(no subject)
I'm not sure where I'm coming to right now.
I feel like until now I've known where abouts I'm headed in general.
I mean it's like you spend the first 25 years of your life knowing, in general what is to happen with them.
I mean obviously that's a pretty flawed statement, but you know the first load of those years will be your formative years, sure ok.
Then you go do whatever. Life becomes a bit more focused, or it should do, maybe it goes off plan or off the rails, whatever, but you know, your youth is going to be where it all is formed, or should be. If it's not or it's all formed at a younger age yeah, so be it...
But then you enter your next stage of your life, I mean you don't enter it so much, but as you feel your getting older, each year added seems likes a decade itself, as you start to see people consider themselves adults who are now many years younger than you, you feel this sort of, well now it's time I was meant to be entering into the world right?
I mean more to the point, I should have entered and been in the big bad real world for some time by now, and should be past the junking around and looking for my direction and all that shit. It shouldn't be new and you should be there now ready and built and developed for it all.
Problem is, what the fuck happens with the rest of my life?
I have no i fucking dea.
Ok. You know I fell off the rails a few times, I'm not quite where I thought I'd be or doing what i thought i'd do, but you know....yeah, those first 20+ years have been banked and I've developed enough to stand me in stead for adulthood etc.
But I can't look at say the next 25 years with some sort of guidance in knowing what is the plan meant to look like in general...I suppose it's to soldier on for a lifetime in a career, settle down, marry, have kids, then watch them go through the first part of this cycle.
It's not really as exciting as the prospect I always used to look forward to as a kid, when I thought about how life would be when I was a teenager...I used to get excited about thinking about how i'd have my own car, and go out drinking and be able to do what I want..etc.
Now that's exciting. And cool. But the rest of what to do with my life, well I mean it involves so much work that sometimes I look at it and go, gee, I can't be fucked.
I suppose that's not entirely accurate. I have met someone, who I can't say I've ever felt the same way about with anyone else I've ever held in my arms. Just, you know you always feel this one is the one. Yeah that's all very well and good. But man, when you look at someone and say those things, and it's all backed up with this feeling that you actually make the prospect of the next 25+ years something that actually does motivate me, that does make me feel like there are things in it I feel are going to be not just totally cool but utterly beautiful and fantastic, and not only that, but to share it with them.
When you look in their eyes, and you impatiently want it all now, (just like you wanted all the things in the future right then when you thought about them as a six year old.) then you know it's coming, you know that life is not going to fall apart - it's going to pan out and fulfil whatever it is going to be. You won't lose the will.
I'm looking forward to losing my youth, and gaining so much that i never really considered or were in my head yet. And looking face on into the major depression this financial crisis is looking to turn into...you realise just how basic these things are, and yet unique to people's life. Boom times, or bust, being motivated by life, being up for each and every new challenge and next stage in your life, having someone you share a mutual adoration with, and a determination to share things and life experiences, meanings, cooperations, goals and achievements, they all bring you enough lifeblood to fulfil life, and make it through all the tough things it may throw you, all the everything, just life in general, can be got through if you just are able to accept that it will change, and you will gain everything you're meant to if you just patiently let it come to you.
I suppose this is a post that makes no sense. I'm at a weird place now, where I feel overloaded with lifelessons,...and just thought that I'm realising i'm reaching some points in my life, and I haven't been able to stop and take a breath at the moment, and have just been waiting to do so, waiting to identify where it's got to and where it goes to from here, but in the meantime coasting in a stunned silence.
Maybe it's that, maybe it's just that i'm highly stressed at the moment, risk losing my job due to my employer going bankrupt from the financial crisis, have fallen deeply in love, need to figure out some things with my career, may have the need to move depending on my girlfriends job, need to fulfil a burning desire to shape my career so it ends up in what I want and in Germany, and would also like to be in a position to start a family in the next few years.
Why the hell is all this going on in my head, and was this post a load of complete and utter random bollocks?
