the question of forgiveness (back to Furuba 121)
*eyes calendar* The next Furuba chapter is scheduled for the day I leave for Toronto. Hope it comes out earlier--if it doesn't, I can probably see/read it just as quickly as I could here, but I won't have as much time to participate in the fandom reaction (and there undoubtedly will be one--luckily we know where Yuki is, and it's *not* at school, so odds of Takaya pulling one of her "whoops, time for the student council!" stunts seem small).
*sips tea* Ok, so this line of thought has been wriggling around in the back of my head since the last chapter, and it's not exactly sorted out yet . . . it's still a mess of my thoughts on human nature, and the way things are in reality and in fiction, and it's undoubtedly tangled up with my beliefs about how people 'should' react (which is sometimes what fiction accomplishes) as opposed to how we *do* react . . . and I'm a bit afraid that it came off sounding a bit contentious. :/ But I don't know how to make it better.
Anyone who doesn't know how conflicted I am about Akito hasn't been paying much attention. And I have friends who feel very strongly about her, whether it's love or hate, so I've read a variety of reactions to the current situation. On the one hand, I *am* glad that Tohru's reaching out to Akito, because *someone* has to, and it's really what Tohru is. If there's a convincing way for Akito to heal at all, I want it to happen--partly for her sake, but mostly because I believe the 12shi (at least under the curse) can't heal if she doesn't. I know she's terrified, and desperate, and that in some ways she didn't have much choice about how twisted she became.
But. Sean's reaction also hit a chord: "Oh dear. This had better be a bluff, or a blind, or not what it seems. Because if Tohru saves Akito through the power of her goodness and niceness, I will throw things through a wall . . . But as it is, this chapter bummed me out, as I regard it as backsliding on the author's part, going back to the early FB plot of 'Tohru's good heart can heal all!', which frankly, is not why I read FB."
I don't think it's backsliding (I keep using the words "coming full circle" lately when talking about Furuba developments), but I think that things have changed since the early chapters when Tohru was constantly "healing" people--we've since seen the vulnerability under her endearing, if somewhat simplistic, ability to love pretty much anyone. And more importantly, we've seen that she *doesn't* have the power to fix everything. She gave a lot of the Sohmas the first nudge they needed, but it's become clear that they don't all take the hint, or that they still have to do most of the work themselves. Which is good, and honest . . . and frankly, for all that I desperately love the characters in this series, and for all my admiration of Takaya's gift for structure, I think the fundamental reason why I "believe" in this story is that it has emotional integrity.
[This is where it gets messy in my head. Forgive any incoherence.]
And so I keep coming up against the idea of forgiveness, because . . . partly because Akito needs to be forgiven, and largely because I don't think wounded people can heal if they can't forgive the person who's hurt them. Part of me is glad that Tohru reached out to Akito, yes, because Akito needs it . . . but in some ways it carries the weight of forgiveness, and frankly, I don't think Tohru's entitled to forgive Akito. Not so much because most of Akito's offenses haven't been directed at her (although there's certainly been personal injury), but because Tohru has asked for and received the trust of too many of Akito's victims. Objectively--ideally, "theologically", I don't know what to call it--that shouldn't mean that she can't try to do for Akito what she's done for the others. But in terms of human response, it disturbs me that she can know what she knows--that she can have seen the physical and emotional scars on the Jyuunishi, and know how thoroughly Akito's crippled them--and still think she can start over.
I think maybe that's it--on first reading, I liked her reintroduction of herself, her attempt to start from scratch. But she can't--not because of herself, not because it wouldn't accomplish what she wanted--we KNOW Akito responded to it, and it may be exactly what Akito needed to hear . . . But it's not their shared past that needs dealing with. I think that because of the trust the other characters have placed in her, Tohru is not entitled to act as if what she knows can be ignored.
That sounds downright cruel, but I think of how Akito seems to think, of the patterns she's been locked into . . . and if Tohru "forgives" her (and I'd like to be clear that I'm not fully equating forgiveness and acceptance here--I think it's good that Tohru's reaching out and trying to understand, to maybe get things started), I think it's plausible to think Akito might latch onto that and not reach out to the Jyuunishi for any kind of forgiveness, when *they're* the ones who need to give it. (Also, I am aware that Tohru never actually said anything about "forgiveness" herself, and that this is more my reading of the subtext.)
I don't know how the Jyuunishi might react--well, no. I think they'd be split. Some of them trust Tohru enough that if she accepts Akito, it might be enough to make them at least think about trying to understand her themselves. And that'd be good. But at the same time, Rin and Hiro (for example) don't have that faith in Tohru's judgement, although they seem to have been sold on her good intentions and sincerity. If Tohru and Akito bond in any meaningful way (odds of this happening obviously depend on what happens next), I imagine it wouldn't shake Hiro up too badly. And I know I've got my Rin-bias going on, but I'm imagining what that would seem like to her--if the first person (other than Haru, and to a lesser extent, I think Kazuma) she's allowed herself to trust in *years* turns and makes a connection with the god who hurt her so badly. Tohru and Rin's relationship seems unsteady enough--what with Rin's fundamental distrust and unwillingness to expose herself--without that. I'm not sure their friendship would--or should--survive it.
Anyway. I think Takaya's earned my trust that things will work out in a way that makes sense emotionally as well as in terms of plot and bringing loose ends together. I guess I just wanted to go on the record with some of that--Tohru is Tohru, and she's the heart of the series, and it's inevitable and right that her deepest traits should have a serious effect on how the story plays out. But that *can't* be the whole solution, or the overall series is undermined and flawed.
