"All that we were raised to be is part of who we are"
If I have a little of clarity on this right now, I'd write it down here so that next time I have something to remind me. Hopefully, this will help make things better.
Every now and then, I get truly terrified that who I am isn't what my loved ones want me to be and I'm going to get abandoned. I know I feel this way is because my family history is full of people losing loved ones when their ideology changed. If I'm close to someone, and especially if I'm dating them, any discussion that reveals a core difference in our beliefs triggers this kind of fear.
Once I'm in fear/panic mode and not thinking rationally, I start thinking that whoever I'm scared is going to leave want me to be more like them or their ideals. I think I had, at times, parents who did actually want me to be something that justified their lifestyle. I don't want to be anyone else's idea of a poster child; I just want to be myself. So I find myself I feel trapped by a image, usually false, of the person I'm dealing with, and as a result starting to put the very distance I fear into the relationship
All in all I feel a lot like the "you" in this song.
I have no desire to be caught is self fulfilling prophesy on this, and am working on finding ways to deal with the fear. Advice is welcomed. I'm pretty sure that if I am actually in panic mode, the best way to get me out of it is by giving me a math (or other purely logical) problem, which should trigger rational thought and break the cycle.
Every now and then, I get truly terrified that who I am isn't what my loved ones want me to be and I'm going to get abandoned. I know I feel this way is because my family history is full of people losing loved ones when their ideology changed. If I'm close to someone, and especially if I'm dating them, any discussion that reveals a core difference in our beliefs triggers this kind of fear.
Once I'm in fear/panic mode and not thinking rationally, I start thinking that whoever I'm scared is going to leave want me to be more like them or their ideals. I think I had, at times, parents who did actually want me to be something that justified their lifestyle. I don't want to be anyone else's idea of a poster child; I just want to be myself. So I find myself I feel trapped by a image, usually false, of the person I'm dealing with, and as a result starting to put the very distance I fear into the relationship
All in all I feel a lot like the "you" in this song.
I have no desire to be caught is self fulfilling prophesy on this, and am working on finding ways to deal with the fear. Advice is welcomed. I'm pretty sure that if I am actually in panic mode, the best way to get me out of it is by giving me a math (or other purely logical) problem, which should trigger rational thought and break the cycle.