[fic] Shimmering Blue (chapter 9)
Title: Shimmering Blue
Pairing: Jaemin (main)
Genre: AU, supernatural/fantasy/non-human, angst, romance
Warning: underage-went-wrong, WTFs, minor torture/violence, possible annoying!min, angst and sap
Rating: PG-NC-17/R
Summary:
Until some springs ago he still enjoyed being enveloped by the current or leaping from one rock to another without asking things, until a special kind of creature came to distract his joyous lifetime
A/N: Okay, so maybe this comes a bit late, but this has length of 2 chapter!! (7500 words or so) mwahahaha!
and for those who don't know, Chapsalduk is a brand of Korean ice cream, watermelon flavored ice cream coated with mochi layer xD
Chapter 9
Coldness stung Changmin’s skin as someone snagged the comforter away. Just before the cold got worse, a pair of warm arms shielded him, followed by whistles and catcalls.
“Oh my, they’re at it again…” a boy’s squeaky voice commented.
Changmin half-opened his eyes to find Jaejoong had been using him as a plushy; wrapped him with arms and legs in his sleep. Being accustomed to the surrounding’s response they often got because of that, he scoffed and ignorantly snuggled closer to Jaejoong’s chest.
“Guys, look at Mr and Mrs.Kim!!”
Amused giggles filled the room. Changmin groaned, not because of the mocking, but because giggles coming from group of early teenage boys had never sounded enjoyable. At this time he wished he was as deaf as Jaejoong when sleeping.
“Hmm… you’re just jealous.” Jaejoong mumbled. Turned out to be not so deaf, he was.
“Hyung, I know you two are like bromance and such but the breakfast won’t start until we all get ready. So, please?” A hand pushed their connected shoulders away from each other.
Changmin opened his eyes first and looked around, noticing that their roommates were already half-dressed with school uniform and busy packing things. He silently shook Jaejoong’s shoulder to wake him up.
“Yeah, yeah.” Still closing his eyes, Jaejoong got up. He scratched his messy hair half-unconsciously and yawned before lazily walked out of their room of seven people. Changmin followed behind him with their towels.
Both of them were too sleepy to talk until one of their roommates commented, “You guys are gonna make out in the shower?”, followed by more hysterical giggles.
Changmin rubbed his temple as Jaejoong pulled him closer to his side and said, “Oh yes, I’m so gonna pounce him and grope him everywhere.” He ran his hands over Changmin’s ass without touching it, but made quite an impression by clawing his fingers around the ass cheek, causing some faked barfing sounds from the audience.
Jaejoong were fifteen (and that meant Changmin had to be fifteen as well), the oldest in the room, while the rest of the orphan boys were around twelve to thirteen and had just got their eyes open to the miracle of sexual knowledge. One boy named Wooyoung couldn’t even say ‘orgasm’ without stuttering, and the other, Seunghyun, couldn’t say ‘vagina’ without laughing out loud.
Sometimes Jaejoong felt proud of himself that he had known those things about basic pleasure ever since he was ten without being obnoxious.
“Our Hyungs used to mock me for tailing you a lot, and now that they’ve gone, these dongsaengs begin…” Changmin sighed. Two bathrooms were occupied already, and so they have to wait in front of the door, leaning to the wall. “They used to be okay with us, why being so teasing lately?”
Jaejoong made a face before he answered, “They just reach the age. Those kids don’t realize how embarrassing they are. You know what, yesterday when you were in the shower, they mocked Seunghyun for having a morning erection.”
“I read in the book that it’s normal.”
“It’s normal. But they’re like, so excited about it, because they thought it was wet dream and I bet Siwon has never had a wet dream that’s why he was the loudest.” Jaejoong closed his eyes and slid down to sit on the floor, leaning against Changmin’s leg next to him. “They’re so eager to touch boobs and hope it’d happen in that anticipated wet dream. Pathetic boys.”
“Would boys definitely touch boobs in wet dreams?”
“Maybe? I don’t know, I’ve never made a survey about that.”Jaejoong shrugged. “I didn’t, though. In the end I got curious so I touched ones, my classmate’s, and got slapped because of it.”
Changmin chuckled loudly, then he asked, ”How did they feel?”
“Squishy?”
Changmin formed an ‘O’ with his mouth and nodded. He didn’t tell Jaejoong he also never had a wet dream, though his body and voice changed according to the puberty a human boy must had. He wondered why.
One of the bathroom doors was opened. Jaejoong nudged Changmin elbow to let him claim the place first, but before Changmin took a first step another boy had already walked in ahead of him.
“Me. You guys are gonna make out inside, right? I need to pee first.” The boy said and closed the door.
Changmin sighed and slid down to sit on the floor next to Jaejoong.
“Why everybody think we make out? We’ve never made out.” Jaejoong stated as he stared at the bathroom door resentfully. “And the last time we took a bath together was a year ago or so.”
“Making out is like making love?”Changmin asked.
Jaejoong rolled his eyes and lashed an underestimating look to the clueless boy. “Making love is to have sex with someone you love, making out is… uhm… like… French-kissing and groping each other on inappropriate places.”
“We kiss and you touch me when we kiss…”
“Well, yeah, but not on the inappropriate places.”
“Define inappropriate places?”
