Skating Lessons Part Two.
For some reason I was absolutely terrified of stepping onto the ice this week. I haven't fallen yet, so it wasn't that. I have no idea, but I was shaking and forgetting to breathe and everything. Frog says I was looking like I was going to pass out.
So I stumbled my way around a lap and by then my right foot was killing me and I had cramps all up that leg, so I went and took off my skates, massaged my feet and took off one pair of socks. (Yes, I had two on.) That felt a whole heap better and I stood up, determined to go again.
When I got back out there, the fear was gone as magically as it had appeared. I'm a freak, I know.
One of the girls asked Frog and me why we weren't all Mighty Ducked up. We had to explain that those had been Penguins Jerseys, and we didn't have Ducks ones yet because we can't get Teemu...
So, the lesson. We retouched on the stuff from the week before. It seems I was running out of steam with my swizzles because I keep my legs apart too long. This made sense and I've improved there. Swizzles are now fun, if you leave out the opinion of my left knee. What does it know, anyway?
The One Foot Glide turned out to be much easier if I lift the leg I wouldn't usually choose to. Go figure. We had to do them on both legs and I managed that "reasonable three" for both. Go Me!!!!
Dips. Squats, whatever. Still suck, but I'm all over those. I'm good there. Boring.
The dreaded Snow Plough Stop.... *cue ominous music* I remain the only person in the class that can get even close, but I still suck like an Electrolux on steroids. I get this slow, sideways skid going. Apparently, I need to "Be like cow on ice" There's a whole hilarious spreading out slapstick routine that goes with this and I have no words to describe it. Think Bambi being portrayed by a tall, pretty Russian figure skater of the male persuasion while holding a clipboard. Hysterical.
Pretty Boy has a name, BTW. It's Evgeni. I asked him. Then I squeed. I told him that was a very cool name and one of the girls said, "Go on, say it." Like she was daring me. So I said, "Evgeni." and they all seemed impressed. Evgeni especially. I don't get it. How hard is it to say Evgeni? Then I added, "Like Malkin." with a big smile, which earned me a big grin and a "Yeah!" from Evgeni. (Does Evgeni sound weird yet? Evgeni....hehe.)
So anywaggles... We all thought we were something pretty special with how much we'd all improved and stuff, and then? Evgeni says, "Slalom." And my brain goes skiing. But it turned out he wanted us to do this little zigzaggy thing along the line WITHOUT TAKING OUR SKATES OFF THE ICE!!! He showed us and then said "Now you go."
The kid has a sense of humour, huh?
He must have had a real good laugh at us. But then he called us all together and tried to explain how it worked. Something about invisible swizzles with one skate and wiggling your hips. We all nodded and tried not to look confused and then it was the end of the lesson.
We had a cup of tea and a biscuit which somehow led to a discussion of stories involving cannibalism with the lady behind the counter (who has adopted Frog and I as "her girls")and then we stepped back out onto the slippery white stuff to try and figure out how to make invisible swizzles with our hips wiggling. Somewhere along the line, it worked! I can slalom! In fact, I don't ever want to skate any other way, it's THAT much fun!
As for the goal I set myself this time? I wanted to be able to skate into the goal crease and stop before I was out of it. I succeeded first try. Then Frog and I had a big discussion about the face off dot. We psyched ourselves up and skated over, stopped and even crouched down like we were waiting for a puck to fall out of the sky.
People may have thought we were odd, but I think they just shake their heads and laugh now. All the regular folk were there and they were full of encouragement for us. Irene said we're 100% better than last week. Not hard, but still, nice of her to say it.
There were a few ratbags skating this week. They were hacking up the ice with their skates to make snowballs, which they then threw at each other. A couple of people made growly faces at them and told them to stop, but they kept right on doing it.
I skated up behind one guy as he was hacking up the ice right where I was about to go and I said, "Dude! Seriously. That's so not a nice thing to do, you know? It makes holes in the ice and people like me fall over in them and then we get, like, really sad, okay?"
So he patted all the shavings back into the hole and said, "Sorry." They left soon after that. I guess you just have to speak their language, huh?
I've learned that the ice is nicest somewhere between when it's first Zambonied and when it's been hacked to death by a bunch of people with knives on their feet. It gets kind of dry and scritchy. I don't know how to describe it, but it's hard work to skate on.
