[fic] Scut Hamsters (chapter 4)
Title: Scut Hamsters
Pairing: Jaemin (main), Jaechun
Author: umeboshi_heart
Warning: some WTFs in the latter chapters
Rating: PG 13- R
Summary: Just another campus life story.
chapter 4
After two days I can finally take control of my blazing tantrum. Not because I’ve wholeheartedly accepted this condition, but because I’m already tired of overusing my vocal cord in an unwise way, thanks to a certain twig.
First, what can I say? I thought the withered tree is just one of the kids who succumbs to me in the face but stabs me in the back, or just one of those cowards who afraid to stand for himself; but after a while of observations, I change my mind.
He’s simply blunt.
Like this morning, he dared to shake my shoulder to wake me up. He dared to grin me a good morning (and made me notice that he has quite beautiful teeth, by the way) and even tested my temper once again.
With another failed crack he claimed as joke.
“Two prisoners were chatting. ‘How long will you be here?’ one of them asked. ‘One month’. ‘Yah, so light! What’s your crime?’. ‘I killed my
wife.’ ‘You only get one month for a murder!?’. ‘Yeah, after that I’ll be executed.’”
I didn’t immediately throw a book as he waited for my reaction like a Golden Retriever waits for cookies; instead I approached him and knocked his head with a pencil case, and even, believe it or not, begged him to stop trying. He nodded and apologized, but after 5 minutes I caught him browsing for another joke. Man
Second, sequences of trouble kept happening without Yoochun by my side.
Surely I don't want my unskilled hand to be responsible for the loss of lives, thus why I kept begging for my seniors to watch me do things throughout this morning, and let my incompetency unavoidably shown. It led me to a really, really hectic afternoon.
The peak of it was around the lunch break time, when a kid entered our emergency unit with his mother. He was small, probably around 90 cm, deformed face, malnourished and bluish, particularly his lips and swollen fingertips. I heard the nurse asked him his age. He didn’t answer and sulkily hid behind his mother, the one who answered in his place. His mother said he was 9 years old. Most likely the cyanotic heart defect, I thought. I observed how the doctors examined him, feeling relieve that he had nothing to do with me. So I lightly walked towards the exit door to get a break, since my fellow surgery scuts had all gone to get theirs prior to me finishing my task.
“Excuse me, you there.” A doctor called me.
I almost pretended not to hear it but he tapped my shoulder. “Yeah?” I turned around.
“Please give this to that patient.” He pointed at the blue kid while handing me a big syringe full of liquid. “He’s got the IV line and oxygen mask already.”
Thinking this was an easy task, I came to the kid with my unfriendly face as usual and only slightly nodded to his Mother, “I’m going to inject the… this.” I didn’t even know what I was about to give, but probably Ampicillin since this kind of kids often came due to pneumonia.
As expected, the kid yelled as soon as he saw the syringe. I let out a tired sigh.
“Kid, I won’t pierce you, you’re already wearing that thing. It won’t hurt. ” I persuaded him plainly like a robot. If it was Yoochun, he’d take time to mushily coax every whiny kid possible in this hospital, but such treat wasn’t one of my ability. So I asked his worry looking mother to hold one of his hands to prevent him from struggling.
“Doctor… be careful…” The Mom reminded me as she did what I told her.
“I’ll be careful.” I injected the liquid into his venflon -the little thing with cap attached to his wrist. It shouldn’t be hurt, but somehow the kid hysterically screamed and cried like a crazy goat.
I only tsk-ed and kept injecting the liquid, pinning his hand tighter to the table and made myself quick, nevertheless he kept crying. However I kept ignoring him, even when his breath deepened.
“Doctor… I’m afraid he’ll-“
“Oh God.”
My breath stopped when the kid convulsed, his skin turned even more blue-almost purple, and he limped like he was about to lose consciousness. For some seconds my mind was blank, my voice wasn't there to call the nurses or sunbaes, but the kid’s mother, seemingly had such experience, immediately brought his son’s knees to his chest and fixed him in that position.
“Heejun-ah, Heejun-ah, don’t cry honey… Umma is here…” she consoled the boy.
I got it, I got it. This kid was having a cyanotic spell; should turn him into knee-to-chest position to increase the venous return, should give him morphine…
Those texts I read from books scrolled in front of my eyes, but my hands shook as I hastily explored the drawers, I wasn't sure where they kept the goddamn morphine or any emergency medication.
Yoochun had always been the one who took them and prepared them for me.
Eventually I regained my voice and called for the nurse; they came in a hurry and did the things I supposed to do earlier. I got no trouble though since everyone knew that such condition was unpredictable, but I wonder if it could be prevented if only I.....
Well, now... somehow, hospital turns into a foreign and awkward place to me. With Yoochun around, it wasn’t just because I could ask him to take over my works, but even for things that I was able to do by myself, I’d feel more secure if he was near, if he was watching me.
So, today my energy was drained, I couldn’t throw any tantrum anymore… I was just tired.
