[fic] Scut Hamsters (chapter 2)
Title: Scut Hamsters
Pairing: Jaemin (main), Jaechun
Author: umeboshi_heart
Warning: some WTFs in the latter chapters
Rating: PG 13- R
Summary: Just another campus life story.
CHAPTER 2
So, we’re scuts.
Some Common Unfinished Task , or medical students in their clinical years (in our system it’s from 4th year onwards) those whom you might see stumbling upon the university’s hospital with their dull colored doctor’s suit and lots of properties hanging on their body -stethoscope on the shoulders, bag of sphygmomanometer, and these things sticking out from their pocket: thermometer, tongue spatula, ruler, mini flashlight and chocolate bar (as for me, only the last make its way). Oh, and tissues, because we sweat a lot for an unknown reason.
I don’t know exactly how many guys are there in our year, but we’re separated into several groups, one group consisted of around 15-20 students and will rotate from one department to another, spending few months in each department, that is, if we pass.
And med school is all about hierarchy, higher grade supervise the lower. Simply said, it's like this:
We scuts are lowly minions/doctor wannabes, can have anyone including the cleaning employees scream at our face.
People like Kangin are residents, doctors/in his case surgeon wannabes. Won't be screamed at but will have their necks chopped of even for the mistakes caused by us.
Above Kangin are the consultant specialists/surgeons themselves. They can chop anyone's head except the senior nurses (because they're ferocious and own the hospital)
We often introduce ourselves as the ‘doctor’s assistant’ or ‘young doctor’ instead of ‘scut’ or ‘doctor wannabe’ to make us sound professional, and to avoid patients from freaking out at the fact that we’re making them subjects of our trial and errors. Well, not on purpose, but for example like, when I was going to draw blood into syringe and it failed so I had to stab the needle again and again on every limb of that patient, it was inevitable right?
Talking about inevitable, it's exactly my state right now because shitty kids keep coming to emergency unit when it’s already 2 am and what I need is just a peaceful sleep on a bench, trying to protect my circadian rhythm.
There are four scuts tonight at our night duty of surgery department: me, Yoochun, and two random girls from 5th and 6th year that you don’t need to know because they're of no importance. Our resident tonight is, unlike Kangin, someone who’s really loose and relax that he left us like lost cats in the surgery chamber after saying, ‘only call me if it’s important, otherwise handle them yourself’. Fucker. I’m sure he’s sleeping now.
Back to the shitty kids, right now one of them is in front of me, 8 years old, overworking her throat out just because I’m about to give her a shot.
“Nooooo!!!! UMMAAAA!!!” she shakes her head hysterically as if I’m raising a bazooka to explode her. Her mom, holding her tightly, is using enormous effort to calm her and make her stay still.
“It won’t hurt honey! See, doctor-hyung is really kind and pretty…” coaxes the lady, while I’m wiggling my thumb on the syringe impatiently and shot her an evil witch glare.
The cry only becomes worse when a nurse noona’s head peeks from behind the curtain, informing the mother that she should finish some kind of forms outside and leave her daughter alone with the ‘reliable doctor’ (she means me) in the chamber. The little girl screams like lunatic but can’t run after her mother due to the wound in her foot, and I can only cross my arms, waiting for her to be sane, but fail.
“UMAAAAA!!! UMAAA!!!”
“Your mom is outside settling the administration!”
“UMAAAAA!!!!”
Now is 2 o’clock in the morning, I’m exhausted, I have barely taken a rest since yesterday and this kid’s only here to destroy my tympani membrane. I wag my tongue impatiently and pull her arm, rubbing alcohol swab over the injection site forcefully.
She swats my hand and almost makes me pierce myself, damn. “Kid, let’s make this fast and easy and stop acting like a total imbecile!”
She cries harder.
“Act violent and when the needle snaps inside your skin because of it, it’ll run with your blood flow and we will have to split you into two parts to extract the needle!!”
She goes mad.
“Or do you want me to sedate you with morphine? But I don’t know the right dose so if you die I won’t-“
“Jae!!!”
Yoochun’s head peeks from behind the curtain, shooting me with horrified looks. “What are you doing!?” He asks, face in shock.
“Yoochun! This kid is being a-“
“Omooo what’s wrong with you sweetheart??” Yoochun rushes to the girl, eyebrows quirking in worry while the girl’s eyes flicker as if she has found her prince on the white horse.
“That oppa is cruel!! He wants to give me a shot!” The brat buries her face in Yoochun’s clothes, how dare! He’s my property!