Jaejoong paused before he guessed randomly, “…..Butt?”
“Oh…”
Now that they had talked about it, it had been a while since they kissed as well. How could they have a private time with loud boys running all over the place? The last time they kissed, Siwon walked in on them and he ended up cackling all night about homosexuality being a sin.
Jaejoong pouted and rested his head on Changmin’s shoulder. “Or maybe it’s still making out without the inappropriate places part. I don’t know, I’m sleepy.” He buried his face onto the other boy’s shirt.
After a while waiting, they got their turn to use the bathroom. As usual Jaejoong let Changmin in first. This time, his eyes were unconsciously stirred to the band of brief peeking from behind Changmin’s pajama as the boy walked ahead of him while scratching his lower back. That made Jaejoong wondered, why he never touched the boy on the inappropriate places.
*
*
Finished with the shower, they got dressed with school uniforms and packed their bags. After that they hurried to the dining room, gathering around big oval table together with the other boys. Stacks of bread, eggs and jam were in front of them. As always Jaejoong and Changmin sat next to each other.
Their orphanage mother came soon with a big smile on her face.
“Everybody’s ready? Now let’s pray together.” She said. “Siwon-ah?”
The boy jumped from his chair with a proud face, as if leading a pray was the same as being called for an award. He joined his hands and started his speech. “Dear My Lord…”
Jaejoong followed the gesture and closed his eyes.
But then someone whispered mischievously to his ear, “I saw him kissed Kibummie yesterday.”
His eyes snapped open. Next to him was Kangin, a boy of the same age, only with more nutritious body and louder mouth. He sat next to him.
“Cheek?” Jaejoong asked, interested.
“Mouth.”
“Wow. I thought Siwon is-“
“I know, right?” Kangin pulled back with a secretive grin on his face, inviting the other boy to lean closer for the gossip.
“Maybe he’s curious? Kibum is cute.”
“Kibum’s evil. He did it for a bet.” Kangin shook his head, eyes faking sorrow. “Man… you, Changmin, and now Siwon.”
Jaejoong frowned, not liking the tone. “What’s with us?”
“Gays.”
There was a pause before Jaejoong narrowed his eyes and stabbed the fork straight to the plate in front of him, “Oh, you fucker, wait till I poke this into your eyes--”
It was loud enough to invite some ‘Shh’ from the other boys who were concentrating in the prayer, as Siwon was still expressing the gratitude speech so wholeheartedly.
Kangin continued right after the situation was under control, “But it’s true! It’s the reason why we need girls in this place. We’re too lonely.”
“Whatever.”
“Jaejoong and Changmin, sitting on the tree…” The fat boy started to sing.
“Shut up Kangin that’s lame.”
“K-I-S-S-I…”
“Shut the fuck-“
Jaejoong’s curse stopped when Changmin’s hand landed on his. “Jaejoong, pay attention.” He warned softly.
“The fucker Kangin doesn’t know how to shut up….”
“Just ignore him. Don’t speak with rude words...”
Jaejoong shut his mouth, scowling, though mentally cheered at Changmin’s hand on his hand. That was, until he noticed that Kangin was sneering at those connected hands with a smug smile. Even so Jaejoong didn’t want to pull his hand and could only lash the fat boy an annoyed, what-are-you-looking-at look.
Kangin leaned closer again, maintaining his whisper. “Anyway, bro. How far have you guys been?”
Jaejoong replied softly while clenching his jaw with stoic face, “…been what?”
“You know…When you and Changmin make out and such.”
“We’ve never made out…”
“Oh come on, I’ve seen you two kissing…”. Kangin grinned wider.
“Kissing doesn’t equal making out.” How exactly did these boys spy on us!?
“Come on, yours was hot and stuff I felt like wetting my pants.”
“It wasn’t making out okay? I didn’t touch him on inappropriate place.” Jaejoong glared a heavier annoyed look, but seemed like Kangin wasn’t affected.
The latter rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever, anyway in my opinion…”
“Why aren’t I interested in that?” Jaejoong cut him off.
“In my opinion, you should learn to control your hormones and he should learn to drop the stiffness.”
“And you should learn to stay away from other people’s business.”
Kangin shook his head, acting all wise and understanding. Then he patted Jaejoong’s back, “Believe me bro… you should give him space, ask him how he’d like it and let him got used to your touch rather than treating him like a food. You’re too eager. You pressured him without giving him a chance to breath and pulled away before he seemed to enjoy it.”
Siwon finished the prayer, (Just finished!? Jaejoong thought) and the boys began to smear the jam into their bread and digging the boiled eggs. Kangin quickly neglected the conversation over a breakfast, while Jaejoong on the other hand was deeply disturbed by it.
“What were you guys talking about?” This time it was Changmin who leaned closer.
“Nothing important.” Jaejoong munched his bread faster. Then he leaned closer to Kangin and whispered, “You talk as if I just met him yesterday. We’ve been together for years. There were times when I kissed him slowly too.”
“Really? Well I could only comment what I had seen.” Kangin said.
“You should stop commenting.”
The answer was a again a wide grin and Jaejoong felt like choking him with shoelaces.
Breakfast ended as the boys left the dining room one by one, leaving a big table of mess for the housekeeper to clean. Some of them went to public school and some headed to another room to wait for their tutors; usually it was for those who couldn’t match the normal curriculum, as they were too old or too slow.
