wierd times
you know i should be asleep, i have a final at 8 in the morning. but i feel i must write about what is going on in my life. Let's just say i understand why my brother caught a bus headed one-way to kansas city. live has been so wierd for me lately. I spent some time today straightening my hair. I looked pretty nice. my mom finally woke up after getting (finally) some rest, her arthritis has been buggin pretty bad lately. she asked me to go to the store to buy her a soda. i go get the stuff, i walk outside and...just my luck..it's started to rain a bit. my hair was straightened. i had to ask, "God have you abandoned me for more important things or am i so far out of your will that i haven't a clue". don't get scared my brethren! i am not falling away or having thoughts of falling away. I had a king david moment. I wasn't scared to speak to God with all honesty instead of this fake, "everything is alright" crap that we are sometimes taught by religion. I don't think God is offended by my honesty if he was then he was offended by Christ's honesty in the Garden when he said "if you are willing take this cup from me". I may be exaggerating though. My life may not be falling apart. It just seems like the things i thought were in control aren't. Mind you these things were not in my control, that is what scares me. I knew God to be in control of certain things i knew i could not control. Now it seems like there are all out of wack,and the things i once thought to be true seem to be foolish. I know i am being quite general, i am not doing this on purpose. something is awry in my spirit, "i have a bad taste in my heart" i don't know its root or cause, all i know is that i feel it, and i feel icky.
all this is making me not myself.
if my life were a psalm...i am in that verse were i ask God where he is and how my enemies triumph over me and how i have sorrow in my heart. i wish i could get to part where my heart says,
"but i trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation, i will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me" Ps. 13:5-6
wierd times though. I just want to see something fantabulous in my life. I have seen alot of heartache and dissappointment. I just want one-thing to work out. i am not negating the fact that there are blessing in my life. But only God knows the secrets of my heart. He understands what i mean by "something" big
well pray that i wake up in time for my final. I gotta get some sleep.
see you all next time
love ya
annie
all this is making me not myself.
if my life were a psalm...i am in that verse were i ask God where he is and how my enemies triumph over me and how i have sorrow in my heart. i wish i could get to part where my heart says,
"but i trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation, i will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me" Ps. 13:5-6
wierd times though. I just want to see something fantabulous in my life. I have seen alot of heartache and dissappointment. I just want one-thing to work out. i am not negating the fact that there are blessing in my life. But only God knows the secrets of my heart. He understands what i mean by "something" big
well pray that i wake up in time for my final. I gotta get some sleep.
see you all next time
love ya
annie