Yoochun pulls a most brotherly face. “Songhee-ah…”
“How do you know her name?” I snap in whisper, looking at him in amazement. He rolled his eyes and stirs mine towards the patient’s card that is lying next to her.
“Oh, come on Jae… brace yourself.” He quickly switches his attention to the Songhee kid while I’m deeply stabbed. “We need the medicine so you’ll heal faster… it will hurt but not that bad, just like an ant’s bite! Ants bite you quite often, right? Because you’re so sweet…”
I gawk when the girl’s cry subsides and she even smiles hearing the praise. “She’s a ho!” I exclaim.
“Jaejoong, word! She’s a kid!”
“But just now she-“
“Give that to me. “ He took the syringe from my hand, and look at the brat in the eye. “Do you trust oppa, Songhee-ah? Oppa will be very happy if Songhee doesn’t cry…” and he hugs the ho… I mean the brat. When the brat is absorbed enough inside his chest, he quickly gives the syringe back to me and I give her a shot at the deltoid, oh I’m so proud at my reflex.
I immediately give him back the syringe, as if he was the one who has given her the shot. Then the brat’s mom comes to fetch her, praising what a good girl she has been, and so on.
“You never speak like that to me.” I poke Yoochun’s waist soon after the brat left.
“Are you an eight years old girl?”
“Chunieee….”
“Tsk. Jaesmine.”
He shakes his head and returns to another chamber; I don’t know why the hell my other two female seniors follow him there while I’m here, sad and alone. After a while staring at the ceiling, I decide to type my case presentation rather than sleeping.
Unfortunately a nurse noona’s head peeks again right when I’m about to take out my laptop. “New patient.” , she says, looking sleepy herself. I drop my head low and condemn this unfortunate date of the month.
A teen enters; messy hair, tall, tanned, bluish spot on his cheekbone, fingers wrapped with blood soaked handkerchief.
Oh no. Stitching?
I instantly forget the lecture about a doctor’s empathy and the rule to always properly introduce myself, instead I quickly unwrap the handkerchief to see the wound (damn! It needs stitches!), and snag the file he brings. It contains x-ray photo and some notes. He asks something but I don’t hear it.
“Yoochun!!” I yell, causing the patient to jump on his seat. Soon Yoochun comes with his mask dangling low. He pulls my hand and leads me out of the chamber.
“Jae… .Don’t yell like that in front of the patient, it’s not polite and you’ll look unprofessional…” he whispers.
“His fingers got sliced.”
“Mutilated?”
“No no, just cuts, muscle involved but not much, 4 cm, no fracture, tendon intact.”
“Well, don’t need the operation room, right? You can finish that here…”
“That’s the problem! You know I can’t stitch!”
Yoochun pats my shoulder, implying support. “You can, you just don’t want to.”
“Whatever, just do it for me, please…?”
“Jae.. I have to go soon, sunbae asks me to assist a laparotomy…”
“Oh fuck.”
“Come on, I’ll help you anesthetize…”
Yoochun is too kind for his own good. But I really don’t want to do the job (don’t ask why, I can make a serial journal about why I hate suturing people’s skin), so while Yoochun kindly introduces himself to the patient and starts a chitchat, I only yawn outside the chamber.
That roommate of mine comes out again after a while, holding the patient’s file. “Jae. You don’t check the document. He’s on the way to sue the guy who assaulted him, police asked for the written evidence. This is for the guys in forensics.”
I stare at the forensic investigation form and feel a ray of hope shines upon my eyes.
“Eh? So I don’t have to do the nasty?"
“You have to, but wait for the forensic team first. I’ve cleaned the wound.”
I slam my head to my palm.
While waiting for the forensic scuts we hum, and suddenly look at each other's eyes and play ‘who blink first lose’, he giggles and his eyelashes flutter when fighting back the sting and he's so beautiful that I can--
“Uhm… excuse me… I’m from forensic department…”
I’ve said it before right; I fuckin’ hate anyone that cut my moment of fascination towards Yoochun.
“Gosh, what smell is this?” I scowl rudely, no, not out of the hatred but it’s actually a fact.
“Jaesmine.” Yoochun warns me before paying attention to the newcomer. “Are you alone?”
“The resident will come later...” the tall forensic scut answered, rubbing his nose.
The smell is getting stronger as he moves closer. “You smell like camphor and rotten frog- ouch!” Yoochun steps at my foot to shut me up. Then he nods at the guy, apologizes for my behavior.
“I guess a ‘guest’ has just come, huh?”