In the end I came to Junsu for a consultation. Oh, can you imagine how much of a dignity I’ve tarnished to actually approach him and said, “Dude, I need your help”?
Because, honestly, I’d rather spill everything to Fuwa but the cat didn’t answer me with the language I understand, so I had no choice but to come to Junsu, the only one who had been persistently coming for my (and Yoochun’s) attention all this time. I’m not full of myself, he said it out loud himself.
I know perfectly why Junsu’s buddies around the table abruptly dismiss when I come, while the devil himself stands up and gives me an icky hug.
“There, there, I know you’ll need me sooner or later my love.” He says. “Yoochun is being a jerk, isn’t he?”
I gap. “How do you…?”
“I did my research. People call me Junparazzi.”
Is that supposed to be a joke?
“Anyway,” He continues, as smug as a guy could be. “I know what your problems are, and have three advices for you. But you can only choose two.”
“Are you a fairy God mother?”
“Sush. Just choose.” He sways his index finger right and left like a commercial's actor.
“How can I choose when I don’t even know what those advices are?”
“If I tell you the advices, that means I already advise you, then why should you choose?”
“True, why should I choose?”
“You should choose!”
“Where this conversation is going?”
“Just kidding, I’m testing your patience, that’s all.”
I feel like hammering his head with an iceberg. But again, due to my lack of energy, I can only do as he told when he gives me a sign to sit in front of him.
“Do spill.” He gestures a circling fingers - Godfather style.
“So lately I-“
“Wait.” He stomps my mouth with his palm, making me cough instantly due to the smell of spicy kimchi radiating from it. “I don’t do this for free.”
I ruffle my own hair, wondering why I let myself into his silly game. “How much do you want!?”
“Chill. I want no money.”
“So what? A kiss?”
He pulls a three- fingers- width smile. “I’d love to but that can wait.” He seemingly thinks about something. “You know… I want to build my reign.”
“Why am I not surprise, whatever you mean by that.”
“So from now on, you, and some of my buddies, we have our Telenovela names.”
I hold my books and ready to leave -I shouldn’t have expected him to be any sensical- , but then he caught my hand.
“Joongita! Please! I just need you in it! You’ll do nothing! I’m just asking you to acknowledge the name!”
“What the fuck you just called me?” I shoot him a murderous glare.
“Joongita…” He tugs my hand and strangely makes me plop back to my seat. “You’ll come if I call you like that, right? For your information, I call that crush of yours Chunando..."
Yoochun…. you've just away for two days and see what's happening. And I still don't know how the hell Junsu knows so far about him being my crush, because no way Yoochun told that idiot anything.
“Fine.” Excuse me, did I just say ‘fine’?
He grins widely seeing me surrender.“And you will call me….. Hunsu.”
“Huh…!?”
“You know…” he crosses his arms, acting all knowing. “When it’s written as ‘Juan Carloz’, it’s actually read as ‘Huan Carloz’.”
..........................I refuse to say anything, I even refuse to change my expression. I don’t want to waste more energy.
“Now spill.” He orders.
After a while watching Hunsu cautiously, finally I sigh and begin to express my problem. ”Everything's different, ever since-“
“That is called withdrawal symptom. Like when using steroids or narcotics, you should tapper it off, not abruptly discontinuing the usage.”
I watch him as he sounds so serious, not even realize that I'm stealing some sips from his tea glass.
“Yoochun is stupid, indeed. But he didn’t see it coming, so it can’t be helped.” He added. “As for a solution, I suggest hypnotherapy.”
I literally spray the tea inside my mouth to his face. He only wiped it patiently with an understanding smile. “Surprise? Make that a second option then. First, you should find a boyfriend. I will get you together with a good dude."
I get up from my seat, regretting my decision to even think about him in the first place. He pulls a pair of puppy eyes as I narrow my eyes vengefully and prepare to leave.
“What about my kiss?” he pleas.
I scowl and kiss him on the cheek.
*
*
Did I just say that, today I am finally able to take control of my blazing tantrum and too tired to overuse my vocal cord?
Scratch that. My temper rose to its top when I opened my room door to have the thickheaded frog greeted me with his goofy smile, as well as the smell of certain herbs stabbed my nose.
“What the hell is wrong with your olfactory nerve!?” I stomp my way in and slam the stacks of book hard on my table. “Why do MY room smells like incense!?”
“T-This is not incense, this is aromatherapy….” He quickly checks the wrapping of whatever shit he’s burning, NEAR MY BED. “Junsu said it will relax mind… it’s Sandaloo--”
“Sandalwood is incense! Kindergartens know that!” I bawl and he winces as usual. “Unless this room is yours only, stop acting like it is!”
“I will turn it off, Hyung!” He hurries to extinguish the fire on the aromatic pot as I ignorantly change into sweatpants and T-shirt, hiding myself from his view behind the closet's door. Well, at least I can hold myself not to smack his head, he should be grateful.
