venting, feel free to ignore
people always ask me how thigs are going with me and scott, and honestly there is no real answer to that question. last weekend i thought that things were great, and they most definately were not. this week i think things are going better and hopefully i am a little more on task. right now i feel like i am fighting desperatelly to save my relationship. i want to make scott happy and that is because he makes me so happy. september was a terrible month for us, we were all over the place, up and down, and its so tough. probably the hardest part is that i work somewhere where people always assume that things are great. and when things arent, i have this feeling like somehow its my fault, espec since i am the only girl there.
the new plan:
1. lower my expectations. i am not on a soap opera or a tv drama, he is not ever going to have one of those scene ending soul bearing love scenes, and i shouldnt expect that. if i stop waiting for what i think he has to say, i may be impressed with what he actually comes up with himself.
2. try not to miss him. in the past i have spent a lot of my days lamenting on how much it sucks to be without him. now i am trying to do sutff so that i am not always thinking and talking about him and so that way the time will go by faster, and surprisingly it actually does.
the only tough part is that i have a difficult time without him. hes my best friend, and sometimes it feels like he was my only friend. me and jenn (new jenn) get along soo well and i love hanging out with her, but i feel like i am missing out on something, and i hate that feeling.
i am dreading him being in germany for so long (nov 4 till christmastime)
all day saturday (after he told me he wanted to break up, but before i changed his mind) i was trying to figure out if i thought that it was worth it. the answer that i came to was yes.
he makes me smile, even when it seems like there is nothing else happy in the world
he likes me for me. he doesnt care that i dont like to wear makeup and is just as attracted to me if i am wearing his sweatpants or a hot outfit
even though he doesnt always tell me what he is thinking, overall i always get the sense that he cares about me.
ok enough of that...he'll be here saturday, wish me the best
the new plan:
1. lower my expectations. i am not on a soap opera or a tv drama, he is not ever going to have one of those scene ending soul bearing love scenes, and i shouldnt expect that. if i stop waiting for what i think he has to say, i may be impressed with what he actually comes up with himself.
2. try not to miss him. in the past i have spent a lot of my days lamenting on how much it sucks to be without him. now i am trying to do sutff so that i am not always thinking and talking about him and so that way the time will go by faster, and surprisingly it actually does.
the only tough part is that i have a difficult time without him. hes my best friend, and sometimes it feels like he was my only friend. me and jenn (new jenn) get along soo well and i love hanging out with her, but i feel like i am missing out on something, and i hate that feeling.
i am dreading him being in germany for so long (nov 4 till christmastime)
all day saturday (after he told me he wanted to break up, but before i changed his mind) i was trying to figure out if i thought that it was worth it. the answer that i came to was yes.
he makes me smile, even when it seems like there is nothing else happy in the world
he likes me for me. he doesnt care that i dont like to wear makeup and is just as attracted to me if i am wearing his sweatpants or a hot outfit
even though he doesnt always tell me what he is thinking, overall i always get the sense that he cares about me.
ok enough of that...he'll be here saturday, wish me the best