my life updates.
hey. haha..finally updating again.
wonder if you're still checking this LJ out.
oh well, life has been really dramatic during
my absence on LJ. God has brought me thru
times of real brokenness - surfacing all the
things that are hidden right down in my heart for
many years. hurts and pains that i was even unaware of.
brought me thru times of depression,
and of course being the loving and faithful God,
He didn't bring me into depression for nothing.
but He brought me into it, so that He can start
healing me from the core of my pains.
He is in the process of completely healing me.
emotionally, spiritually.
everyday i find myself more aware of my sins,
more aware of my thought life..for i now realise
my identity as a child of God. no longer have to
be a slave to the spirit of sin and death by believing
in lies, and in acting upon them.
of course, the more i am aware of my sins, the
harder i am on myself. i cry all the more these days
when i realise my sins. i sought the Lord for forgiveness
all the more when i realise my sins. i know i am getting
harder on myself, but one thing is different from
before - that is i now hate the sin that i commit, i no
longer hate myself. i know who i am in God's eyes -
a child, pure and innocent. not a condemned sinner.
my Lord is healing me from deep within. real deep.
not just living out the form of godliness and yet denying
its power, but right down at the core of my being. to
internalise who i am in Christ, what God's love for me is.
i'm still learning.
i'm learning to hate and despise sin the way God does,
yet loves the sinner (including myself) as God loves.
i'm learning to listen to God's voice and to trust and obey Him.
i've started to literally stay still and wait upon Him.
and though many times, it occurs to many like it's a waste of time
and that it doesn't work that way, but it is really JUST THAT WAY.
after a few days, God did spoke. though i was uncertain it was Him,
but over time, it became more and more evident that it was Him.
it had been an amazing experience to wait in silence for Him.
God had also worked a miracle regarding my financial support
for gen12ii. i knew i didn't have to worry for my God is rich. heh.
next acad yr i'm not gonna be ST already. sth that the Lord wants
me to stop doing. i don't know what is gonna be ahead of me, but
i guess the Lord has brought me to a stage whereby i'm starting
to learn to listen and obey His voice. i wanted very badly to stay
as ST, and i felt upset that i had to leave. but the Lord really did
challenged me to obey His instruction to leave the ST.
leaving ST is like taking part of my life out of me. and it is a major
part that forms up my life. the transition from ST to non-ST is
kinda uncertain. i don't know what is coming up, but i believe the
Lord is gonna bring me thru a time of rest and retreat. of being a
Mary and not a Martha. exciting journey ahead that He has set out
for me. i am looking forward to spend one year of rest in Him.
there is indeed no greater adventure than a life in Christ.
my Lord my God. many things have occurred. thank You for such
privileges to be called into Your courts. to be called into Your
ministry. i am not an able person, but Lord You have expanded my
capacity. i have a proud spirit within me, but Lord You have chosen
to teach me humility. continue to mold me O God. i want to keep
serving and loving You. in Jesus' precious and mighty name. amen.