Feeling glad that the incense's smell decrease gradually, I decide to do some reading, so I pull out a cardiology book from the drawer and set myself before my study table, while he continues his previous work whatever it was. Minutes pass with silence and I can’t concentrate as expected. I can’t stop thinking about Yoochun every freakin’ minute, it has only been two days and it’s like this, then how should I bear the next 3 months without him? Today I called him several times but he didn’t answer. Probably he had left anyway.
Suddenly my phone rings and I jump from my seat. I fumble my bag hastily to look for it, thinking it’s Yoochun. But it’s not.
“Joongie?” A gentle voice is heard across the line. How I miss that voice so much, it’s been a while since the last time I heard it.
“Oh, hi Umma... what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, suddenly want to check whether my baby’s doing okay. Is everything fine, honey?”
“Of course.”
“Really? No problem with paper works or whatsoever? Are you happy there? You have many friends?” She worries too much. It’s not that I mind, but sometimes I think she should stop that habit for her own health.
“I’m happy Umma, I have many friends and they’re really nice.”
“Is Yoochun there? May I speak to him? I want to make sure that he treats you well…”
“Umma, Yoochun always treats me well, and he’s not here now. He’s on the way to Japan for a research.”
“Eh? What about you? You’re alone in the dorm?”
“Don’t worry, I have a new roommate.”
“Is he a good boy?”
“He’s really kind and smart, and helping me with things, just like Yoochun. You don’t have to worry about anything. I have no problem with school."
“I believe you honey… but if there’s something bothering you, just let me know okay?”
“Sure thing, sweetheart.”
“Omo, what an impolite way to call your Umma!” She complains like that, but I know she likes to be treated that way.
We exchange some sweet callings once more before she hangs up the phone. Then I continue to read my book, until I hear a happy voice from behind.
“I’m… I’m kind and smart…?”
Oh, how can I forget that he’s behind me? Maybe because I don’t even remember that he exists.
I spin my wheeled chair around and stare at his dumb face, which has turned all rosy and excited. "Yeah, smart, since you know how to make money anytime anywhere."
He scratches the back of his head and grins sheepishly, unaware of my cynical tone. “I failed to get the full scholarship... I wish I were as smart as you..."
I roll my eyes. Here they come, ass kissers. “Idiot. I fuck up at everything."
He knits his eyebrows, not believing what I say. “That can't be, you’re smart! You got A for every subjects last year..."
"They're theories. Real human are different shits." i answer, feeling nauseated. So there's still naive people like this who thinks that exams grades guarantee your success in life.
"Oh, don't worry about that, we still have chances. You just have to spend more time in the--"
"I hate hospital." I spin back to my table and continue reading, regretting the last words accidentally slip from my mouth. I know what he's going to say next, most likely something around 'then why did you get into med school?', just like anyone else. But then he doesn't, and only respond with a quiet 'Oohh...'.
Then I hear the closet being opened, and soon the bathroom door is softly closed. He takes a shower, apparently.
Feeling the sudden rush of peace (plus the murmur sound of shower) enveloping the room, I continue to read... Well, honestly I can only see Yoochun's face over the pages of Tetralogy of Fallot's literature. But whatever.
"Excuse me, Jae?"
I curse myself for being too engulfed in the illusion of Yoochun, that when the real one stands right before my eyes, I still think that he's part of my imagination.
"Hey, don't mind me, go on reading. I'm just going to take..... " i watch him with my mouth hanging agape as he takes a medical handbook from the frog's table. "....This. Oh you've got a new roommate.." he notices the new things on his old table.
How can he acts as if nothing has ever happened?
"Yoochun... You... haven't left?" I get up from my seat and approach him.
"The flight is tonight at 9, I--" I pull his collar and crash my mouth against his.
"Jae, please..." he grabs my hand and pushes me away, but I force myself to him relentlessly. I don't even care if the frog might see us, he can just wait wherever he wants till we finish.
"It's only 5... We still have time..." I skid a hand underneath his T-shirt, targeting his nipple which quickly hardened under my touch.
"No.. Jae. No." he pleads breathily, I know he's having a hard time to resist my impudent mouth that keep cornering him no matter how he tries to dodge.
"It's more than lust Yoochun..." I manage to capture his lower lips. " I love you... I want to feel you... Please... " I clutch his T-shirt, might rip it if he doesn't stop me. "I miss your warmth so much..."
"Jae... No... don't do this..."
I hate it, I hate his self control.
"Why...? Why can't you love me? Because everybody hate me?"
"Jae... I love you, you're my best friend you know that. . .and I don't care what everybody think about you, but-"
"Things about you're not the one for me is fuckin' bullshit..." he winces when I cup the front of his pants, and immediately swat my hand as if it is poisonous. "You're hard... you want me, right?"
"Jae... I don't want--"
"Comitment? Forget it, just think of me as a mere whore..."