I feel like until now I've known where abouts I'm headed in general.
I mean it's like you spend the first 25 years of your life knowing, in general what is to happen with them.
I mean obviously that's a pretty flawed statement, but you know the first load of those years will be your formative years, sure ok.
Then you go do whatever. Life becomes a bit more focused, or it should do, maybe it goes off plan or off the rails, whatever, but you know, your youth is going to be where it all is formed, or should be. If it's not or it's all formed at a younger age yeah, so be it...
But then you enter your next stage of your life, I mean you don't enter it so much, but as you feel your getting older, each year added seems likes a decade itself, as you start to see people consider themselves adults who are now many years younger than you, you feel this sort of, well now it's time I was meant to be entering into the world right?
I mean more to the point, I should have entered and been in the big bad real world for some time by now, and should be past the junking around and looking for my direction and all that shit. It shouldn't be new and you should be there now ready and built and developed for it all.
Problem is, what the fuck happens with the rest of my life?
I have no i fucking dea.
Ok. You know I fell off the rails a few times, I'm not quite where I thought I'd be or doing what i thought i'd do, but you know....yeah, those first 20+ years have been banked and I've developed enough to stand me in stead for adulthood etc.
But I can't look at say the next 25 years with some sort of guidance in knowing what is the plan meant to look like in general...I suppose it's to soldier on for a lifetime in a career, settle down, marry, have kids, then watch them go through the first part of this cycle.
It's not really as exciting as the prospect I always used to look forward to as a kid, when I thought about how life would be when I was a teenager...I used to get excited about thinking about how i'd have my own car, and go out drinking and be able to do what I want..etc.
Now that's exciting. And cool. But the rest of what to do with my life, well I mean it involves so much work that sometimes I look at it and go, gee, I can't be fucked.
I suppose that's not entirely accurate. I have met someone, who I can't say I've ever felt the same way about with anyone else I've ever held in my arms. Just, you know you always feel this one is the one. Yeah that's all very well and good. But man, when you look at someone and say those things, and it's all backed up with this feeling that you actually make the prospect of the next 25+ years something that actually does motivate me, that does make me feel like there are things in it I feel are going to be not just totally cool but utterly beautiful and fantastic, and not only that, but to share it with them.
When you look in their eyes, and you impatiently want it all now, (just like you wanted all the things in the future right then when you thought about them as a six year old.) then you know it's coming, you know that life is not going to fall apart - it's going to pan out and fulfil whatever it is going to be. You won't lose the will.
I'm looking forward to losing my youth, and gaining so much that i never really considered or were in my head yet. And looking face on into the major depression this financial crisis is looking to turn into...you realise just how basic these things are, and yet unique to people's life. Boom times, or bust, being motivated by life, being up for each and every new challenge and next stage in your life, having someone you share a mutual adoration with, and a determination to share things and life experiences, meanings, cooperations, goals and achievements, they all bring you enough lifeblood to fulfil life, and make it through all the tough things it may throw you, all the everything, just life in general, can be got through if you just are able to accept that it will change, and you will gain everything you're meant to if you just patiently let it come to you.
I suppose this is a post that makes no sense. I'm at a weird place now, where I feel overloaded with lifelessons,...and just thought that I'm realising i'm reaching some points in my life, and I haven't been able to stop and take a breath at the moment, and have just been waiting to do so, waiting to identify where it's got to and where it goes to from here, but in the meantime coasting in a stunned silence.
Maybe it's that, maybe it's just that i'm highly stressed at the moment, risk losing my job due to my employer going bankrupt from the financial crisis, have fallen deeply in love, need to figure out some things with my career, may have the need to move depending on my girlfriends job, need to fulfil a burning desire to shape my career so it ends up in what I want and in Germany, and would also like to be in a position to start a family in the next few years.
Why the hell is all this going on in my head, and was this post a load of complete and utter random bollocks?