Prompt #18. Play the Part.
Title: The End.
Pairing: RayK/Stella
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1168
Notes: Another instalment in the AU I’ve come to call “Sleeping Beauties” in my head.
Stella never came home early from her gallery hunting trips, but there was a first time for everything and tonight was a night for firsts, so why not?
Ray had his eyes closed during the whole five minutes Danny had been blowing him, so he didn’t know exactly how much she’d seen, but he was pretty sure she was there when he found an image out of the million that played through his brain and focused on it until he came, silently and a little sadly, into Danny’s painted mouth.
The fact that he hadn’t been thinking of her only added to the guilt. He didn’t open his eyes when Danny pulled away. Kept them shut when he heard Danny mutter an oath and make a hasty retreat. He thought maybe the guilt had been shared, but he didn’t know they’d been caught until Stella said his name.
She sounded so calm that it took him a moment to panic. Then he couldn’t sit up fast enough and all he could manage to say was, “Stell. You’re home.”
She just stood there with her arms folded in front of her and one foot out in front of the other. He expected her to start tapping her foot impatiently at any moment, even though he knew she wouldn’t. Stella had more control than that. She’d just stand there and wait all night for an explanation if she had to.
Ray pulled the towel around himself, more for comfort than modesty. He wished he could wrap himself up in it and never show his face to the world again. But he knew he couldn’t hide from Stella, had never been able to.
He cleared his throat and tried to think of some way to explain what had happened that she would accept. Hell, something he could accept himself would have done, but there was nothing and so he sat there, looking at the spot where the edges of the towel overlapped and tried to fight the sudden moistening of his eyes.
He felt the bed dip as she down next to him and jumped a little when her hand came to rest on his shoulder as if she were comforting a stranger.
“Ray? How long has this been happening?” she asked. Her voice sounded so quiet, a little scared even. Ray forced his eyes open and turned to look at her. He saw nothing but concern there and it hurt him. Where was the anger, the betrayal she should be feeling? Where was the proof that she loved him?
“I… it was just…” Ray made himself inhale and fight off the overwhelming sadness that engulfed him. He had to fight for her, for them, even if he was the only one fighting. He couldn’t live without Stella. He didn’t want to live without her. He tried again and the words just came rushing out of him.
“That was the first time, Stell, I swear. I was missing you and I’ve been drinking and I came upstairs to go to bed because all those people just got too much. I had a shower and when I came out, Danny was there and he saw… he saw how I was missing you and he wanted to make it better and I don’t even know why I let him. I didn’t mean to let him, but then it just…it just happened. Oh, God, I’m so fucking ashamed of myself.”
He dropped his head into his hands, not wanting to see her looking at him with those eyes that told him it was over.
“It’s been coming for a long time though. I’ve known for a while that it would happen eventually. If not with Danny, then someone else.”
The words hit Ray like ice, freezing something in his belly and making him want to vomit. It wasn’t true, he never even looked at other women.
“No. No way. You’re the only girl for me, Stell, you know that. You’ve always been the only one I ever wanted.”
She took his hands in hers, drawing them over between them so that Ray had to turn toward her. She sat, looking down at where their hands were joined and gave a small sigh.
“I know that. I’ve always known that. But I wasn’t talking about a woman, Ray. I was talking about a man.”
Ray tried to pull his hands away from her, but she tightened her grip and held him still. How could she say those things so calmly? He was torn apart inside and she was telling him she thought he was gay. Maybe this was her way of hurting him back, getting revenge for his cheating on her.
He looked up defiantly, “You’re just saying that. How can you say that? We’re good together. We’re always good together. Always. Forever, remember that? Why would I stand up and say that in front of the world if I was… if I wanted… why? Tell me that!”
“It is always good, don’t ever doubt that.” She placed on hand on his cheek and Ray leaned into that touch as if it was the last time he’d ever feel it. “But sex isn’t where our connection is. It never was. The sex is good because we know each other so well, because I love you and you love me and we’re the same, Ray. We’ve always been the same.”
“What do you mean, the same?” Ray asked, not sure if he wanted the answer, but knowing he needed to hear it.
“We want the same things, we always have. We’ve been best friends since we were little kids and maybe we just fell into marriage because it was a way to stay together. Maybe I didn’t notice because you’ve been playing a part for so long that you believe it yourself, but you’ve always been like this. I realised that months ago, but I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”
“No! No way…just…no.” Ray hated this. This couldn’t be right. His wife was telling him he liked men. It was wrong, it was just so very, very wrong.
He was shaking now, with anger or fear, or something he couldn’t define and he couldn’t hold back the tears than ran silently down his cheeks as he tried not to remember all the times they’d watched those couples making out on the couch. Tried not to remember how he’d sat through that gay porn Stella had rented out of curiosity once, with a hard on he’d told himself was from her obvious excitement.
He tried to find proof that she was wrong, but the more he tried, the more he knew she was right. She was always right, about everything.
Looking up, he saw the pity in her eyes and knew it was over. No yelling, no door slamming. Their marriage had died with a whimper. And that was all Ray could manage as he curled himself into a ball and cried.