He grips both of my wrists and pinned them against his chest. "You're not, Jae!! I will never think like that, I can't treat you like that...!"
I don't care, I just want him... I don't care how I look miserable with my tear drenched face now. "Yoochun..."
"You're not on your right mind, Jae... I... J-just.... Bye.."
He left.
And the room feels so cold with the sudden loss of his body heat. I brace my self, not believing how fast this happen. I almost got him back...
I drop myself onto the bed, staring at a nonexistent spot in the floor absentmindedly.
"Hyung...?"
I want to forget everything...
"Hyung... You're crying!"
I know this idiot who wipe a piece of tissue all over my face is not Yoochun, but...
"You'll do anything for money, right?"
Wonder what's striking me...
"You do sex for money?" I ask again
Seems like he can't register that simple question into his thick brain; he looks dumbfounded. So I pull him closer and undo his buttons. Honestly he doesn't look bad with wet, messy hair and no glasses.
"Hyung! What are you doing!?" He struggles to keep his shirt on its place, bewildered at my hands roving his hips.
"Isn't it clear? Sex."
His face turns miserably pale upon hearing my statement. Indeed a geek after all. But I just need warmth, and out of desperation I might be able to think of this geek as Yoochun. I just have to make him want it, after all it's a basic instinct and he's a man, as geek as he might looks.
"B-B-But why--"
"Hormones. Needs."
I push him onto the bed and straddle him, a little bit surprise at how easily seduced he is, with just stuttered 'eh's and 'hyung's as a self saving attempt. Which is useless, when he's dealing with me. I easily conquer him and he's pathetically sensitive; almost every spot where my hand lies makes him writhed. I nibble his ear while rubbing his damn hard erection, sensing his lack of experience from how he shivers and winces, and seriously, compare to Yoochun, he's noisy.
Not that I care about it.
“Hyung…. We… aahh….. shouldn’t….”
“I won't get pregnant, you'll get cash and pleasure, I can't see why we shouldn't."
I want to make an animal come out of him, so I pump his cock ruthlessly as if there’s no tomorrow, letting him lost and dazed in it, and stop without warnings.
He mewls at the sudden loss of accelerating pleasure, but still doesn't do anything but stunning like a stupid statue, staring at me, panting and mouth slightly parted.
“Are you really that slow?” I scoff and pump him again, slower. He shuts his eyes; I see how the veins along the back of his hands defining as he clutches the bed sheet for support, and I want it.
So while keep pumping him I move one of his hands to my chest, on my nipple, pressing that hand against my skin.
He timidly touches me, a bit reluctant to grip me the way I want. “Clutch me just like you clutch the bed sheet…” I lick his nipple and he whimpers. “Dig your nails…”
He quickly withdraws his hand when I press his nails against my chest too hard.
“S-Sorry, is it hurt…?”
“I like it… now bite me…”
“B-bite? ….Love bite?”
“Love bite your ass, I don’t love you. Bite me like you bite your food, idiot.”
Oh my, he’s too stupid. I sigh, finally taking off my clothes, revealing the teeth marks Yoochun had left all over my body. “Like this.”
And he only gaps like a dead fish. Okay this is getting ridiculous. I have no choice but to give an example: I bite him hard on the abs and he screamed.
“I can’t do that..!” He finally gets his brain nerve connected.
“Oh shut up…” I neglect his hard cock again to wrap my hands around him, pressing my shoulder against his mouth. I bite his ear, gently, and from the sound he elicits I know he likes it. “You like that..? I want you to do harder… harder than what I did… as hard as you can…”
He does as I told, at my shoulder, reluctantly. It’s only killing me, but it amazes me how good it feels. I moan at his ear and his cock hardened against me, if it’s even possible.
“Harder… aahhh….. don’t hesitate, just do it…” I don’t know he’ll like my skin that much, now he’s suckling every patch like a hungry baby dog. To tell the truth I’m quite liking the taking turns of his teeth and tongue, and his sloppy, reckless way to do it.
Eventually I grab the lube that’s always under my bed, making him watches me as I prepare him and myself.
“H-hyung…. Are you …”
“You know how to fuck, right?”
He covers his mouth, desperately trying to stop the obscene sounds escaping from it as I adjust his shaft inside me. I ride him while stroking my own hardness, making him stop sounding coherent. “Since you’re so clueless…. Mhhh….” Our slick skins plop when repeatedly collide against each other. “This time I…. aahh…. Lead….”
He feels good inside me, I guess I should spend a lot of cash for something like this, no matter how useless he actually is…
Knowing he won’t stay long, I pump myself as hard as I can, trying to make us come at the same time. He screams as we both reach the peak, as my liquid squirts on top of his chest.
I limp by his side, breathing heavily and so fuckin’ sleepy.
I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he comes closer and almost touches my lips with his. Gladly I have enough reflex to palm his face away before it happens.
“Don’t ever try.” I warn.
For me, a kiss between lips is more intimate than sex. I don’t kiss a person whom I don’t love.