Changmin was home-schooled at first, as he knew nothing about basic subjects, but after two years the house decided that he was, unexpectedly, too smart and memorized everything so fast that he ended up in the public school’s special class instead, together with ambitious asses that only wanted two years to finish junior high. He studied and studied all day to match the pace.
Jaejoong, on the contrary, was enjoying his time as a normal high-school first grader -skipping classes, bully the teachers, teasing girls, boasting off sport skills and posing with cigarettes.
Everything was so normal, and sometimes Changmin almost forgot that normally he wasn’t supposed to be there.
“Why are you so quiet?” He asked right in front of their school gate, when Jaejoong hadn’t said a thing ever since they left the house. The boy seemed to be lost in thoughts.
“Just thinking. Nothing important, really.” Jaejoong answered, eyes glued to the ground.
“Something that Kangin said?”
“Well…” He lifted his head to meet Changmin’s curious stare.
It was a lie to say that Kangin’s opinion hadn’t bothered him, but more than that, it made him realized something. He used to kiss Changmin slowly to comfort him, because kissing for Changmin was like suckling thumb for toddlers; he needed it solely for comfort. Jaejoong didn’t realize since when this light and tingling sensation inside his stomach began to interfere, and it made him lose control. Sometimes he couldn’t help but being too eager like Kangin said, and probably Changmin hadn’t used to it. The force was nothing like he had ever felt to anyone, not even Yunho.
After looking around, Jaejoong grabbed Changmin’s wrist and took him out of the road, and stopped when they had hidden enough behind a big tree.
Changmin frowned as the other boy bit his lower lip and rested both hands on his shoulders. “Yes?” he asked, clueless as Jaejoong’s eyes bore deep into his.
Then Jaejoong gave him a soft kiss, slightly parted mouth with only the tip of their tongue met, with a squeeze on his shoulder. He pulled away before Changmin managed to kiss back.
“…so?” Jaejoong asked, hands still on Changmin’s shoulders.
“So what?”
“Do you like it?”
Changmin laughed crookedly and looked away. “You ask that now?”
“Well… I’ve been thinking, maybe I’ve been kissing you a little too… uhm… inconsiderate lately.” Jaejoong scratched the back of his head and threw his gaze to the school gate. “Oh well, see you this afternoon.”
“Wait…” Changmin caught his sleeve. “You really forget it...”
Smiling, Changmin stepped forward and kissed him, this time longer, turning Jaejoong’s dubious frown into an ear-to-ear grin. “Happy birthday.” He said finally.
Jaejoong chuckled and hugged the other boy. “I really didn’t notice. Happy birthday for you too.”
And it had been their tradition to skip school at such important day.
*
*
Being in the orphan house, they rarely had time for themselves, and so birthday was the time when they did everything they had wanted to. One time they went to the beach, another time they took on a random bus and ended up in a random playground, anywhere, just as long as it was far from bunch of boys who might know them and interfere their party (it was party, though only consisted of canned beverages and biscuits, and no candles since Changmin was afraid of fire)
As usual they stopped at a convenient store on the way to get snacks -and kept it secret from each other, before they decided on a place to go.
Jaejoong insisted that he knew a good place to hide, and since the sky was grey already Changmin didn’t argue.
However he frowned when Jaejoong brought him back to their orphan house’s gate.
“Why here? If someone find out we’re dead.” He protested.
Jaejoong grinned confidently and said, “Just follow me” before he turned around and continued walking. Changmin followed him, passing the big yard of the orphan house and its basketball field, until they reached a small house as big as a classroom, the one they had known as a warehouse.
Rain had threatened to fall by then.
“Believe me this is the safest place. No one comes here.” Jaejoong said and took a key from his pocket.
Changmin watched as Jaejoong produced rattling sounds with the key hole. “How did you find the key?”
“I tried the all the keys inside Umma’s flower pot.”
“You’re crazy…”
“From now on this could be our hidden place you know. “ Jaejoong cut the reluctance. “So we can eat anything without having those kids nagging for a bite. You really don’t know how to say no, the last time I bought you Chapsalduk you only got a tiny piece for yourself.”
“Okay, okay… how’s the key?” Changmin quickly changed the topic, before Jaejoong started to call him boneless which he knew he would.
“A bit rusty… wait…” he heard a ‘click’ sound. “Oh, alright!’ Jaejoong cheered as he managed to turn the key open.
They pushed the door and stepped in with anticipation while scanning every corner of the room. It was about 5x5 meters big, had one curtained window on one side, and stuffs like tables, chairs, and gardening utensils were stacked neatly against the wall, leaving quite a big free space in the center.
The floor and wall was a bit dusty, but not as dusty as Changmin had thought.
“Oh, it’s not that creepy….” He sighed in relief. His eyes were drawn to a cloth folded on the table, since he recognized it as Jaejoong’s blanket. “Isn’t that yours?”
“Yeah, so we can sit on the floor if you want.” Jaejoong grinned proudly, implying ‘See, I’ve checked on this place first.’
“Let’s use that table so we don’t have to dirty your blanket.” Changmin decided. He sat on the one adjacent to the window, and veiled the dusty curtain aside to look at the sky. “I didn’t know it’ll rain. I should’ve brought something warmer…” He put the plastic bag of the snacks they had bought on the table.
