greetings and salutations!
21 more days and fucken counting!
i cant wait til my trip. this fucken hell paso weather has got me all fucked up ALREADY, and its just begun. i hate it here in the summer. marsee + heat = one pissed off loon! not good not good. ive been in the shittiest of shittiest moods this past week. i cant function in these conditions. so it brings me to this question, what the fuck am i doing in the fucken desert?!?
im still convinced that i belong in california. only thing is, convincing mike to move over there is going to be a bitch. he's already told me that he will never leave el paso. but he's still young. i dont think he's done much traveling. man, theres a whole other world out there, that i wish i could get him to see. but he refuses. its like, hes content just being stuck here. id understand if he had something awesome going on for him here. like a bad ass job or something...well....let me stop there before i stick my foot deeper in my goddamn mouth. i almost forgot about his son...ooopsie. well there you go. does that mean im stuck here as well? as long as i dont have anything stable in san diego, yes. but as soon as things start happening, well, i dont know. i guess this may sound a bit fucked up, but i dont want to stay here. i love mike with all my heart, and it would hurt me to let him go, but im not gonna stay here for someone, and risk it not working out...and then resenting him for it later. i dont know. this is just shit i think about.
the living situation is...well...intersting. i guess its true when they say that moving in with someone changes everything. our relationship has taken a drastic turn. i dont want to say for the worst..cause its not always bad..but its not the same. and it makes me so sad sometimes. so bad that sometimes i cant even find the strength to get out of bed. its sad when you think back to when you were barely hooking up with someone, and you had all these hopes, and you had this outlook on how your relationship was going to be like, and then it turns out to be the total opposite. dont get me wrong, we have our good times. i just dont know anymore. sometimes i think i made a big mistake, or that im being totally selfish trying to keep him. he just turned 21, and i know that at 21 i was out all the time, meeting all kinds of people, getting involved in all sorts of situations if you will.....and having someone holding me down really sucked. i hope im not that someone to him. cause i give him his space...but i dont know. ive talked to him about this, and he tells me, "you and i are totally different. im not the way you used to be" and i want to believe him, but i dont know. i just dont know. ok, ill shut up now.
so anyways, i got some more work done on my arm on wednesday. its starting to look pretty cool, and im starting to get even more excited about finishing it. although it is somewhat painful. my arm got all swollen, and i was in pain for the first two days. it still kinda hurts a little, but not half as bad as it did on thursday. anyways, i went to jags with the guys afterwards, (erick, my bro, fabian, miggs, joey, david, joeys homeboy, and then shelly and fabian's gf was there too)and we had a pretty badass time. i got a lap dance from this really hot stripper. fucken nuts man. never had one before..and it totally fucken tripped me out. thanks alot jorge. ahahhaha..
so tonight is ray's birthday and the guys are playing a show at the warehouse. and i cant wait, cause theres this stupid wanna be rockabilly bitch that is all on ALL the greaser's nuts thats going to be there...and i cant wait to make her feel like the stupid pathedic poser that she is. you should check out her profile on myspace. it says that she likes guys with "greased up hair" and guys that play the guitar....ahahaha...shes fucken pathedic. well i caught her jocking mike at this show at heinys a while back..and i turned all ghetto fabulous on their ass. walked up to them all "who the fuck is this bitch" loud enough for mike, her her friend and anyone else standing within 10 feet of us to hear, and she just put her head down and took off. ahahahhaa im so bad. i just like bullying stupid bitches like that. i hate fake ass people. tonight should be FUN FUN FUN! *evol grin*
the shop has been dead as fuck today. and its early. and i want to go home. but no such luck. son of a bitch. well i guess im done. byes!
i cant wait til my trip. this fucken hell paso weather has got me all fucked up ALREADY, and its just begun. i hate it here in the summer. marsee + heat = one pissed off loon! not good not good. ive been in the shittiest of shittiest moods this past week. i cant function in these conditions. so it brings me to this question, what the fuck am i doing in the fucken desert?!?
im still convinced that i belong in california. only thing is, convincing mike to move over there is going to be a bitch. he's already told me that he will never leave el paso. but he's still young. i dont think he's done much traveling. man, theres a whole other world out there, that i wish i could get him to see. but he refuses. its like, hes content just being stuck here. id understand if he had something awesome going on for him here. like a bad ass job or something...well....let me stop there before i stick my foot deeper in my goddamn mouth. i almost forgot about his son...ooopsie. well there you go. does that mean im stuck here as well? as long as i dont have anything stable in san diego, yes. but as soon as things start happening, well, i dont know. i guess this may sound a bit fucked up, but i dont want to stay here. i love mike with all my heart, and it would hurt me to let him go, but im not gonna stay here for someone, and risk it not working out...and then resenting him for it later. i dont know. this is just shit i think about.
the living situation is...well...intersting. i guess its true when they say that moving in with someone changes everything. our relationship has taken a drastic turn. i dont want to say for the worst..cause its not always bad..but its not the same. and it makes me so sad sometimes. so bad that sometimes i cant even find the strength to get out of bed. its sad when you think back to when you were barely hooking up with someone, and you had all these hopes, and you had this outlook on how your relationship was going to be like, and then it turns out to be the total opposite. dont get me wrong, we have our good times. i just dont know anymore. sometimes i think i made a big mistake, or that im being totally selfish trying to keep him. he just turned 21, and i know that at 21 i was out all the time, meeting all kinds of people, getting involved in all sorts of situations if you will.....and having someone holding me down really sucked. i hope im not that someone to him. cause i give him his space...but i dont know. ive talked to him about this, and he tells me, "you and i are totally different. im not the way you used to be" and i want to believe him, but i dont know. i just dont know. ok, ill shut up now.
so anyways, i got some more work done on my arm on wednesday. its starting to look pretty cool, and im starting to get even more excited about finishing it. although it is somewhat painful. my arm got all swollen, and i was in pain for the first two days. it still kinda hurts a little, but not half as bad as it did on thursday. anyways, i went to jags with the guys afterwards, (erick, my bro, fabian, miggs, joey, david, joeys homeboy, and then shelly and fabian's gf was there too)and we had a pretty badass time. i got a lap dance from this really hot stripper. fucken nuts man. never had one before..and it totally fucken tripped me out. thanks alot jorge. ahahhaha..
so tonight is ray's birthday and the guys are playing a show at the warehouse. and i cant wait, cause theres this stupid wanna be rockabilly bitch that is all on ALL the greaser's nuts thats going to be there...and i cant wait to make her feel like the stupid pathedic poser that she is. you should check out her profile on myspace. it says that she likes guys with "greased up hair" and guys that play the guitar....ahahaha...shes fucken pathedic. well i caught her jocking mike at this show at heinys a while back..and i turned all ghetto fabulous on their ass. walked up to them all "who the fuck is this bitch" loud enough for mike, her her friend and anyone else standing within 10 feet of us to hear, and she just put her head down and took off. ahahahhaa im so bad. i just like bullying stupid bitches like that. i hate fake ass people. tonight should be FUN FUN FUN! *evol grin*
the shop has been dead as fuck today. and its early. and i want to go home. but no such luck. son of a bitch. well i guess im done. byes!