just me
i hate where i am right now...i try avoiding this place, but i keep coming back to it. no matter how much i pretend, no matter how many different fronts i put forth...i can't escape myself, i can't lie to myself, which sucks...i really wish i could. i hate that i'm so vulnerable, i'm so weak at times...but i can't help it, it's just who i am. i don't regret acting on feelings, i don't...but at times i wish i would just think things through, just think of how my words will affect another person. then again, i wish people would express themselves towards me the same way i do to them...i'm completely out there, no walls, no barriers, no shields, free to be shot...at any moment, with your words, with your lack of words.
you know what's been bugging me lately? people that don't know who i am and swear they love me...you don't know me, how could you possibly love me? i don't know...maybe i'm being too critical, maybe they do know me...but i think it takes a little more than a couple IM conversations to really know a person. i don't know why it bothers me, i guess i should feel special...but i don't, i just feel guilty, like i'm making them love a person that might not even exist...but they swear i'm all that and a bag of chips. i promise, i'm not...i'm just me, i'm not this super genius, i'm not hot, i'm not even charming...i'm just me. stop making me into this huge deal...i don't like it.
on a lighter note, i randomly bumped into the guy that was having surgery the day we went to view it...lipoma guy, i don't even remember his name, how sad. it's so weird seeing people you've seen in the hospital in real life...i mean, outside the hospital. and they look at you with this face like, wow...she's amazing! i didn't even do anything but stand there and watch, anyone can do that! i guess that's how it'll be when i save my own lives, when i perform my own surgeries...until then, i'm just me...got it?
...i'm just me...
you know what's been bugging me lately? people that don't know who i am and swear they love me...you don't know me, how could you possibly love me? i don't know...maybe i'm being too critical, maybe they do know me...but i think it takes a little more than a couple IM conversations to really know a person. i don't know why it bothers me, i guess i should feel special...but i don't, i just feel guilty, like i'm making them love a person that might not even exist...but they swear i'm all that and a bag of chips. i promise, i'm not...i'm just me, i'm not this super genius, i'm not hot, i'm not even charming...i'm just me. stop making me into this huge deal...i don't like it.
on a lighter note, i randomly bumped into the guy that was having surgery the day we went to view it...lipoma guy, i don't even remember his name, how sad. it's so weird seeing people you've seen in the hospital in real life...i mean, outside the hospital. and they look at you with this face like, wow...she's amazing! i didn't even do anything but stand there and watch, anyone can do that! i guess that's how it'll be when i save my own lives, when i perform my own surgeries...until then, i'm just me...got it?
...i'm just me...