The tall guy forensic scut scratched his head groggily. “Y-yeah… drowned 4 days ago in Jeju…”
I open the three of my face orifices wide (I mean two eyes and one mouth), mouthing ‘autopsy?’ to Yoochun. He nods.
Apparently Yoochun is so considerate towards my hard effort in fighting back the smell (well actually it’s only faintly smelly but somehow quite disturbing), so he lets the guy in. “Please take your time.”, he says, opening the curtain for him.
When the guy begins introducing himself Yoochun turns to me. “Jaejoong, be nice to him. He’s the one who finished your homework from Kangin, two hundreds stitches in a day.”
I form an ‘O’ with my mouth. “That one who would do anything for money?”
“Yeah… rumor said, but please, please don't insult him."
“Then…” an idea pops. “What if I pay him to switch task with me? I’ll fill his form and he does the stitching?”
“He’s pale and lifeless, can’t you see? The autopsy horrified him. Stitching fingers needs concentration.”
“I can’t concentrate!”
Yoochun glances at his wristwatch before he sighs in defeat. “You better ask him first, politely. And be generous. Now I have to go, sunbae has called me.”
I look at his back as he rushes to the lift and make sure that he has disappeared before looking inside the chamber for the previous forensic guy. I 'sush' to ask for his attention and curl my index finger to make him come, just like calling a dog. "Come here.” I said. Surprisingly he doesn't seem insulted at all, even when I dab my nose when he approaches me. “Ergh… you make me want to puke.”
“Sorry…” he hangs his head. More like embarrassed.
“You’ll switch task with me.” I said, still with my hand covering my nose.
“Eh… why?”
“Because I hate blood and stitching and what you have to do is just filling the form. I want your job.”
He looks hesitated but I snatch the paper he is holding before he manages to express any objection.
“Don’t look that baffle. I don’t accept a no.”
I shove an amount of cash into his white suit pocket and walk pass him to the patient, and about to continue what he has been doing previously with the form, while he, without checking the cash, proceeds to prepare wound dressing properties - NaCl, suturing set, iodine, lidocaine...
Well, he's pretty sure of what to do, while I'm kind of confuse with the form.
... Wound description...
“How do you do this? Like the ones in dermatology?” I whisper to him. He doesn't seem annoyed with my lack of quality and only shyly smiles.
“Leave it blank, I'll do it.” he says.
I shrug and put the form on the table, leaving him doing both of the works.
“Thanks then.”
*
*
*
It feels so good to spend a whole day sleeping after the extra long working hour, that’s what so nice about week end night duty. Most people will whine for losing their precious Saturday night but I don’t, since the only one that I can think about for any precious day is always here with me.
When we’re not that exhausted we’ll sleep in our own bed or do the things we should do respectively. When we really exhausted we’ll cuddle; no sex, no talk, just cuddling in my or his narrow bed until we both fall asleep. Whenever I see those eyelashes when I wake up first, I feel like wanting that moment to last forever.
He doesn’t know that I often kiss him or sniff his hair in his sleep. After all it’s too cheesy.
But almost an hour has passed since I get into my bed and close my eyes (it’s morning by the way, and we haven’t slept since yesterday), and feel like wanting his warmth as a lullaby, but he’s being busy with something, producing noise that prevents me from sleeping.
“Yoochun… let’s go to sleep….” I whine.
“No time for that Jae, I should catch the train…”
I delay my sleep and take a quick look at him. Apparently he’s packing some bags. Lots of them. Even his suitcase. “What are you doing?”
“I’m packing things, some should be sent to my hometown first, can’t leave them here right.”
I frown, can’t grasp what he’s talking about. He notices my lack of response and adds, “I’ll be leaving on Wednesday.” Which is three days from now, but what’s this all about?
“….. leaving for….?”
“Eh? I’ve told you right? I’m going to Japan.”
I remember he once told me that he planned to apply for some kind of research or exchange or whatever in Japan I don’t understand, but since it meant that he’d have to delay clinic rotation, I was against it.
“You did apply? You didn’t tell me!” I jump from my bed. He looks kind of surprise with my reaction, but just for few seconds before continuing packing his things again.
“Well… I wasn’t sure I’d pass…” He answers lightly, and I don’t like it.
“You didn’t even tell me when you passed, and didn’t tell me that you’ll leave so soon!”
Knowing how I resent this idea, he neglects his bag and approaches me on the bed, resting hands on my shoulders to tame my sulkiness. “Jae… it’s only three months…”
“But that means we won’t be together in our rotation again… and… and… I know smart asses like you… you’ll be looking for recommendations to study abroad…”
He bursts out laughing, he thinks this is funny. I hate how he doesn’t get it, how serious this is to me.