Ok. Now I go back to trying to get something written before I go away.
[ETA: more in the comments: flamika makes a good point.]
*sips tea* Ok, so this line of thought has been wriggling around in the back of my head since the last chapter, and it's not exactly sorted out yet . . . it's still a mess of my thoughts on human nature, and the way things are in reality and in fiction, and it's undoubtedly tangled up with my beliefs about how people 'should' react (which is sometimes what fiction accomplishes) as opposed to how we *do* react . . . and I'm a bit afraid that it came off sounding a bit contentious. :/ But I don't know how to make it better.
Anyone who doesn't know how conflicted I am about Akito hasn't been paying much attention. And I have friends who feel very strongly about her, whether it's love or hate, so I've read a variety of reactions to the current situation. On the one hand, I *am* glad that Tohru's reaching out to Akito, because *someone* has to, and it's really what Tohru is. If there's a convincing way for Akito to heal at all, I want it to happen--partly for her sake, but mostly because I believe the 12shi (at least under the curse) can't heal if she doesn't. I know she's terrified, and desperate, and that in some ways she didn't have much choice about how twisted she became.
But. Sean's reaction also hit a chord: "Oh dear. This had better be a bluff, or a blind, or not what it seems. Because if Tohru saves Akito through the power of her goodness and niceness, I will throw things through a wall . . . But as it is, this chapter bummed me out, as I regard it as backsliding on the author's part, going back to the early FB plot of 'Tohru's good heart can heal all!', which frankly, is not why I read FB."
I don't think it's backsliding (I keep using the words "coming full circle" lately when talking about Furuba developments), but I think that things have changed since the early chapters when Tohru was constantly "healing" people--we've since seen the vulnerability under her endearing, if somewhat simplistic, ability to love pretty much anyone. And more importantly, we've seen that she *doesn't* have the power to fix everything. She gave a lot of the Sohmas the first nudge they needed, but it's become clear that they don't all take the hint, or that they still have to do most of the work themselves. Which is good, and honest . . . and frankly, for all that I desperately love the characters in this series, and for all my admiration of Takaya's gift for structure, I think the fundamental reason why I "believe" in this story is that it has emotional integrity.
[This is where it gets messy in my head. Forgive any incoherence.]
And so I keep coming up against the idea of forgiveness, because . . . partly because Akito needs to be forgiven, and largely because I don't think wounded people can heal if they can't forgive the person who's hurt them. Part of me is glad that Tohru reached out to Akito, yes, because Akito needs it . . . but in some ways it carries the weight of forgiveness, and frankly, I don't think Tohru's entitled to forgive Akito. Not so much because most of Akito's offenses haven't been directed at her (although there's certainly been personal injury), but because Tohru has asked for and received the trust of too many of Akito's victims. Objectively--ideally, "theologically", I don't know what to call it--that shouldn't mean that she can't try to do for Akito what she's done for the others. But in terms of human response, it disturbs me that she can know what she knows--that she can have seen the physical and emotional scars on the Jyuunishi, and know how thoroughly Akito's crippled them--and still think she can start over.
I think maybe that's it--on first reading, I liked her reintroduction of herself, her attempt to start from scratch. But she can't--not because of herself, not because it wouldn't accomplish what she wanted--we KNOW Akito responded to it, and it may be exactly what Akito needed to hear . . . But it's not their shared past that needs dealing with. I think that because of the trust the other characters have placed in her, Tohru is not entitled to act as if what she knows can be ignored.
That sounds downright cruel, but I think of how Akito seems to think, of the patterns she's been locked into . . . and if Tohru "forgives" her (and I'd like to be clear that I'm not fully equating forgiveness and acceptance here--I think it's good that Tohru's reaching out and trying to understand, to maybe get things started), I think it's plausible to think Akito might latch onto that and not reach out to the Jyuunishi for any kind of forgiveness, when *they're* the ones who need to give it. (Also, I am aware that Tohru never actually said anything about "forgiveness" herself, and that this is more my reading of the subtext.)
I don't know how the Jyuunishi might react--well, no. I think they'd be split. Some of them trust Tohru enough that if she accepts Akito, it might be enough to make them at least think about trying to understand her themselves. And that'd be good. But at the same time, Rin and Hiro (for example) don't have that faith in Tohru's judgement, although they seem to have been sold on her good intentions and sincerity. If Tohru and Akito bond in any meaningful way (odds of this happening obviously depend on what happens next), I imagine it wouldn't shake Hiro up too badly. And I know I've got my Rin-bias going on, but I'm imagining what that would seem like to her--if the first person (other than Haru, and to a lesser extent, I think Kazuma) she's allowed herself to trust in *years* turns and makes a connection with the god who hurt her so badly. Tohru and Rin's relationship seems unsteady enough--what with Rin's fundamental distrust and unwillingness to expose herself--without that. I'm not sure their friendship would--or should--survive it.
Anyway. I think Takaya's earned my trust that things will work out in a way that makes sense emotionally as well as in terms of plot and bringing loose ends together. I guess I just wanted to go on the record with some of that--Tohru is Tohru, and she's the heart of the series, and it's inevitable and right that her deepest traits should have a serious effect on how the story plays out. But that *can't* be the whole solution, or the overall series is undermined and flawed.
Ok. Now I go back to trying to get something written before I go away.
[ETA: more in the comments: flamika makes a good point.]