“What did you buy?” Jaejoong peeked inside the bag, only to chuckle slightly seeing the content. “Chapsalduk? I bought them too!”
Changmin laughed. “We’re Chapsalduk addicts, aren’t we? How many did you buy?”
“Three packs.”
Both of them laughed and clapped their hands, yelling a long and squeaky ‘Yaaay’.
“I bought three packs too.” Changmin said between his laughter. “That means… twelve Chapsalduks in total, omo we’re really greedy.”
“And no ‘Hyung what is that I want to try a little please??’ ha-ha! Complete six pieces for one person! Saengilchulka hamnidaaa~~”
They randomly started to sing the birthday song and clapped cheerfully again when it finished. Then they sat side by side on the table, legs hanging loosely and had stacks of Chapsalduk between them.
“How did you get the money, by the way?” Jaejoong asked as he began to rip the cap of Chapsalduk packing.
“I helped my songsaenim fixed her computer…” Changmin answered as he shoved one round piece of Chapsalduk into his mouth.
“Oh, as expected from a geek…”
Changmin glared between grimacing and hollowing his cheeks as the cold ice cream stung his sensitive teeth. “Don’t say that!” He complained after swallowing a mouthful. “What did you do?”
“I made my classmate’s homework.”
“Did you make your own?”
“No.”
Changmin choked.
“Slow down, baby… the Chapsalduk won’t go anywhere…” Jaejoong bit his smile and offered the choking boy his bottled oolong tea. Unlike Changmin, he preferred to have his mochi ice cream little by little by making a hole on the mochi wrapping and slurped the ice cream content from there.
They concentrated on the sweets until cold air touched their skin and sounds of rain began to violently beat the roof and glass window.
“It’s raining…” Changmin commented, seeing the grey sky outside the window warily.
“Isn’t it good? Now no one will come here for sure.”
“It’s cold.” Changmin shivered and grinned. “And I can’t believe we can’t stop eating Chapsalduk.”
“Good as well, now they won’t melt easily.”
They kept eating until there left nothing but stack of empty Chapsalduk packs between them, and sighed forlornly because of it. The delicacy ran out too soon.
Jaejoong gulped his oolong tea, “Did we just eat six Chapsalduks? Because don’t feel like it.”
Knowing that Jaejoong would say things like that, Changmin chuckled and took a popsicles from the plastic bag. “I got this as a bonus.” He handed it to Jaejoong.
Jaejoong feigned a surprise gasp, then he tore the wrapping and twirled the red popsicles in front of his nose, observing it with a slight curl on the corner of his lips. “Oh my. You should stop buying this thing.” He said.
Changmin frowned. “Why? It’s just popsicles.”
“It’s popsicles, and it’s red. Don’t you know that there should be a law for this? This is illegal for certain ages”
“Why!? It’s only sugar and essence!” Changmin frowned even more as the boy in front of him kept twirling the red, shiny, strawberry-flavored popsicles.
“Changmin…” Jaejoong sighed dramatically. “You don’t think of anything when you see this?”
“…strawberry?”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes, and shoved the tip of the popsicles into his mouth, pulled it out, shoved it in again, and repeated the gesture several times before he turned to Changmin and patted his shoulder. “Show me how you usually eat a popsicles.”
“This?” Changmin took the popsicles and suckled it the same way as Jaejoong did.
Jaejoong smirked, eyes glued to the popsicles that went in and out Changmin’s mouth and the red syrup that dyed his lips. He took a deep breath, “See?”
“See what!?” The clueless boy asked impatiently, causing Jaejoong to groan and slap his own forehead with a palm.
“Have you ever heard of oral sex?”
There was a silence before Changmin’s brain connected and his eyes snapped wide in shock. “…........oh no.”
“Oh yes.”
Changmin looked at the innocent popsicles which now had turned to be not so innocent with horrid looks. He shrieked abruptly, “Jae! Now I can never look popsicles the same way again!”
Jaejoong laughed in victory, “Good for you.”
It’s a pity that his words influenced Changmin that much, but in fact they always did. In the end Changmin inserted the popsicles back to its wrapping and placed it on the table, “ugh… I can’t eat this.” He pursed his lips.
He thought problem was solved, but then Jaejoong took the popsicles and handed it to him. “….Min, eat this.”
“What?” Changmin chuckled. “You’re the one who gives me images and now-“
“Please?”
Changmin paused and studied Jaejoong’s face, and blushed when he read the intention a bit too late. “Jaejoong… that’s…ugh…”
“Pretty please…?”
Moments passed with them staring at each other, until Changmin finally tore his gaze away and munched the tip of popsicles rudely.
Jaejoong tsk-ed and giggled, “It’s different with the way you licked it just now!”
“Well…”
“You’re really a tease…” He snatched the popsicles. Then he cupped Changmin’s face with one hand and tilted it towards his direction. “This is how a popsicles supposed to be licked…”
He stuck out his tongue, touching the tip of the popsicles and swirled his tongue over it before he inserted the red stick passed his lips with slurping sounds.
Changmin blushed worse and forced a laugh, “Oh Jae, stop it!” but somehow couldn’t escape his gaze from the sight.