“Seriously, are you that lonely!?” He pulls me into a hug. “You should learn to do things by yourself. In two years you’ll have graduated and we can’t stay like this forever…”
This issue. My chest is squeezed. “………..why?”
“Because we won’t be roommates anymore!”
“Why can’t we just… be like this?” I wrap my hands around his waist and snuggle deeper to his shoulder.
Seems like realization hit his thick brain because then he pulls away and look at me in the eye. “Jae.... you... aren't, right?”
“What if I am?” I give a challenging look. “We never agreed that feelings shouldn’t be involved in this.”
“No, I mean… of course feelings are involved, but-“
He pauses because I slip my hand underneath his T-shirt. “How do you feel about me, Yoochun?”
“You… well… you’re really special, Jae. Really special.” He grabs my hands, stopping it from roving his skin even more.
“But you don’t love me?”
“Of course I love you! Don’t ever doubt that. Just…”
“If we’re together… you won’t be happy…?”
“It’s not that I won’t be happy…” He hesitates for a while. “But I’ll be happier if you’re with someone else…”
I felt my eyes sting and I hate it. I hate it when feeling interferes but I can do nothing about it, I hate how he divides those two things as if it’s the easiest, my hand moves by itself to slice his face. And I can never understand how he has never got mad whenever I do that.
“Why? Am I not good enough for you? Am I ugly? Am I not a good fuck?” I grab his front and shake it, while his face stays affectionate, unaffected.
“Jae… you’re gorgeous and it’s not about sex, but you need someone who’s not like me…”
“I’m the one who know better about that!”
He strokes my hair, consoling me, while what I’m doing is digging my nail to his back.
“You know my dream, right? Sooner or later I will have to abandon you and leave you for my dream, and we’re just… not for each other. You’re special, Jae… you need a special person too…”
I hate his fuckin’ nonsense, I don’t understand it one bit, it’s just a way to ditch me anyway. He just wants a normal family, pretty wife and pretty kids, something I can never give, right?
I press him against the bed and sink my face to his chest, making it all wet.
“I know what I need… I don’t want to be with anyone else, or see you with anyone else, I just can’t….”
He doesn’t say anything, only stroking the side of my face.
And I desperately, forcefully, trying to get rid of his T-shirt. Somehow I’m craving for his skin, so I suck his neck, his earlobe, kiss him all over his face and shove my mouth into his…
“Jae.. please don’t do this…” He tries to push me away but I keep forcing myself all over him.
“Why? Because now you know that I love you? You know I love you so you can’t fuck me? You rather fuck random whores because they don’t love you!?”
I bite him hard on the shoulder, and he can only whimper.
“Jae… it hurts…”
He can just step on me or throw me out from the window right? But why he’s caressing my face, wiping my tears, whispering ‘sorry’ to me as I punch and bite his chest and again and again…?
This is really irritating. I rush to grab my wallet and make my way to the door, ignoring his calling. I head downstairs, to the gate, leaving the dormitory with blurry eyes and trembling limbs, not caring about tomorrow's duty or discussion or whatever. I don't want to see Yoochun packs his bag and leave, I know it’ll lead him more than being abroad for a while, and now that I’m completely exposed our relationship is becoming worse.
On one side I hate being in the med school, but on the other side I don't want to graduate. I want to keep being with him.
I indulge myself in liquor to forget everything, trying to mimic those desperate guys in the drama. I don't know how long it took, I even sleep in the bar I guess (I think I even talk about living in the bar for eternity to the bartender) but at night I realize that I haven't finished my PowerPoint presentation.
Damn this med student's life.
So I wobble to leave the bar, saying goodbye by waving handkerchief to the bartender, walking limply and lifeless with only Yoochun and case presentation occupying my mind.
Well, seems like the dorm gate hasn’t been closed, because I can walk pass through it without crashing my nose into anything, but still everything around me is blurry and spiral motioned. I walk to my building, to my room, hoping that Yoochun hasn’t left (yeah, I’m inconsistent like that) so maybe I can give him a mind blowing kiss first.
Luckily, he hasn’t left.
I can’t see whether he’s happy or not to see me. I think he’s saying something but my heartbeat covers my ear, I can’t hear him. I reach the side of his face to kiss him, but quickly push him away.
“Yoochun… you smell like a rotten frog…”
And I don’t remember anything.