{to be continued}
Pairing: Jaemin (main), Jaechun
Author: umeboshi_heart
Warning: some WTFs in the latter chapters
Rating: PG 13- R
Summary: Just another campus life story.
chapter 4
After two days I can finally take control of my blazing tantrum. Not because I’ve wholeheartedly accepted this condition, but because I’m already tired of overusing my vocal cord in an unwise way, thanks to a certain twig.
First, what can I say? I thought the withered tree is just one of the kids who succumbs to me in the face but stabs me in the back, or just one of those cowards who afraid to stand for himself; but after a while of observations, I change my mind.
He’s simply blunt.
Like this morning, he dared to shake my shoulder to wake me up. He dared to grin me a good morning (and made me notice that he has quite beautiful teeth, by the way) and even tested my temper once again.
With another failed crack he claimed as joke.
“Two prisoners were chatting. ‘How long will you be here?’ one of them asked. ‘One month’. ‘Yah, so light! What’s your crime?’. ‘I killed my
wife.’ ‘You only get one month for a murder!?’. ‘Yeah, after that I’ll be executed.’”
I didn’t immediately throw a book as he waited for my reaction like a Golden Retriever waits for cookies; instead I approached him and knocked his head with a pencil case, and even, believe it or not, begged him to stop trying. He nodded and apologized, but after 5 minutes I caught him browsing for another joke. Man
Second, sequences of trouble kept happening without Yoochun by my side.
Surely I don't want my unskilled hand to be responsible for the loss of lives, thus why I kept begging for my seniors to watch me do things throughout this morning, and let my incompetency unavoidably shown. It led me to a really, really hectic afternoon.
The peak of it was around the lunch break time, when a kid entered our emergency unit with his mother. He was small, probably around 90 cm, deformed face, malnourished and bluish, particularly his lips and swollen fingertips. I heard the nurse asked him his age. He didn’t answer and sulkily hid behind his mother, the one who answered in his place. His mother said he was 9 years old. Most likely the cyanotic heart defect, I thought. I observed how the doctors examined him, feeling relieve that he had nothing to do with me. So I lightly walked towards the exit door to get a break, since my fellow surgery scuts had all gone to get theirs prior to me finishing my task.
“Excuse me, you there.” A doctor called me.
I almost pretended not to hear it but he tapped my shoulder. “Yeah?” I turned around.
“Please give this to that patient.” He pointed at the blue kid while handing me a big syringe full of liquid. “He’s got the IV line and oxygen mask already.”
Thinking this was an easy task, I came to the kid with my unfriendly face as usual and only slightly nodded to his Mother, “I’m going to inject the… this.” I didn’t even know what I was about to give, but probably Ampicillin since this kind of kids often came due to pneumonia.
As expected, the kid yelled as soon as he saw the syringe. I let out a tired sigh.
“Kid, I won’t pierce you, you’re already wearing that thing. It won’t hurt. ” I persuaded him plainly like a robot. If it was Yoochun, he’d take time to mushily coax every whiny kid possible in this hospital, but such treat wasn’t one of my ability. So I asked his worry looking mother to hold one of his hands to prevent him from struggling.
“Doctor… be careful…” The Mom reminded me as she did what I told her.
“I’ll be careful.” I injected the liquid into his venflon -the little thing with cap attached to his wrist. It shouldn’t be hurt, but somehow the kid hysterically screamed and cried like a crazy goat.
I only tsk-ed and kept injecting the liquid, pinning his hand tighter to the table and made myself quick, nevertheless he kept crying. However I kept ignoring him, even when his breath deepened.
“Doctor… I’m afraid he’ll-“
“Oh God.”
My breath stopped when the kid convulsed, his skin turned even more blue-almost purple, and he limped like he was about to lose consciousness. For some seconds my mind was blank, my voice wasn't there to call the nurses or sunbaes, but the kid’s mother, seemingly had such experience, immediately brought his son’s knees to his chest and fixed him in that position.
“Heejun-ah, Heejun-ah, don’t cry honey… Umma is here…” she consoled the boy.
I got it, I got it. This kid was having a cyanotic spell; should turn him into knee-to-chest position to increase the venous return, should give him morphine…
Those texts I read from books scrolled in front of my eyes, but my hands shook as I hastily explored the drawers, I wasn't sure where they kept the goddamn morphine or any emergency medication.
Yoochun had always been the one who took them and prepared them for me.
Eventually I regained my voice and called for the nurse; they came in a hurry and did the things I supposed to do earlier. I got no trouble though since everyone knew that such condition was unpredictable, but I wonder if it could be prevented if only I.....
Well, now... somehow, hospital turns into a foreign and awkward place to me. With Yoochun around, it wasn’t just because I could ask him to take over my works, but even for things that I was able to do by myself, I’d feel more secure if he was near, if he was watching me.
So, today my energy was drained, I couldn’t throw any tantrum anymore… I was just tired.