With popsicles between his lips Jaejoong smiled and sucked the popsicles harder, purposely moving his head up and down rather than moving the popsicles itself, before he parted his mouth to let the melted syrup trickled from the corner of his lips.
Shutting his eyes tight, Changmin looked away. “J-Jae please stop it…”
Jaejoong giggled, “Okay, okay…”He inserted the popsicles back into its wrapping and put it aside.
Rain fell harder, and the sounds of it beating the roof shielded the next words that Jaejoong said. Changmin moved the empty packs of Chapsalduk to shift closer, so he could hear the other boy better, but then he was showered by his overwhelming hug instead.
Changmin smiled as Jaejoong’s arms hooked around his waist --he hugged back, and let the other boy planted his face into the crook of his neck and inhaled the skin.
He inhaled Jaejoong’s hair as a reply, giving in to the silky surface and nice scent of baby shampoo.
They tightened the embrace, and for a while only rocked each other back and forth, synchronizing the pace with the rhythm of the rain. It was just natural that they continued with a kiss, this time soft and slow, the way Jaejoong had maintained it to be.
Changmin loved Jaejoong’s lips, it was the best remedy he could ever ask for, and the taste of watermelon ice cream from Chapsalduk only made it sweeter. He felt Jaejoong’s hand roamed up his back, fingers slightly massaging his scalp before clutching a handful of his hair softly. They played with the suppleness of each other lips for a while, then Jaejoong parted his mouth wider as he deepened the kiss to taste more of the other boy.
He stopped, as Kangin’s words suddenly flashed inside his head, and checked Changmin’s reaction. The boy’s chest rise and fell, his face flushed with red and needs and his eyes were glued to Jaejoong’s lips, as if wanting it more. Until a year ago, the boy would smile and cutely yelled thank you when he kissed him, and there was no way such expression could appear.
Jaejoong concluded that some changes didn’t only happen to him. With more determination, he cupped Changmin’s face and kissed him again, slow but persistent, and the latter received it like a fish receiving its bait, grateful and willing.
He moved his hand, from Changmin’s face to his collar. For some milliseconds it lingered at the center, taking advantage that Changmin didn’t wear a tie, and even too absorbed in the kiss to realize that Jaejoong began to undo the first button. Jaejoong did it carefully, and by the time he undid the second button Changmin still hadn’t realized it. His hands were unmoving, coiled around Jaejoong’s belt.
After the third button, Jaejoong moved the kiss to the junction of Changmin’s collarbones, and just by then the latter panicked as he realized that he was half exposed.
“Jaejoong…” His breath hitched as Jaejoong trailed his tongue along the base of his neck, dwelling between his collars, and slipped a hand between the opened button lines to caress one side of his pecs.
“Are you embarrassed…?” Jaejoong asked between the kisses he left along the boy’s jawline.
“I-I don’t know…” Changmin couldn’t lie, his accelerated heartbeats must be apparent under Jaejoong’s palm. “We used to shower together, so…”
“Yeah, and I’ve seen everything anyway. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“But still, not like this…” He never had Jaejoong stripped him this way, never had the boy’s hand all over him this way, he never had Jaejoong’s mouth licking and sucking another spot aside from his mouth, and it felt weirdly unbearable that he couldn’t refuse.
Changmin watched bewilderedly as his forth button was undone by solely one hand, as the other hand travel down to caress his hips and thigh.
Jaejoong paused from savoring Changmin’s chest to take off his tie and unbuttoned his own shirt. “We’re adults, right? We’re not kids anymore…” He said, soft and persuasive, caressing Changmin's thigh higher and higher.
Changmin's eyes widened at the thing Jaejoong was implying.
“I thought this is supposed to be done with girls…” Changmin had never cared actually, but it was how the human knowledge had taught him, and he didn’t want Jaejoong to make a mistake.
Jaejoong grabbed his hands and stared him in the eyes. “It is supposed to be done with someone you love. I can’t think of any other…. girl, or not girl… that I love more than you.”
“Jaejoong…”
“You have it? You have someone you love more than me?”
Changmin shook his head. He wanted it really, to give Jaejoong anything that he wanted, to be close to Jaejoong as intimate as possible.
What if he regret it? “J-jaejoong… aren’t you… afraid of being gay?”
For a moment, he saw surprise inside Jaejoong’s eyes. Then the boy sighed, “You care about such thing?”
“N-no!” Changmin waved his hands frantically. “It’s just… some people who happen to know us, you know what they’ve been saying, that this is not right and such, and well we never talked about it since this is just natural for us…”
“Yeah, this is perfectly natural for us.” Jaejoong said. “But let’s talk about the gay thing. People said to you that being gay is wrong and being straight is right so I should be straight?”
“Well not exactly like that, but-“
“Do you think if I, let’s say… choose to be with a girl, or marry a girl for any kind of reason, it will make me straight and not gay?”
Changmin couldn’t answer.
Jaejoong continued, “I think it will make me bisexual, gay in denial, gay undercover, celibate gay, virgin gay, or maybe greedy bitch, but I can’t say I’m straight without lying to myself, because I’m sexually attracted to a guy whether or not I choose to follow it.”
“Sexually attracted?”
“Yeah, are you sexually attracted to me?”