And so ends another chapter of Ultra_Chrome on Ice! Tune in next week for episode three.
So I stumbled my way around a lap and by then my right foot was killing me and I had cramps all up that leg, so I went and took off my skates, massaged my feet and took off one pair of socks. (Yes, I had two on.) That felt a whole heap better and I stood up, determined to go again.
When I got back out there, the fear was gone as magically as it had appeared. I'm a freak, I know.
One of the girls asked Frog and me why we weren't all Mighty Ducked up. We had to explain that those had been Penguins Jerseys, and we didn't have Ducks ones yet because we can't get Teemu...
So, the lesson. We retouched on the stuff from the week before. It seems I was running out of steam with my swizzles because I keep my legs apart too long. This made sense and I've improved there. Swizzles are now fun, if you leave out the opinion of my left knee. What does it know, anyway?
The One Foot Glide turned out to be much easier if I lift the leg I wouldn't usually choose to. Go figure. We had to do them on both legs and I managed that "reasonable three" for both. Go Me!!!!
Dips. Squats, whatever. Still suck, but I'm all over those. I'm good there. Boring.
The dreaded Snow Plough Stop.... *cue ominous music* I remain the only person in the class that can get even close, but I still suck like an Electrolux on steroids. I get this slow, sideways skid going. Apparently, I need to "Be like cow on ice" There's a whole hilarious spreading out slapstick routine that goes with this and I have no words to describe it. Think Bambi being portrayed by a tall, pretty Russian figure skater of the male persuasion while holding a clipboard. Hysterical.
Pretty Boy has a name, BTW. It's Evgeni. I asked him. Then I squeed. I told him that was a very cool name and one of the girls said, "Go on, say it." Like she was daring me. So I said, "Evgeni." and they all seemed impressed. Evgeni especially. I don't get it. How hard is it to say Evgeni? Then I added, "Like Malkin." with a big smile, which earned me a big grin and a "Yeah!" from Evgeni. (Does Evgeni sound weird yet? Evgeni....hehe.)
So anywaggles... We all thought we were something pretty special with how much we'd all improved and stuff, and then? Evgeni says, "Slalom." And my brain goes skiing. But it turned out he wanted us to do this little zigzaggy thing along the line WITHOUT TAKING OUR SKATES OFF THE ICE!!! He showed us and then said "Now you go."
The kid has a sense of humour, huh?
He must have had a real good laugh at us. But then he called us all together and tried to explain how it worked. Something about invisible swizzles with one skate and wiggling your hips. We all nodded and tried not to look confused and then it was the end of the lesson.
We had a cup of tea and a biscuit which somehow led to a discussion of stories involving cannibalism with the lady behind the counter (who has adopted Frog and I as "her girls")and then we stepped back out onto the slippery white stuff to try and figure out how to make invisible swizzles with our hips wiggling. Somewhere along the line, it worked! I can slalom! In fact, I don't ever want to skate any other way, it's THAT much fun!
As for the goal I set myself this time? I wanted to be able to skate into the goal crease and stop before I was out of it. I succeeded first try. Then Frog and I had a big discussion about the face off dot. We psyched ourselves up and skated over, stopped and even crouched down like we were waiting for a puck to fall out of the sky.
People may have thought we were odd, but I think they just shake their heads and laugh now. All the regular folk were there and they were full of encouragement for us. Irene said we're 100% better than last week. Not hard, but still, nice of her to say it.
There were a few ratbags skating this week. They were hacking up the ice with their skates to make snowballs, which they then threw at each other. A couple of people made growly faces at them and told them to stop, but they kept right on doing it.
I skated up behind one guy as he was hacking up the ice right where I was about to go and I said, "Dude! Seriously. That's so not a nice thing to do, you know? It makes holes in the ice and people like me fall over in them and then we get, like, really sad, okay?"
So he patted all the shavings back into the hole and said, "Sorry." They left soon after that. I guess you just have to speak their language, huh?
I've learned that the ice is nicest somewhere between when it's first Zambonied and when it's been hacked to death by a bunch of people with knives on their feet. It gets kind of dry and scritchy. I don't know how to describe it, but it's hard work to skate on.
And so ends another chapter of Ultra_Chrome on Ice! Tune in next week for episode three.