feel hurt when receiving such news? Has she met her sister in Gwangju?
"I see.", is the only words I can say.
Yunho stares at me for a while before pats me on the head. "If you want to accompany her, you can go back to Seoul tomorrow. That is, if you're familiar with public transportation or can have someone pick you up."
Well, I can use my family's driver (no matter how I hate to involve them) but I simply can't believe that Jung Yunho has given me a permission to skip this event.
"But if you want to stay here it's okay." He gives me an assuring looks.
While fixing my gaze to him I clutch my bag, gripping the edge of my camera, the one with Changmin's smiles in it. Isn't it strange that Anhee desperately wants to see his sincere smile reflected in a photograph, when she doesn't know the guy at all?
I don't understand people, let alone the weird one like her. But maybe, just maybe, for someone who's constantly threatened by pain and the fear of death everyday, smiling has become a difficult thing that she needs to see a smile to remind her how it's like to smile?
Or maybe, since Changmin looked sad in the photo, she wanted him to be happy because it'll encourage her?
“Yeah… I think I’ll return to Seoul tomorrow, Hyung.”
*
*
I was about to go to one of the buses to sleep just like yesterday, since tonight also my group can’t seem to be less noisy than ever, when Changmin approached me on the way and walked next to me nonchalantly as if he didn’t do something freakish.
He didn’t wear that Klu Klux Klan jacket, though. I could easily recognize him as Changmin.
“Are you stalking me?” I said, decreasing my pace.
“You’re going to sleep in the bus again, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I want to show you something first.” He smiled in excitement. I wondered what it was all about.
Apparently he brought me to a high viewing point near our bus parking lot where thousand white lights coming from citizen’s houses can be seen decorated the dark view as far as our vision field, twinkling like a night sky on earth.
Beautiful. It makes me want to cry for a reason I can’t explain.
“We passed this place on the first day, but in the daylight it didn’t seem too special...” He says. I’m too absorbed in the scenery that I don’t know how respond. After a while I realize that he seems like waiting for my reaction.
“I like it.” I say.
He smiles.
While inhaling the fresh night air I drop myself onto the damp grass and sitting with legs flexed, arms on my knees. He follows, takes a spot next to mine.
"Changmin-ah... What makes you happy?" My voice blends with the whirling sound of breeze.
"Eh? You mean like... things, or..."
"Anything. Something that can make you smile sincerely."
"This is about the photo, isn’t it?"
"Just answer."
He touches his chin with a finger, pursing his lips a bit while thinking. "Hmm… I can't really mention it, many things I guess..."
"Lame short jokes make you happy? I have one by the way."
He stares at me, half not believing but shows a blatantly curious looks.
"I didn't want to read it at first, okay? Accidentally found it on a newspaper.” I inhale. “A father went to the hospital to have his son operated. He asked everything to the doctor eagerly. 'We're going to use propofol so your son won't remember anything.' the doctor said. The father answered, 'Then you don't have to, my son is always hard to remember anything.'"
He laughs like crazy, body shaking vigorously and clapping his hands like that mechanical monkey with cymbals.
"That one is strong!" he exclaims. What so strong about it!? It's a kind of story that makes you want to rip the newspaper and sue the publishing company for a refund, exactly my feeling when I saw Edward Cullen glittered after I paid ticket to see a vampire.
However I feel the corner of my lips curl watching his infectious laugh. He quickly regains control, looking a bit embarrassed.
"What about you? What makes you happy, Hyung?" he asks.
Yoochun. It's clear to me. But I guess he has gotten bored with such answer.
"I mean, aside from Yoochun Hyung." he adds quickly. He knows after all.
"Hmm... Not really sure."
"Coconut cheesecake….Fuwa... I don’t know much…."
The certain name he mentioned kinda surprises me a bit. "You know about Fuwa!?"
"Oh... uhm, not really… I heard people talk about you played with a cat and called her Fuwa..."
I frown. "People know? I think beside Yoochun no one knows how I call the cat."
"Well, not much, just few girls, you know girls love to gossip even the tiniest thing..."
Hmm. I never knew that. But I guess girls do gossip about everything.
"Hyung... Why do you love Yoochun Hyung so much?"
Such question suddenly? I almost forget that he's blunt. "What kind of question is that?"
"Sorry, I just want to know..."
"You can never know why you love someone, it just happens." I answer according to my gut feeling, since it'll be a novel to describe how Yoochun is an angel on earth. I'm not sure he understands anyway.
"But... What if... what if Yoochun Hyung can never love you? I mean, in the same way as you love him?"
“………Can we drop this topic? The last thing I want to do now is to talk deeply about this to someone who doesn’t know anything about us.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to pry…”
I exhale and drop my forehead to my knees. “I know. Sorry.”
Some moments are spent in silence until I realize how late it is according to my wristwatch, and decide to go to my sleeping nest.
"Okay, good night, Min. I should return to Seoul tomorrow, need to wake up early." I pat his shoulder and prop on it as a handle to get up.
He gets up after I did, looking surprise. "So soon? Why?"
"One of my patients is dying and Yunho lets me visit her for the last time."
"Oh, so sorry to hear that, Hyung.."
"Nah, it’s okay. Well… we're going to meet tons of dying people in the future and I know we don't need to fuss over it one by one, but this lady is weirdly special and I owe her something."
Glancing at the thousand lights view for the last time, we turn around and walk towards the bus parking lot. I put a hand inside my pocket while the other hand clings onto his arm, greedily wanting his body heat. As usual he never minds.
"That patient of yours... is she the one who asked for the smile photo?" He asks.
"Yes."
"Oh... I'm sorry I couldn't help…"
"It’s okay. Don’t apologize too much.”
"I'll sleep in the bus too."
“Do whatever you like.”
[to be continued]
A/N: I;m so sorrryyy xDD I can't update and online as much as before.... T_T I've moved to a new department and this one is hectic as hell... plus tons of test are waiting... so yeah.... but thank you so much for your support, I really appreciate it! xD