[to be continued]
A/N: there, your main hero. lol
Pairing: Jaemin (main), Jaechun
Author: umeboshi_heart
Warning: some WTFs in the latter chapters
Rating: PG 13- R
Summary: Just another campus life story.
CHAPTER 2
So, we’re scuts.
Some Common Unfinished Task , or medical students in their clinical years (in our system it’s from 4th year onwards) those whom you might see stumbling upon the university’s hospital with their dull colored doctor’s suit and lots of properties hanging on their body -stethoscope on the shoulders, bag of sphygmomanometer, and these things sticking out from their pocket: thermometer, tongue spatula, ruler, mini flashlight and chocolate bar (as for me, only the last make its way). Oh, and tissues, because we sweat a lot for an unknown reason.
I don’t know exactly how many guys are there in our year, but we’re separated into several groups, one group consisted of around 15-20 students and will rotate from one department to another, spending few months in each department, that is, if we pass.
And med school is all about hierarchy, higher grade supervise the lower. Simply said, it's like this:
We scuts are lowly minions/doctor wannabes, can have anyone including the cleaning employees scream at our face.
People like Kangin are residents, doctors/in his case surgeon wannabes. Won't be screamed at but will have their necks chopped of even for the mistakes caused by us.
Above Kangin are the consultant specialists/surgeons themselves. They can chop anyone's head except the senior nurses (because they're ferocious and own the hospital)
We often introduce ourselves as the ‘doctor’s assistant’ or ‘young doctor’ instead of ‘scut’ or ‘doctor wannabe’ to make us sound professional, and to avoid patients from freaking out at the fact that we’re making them subjects of our trial and errors. Well, not on purpose, but for example like, when I was going to draw blood into syringe and it failed so I had to stab the needle again and again on every limb of that patient, it was inevitable right?
Talking about inevitable, it's exactly my state right now because shitty kids keep coming to emergency unit when it’s already 2 am and what I need is just a peaceful sleep on a bench, trying to protect my circadian rhythm.
There are four scuts tonight at our night duty of surgery department: me, Yoochun, and two random girls from 5th and 6th year that you don’t need to know because they're of no importance. Our resident tonight is, unlike Kangin, someone who’s really loose and relax that he left us like lost cats in the surgery chamber after saying, ‘only call me if it’s important, otherwise handle them yourself’. Fucker. I’m sure he’s sleeping now.
Back to the shitty kids, right now one of them is in front of me, 8 years old, overworking her throat out just because I’m about to give her a shot.
“Nooooo!!!! UMMAAAA!!!” she shakes her head hysterically as if I’m raising a bazooka to explode her. Her mom, holding her tightly, is using enormous effort to calm her and make her stay still.
“It won’t hurt honey! See, doctor-hyung is really kind and pretty…” coaxes the lady, while I’m wiggling my thumb on the syringe impatiently and shot her an evil witch glare.
The cry only becomes worse when a nurse noona’s head peeks from behind the curtain, informing the mother that she should finish some kind of forms outside and leave her daughter alone with the ‘reliable doctor’ (she means me) in the chamber. The little girl screams like lunatic but can’t run after her mother due to the wound in her foot, and I can only cross my arms, waiting for her to be sane, but fail.
“UMAAAAA!!! UMAAA!!!”
“Your mom is outside settling the administration!”
“UMAAAAA!!!!”
Now is 2 o’clock in the morning, I’m exhausted, I have barely taken a rest since yesterday and this kid’s only here to destroy my tympani membrane. I wag my tongue impatiently and pull her arm, rubbing alcohol swab over the injection site forcefully.
She swats my hand and almost makes me pierce myself, damn. “Kid, let’s make this fast and easy and stop acting like a total imbecile!”
She cries harder.
“Act violent and when the needle snaps inside your skin because of it, it’ll run with your blood flow and we will have to split you into two parts to extract the needle!!”
She goes mad.
“Or do you want me to sedate you with morphine? But I don’t know the right dose so if you die I won’t-“
“Jae!!!”
Yoochun’s head peeks from behind the curtain, shooting me with horrified looks. “What are you doing!?” He asks, face in shock.
“Yoochun! This kid is being a-“
“Omooo what’s wrong with you sweetheart??” Yoochun rushes to the girl, eyebrows quirking in worry while the girl’s eyes flicker as if she has found her prince on the white horse.
“That oppa is cruel!! He wants to give me a shot!” The brat buries her face in Yoochun’s clothes, how dare! He’s my property!