“I… I love you…”
“I know… but, are you sexually attracted to me? There are many kinds of love…”
Changmin’s mouth went dry. He never thought about sexual attraction, not after he knew the meaning literally. That night when Changmin was in Yunho’s body, when he had Jaejoong’s timid mouth on him, he only vaguely remembered it, and even then he wasn’t sure whether he had had such awareness about things called sexual attraction. That night he was too mesmerized by Jaejoong’s beauty to care about anything.
Time washed everything; human life gave him new logic and new understanding, his body evolved together with his emotion. No matter how his view towards the other boy had never changed, he couldn’t deny that he was seeing a different Jaejoong with whom he had seen four years before.
Jaejoong had been all kinds of love in the world, his touch had been a comfort, beauty and shelter, but relating him with lust and passion was something new to the other boy.
Seeing Changmin so quiet and deep in thought, Jaejoong stopped waiting for answer.
“Changmin… do you believe that I know your body more than you think I do?” he asked suddenly.
Changmin forced a soft laugh and nodded though he didn’t really get the meaning. He fidgeted a bit when Jaejoong got off from the table and stood in front of him, settling between his legs. The boy’s head was at the same level as his chest.
“Blindfold me.” Jaejoong handed him his tie.
“What are you going to do?” Changmin asked in hesitation but nonetheless did as he told.
“Proving how much I know your body.”
Blindfolded, Jaejoong reached to finish unbuttoning Changmin’s shirt. Changmin shuddered as chilly air touched his bare chest, and gasped when Jaejoong brushed the tip of his fingers along his breast bone.
“Jae, it tickles seriously…”
The boy only smiled faintly as his hand traveled slowly, inch by inch, until it stopped right above Changmin’s collarbone. “There’s one here.” He said.
“…what?” Changmin checked the area Jaejoong was touching, and found a mole there.
His chest thumped faster as soon as he realized what the other boy was doing. “… you’re strange… ”
“Correct me if I’m wrong.”
Changmin didn’t say anything, so Jaejoong assumed he was right (and he was perfectly sure about it). His fingers continued to travel, this time down the left side of Changmin’s body.
“Two here.” He poked a spot about ten centimeters below his left armpit.
Jaejoong began to use both of his hands; he stepped closer, until Changmin’s bare skin was an inch from his nose and he could smell the slight scent of soap, and the familiar smell of waterfall that was weird but Changmin’s.
Changmin swallowed and breathed faster, strength had long left his legs, as hands trembled and gripped the table’s edge for support.
“One here…” Jaejoong pointed on the right waist, above Changmin’s hip bone.
“One here…” under his navel, between the lines of soft hair.
“Three…” Around his lower spine.
And somehow, the description wasn’t limited to moles.
“Dark line here, when you fell from bicycles two years ago…” Jaejoong caressed Changmin’s elbow, though it was covered with sleeve.
“Some dark spot from mosquito bites here…” he circled some spots along Changmin’s thigh.
Changmin exhaled, which happened to be a shaky breath.
“Jaejoong…”
“Am I wrong…?”
Changmin couldn't believe how accurate Jaejoong's fingers landed, even though the boy was blindfolded.
He cupped Jaejoong’s face, astonished. The human boy was the reason for his existence, and every second passed with his chest threatened to explode until he couldn't take it no more. He kissed the boy lips, kissed his cheek, his nose, wanting to express everything.
“Jae… if… if you want anything, just take it… “
Getting the permission, Jaejoong immediately took off the blindfold shielding his sight and responded with hungry kiss.
“Baby, I want you so much…” he whispered against Changmin’s mouth, as he pulled the boy’s shirt off and let it fell to the floor, before tossing away his own shirt. He wrapped the boy’s torso tight between his arms, planting kisses and sucks here and there. He halted on a nipple and sucked it eagerly like a baby, causing Changmin to writhe on his seat, as the feel of Jaejoong’s mouth on the place other than his own mouth was something new to him. It was also something new to know that his body could be so sensitive.
“B-but I don’t know how to do this…” Changmin said hesitantly.
“I know, leave it to me…”
“You’ve done this before?”
“N-no, but… but I know… just trust me?”
Seeing the eyes so filled with needs, Changmin decided to trust the boy completely, after all he wanted him just as bad. “Uhm… how… here?” he got off from the table.
Jaejoong grabbed the previously unused blanket and splayed it on the floor, before he took Changmin’s hands and pushed his shoulders down, prompting him to sit on it. Soon they entangled, uncaring about the hard floor or the cold air as the heat radiating from their skin was enough to provide warmth.
Changmin’s arms circled around Jaejoong’s shoulder as the latter weighed him, propping his elbows on the either side of Changmin’s head, mouths joined and tongue exploring each other’s curves.
“If you change your mind, tell me and I’ll stop…” Jaejoong said after he pulled away. By the next second he continued what he had been doing as Changmin could only gaped with lustful brown orbs rather than told him anything.
He crawled down, kissing down the midline of Changmin’s body and lapped his tongue around the boy’s navel before dipping in, causing the small hips to jerk slightly. Changmin was the silent type; no sounds were released no matter how the breath, expression and body response seemed so frantic.
“Baby, why are you so quiet?” Jaejoong asked with a teasing grin and moved up to peck Changmin’s chin. “You don’t like it?”