Pairing: RayK/Stella
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1168
Notes: Another instalment in the AU I’ve come to call “Sleeping Beauties” in my head.
Stella never came home early from her gallery hunting trips, but there was a first time for everything and tonight was a night for firsts, so why not?
Ray had his eyes closed during the whole five minutes Danny had been blowing him, so he didn’t know exactly how much she’d seen, but he was pretty sure she was there when he found an image out of the million that played through his brain and focused on it until he came, silently and a little sadly, into Danny’s painted mouth.
The fact that he hadn’t been thinking of her only added to the guilt. He didn’t open his eyes when Danny pulled away. Kept them shut when he heard Danny mutter an oath and make a hasty retreat. He thought maybe the guilt had been shared, but he didn’t know they’d been caught until Stella said his name.
She sounded so calm that it took him a moment to panic. Then he couldn’t sit up fast enough and all he could manage to say was, “Stell. You’re home.”
She just stood there with her arms folded in front of her and one foot out in front of the other. He expected her to start tapping her foot impatiently at any moment, even though he knew she wouldn’t. Stella had more control than that. She’d just stand there and wait all night for an explanation if she had to.
Ray pulled the towel around himself, more for comfort than modesty. He wished he could wrap himself up in it and never show his face to the world again. But he knew he couldn’t hide from Stella, had never been able to.
He cleared his throat and tried to think of some way to explain what had happened that she would accept. Hell, something he could accept himself would have done, but there was nothing and so he sat there, looking at the spot where the edges of the towel overlapped and tried to fight the sudden moistening of his eyes.
He felt the bed dip as she down next to him and jumped a little when her hand came to rest on his shoulder as if she were comforting a stranger.
“Ray? How long has this been happening?” she asked. Her voice sounded so quiet, a little scared even. Ray forced his eyes open and turned to look at her. He saw nothing but concern there and it hurt him. Where was the anger, the betrayal she should be feeling? Where was the proof that she loved him?
“I… it was just…” Ray made himself inhale and fight off the overwhelming sadness that engulfed him. He had to fight for her, for them, even if he was the only one fighting. He couldn’t live without Stella. He didn’t want to live without her. He tried again and the words just came rushing out of him.
“That was the first time, Stell, I swear. I was missing you and I’ve been drinking and I came upstairs to go to bed because all those people just got too much. I had a shower and when I came out, Danny was there and he saw… he saw how I was missing you and he wanted to make it better and I don’t even know why I let him. I didn’t mean to let him, but then it just…it just happened. Oh, God, I’m so fucking ashamed of myself.”
He dropped his head into his hands, not wanting to see her looking at him with those eyes that told him it was over.
“It’s been coming for a long time though. I’ve known for a while that it would happen eventually. If not with Danny, then someone else.”
The words hit Ray like ice, freezing something in his belly and making him want to vomit. It wasn’t true, he never even looked at other women.
“No. No way. You’re the only girl for me, Stell, you know that. You’ve always been the only one I ever wanted.”
She took his hands in hers, drawing them over between them so that Ray had to turn toward her. She sat, looking down at where their hands were joined and gave a small sigh.
“I know that. I’ve always known that. But I wasn’t talking about a woman, Ray. I was talking about a man.”
Ray tried to pull his hands away from her, but she tightened her grip and held him still. How could she say those things so calmly? He was torn apart inside and she was telling him she thought he was gay. Maybe this was her way of hurting him back, getting revenge for his cheating on her.
He looked up defiantly, “You’re just saying that. How can you say that? We’re good together. We’re always good together. Always. Forever, remember that? Why would I stand up and say that in front of the world if I was… if I wanted… why? Tell me that!”
“It is always good, don’t ever doubt that.” She placed on hand on his cheek and Ray leaned into that touch as if it was the last time he’d ever feel it. “But sex isn’t where our connection is. It never was. The sex is good because we know each other so well, because I love you and you love me and we’re the same, Ray. We’ve always been the same.”
“What do you mean, the same?” Ray asked, not sure if he wanted the answer, but knowing he needed to hear it.
“We want the same things, we always have. We’ve been best friends since we were little kids and maybe we just fell into marriage because it was a way to stay together. Maybe I didn’t notice because you’ve been playing a part for so long that you believe it yourself, but you’ve always been like this. I realised that months ago, but I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”
“No! No way…just…no.” Ray hated this. This couldn’t be right. His wife was telling him he liked men. It was wrong, it was just so very, very wrong.
He was shaking now, with anger or fear, or something he couldn’t define and he couldn’t hold back the tears than ran silently down his cheeks as he tried not to remember all the times they’d watched those couples making out on the couch. Tried not to remember how he’d sat through that gay porn Stella had rented out of curiosity once, with a hard on he’d told himself was from her obvious excitement.
He tried to find proof that she was wrong, but the more he tried, the more he knew she was right. She was always right, about everything.
Looking up, he saw the pity in her eyes and knew it was over. No yelling, no door slamming. Their marriage had died with a whimper. And that was all Ray could manage as he curled himself into a ball and cried.