Yoochun pulls a most brotherly face. “Songhee-ah…”
“How do you know her name?” I snap in whisper, looking at him in amazement. He rolled his eyes and stirs mine towards the patient’s card that is lying next to her.
“Oh, come on Jae… brace yourself.” He quickly switches his attention to the Songhee kid while I’m deeply stabbed. “We need the medicine so you’ll heal faster… it will hurt but not that bad, just like an ant’s bite! Ants bite you quite often, right? Because you’re so sweet…”
I gawk when the girl’s cry subsides and she even smiles hearing the praise. “She’s a ho!” I exclaim.
“Jaejoong, word! She’s a kid!”
“But just now she-“
“Give that to me. “ He took the syringe from my hand, and look at the brat in the eye. “Do you trust oppa, Songhee-ah? Oppa will be very happy if Songhee doesn’t cry…” and he hugs the ho… I mean the brat. When the brat is absorbed enough inside his chest, he quickly gives the syringe back to me and I give her a shot at the deltoid, oh I’m so proud at my reflex.
I immediately give him back the syringe, as if he was the one who has given her the shot. Then the brat’s mom comes to fetch her, praising what a good girl she has been, and so on.
“You never speak like that to me.” I poke Yoochun’s waist soon after the brat left.
“Are you an eight years old girl?”
“Chunieee….”
“Tsk. Jaesmine.”
He shakes his head and returns to another chamber; I don’t know why the hell my other two female seniors follow him there while I’m here, sad and alone. After a while staring at the ceiling, I decide to type my case presentation rather than sleeping.
Unfortunately a nurse noona’s head peeks again right when I’m about to take out my laptop. “New patient.” , she says, looking sleepy herself. I drop my head low and condemn this unfortunate date of the month.
A teen enters; messy hair, tall, tanned, bluish spot on his cheekbone, fingers wrapped with blood soaked handkerchief.
Oh no. Stitching?
I instantly forget the lecture about a doctor’s empathy and the rule to always properly introduce myself, instead I quickly unwrap the handkerchief to see the wound (damn! It needs stitches!), and snag the file he brings. It contains x-ray photo and some notes. He asks something but I don’t hear it.
“Yoochun!!” I yell, causing the patient to jump on his seat. Soon Yoochun comes with his mask dangling low. He pulls my hand and leads me out of the chamber.
“Jae… .Don’t yell like that in front of the patient, it’s not polite and you’ll look unprofessional…” he whispers.
“His fingers got sliced.”
“Mutilated?”
“No no, just cuts, muscle involved but not much, 4 cm, no fracture, tendon intact.”
“Well, don’t need the operation room, right? You can finish that here…”
“That’s the problem! You know I can’t stitch!”
Yoochun pats my shoulder, implying support. “You can, you just don’t want to.”
“Whatever, just do it for me, please…?”
“Jae.. I have to go soon, sunbae asks me to assist a laparotomy…”
“Oh fuck.”
“Come on, I’ll help you anesthetize…”
Yoochun is too kind for his own good. But I really don’t want to do the job (don’t ask why, I can make a serial journal about why I hate suturing people’s skin), so while Yoochun kindly introduces himself to the patient and starts a chitchat, I only yawn outside the chamber.
That roommate of mine comes out again after a while, holding the patient’s file. “Jae. You don’t check the document. He’s on the way to sue the guy who assaulted him, police asked for the written evidence. This is for the guys in forensics.”
I stare at the forensic investigation form and feel a ray of hope shines upon my eyes.
“Eh? So I don’t have to do the nasty?"
“You have to, but wait for the forensic team first. I’ve cleaned the wound.”
I slam my head to my palm.
While waiting for the forensic scuts we hum, and suddenly look at each other's eyes and play ‘who blink first lose’, he giggles and his eyelashes flutter when fighting back the sting and he's so beautiful that I can--
“Uhm… excuse me… I’m from forensic department…”
I’ve said it before right; I fuckin’ hate anyone that cut my moment of fascination towards Yoochun.
“Gosh, what smell is this?” I scowl rudely, no, not out of the hatred but it’s actually a fact.
“Jaesmine.” Yoochun warns me before paying attention to the newcomer. “Are you alone?”
“The resident will come later...” the tall forensic scut answered, rubbing his nose.
The smell is getting stronger as he moves closer. “You smell like camphor and rotten frog- ouch!” Yoochun steps at my foot to shut me up. Then he nods at the guy, apologizes for my behavior.
“I guess a ‘guest’ has just come, huh?”