In the end I came to Junsu for a consultation. Oh, can you imagine how much of a dignity I’ve tarnished to actually approach him and said, “Dude, I need your help”?
Because, honestly, I’d rather spill everything to Fuwa but the cat didn’t answer me with the language I understand, so I had no choice but to come to Junsu, the only one who had been persistently coming for my (and Yoochun’s) attention all this time. I’m not full of myself, he said it out loud himself.
I know perfectly why Junsu’s buddies around the table abruptly dismiss when I come, while the devil himself stands up and gives me an icky hug.
“There, there, I know you’ll need me sooner or later my love.” He says. “Yoochun is being a jerk, isn’t he?”
I gap. “How do you…?”
“I did my research. People call me Junparazzi.”
Is that supposed to be a joke?
“Anyway,” He continues, as smug as a guy could be. “I know what your problems are, and have three advices for you. But you can only choose two.”
“Are you a fairy God mother?”
“Sush. Just choose.” He sways his index finger right and left like a commercial's actor.
“How can I choose when I don’t even know what those advices are?”
“If I tell you the advices, that means I already advise you, then why should you choose?”
“True, why should I choose?”
“You should choose!”
“Where this conversation is going?”
“Just kidding, I’m testing your patience, that’s all.”
I feel like hammering his head with an iceberg. But again, due to my lack of energy, I can only do as he told when he gives me a sign to sit in front of him.
“Do spill.” He gestures a circling fingers - Godfather style.
“So lately I-“
“Wait.” He stomps my mouth with his palm, making me cough instantly due to the smell of spicy kimchi radiating from it. “I don’t do this for free.”
I ruffle my own hair, wondering why I let myself into his silly game. “How much do you want!?”
“Chill. I want no money.”
“So what? A kiss?”
He pulls a three- fingers- width smile. “I’d love to but that can wait.” He seemingly thinks about something. “You know… I want to build my reign.”
“Why am I not surprise, whatever you mean by that.”
“So from now on, you, and some of my buddies, we have our Telenovela names.”
I hold my books and ready to leave -I shouldn’t have expected him to be any sensical- , but then he caught my hand.
“Joongita! Please! I just need you in it! You’ll do nothing! I’m just asking you to acknowledge the name!”
“What the fuck you just called me?” I shoot him a murderous glare.
“Joongita…” He tugs my hand and strangely makes me plop back to my seat. “You’ll come if I call you like that, right? For your information, I call that crush of yours Chunando..."
Yoochun…. you've just away for two days and see what's happening. And I still don't know how the hell Junsu knows so far about him being my crush, because no way Yoochun told that idiot anything.
“Fine.” Excuse me, did I just say ‘fine’?
He grins widely seeing me surrender.“And you will call me….. Hunsu.”
“Huh…!?”
“You know…” he crosses his arms, acting all knowing. “When it’s written as ‘Juan Carloz’, it’s actually read as ‘Huan Carloz’.”
..........................I refuse to say anything, I even refuse to change my expression. I don’t want to waste more energy.
“Now spill.” He orders.
After a while watching Hunsu cautiously, finally I sigh and begin to express my problem. ”Everything's different, ever since-“
“That is called withdrawal symptom. Like when using steroids or narcotics, you should tapper it off, not abruptly discontinuing the usage.”
I watch him as he sounds so serious, not even realize that I'm stealing some sips from his tea glass.
“Yoochun is stupid, indeed. But he didn’t see it coming, so it can’t be helped.” He added. “As for a solution, I suggest hypnotherapy.”
I literally spray the tea inside my mouth to his face. He only wiped it patiently with an understanding smile. “Surprise? Make that a second option then. First, you should find a boyfriend. I will get you together with a good dude."
I get up from my seat, regretting my decision to even think about him in the first place. He pulls a pair of puppy eyes as I narrow my eyes vengefully and prepare to leave.
“What about my kiss?” he pleas.
I scowl and kiss him on the cheek.
*
*
Did I just say that, today I am finally able to take control of my blazing tantrum and too tired to overuse my vocal cord?
Scratch that. My temper rose to its top when I opened my room door to have the thickheaded frog greeted me with his goofy smile, as well as the smell of certain herbs stabbed my nose.
“What the hell is wrong with your olfactory nerve!?” I stomp my way in and slam the stacks of book hard on my table. “Why do MY room smells like incense!?”
“T-This is not incense, this is aromatherapy….” He quickly checks the wrapping of whatever shit he’s burning, NEAR MY BED. “Junsu said it will relax mind… it’s Sandaloo--”
“Sandalwood is incense! Kindergartens know that!” I bawl and he winces as usual. “Unless this room is yours only, stop acting like it is!”
“I will turn it off, Hyung!” He hurries to extinguish the fire on the aromatic pot as I ignorantly change into sweatpants and T-shirt, hiding myself from his view behind the closet's door. Well, at least I can hold myself not to smack his head, he should be grateful.
