Random writing
You know I'm pretty sure at one time I went pretty fucking insane.
And I don't know if I'm still there. I guess there is never any way of knowing whether you're still there, you just have to hold onto the reigns and wait out to see if you're ending up doing the right things and going by ok in the end.
There have been times of course where that seemed a lot more clear cut. I've brought myself to the point of oblivion with drugs, with starvation, with just pure recklessness. Back then it all seemed so tangibly out of control. If it was to be snuffed out it was at those times I had no arguement for it not to be.
But there's these times where you hit back into what i'd guess looking from afar, someone would call 'recovery' - these being the times where you feel more set in yourself, more drive to do what you should be doing, and going and embracing life, waking every day and embracing the challenge.
The embrace can be done with a fear that it's all false and it's all just built all upon sand, because sure, what else could it have been built on? Weak, defeated crushable sand was all I had, so what if this could all be a false strength?
I guess the answer is, you will never know until the final day, and by then you're meant to have experiences be they great or bad, to fill up all that time so it won't be a boring wait at least.
Why spend your time tying yourself up with knots about the what ifs? And just go ask "what",...what will I do today, and everyday till my last...and jump into it.
And I don't know if I'm still there. I guess there is never any way of knowing whether you're still there, you just have to hold onto the reigns and wait out to see if you're ending up doing the right things and going by ok in the end.
There have been times of course where that seemed a lot more clear cut. I've brought myself to the point of oblivion with drugs, with starvation, with just pure recklessness. Back then it all seemed so tangibly out of control. If it was to be snuffed out it was at those times I had no arguement for it not to be.
But there's these times where you hit back into what i'd guess looking from afar, someone would call 'recovery' - these being the times where you feel more set in yourself, more drive to do what you should be doing, and going and embracing life, waking every day and embracing the challenge.
The embrace can be done with a fear that it's all false and it's all just built all upon sand, because sure, what else could it have been built on? Weak, defeated crushable sand was all I had, so what if this could all be a false strength?
I guess the answer is, you will never know until the final day, and by then you're meant to have experiences be they great or bad, to fill up all that time so it won't be a boring wait at least.
Why spend your time tying yourself up with knots about the what ifs? And just go ask "what",...what will I do today, and everyday till my last...and jump into it.