My First Skating Lesson.
Ouch! My butt hurts. A lot. Not from falling over, mind. Nooo, that would be a quick and simple way to inflict pain. instead I had to get a sore butt the hard way. Swizzles and Squats. I have muscles I forgot I owned. In fact, I'm still not sure I own them. Right now they own me.
It was very humiliating, actually. I don't do so well with the looking like an idiot in public. I can do the clown thing, but being genuinely hopeless? Not my scene.
I got out on the ice about 5 minutes before the lesson started and discovered that I had forgotten everything I figured out the last two times. No balance at all. There I was, waving my arms like a drunk air traffic controller, when this pretty (not hot, just....prettied up) Russian dude skates over, makes snow on my legs and asks if I'm ready to start the lesson. I did the Gulp-of-Fear and said yes. He skated down to the other end of the rink and I wobbled there in my own time.
There were four in the group. Two chicks who looked like Soccer Moms (but turned out to be pretty cool), Frog and li'l ole me. (Both of us in our Pens Jerseys because of it being Sidney Crosby's birthday and all.)
Frog and I had missed the first two lessons in the term since we only found out about it last week, and it seriously showed. Not to mention that we missed the "How to fall and get back up" part of the course. I shall have to ask about those things.
So what did we learn this week?
Two foot glides. That was actually easy, since that's pretty much what I do. The thing was, he didn't want us to do the skaty thing and glide. No, we had to walk, like you do on your own two normal feet. You cannot do that in rental skates! Walking, last time I tried it, involved bending at the ankle. So there were a few scary moments while I tried to compensate for that. Pretty boy actually went to grab for me a couple of times. I discovered that you need to march, rather than walk. All good.
Squats. Yes, you read that right. Squats on ice. Complete with arms. Arms out, skate. Arms front, squat and glide. I somehow managed to excel at this one. Don't ask me, I have no clue. The coolest thing about doing this was when I found myself squatting in the goal crease. Frog saw my tiny little squee and laughed at me.
Swizzles. Suck. Making your legs go so wide that you feel unsafe and then pulling them back in is not fun. Hell, my legs never go that wide, even when I'm sitting on a horse. (Minds out of the gutter, folks.) What I mean is, If I'm using my legs for any kind of staying upright they don't spread that far. Pulling them back in is actually painful. My knees are still yelling at me. My inner thigh muscles? I'm trying not to think about them.
The plan was to swizzle our way along the red line. For some reason I kept going off to my left. Pretty boy was looking vastly amused, but held it in check, for which I may have his babies.
By this point, Frog was having a blast, mocking me and doing very well herself. The other girls were very encouraging in the way that mothers are when their kids suck at stuff. Maybe they thought I didn't notice, but I appreciate the sentiment. They could have joined in with the mocking.
When I'd provided all the entertainment I could from that, we moved to the next impossibility.
One Foot Glides. Oh, yes. Me, who is wobbly enough on two skates, had to lift one off the ice and glide along in a Crane stance a`la Karate Kid. Too funny. Pretty boy said "Try to hold for count of three." I wobbled by on one leg and said, "That was a fast three." He laughed and told us all to go again and "Try to make reasonable three." Smart-arse.
I got an F in that one. Oh wait. I had Deferred Success. I'll get it one day.
Last thing on the agenda was the Snow Plough stop. Way to break a leg! Seriously, tell me how this seems like a good idea. Skate along, stick out your heels and push your feet out sideways really fast. I had images of Shakin' Stevens tripping through my brain, making me giggle. I saw myself sliding along on the ice on my knees screaming in agony as one or both of them were dislocated, which effectively killed my mirth. Thankfully it only resulted in a few unexpected swizzles, a sideways slide and eventually, a very slow snow plough stop, minus any snow. But hey, I did something approximating what was expected of me. And I drew comfort from the fact that I was the only one in the class who did. Everyone else had been shown that one last week and they still swizzled. I got a relieved smile and a "Hey!" from Pretty Boy.
After the lesson, Frog and I took our skates off and had a drink and felt decidedly useless together, before getting back out there and attempting to practice. It got fun. There are all sorts of other people skating around, figure skaters working on routines or having lessons, people who are retired and bored. A few unemployed folk out for a laugh. Everyone is really friendly. I could seriously get to love that place.
There's one lady there, Irene, who is a figure skater about my Mum's age and she spends all day every day there practicing. Talk about fit. She's awesome fun to talk to and plays her own music. Today we skated to the soundtrack from The Wizard of Oz, among other stuff.
The goal I had set for myself before going this week was that I was going to skate over the goal crease. I did that many times at both ends, even stopped in there and had a look around. It's not as little as it looks.