The tall guy forensic scut scratched his head groggily. “Y-yeah… drowned 4 days ago in Jeju…”
I open the three of my face orifices wide (I mean two eyes and one mouth), mouthing ‘autopsy?’ to Yoochun. He nods.
Apparently Yoochun is so considerate towards my hard effort in fighting back the smell (well actually it’s only faintly smelly but somehow quite disturbing), so he lets the guy in. “Please take your time.”, he says, opening the curtain for him.
When the guy begins introducing himself Yoochun turns to me. “Jaejoong, be nice to him. He’s the one who finished your homework from Kangin, two hundreds stitches in a day.”
I form an ‘O’ with my mouth. “That one who would do anything for money?”
“Yeah… rumor said, but please, please don't insult him."
“Then…” an idea pops. “What if I pay him to switch task with me? I’ll fill his form and he does the stitching?”
“He’s pale and lifeless, can’t you see? The autopsy horrified him. Stitching fingers needs concentration.”
“I can’t concentrate!”
Yoochun glances at his wristwatch before he sighs in defeat. “You better ask him first, politely. And be generous. Now I have to go, sunbae has called me.”
I look at his back as he rushes to the lift and make sure that he has disappeared before looking inside the chamber for the previous forensic guy. I 'sush' to ask for his attention and curl my index finger to make him come, just like calling a dog. "Come here.” I said. Surprisingly he doesn't seem insulted at all, even when I dab my nose when he approaches me. “Ergh… you make me want to puke.”
“Sorry…” he hangs his head. More like embarrassed.
“You’ll switch task with me.” I said, still with my hand covering my nose.
“Eh… why?”
“Because I hate blood and stitching and what you have to do is just filling the form. I want your job.”
He looks hesitated but I snatch the paper he is holding before he manages to express any objection.
“Don’t look that baffle. I don’t accept a no.”
I shove an amount of cash into his white suit pocket and walk pass him to the patient, and about to continue what he has been doing previously with the form, while he, without checking the cash, proceeds to prepare wound dressing properties - NaCl, suturing set, iodine, lidocaine...
Well, he's pretty sure of what to do, while I'm kind of confuse with the form.
... Wound description...
“How do you do this? Like the ones in dermatology?” I whisper to him. He doesn't seem annoyed with my lack of quality and only shyly smiles.
“Leave it blank, I'll do it.” he says.
I shrug and put the form on the table, leaving him doing both of the works.
“Thanks then.”
*
*
*
It feels so good to spend a whole day sleeping after the extra long working hour, that’s what so nice about week end night duty. Most people will whine for losing their precious Saturday night but I don’t, since the only one that I can think about for any precious day is always here with me.
When we’re not that exhausted we’ll sleep in our own bed or do the things we should do respectively. When we really exhausted we’ll cuddle; no sex, no talk, just cuddling in my or his narrow bed until we both fall asleep. Whenever I see those eyelashes when I wake up first, I feel like wanting that moment to last forever.
He doesn’t know that I often kiss him or sniff his hair in his sleep. After all it’s too cheesy.
But almost an hour has passed since I get into my bed and close my eyes (it’s morning by the way, and we haven’t slept since yesterday), and feel like wanting his warmth as a lullaby, but he’s being busy with something, producing noise that prevents me from sleeping.
“Yoochun… let’s go to sleep….” I whine.
“No time for that Jae, I should catch the train…”
I delay my sleep and take a quick look at him. Apparently he’s packing some bags. Lots of them. Even his suitcase. “What are you doing?”
“I’m packing things, some should be sent to my hometown first, can’t leave them here right.”
I frown, can’t grasp what he’s talking about. He notices my lack of response and adds, “I’ll be leaving on Wednesday.” Which is three days from now, but what’s this all about?
“….. leaving for….?”
“Eh? I’ve told you right? I’m going to Japan.”
I remember he once told me that he planned to apply for some kind of research or exchange or whatever in Japan I don’t understand, but since it meant that he’d have to delay clinic rotation, I was against it.
“You did apply? You didn’t tell me!” I jump from my bed. He looks kind of surprise with my reaction, but just for few seconds before continuing packing his things again.
“Well… I wasn’t sure I’d pass…” He answers lightly, and I don’t like it.
“You didn’t even tell me when you passed, and didn’t tell me that you’ll leave so soon!”
Knowing how I resent this idea, he neglects his bag and approaches me on the bed, resting hands on my shoulders to tame my sulkiness. “Jae… it’s only three months…”
“But that means we won’t be together in our rotation again… and… and… I know smart asses like you… you’ll be looking for recommendations to study abroad…”
He bursts out laughing, he thinks this is funny. I hate how he doesn’t get it, how serious this is to me.