Feeling glad that the incense's smell decrease gradually, I decide to do some reading, so I pull out a cardiology book from the drawer and set myself before my study table, while he continues his previous work whatever it was. Minutes pass with silence and I can’t concentrate as expected. I can’t stop thinking about Yoochun every freakin’ minute, it has only been two days and it’s like this, then how should I bear the next 3 months without him? Today I called him several times but he didn’t answer. Probably he had left anyway.
Suddenly my phone rings and I jump from my seat. I fumble my bag hastily to look for it, thinking it’s Yoochun. But it’s not.
“Joongie?” A gentle voice is heard across the line. How I miss that voice so much, it’s been a while since the last time I heard it.
“Oh, hi Umma... what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, suddenly want to check whether my baby’s doing okay. Is everything fine, honey?”
“Of course.”
“Really? No problem with paper works or whatsoever? Are you happy there? You have many friends?” She worries too much. It’s not that I mind, but sometimes I think she should stop that habit for her own health.
“I’m happy Umma, I have many friends and they’re really nice.”
“Is Yoochun there? May I speak to him? I want to make sure that he treats you well…”
“Umma, Yoochun always treats me well, and he’s not here now. He’s on the way to Japan for a research.”
“Eh? What about you? You’re alone in the dorm?”
“Don’t worry, I have a new roommate.”
“Is he a good boy?”
“He’s really kind and smart, and helping me with things, just like Yoochun. You don’t have to worry about anything. I have no problem with school."
“I believe you honey… but if there’s something bothering you, just let me know okay?”
“Sure thing, sweetheart.”
“Omo, what an impolite way to call your Umma!” She complains like that, but I know she likes to be treated that way.
We exchange some sweet callings once more before she hangs up the phone. Then I continue to read my book, until I hear a happy voice from behind.
“I’m… I’m kind and smart…?”
Oh, how can I forget that he’s behind me? Maybe because I don’t even remember that he exists.
I spin my wheeled chair around and stare at his dumb face, which has turned all rosy and excited. "Yeah, smart, since you know how to make money anytime anywhere."
He scratches the back of his head and grins sheepishly, unaware of my cynical tone. “I failed to get the full scholarship... I wish I were as smart as you..."
I roll my eyes. Here they come, ass kissers. “Idiot. I fuck up at everything."
He knits his eyebrows, not believing what I say. “That can't be, you’re smart! You got A for every subjects last year..."
"They're theories. Real human are different shits." i answer, feeling nauseated. So there's still naive people like this who thinks that exams grades guarantee your success in life.
"Oh, don't worry about that, we still have chances. You just have to spend more time in the--"
"I hate hospital." I spin back to my table and continue reading, regretting the last words accidentally slip from my mouth. I know what he's going to say next, most likely something around 'then why did you get into med school?', just like anyone else. But then he doesn't, and only respond with a quiet 'Oohh...'.
Then I hear the closet being opened, and soon the bathroom door is softly closed. He takes a shower, apparently.
Feeling the sudden rush of peace (plus the murmur sound of shower) enveloping the room, I continue to read... Well, honestly I can only see Yoochun's face over the pages of Tetralogy of Fallot's literature. But whatever.
"Excuse me, Jae?"
I curse myself for being too engulfed in the illusion of Yoochun, that when the real one stands right before my eyes, I still think that he's part of my imagination.
"Hey, don't mind me, go on reading. I'm just going to take..... " i watch him with my mouth hanging agape as he takes a medical handbook from the frog's table. "....This. Oh you've got a new roommate.." he notices the new things on his old table.
How can he acts as if nothing has ever happened?
"Yoochun... You... haven't left?" I get up from my seat and approach him.
"The flight is tonight at 9, I--" I pull his collar and crash my mouth against his.
"Jae, please..." he grabs my hand and pushes me away, but I force myself to him relentlessly. I don't even care if the frog might see us, he can just wait wherever he wants till we finish.
"It's only 5... We still have time..." I skid a hand underneath his T-shirt, targeting his nipple which quickly hardened under my touch.
"No.. Jae. No." he pleads breathily, I know he's having a hard time to resist my impudent mouth that keep cornering him no matter how he tries to dodge.
"It's more than lust Yoochun..." I manage to capture his lower lips. " I love you... I want to feel you... Please... " I clutch his T-shirt, might rip it if he doesn't stop me. "I miss your warmth so much..."
"Jae... No... don't do this..."
I hate it, I hate his self control.
"Why...? Why can't you love me? Because everybody hate me?"
"Jae... I love you, you're my best friend you know that. . .and I don't care what everybody think about you, but-"
"Things about you're not the one for me is fuckin' bullshit..." he winces when I cup the front of his pants, and immediately swat my hand as if it is poisonous. "You're hard... you want me, right?"
"Jae... I don't want--"
"Comitment? Forget it, just think of me as a mere whore..."
He grips both of my wrists and pinned them against his chest. "You're not, Jae!! I will never think like that, I can't treat you like that...!"