All in all I had a great time, really. Totally worth the pain of a few sore muscles and angry knees. But I will be buying my own skates as soon as I can. I can handle pain, but willingly inflicting it upon myself is just plain dumb.
It was very humiliating, actually. I don't do so well with the looking like an idiot in public. I can do the clown thing, but being genuinely hopeless? Not my scene.
I got out on the ice about 5 minutes before the lesson started and discovered that I had forgotten everything I figured out the last two times. No balance at all. There I was, waving my arms like a drunk air traffic controller, when this pretty (not hot, just....prettied up) Russian dude skates over, makes snow on my legs and asks if I'm ready to start the lesson. I did the Gulp-of-Fear and said yes. He skated down to the other end of the rink and I wobbled there in my own time.
There were four in the group. Two chicks who looked like Soccer Moms (but turned out to be pretty cool), Frog and li'l ole me. (Both of us in our Pens Jerseys because of it being Sidney Crosby's birthday and all.)
Frog and I had missed the first two lessons in the term since we only found out about it last week, and it seriously showed. Not to mention that we missed the "How to fall and get back up" part of the course. I shall have to ask about those things.
So what did we learn this week?
Two foot glides. That was actually easy, since that's pretty much what I do. The thing was, he didn't want us to do the skaty thing and glide. No, we had to walk, like you do on your own two normal feet. You cannot do that in rental skates! Walking, last time I tried it, involved bending at the ankle. So there were a few scary moments while I tried to compensate for that. Pretty boy actually went to grab for me a couple of times. I discovered that you need to march, rather than walk. All good.
Squats. Yes, you read that right. Squats on ice. Complete with arms. Arms out, skate. Arms front, squat and glide. I somehow managed to excel at this one. Don't ask me, I have no clue. The coolest thing about doing this was when I found myself squatting in the goal crease. Frog saw my tiny little squee and laughed at me.
Swizzles. Suck. Making your legs go so wide that you feel unsafe and then pulling them back in is not fun. Hell, my legs never go that wide, even when I'm sitting on a horse. (Minds out of the gutter, folks.) What I mean is, If I'm using my legs for any kind of staying upright they don't spread that far. Pulling them back in is actually painful. My knees are still yelling at me. My inner thigh muscles? I'm trying not to think about them.
The plan was to swizzle our way along the red line. For some reason I kept going off to my left. Pretty boy was looking vastly amused, but held it in check, for which I may have his babies.
By this point, Frog was having a blast, mocking me and doing very well herself. The other girls were very encouraging in the way that mothers are when their kids suck at stuff. Maybe they thought I didn't notice, but I appreciate the sentiment. They could have joined in with the mocking.
When I'd provided all the entertainment I could from that, we moved to the next impossibility.
One Foot Glides. Oh, yes. Me, who is wobbly enough on two skates, had to lift one off the ice and glide along in a Crane stance a`la Karate Kid. Too funny. Pretty boy said "Try to hold for count of three." I wobbled by on one leg and said, "That was a fast three." He laughed and told us all to go again and "Try to make reasonable three." Smart-arse.
I got an F in that one. Oh wait. I had Deferred Success. I'll get it one day.
Last thing on the agenda was the Snow Plough stop. Way to break a leg! Seriously, tell me how this seems like a good idea. Skate along, stick out your heels and push your feet out sideways really fast. I had images of Shakin' Stevens tripping through my brain, making me giggle. I saw myself sliding along on the ice on my knees screaming in agony as one or both of them were dislocated, which effectively killed my mirth. Thankfully it only resulted in a few unexpected swizzles, a sideways slide and eventually, a very slow snow plough stop, minus any snow. But hey, I did something approximating what was expected of me. And I drew comfort from the fact that I was the only one in the class who did. Everyone else had been shown that one last week and they still swizzled. I got a relieved smile and a "Hey!" from Pretty Boy.
After the lesson, Frog and I took our skates off and had a drink and felt decidedly useless together, before getting back out there and attempting to practice. It got fun. There are all sorts of other people skating around, figure skaters working on routines or having lessons, people who are retired and bored. A few unemployed folk out for a laugh. Everyone is really friendly. I could seriously get to love that place.
There's one lady there, Irene, who is a figure skater about my Mum's age and she spends all day every day there practicing. Talk about fit. She's awesome fun to talk to and plays her own music. Today we skated to the soundtrack from The Wizard of Oz, among other stuff.
The goal I had set for myself before going this week was that I was going to skate over the goal crease. I did that many times at both ends, even stopped in there and had a look around. It's not as little as it looks.
All in all I had a great time, really. Totally worth the pain of a few sore muscles and angry knees. But I will be buying my own skates as soon as I can. I can handle pain, but willingly inflicting it upon myself is just plain dumb.