Last Train Home
Alright everyone, put on your emo caps. Zan is in a bad mood.
For some reason, waking up late with only a few hours of conciousness before I had to try and sleep early (work early in the morning, eight damn hours) has made my whole day start off kilter. Kilter, great word. But I digress.
I'm just struck with that familiar feeling, the one that's telling me I have nothing in my life here. It's a droning monotony, you know? Nighthand was telling me the night before how he feared this sort of thing would be his life forever, but I luckily don't have that fear. I know I'll get a sense of purpose once I become an officer...but where will that be? Will I do the easy thing and stay in Iowa where the worst murders committed here are people run over with tractors or do I go back to California where I feel my life is and where I think I can do the most good? Thing is California will be impossible to live in. I do not have the freaking money to pay $1400 a month for an apartment. Yes, my dad paid that much for a shitty one when I was living with him. It probably isn't quite so bad for a one room, but I'll probably just end up getting a studio apartment. And fuck that.
Bleh.
And yet something excites me about the thought of living in a shitty apartment and being a homicide cop. Too much television. Too much gritty crime drama. I don't know. I'm hearing songs lately, like Kids of America, that are making me hit modes of my childhood. I first heard that song in something involving Digimon. Flashing back to that level of youth makes me nostalgic beyond anything I've ever felt before. Okay, so close. It's so dumb to miss my childhood, especially because it really wasn't that great. It's just the small shit I wish I could go back to. Big surprise. Adulthood sucks. Boo hoo Zan, suck it the fuck up.
I don't know, I think I just have to get out of here. I wish I could do the big Divvy road trip with Raquar and Sekai and everybody this summer. I think I might be more sane. Hell, if I can convince one of you to let me prod around, I might just take the van my mom is going to give me for free and just have fucking fun. Even if it means driving all the way to Colorado to poke Sekai and force her into the van. ... That sounded wrong. Eh. Nighthand can stab me later.
I don't know, I think I just need to get out and get away. But everyone has heard me say that a million times already. So ignore this.
For some reason, waking up late with only a few hours of conciousness before I had to try and sleep early (work early in the morning, eight damn hours) has made my whole day start off kilter. Kilter, great word. But I digress.
I'm just struck with that familiar feeling, the one that's telling me I have nothing in my life here. It's a droning monotony, you know? Nighthand was telling me the night before how he feared this sort of thing would be his life forever, but I luckily don't have that fear. I know I'll get a sense of purpose once I become an officer...but where will that be? Will I do the easy thing and stay in Iowa where the worst murders committed here are people run over with tractors or do I go back to California where I feel my life is and where I think I can do the most good? Thing is California will be impossible to live in. I do not have the freaking money to pay $1400 a month for an apartment. Yes, my dad paid that much for a shitty one when I was living with him. It probably isn't quite so bad for a one room, but I'll probably just end up getting a studio apartment. And fuck that.
Bleh.
And yet something excites me about the thought of living in a shitty apartment and being a homicide cop. Too much television. Too much gritty crime drama. I don't know. I'm hearing songs lately, like Kids of America, that are making me hit modes of my childhood. I first heard that song in something involving Digimon. Flashing back to that level of youth makes me nostalgic beyond anything I've ever felt before. Okay, so close. It's so dumb to miss my childhood, especially because it really wasn't that great. It's just the small shit I wish I could go back to. Big surprise. Adulthood sucks. Boo hoo Zan, suck it the fuck up.
I don't know, I think I just have to get out of here. I wish I could do the big Divvy road trip with Raquar and Sekai and everybody this summer. I think I might be more sane. Hell, if I can convince one of you to let me prod around, I might just take the van my mom is going to give me for free and just have fucking fun. Even if it means driving all the way to Colorado to poke Sekai and force her into the van. ... That sounded wrong. Eh. Nighthand can stab me later.
I don't know, I think I just need to get out and get away. But everyone has heard me say that a million times already. So ignore this.