I don't care, I just want him... I don't care how I look miserable with my tear drenched face now. "Yoochun..."
"You're not on your right mind, Jae... I... J-just.... Bye.."
He left.
And the room feels so cold with the sudden loss of his body heat. I brace my self, not believing how fast this happen. I almost got him back...
I drop myself onto the bed, staring at a nonexistent spot in the floor absentmindedly.
"Hyung...?"
I want to forget everything...
"Hyung... You're crying!"
I know this idiot who wipe a piece of tissue all over my face is not Yoochun, but...
"You'll do anything for money, right?"
Wonder what's striking me...
"You do sex for money?" I ask again
Seems like he can't register that simple question into his thick brain; he looks dumbfounded. So I pull him closer and undo his buttons. Honestly he doesn't look bad with wet, messy hair and no glasses.
"Hyung! What are you doing!?" He struggles to keep his shirt on its place, bewildered at my hands roving his hips.
"Isn't it clear? Sex."
His face turns miserably pale upon hearing my statement. Indeed a geek after all. But I just need warmth, and out of desperation I might be able to think of this geek as Yoochun. I just have to make him want it, after all it's a basic instinct and he's a man, as geek as he might looks.
"B-B-But why--"
"Hormones. Needs."
I push him onto the bed and straddle him, a little bit surprise at how easily seduced he is, with just stuttered 'eh's and 'hyung's as a self saving attempt. Which is useless, when he's dealing with me. I easily conquer him and he's pathetically sensitive; almost every spot where my hand lies makes him writhed. I nibble his ear while rubbing his damn hard erection, sensing his lack of experience from how he shivers and winces, and seriously, compare to Yoochun, he's noisy.
Not that I care about it.
“Hyung…. We… aahh….. shouldn’t….”
“I won't get pregnant, you'll get cash and pleasure, I can't see why we shouldn't."
I want to make an animal come out of him, so I pump his cock ruthlessly as if there’s no tomorrow, letting him lost and dazed in it, and stop without warnings.
He mewls at the sudden loss of accelerating pleasure, but still doesn't do anything but stunning like a stupid statue, staring at me, panting and mouth slightly parted.
“Are you really that slow?” I scoff and pump him again, slower. He shuts his eyes; I see how the veins along the back of his hands defining as he clutches the bed sheet for support, and I want it.
So while keep pumping him I move one of his hands to my chest, on my nipple, pressing that hand against my skin.
He timidly touches me, a bit reluctant to grip me the way I want. “Clutch me just like you clutch the bed sheet…” I lick his nipple and he whimpers. “Dig your nails…”
He quickly withdraws his hand when I press his nails against my chest too hard.
“S-Sorry, is it hurt…?”
“I like it… now bite me…”
“B-bite? ….Love bite?”
“Love bite your ass, I don’t love you. Bite me like you bite your food, idiot.”
Oh my, he’s too stupid. I sigh, finally taking off my clothes, revealing the teeth marks Yoochun had left all over my body. “Like this.”
And he only gaps like a dead fish. Okay this is getting ridiculous. I have no choice but to give an example: I bite him hard on the abs and he screamed.
“I can’t do that..!” He finally gets his brain nerve connected.
“Oh shut up…” I neglect his hard cock again to wrap my hands around him, pressing my shoulder against his mouth. I bite his ear, gently, and from the sound he elicits I know he likes it. “You like that..? I want you to do harder… harder than what I did… as hard as you can…”
He does as I told, at my shoulder, reluctantly. It’s only killing me, but it amazes me how good it feels. I moan at his ear and his cock hardened against me, if it’s even possible.
“Harder… aahhh….. don’t hesitate, just do it…” I don’t know he’ll like my skin that much, now he’s suckling every patch like a hungry baby dog. To tell the truth I’m quite liking the taking turns of his teeth and tongue, and his sloppy, reckless way to do it.
Eventually I grab the lube that’s always under my bed, making him watches me as I prepare him and myself.
“H-hyung…. Are you …”
“You know how to fuck, right?”
He covers his mouth, desperately trying to stop the obscene sounds escaping from it as I adjust his shaft inside me. I ride him while stroking my own hardness, making him stop sounding coherent. “Since you’re so clueless…. Mhhh….” Our slick skins plop when repeatedly collide against each other. “This time I…. aahh…. Lead….”
He feels good inside me, I guess I should spend a lot of cash for something like this, no matter how useless he actually is…
Knowing he won’t stay long, I pump myself as hard as I can, trying to make us come at the same time. He screams as we both reach the peak, as my liquid squirts on top of his chest.
I limp by his side, breathing heavily and so fuckin’ sleepy.
I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he comes closer and almost touches my lips with his. Gladly I have enough reflex to palm his face away before it happens.
“Don’t ever try.” I warn.
For me, a kiss between lips is more intimate than sex. I don’t kiss a person whom I don’t love.
{to be continued}