today
I think that my cut is getting infected causing my hand to not work properly. I suppose the infection is spreading throughout my hand. I wonder why that is.
I am now aware of that fact. And I wonder how it would look if I had nothing I wanted right now. I suppose it would look empty. Very lovely, but empty. Clear.
I am absolutely sure of this.
I suppose it is good to feel clear of everything once and a while. To have nothing to think of that makes you happy. I suppose that the process of searching for something joyous to think about is part of what drives us to become creative. I know it is that way with me.
I have lost the only person in a long time that I have cared about because of one erroneous note. A note I should have never written. A note that I will probably regret writing for years to come. I was with someone who made every part of me feel as if I never knew ANY part of me until I met them.
I was with someone who I did not know how to express that to. I am subsequently no longer with that person and I have never felt so dislodged from the physical world.
I wanted to walk and walk and walk and never come home forever. It was snowing. And I wanted to feel that snow on me. All of who I once was. And I took a shower when I arrived home. It burned my skin because I was so cold. But now I am warm. Now I have no one to share that with. Now I have no one.
And I want to expell this.
Because it is growing inside of me.
I can no longer allow this. This is over.
I am now aware of that fact. And I wonder how it would look if I had nothing I wanted right now. I suppose it would look empty. Very lovely, but empty. Clear.
I am absolutely sure of this.
I suppose it is good to feel clear of everything once and a while. To have nothing to think of that makes you happy. I suppose that the process of searching for something joyous to think about is part of what drives us to become creative. I know it is that way with me.
I have lost the only person in a long time that I have cared about because of one erroneous note. A note I should have never written. A note that I will probably regret writing for years to come. I was with someone who made every part of me feel as if I never knew ANY part of me until I met them.
I was with someone who I did not know how to express that to. I am subsequently no longer with that person and I have never felt so dislodged from the physical world.
I wanted to walk and walk and walk and never come home forever. It was snowing. And I wanted to feel that snow on me. All of who I once was. And I took a shower when I arrived home. It burned my skin because I was so cold. But now I am warm. Now I have no one to share that with. Now I have no one.
And I want to expell this.
Because it is growing inside of me.
I can no longer allow this. This is over.