What exactly is with me?
My friend Rachel who's really kinda an x of mine came up and we went to LOTR She started caressing me in a way not quite...ordinary for a couple of friends...I was powerless to resist, i was glad when the movie got over. Then, I go and decide to let her stay at my house here, and she immediately gets in my bed and goes to sleep instead of taking the guest bedroom. Great. So, i get in bed after chillin with Brian who showed up there right when we got back from the movie. I'd already turned the lights off, then suddenly i have warm lips on me, and respond all-too-automatically. It didn't lead to sex or even really making out, but she effectively kept me awake for two hours...and i am ashamed to say that i didn't mind it at all at the time. She was the one that broke my heart by going back to her x after a few blissful days that i was able to spend with her out of last x-mas break, I went back winter quarter to be issolated, tired of smashed love and dreams, and feeling less confident than i probably ever had...I still don't feel as willful as i did 3 year back when i didn't have any of this going on in my life. She is (as of last night) the only girl i've ever done ANYTHING physical with that i wasn't in love with at the same time...argh life is one big frustration. :( I need to go snowboarding, anybody on here near enough to meet me on a mountain?