“N-no!” Changmin shook his head vigorously. “It’s just… just…”
Jaejoong chuckled. “I know…” he kissed a nipple and played with the hard nub, twiddling it with his tongue. Changmin’s head fell back, again gaping with no sounds, and it turned to be a challenge for Jaejoong to pull the sound of pleasure out from Changmin’s throat.
Without prior notice he pulled Changmin’s pants off, together with his brief. Changmin couldn’t hide the sudden panic, and Jaejoong massaged his thigh for assurance, as he licked the tip of Changmin’s erection.
“J-jae…”
“Can you tell me how’d you like it?”
Changmin shook his head. “You don’t have to…”
Jaejoong ignored him, and dragged his tongue along the shaft, swirling it around before sliding the salty, uncut tip passed his lips. He bobbed his head up and down, fist followed next to his mouth. It was nothing like a great blowjob, the suck was weak, the move was inconsistent and his lips wrapped rather loosely, but for sexually inexperienced boys in their sensitive age it was maddening already.
Changmin didn’t understand how it didn’t feel like this when he was in Yunho’s body.
“Be right back.” Jaejoong said after he pulled away with obscene plop sound, leaving Changmin with a feeling like a spineless creature. The sensation was just too much.
Soon Jaejoong returned with a small yellow bottle in his hand.
“What is that…?” Changmin asked between gasps.
“Smell this…” Jaejoong brought the thing near Changmin’s nose.
“Lemon?”
“Hmm.”
“Is that edible?”
“Strange that you ask… you used to put everything into your mouth whether they were edible or not…” Jaejoong chuckled. Then he asked reluctantly. “Uhm… do you want to turn around or just like this?”
Changmin blushed even more, as if his face wasn’t red enough. Turning around was embarrassing, but it’d probably be more embarrassing to let Jaejoong see his pathetic face while doing it. And so, as if using all energy of his life, he shakily turned around.
Jaejoong lifted Changmin’s bare hips and Changmin got it instantly that he should prop on his knees and elbows.
“Min… you sure it’s comfortable that way?” Jaejoong asked.
It wasn’t of course, but Changmin lied about it. “Yes…”
“If it hurts or anything, just tell me, okay?”
“Okay.”
Changmin jerked again when his ass cheeks were spread apart, as the cold, slick substance was spread around his entrance. He exhaled, controlling himself not to panic. “W-what is that?”
“That lemon scented thing… it’s for something like this…”
“Where did you get that?”
“A senior… Min, just relax.” Jaejoong inserted a finger, slowly. The tight muscle immediately clenched around it, and Jaejoong kissed the tailbone and massaged the back of Cangmin’s thigh gently. “Baby, relax, it’s okay…”
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry, is it hurt?”
Changmin shook his head. “No…”
Jaejoong tried the second finger, and he heard a quiet mewl coming from Changmin as he crisscrossed both fingers, loosening the hole.
“Is it hurt?”
“No…”
“Feels good?”
“Y-yes…”
“I’ll put it in now, is it okay?” He positioned himself behind Changmin.
Changmin nodded. He trembled badly, and his limbs collapsed when Jaejoong entered him. The latter didn’t know that he shouldn’t thrust such entire length so rapidly for a first-timer, but since Changmin said nothing and strengthened his limbs back, Jaejoong was lost in the pleasure and forgot everything as the tight cave swallowed and clenched around him.
Jaejoong moaned, eyes dazed in pleasure, and automatically moved his hips. “B-baby… you’re so tight…”
“Is it… good?” Changmin’s voice was weak and breathy.
“Nnh…this is crazy… Min I want to go faster, can I? Will it hurt?”
Changmin shook his head. “No… p-please, faster…”
Jaejoong did, and he began to pull out whimpers from Changmin as he slammed his hips against the boy’s ass, satisfying himself with squeeze and friction and made the hole turned bright red. It wasn’t long until orgasm hit him, within the length of time that was almost embarrassing for a sexually active adult. His seed was spilled inside the other boy, and he watched as thick, white liquid leaked out from the hole.
Changmin collapsed, flattening his body against the hard floor and breathed heavily.
“Changmin…” Jaejoong called while readjusting his breath. Instead of answering, Changmin buried his face deeper to the blanket and trembled worse.
“Changmin…?”
The answer was weak and quivered, “Y…es?”
Jaejoong's eyes widened as the realization hit him; he grabbed the boy’s shoulder and flipped him around, and he gasped to see that the face was wet by tears -eyes red and slightly swollen.
“Oh my God… Baby…You should’ve told me…”
Changmin hurriedly wiped his tears, “It’s okay…”
“It’s not okay, you’re hurt!”
“Jae, it felt good, it’s not-”
“Don’t lie to me, I hate it.” Jaejoong snapped.
As if being knocked to the bone, Changmin broke down in tears, loudly, crossing his arms over his face to hide it. Scolded and glared by his beloved was the least thing he could take, especially after his attempt to make the boy happy.
“I’m sorry… “He sobbed. “I’m sorry…”
Jaejoong sighed and lovingly stroked the crying boy’s head. Still in silence, he helped him to sit down and wore back his clothes, before wearing back his own. He noticed that Changmin couldn’t sit or moved his body freely, however he knew that it wasn’t the main reason the boy couldn’t stop crying.
