Ch-ch-changes.

[umbrellarising]

Never have I felt so entirely lost.
I know that there's a switch.
But despite my best efforts I just can't reach it.

I want to feel good about myself again.
At least when I lived in Eugene I had Bare Bohemia to feel proud of and a gorgeous girl in my bed every night.
Now I don't have either of those things.

I'm scared shitless of getting a job here.
So on Monday I'm going to call a couple of temp agencies.
I need money to get out of here.

I feel like no matter how much I rant, I still can't get it all out.
Maybe it's because I'm ranting to all of the wrong people.
I have no spine. I hate confrontation.
But I think it's time.
I don't feel like I have anything, so I can't really lose anything, right?

I want to be happy.
I want to be free.
I want to have love.
I don't want to shrug when someone asks me how I am.
I don't want to be near tears when someone asks me how I am.
I don't want to accept these double standards.

My life is terrible.
And it may not be all my fault.
But I choose to let it sink in.
I choose to accept my role in life, or lack thereof.

I choose to be done.
I choose to muster up the strength to doggy paddle my way out of this.
I choose to control my life.
I choose to go after the things I want.

I choose you, Pikachu!