“Seriously, are you that lonely!?” He pulls me into a hug. “You should learn to do things by yourself. In two years you’ll have graduated and we can’t stay like this forever…”
This issue. My chest is squeezed. “………..why?”
“Because we won’t be roommates anymore!”
“Why can’t we just… be like this?” I wrap my hands around his waist and snuggle deeper to his shoulder.
Seems like realization hit his thick brain because then he pulls away and look at me in the eye. “Jae.... you... aren't, right?”
“What if I am?” I give a challenging look. “We never agreed that feelings shouldn’t be involved in this.”
“No, I mean… of course feelings are involved, but-“
He pauses because I slip my hand underneath his T-shirt. “How do you feel about me, Yoochun?”
“You… well… you’re really special, Jae. Really special.” He grabs my hands, stopping it from roving his skin even more.
“But you don’t love me?”
“Of course I love you! Don’t ever doubt that. Just…”
“If we’re together… you won’t be happy…?”
“It’s not that I won’t be happy…” He hesitates for a while. “But I’ll be happier if you’re with someone else…”
I felt my eyes sting and I hate it. I hate it when feeling interferes but I can do nothing about it, I hate how he divides those two things as if it’s the easiest, my hand moves by itself to slice his face. And I can never understand how he has never got mad whenever I do that.
“Why? Am I not good enough for you? Am I ugly? Am I not a good fuck?” I grab his front and shake it, while his face stays affectionate, unaffected.
“Jae… you’re gorgeous and it’s not about sex, but you need someone who’s not like me…”
“I’m the one who know better about that!”
He strokes my hair, consoling me, while what I’m doing is digging my nail to his back.
“You know my dream, right? Sooner or later I will have to abandon you and leave you for my dream, and we’re just… not for each other. You’re special, Jae… you need a special person too…”
I hate his fuckin’ nonsense, I don’t understand it one bit, it’s just a way to ditch me anyway. He just wants a normal family, pretty wife and pretty kids, something I can never give, right?
I press him against the bed and sink my face to his chest, making it all wet.
“I know what I need… I don’t want to be with anyone else, or see you with anyone else, I just can’t….”
He doesn’t say anything, only stroking the side of my face.
And I desperately, forcefully, trying to get rid of his T-shirt. Somehow I’m craving for his skin, so I suck his neck, his earlobe, kiss him all over his face and shove my mouth into his…
“Jae.. please don’t do this…” He tries to push me away but I keep forcing myself all over him.
“Why? Because now you know that I love you? You know I love you so you can’t fuck me? You rather fuck random whores because they don’t love you!?”
I bite him hard on the shoulder, and he can only whimper.
“Jae… it hurts…”
He can just step on me or throw me out from the window right? But why he’s caressing my face, wiping my tears, whispering ‘sorry’ to me as I punch and bite his chest and again and again…?
This is really irritating. I rush to grab my wallet and make my way to the door, ignoring his calling. I head downstairs, to the gate, leaving the dormitory with blurry eyes and trembling limbs, not caring about tomorrow's duty or discussion or whatever. I don't want to see Yoochun packs his bag and leave, I know it’ll lead him more than being abroad for a while, and now that I’m completely exposed our relationship is becoming worse.
On one side I hate being in the med school, but on the other side I don't want to graduate. I want to keep being with him.
I indulge myself in liquor to forget everything, trying to mimic those desperate guys in the drama. I don't know how long it took, I even sleep in the bar I guess (I think I even talk about living in the bar for eternity to the bartender) but at night I realize that I haven't finished my PowerPoint presentation.
Damn this med student's life.
So I wobble to leave the bar, saying goodbye by waving handkerchief to the bartender, walking limply and lifeless with only Yoochun and case presentation occupying my mind.
Well, seems like the dorm gate hasn’t been closed, because I can walk pass through it without crashing my nose into anything, but still everything around me is blurry and spiral motioned. I walk to my building, to my room, hoping that Yoochun hasn’t left (yeah, I’m inconsistent like that) so maybe I can give him a mind blowing kiss first.
Luckily, he hasn’t left.
I can’t see whether he’s happy or not to see me. I think he’s saying something but my heartbeat covers my ear, I can’t hear him. I reach the side of his face to kiss him, but quickly push him away.
“Yoochun… you smell like a rotten frog…”
And I don’t remember anything.
[to be continued]
A/N: there, your main hero. lol