reflection
Isn't it a wonder how so much changes in one hour, one day, one month, one year?
I mean, I thought everything was cool for a little bit. Now im completely confused. I thought i would be at school already learning some things that would help me build my career for the rest of my life. Instead, I'm working for a year at Best Buy living in ohio. It's amazing how fast plans can change. That's life I suppose. That's life. Consistant constant change.
So I'm trying not to think too much about things....but its really hard to do that. When You want so much out of things and you just realize that you're expecting tooo much out of things.
And you know. After trying to change myself, I realized taht I'm actually getting more hurt by things than if I would have left everything alone. I want to cry, but then people will think that I'm upset or sad. Which, on the contrary, I'm neither. I'm indifferent. Ambivalent. I care so much that I'm trying not to care.
I'm not sure how to take what people say to me. Like when people have talks with me, half of the shit they bring up to me, blows me completely out of the water. What do you say to that type of shit. How do you try to manage to form a sentence to respond. How do you say how you're feeling without offending someone or without getting yourself into some sort of tiff with someone. How do you let someone know how you're feeling.
Why is it when the time that you most want to be alone, you don't want to be alone. You want someone's companionship to tell you that things are going to be ok when they seem to be falling sharply downward with no evidence of stopping.
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to wake up and you didn't exist. like just to observe what your life is, or how things would be without you in the world. I often wonder about it. Does that make me suicidal? I don't want to die, I just wonder what it would be like. If it would even make a difference in anyones life. Some say it would, but think hard. Would it really? I haven't really changed or affected anyones life. Not really. Will I? I may not, unless I have children.
I have been listening to some very interesting things lately. sorta depressing, but for me not so. It makes me think. Really. Who's got the claws in you my friend?
I really wish that I could read minds. Just to know what people are thinking.
I mean, I thought everything was cool for a little bit. Now im completely confused. I thought i would be at school already learning some things that would help me build my career for the rest of my life. Instead, I'm working for a year at Best Buy living in ohio. It's amazing how fast plans can change. That's life I suppose. That's life. Consistant constant change.
So I'm trying not to think too much about things....but its really hard to do that. When You want so much out of things and you just realize that you're expecting tooo much out of things.
And you know. After trying to change myself, I realized taht I'm actually getting more hurt by things than if I would have left everything alone. I want to cry, but then people will think that I'm upset or sad. Which, on the contrary, I'm neither. I'm indifferent. Ambivalent. I care so much that I'm trying not to care.
I'm not sure how to take what people say to me. Like when people have talks with me, half of the shit they bring up to me, blows me completely out of the water. What do you say to that type of shit. How do you try to manage to form a sentence to respond. How do you say how you're feeling without offending someone or without getting yourself into some sort of tiff with someone. How do you let someone know how you're feeling.
Why is it when the time that you most want to be alone, you don't want to be alone. You want someone's companionship to tell you that things are going to be ok when they seem to be falling sharply downward with no evidence of stopping.
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to wake up and you didn't exist. like just to observe what your life is, or how things would be without you in the world. I often wonder about it. Does that make me suicidal? I don't want to die, I just wonder what it would be like. If it would even make a difference in anyones life. Some say it would, but think hard. Would it really? I haven't really changed or affected anyones life. Not really. Will I? I may not, unless I have children.
I have been listening to some very interesting things lately. sorta depressing, but for me not so. It makes me think. Really. Who's got the claws in you my friend?
I really wish that I could read minds. Just to know what people are thinking.