(no subject)
Like the drug dealer I am, I had to take cash out of my account the other day for my parents. It was a pretty obscene amount... they had to compare signatures, I had to answer questions I had no answer to. Anyways, I walked out with my envelope full of money. A serious though laid in my mind... I could take this and run. I could have run away to Los Angelas or New York... the two places people run away to. I didnt, clearly. I could have, I would never have had to see my parents or dealt with their misery ever again. I could have packed up and left. I would have left the SUV so that they couldnt put out a theft alert... I would have driven my shitbox across country never to be seen again. I wouldnt have had to sit here and watch my family die out. They are all dying this year. My grandmother, as well as her husband, are dying... they wont tell us of what. My father will be gone soon, not that he is fully present as it is... My poor Christopher will have to deal with this along side of me... unless he leaves. He probably will, I wont blame him. All of this is going through my mind. ...the cash is still in the house...i think. I could still do it. But what would I do? I dont know... maybe never eat and fade into the nightlife of the Blvd? I just want to run. We are all in charge of our own happiness. I refure to sever pieces of my for the feeding. Fuck that.