In the end he wrapped Changmin inside a bone-breaking hug and showered him kisses of apology. “Shh… baby, I’m who’s sorry…”
“Don’t be mad at me…” Changmin buried his face onto Jaejoong’s shoulder, soaking his shirt with tears.
“I’m not mad at you… I just… it hurt me that I got pleasure from your pain, and you let it… “
“But you said it felt good…”
“.... Yeah.... yeah, I know, it’s my fault…” Jaejoong kissed his nose. “But it’d be meaningless if you didn’t feel good too, understand?”
Changmin nodded and sunk deeper into the embrace, molded into the other boy. The gentle palm that rubbed circles on his back gradually drifted him to comfort as the insecurity was casted away with every light kiss.
Moments passed with no words, until Changmin broke it with a quiet complain, “I sucked.”
Jaejoong stiffened for a second before he exploded in laughter. “What are you talking about? It’s your first time! And I failed to make you feel good, that means I sucked as well!”
“I promise I’ll learn about this thing more…”
“Learn? You don’t mean you’ll learn it with other people right?”
“No-no-no!”
Jaejoong huffed. “Good.” Then he broke the hug and held Changmin by the arms, staring at him half threateningly. “Don't let anyone do that to you, okay?”
Changmin nodded quickly and posed a ‘V’ sign.
“Oh, and one more thing…” Jaejoong continued. “Whenever we meet at home, we should say ‘welcome home’ to each other.”
Changmin cocked his eyebrows. “What’s with that?”
“Well I just thought, probably we would never find a family who could adopt us both, and could never find a real home… so, rather than grieving, let’s just make each other as… home. ”
“Hmm… so we should say ‘welcome home’ to remind us that...”
“Yeah, Kind of…”
“Hmmph.”
Jaejoong narrowed his eyes as Changmin quickly flattened the smile on his lips. “You’re mocking me, aren’t you?” he pointed accusingly.
“No-no-no, that’s a good idea…”
“You’re mocking me!”
“Noooo….”
Jaejoong pinched Changmin's cheek hard, that the boy screamed and rubbed his cheek with teary eyes.
*
*
*
Changmin sighed remembering the past, as he shifted his sitting position a bit to get more comfort. Leaning onto his chest was Jaejoong, sitting with arms around him and pressured him towards the couch, flooding tears and blabbing hurtful, nonsensical words. Changmin used to be the one who cried a lot while Jaejoong had always been so tough and never showed any tears. Lately it turned the other way around, though in this case it was due to alcohol. There were some types of Kim Jaejoong when he got drunk; mostly were tantrum throwers, but once in a while there were crybabies.
Honestly Changmin preferred the tantrum throwers.
“I miss you… I miss us…” Jaejoong said it again to his chest, for the third time already.
Changmin’s heart cracked every time he did.
“Jae… you’re drunk, let’s sleep?” he stroked the soft hair and lifted one of his legs to the couch, so he could have Jaejoong between them and let the guy dived deeper into his embrace.
“You don’t need me anymore, do you?” Jaejoong asked, demanding between his sobs. He said it to Changmin’s chest rather than to Changmin. “Why don’t you need me anymore?”
“That’s not true, I always need you…”
“You’re so far, I feel like I don’t know you… you're keeping distance from me and hide many things…”
“I didn’t mean to, Jae… I’m sorry…”
“I don’t need your sorry!” Jaejoong looked up, glaring. Then he sobbed again. “I need the old you…”
Changmin bit his lips, stroking Jaejoong’s hair silently.
Jaejoong continued, “I need that stupid, needy boy who tailed me a lot, who knew nothing about everything-“
“Jaejoong…”
“…who gawked at everything and ate bubbles…”
“Jae, listen to me…”
“Who are you?” Jaejoong punched Changmin's chest hatefully. “I don’t know you, who are you!?”
“I... I don’t know… I don’t know who I am…”
“Then why are you here? Why don’t you just disappear!?”
There was a silence as the reality struck. Changmin’s eyes moistened as he continued stroking the other guy’s hair. “I will… one day, I will disappear, I will leave you… “ He whispered, still forcing a smile. “That’s why you should find another guy you might-“
“No!!” Jaejoong cut the line and shook Changmin’s collars in panic. “I don’t want another person! I want you! Don’t leave me!”
“But I don’t know who I am, I’m not-“
“You’re Changmin, okay? You’re my Changmin so don’t you ever, ever…”
“Okay, okay…” Changmin kissed the panic guy’s forehead, just to calm him. “Let’s sleep…? We’ll talk again tomorrow…”
“You used to be shorter than me… cute and hopeless… now you’re taller and oh-so-manly…”
“Don’t worry, you’re still eighteen, you still grow and can be manlier…”
“…Busy dating here and there, return with hickeys… here and there…”
“That’s not true, Jae…”
“Reject me like plaque… walk away when I try talking to work things out..."
“I’m sorry…”
“Now I feel like I have no reason to exist.”
“Don’t say that, silly. You're the reason I exist, you always are.”
For now Changmin could say whatever he wanted because he knew, the next time Jaejoong woke up, he wouldn’t remember anything about their conversation.
[to be continued]