Cerebral poly masturbation....

[ulesegisa]

History: when my wife and I were in a triad, it devolved (catastrophically). Because my wife and I never discussed what kind of triad each of us thought this was and what the consequences were of it devolving we are both still dealing with the trama of that breakup nearly three years later. Each of us had a different viewpoint of what we thought

Comments

possible gains...

[ulesegisa]

...humm yes, there is a bias here on my part that I did not see due to my own wounds.. you are correct. I was only looking at the moment of "loss" and what the breakup would look like in that instance. I do get that all relationships are dynamic and can change as people grow and learn. I don't want to discount that, I think what I'm trying to do here is take a split second snapshot of what a relationship becomes when two of the members of a triadic configuration can no longer be primary or secondary parters with each other.

The idea of positive growth would get into; primary's becoming secondary's and secondary's becoming primary's, etc. This does happen, IMO it happens as a growth process after the initial change. I could see a primary Tail AB(c) becoming a primary V, AB(BC) and then even to an Egalitarian Triad ABC as it grew and feelings and trust changed between them.

AH HA! There it is: Because my focus was on my own pain of what happened within my own breakup, I was only looking at the whole, breaking into its parts and the configurations of those part. I wasn't looking at what could develop as a positive growth. Positive growth (to me) isn't traumatic (although emotional breakthroughs can be traumatic and positive growth so there is room for debate here). Looking at the bright side of life I think is a valid document, absolutely! I think its a different one than this one, although no less important and would show a greater spectrum of possibilities than this one alone (which has a one sided bias).

thoughts?

Re: possible gains...

[who_is_she]

I think growth is almost always positive in the end.. but it is also usually traumatic for me at the time. So not sure I understand the distinction of "positive growth". All change is an adjustment. and all change offers the opportunity of growth.

Re: possible gains...

[ulesegisa]

"Positive growth": newness that brings "beneficial" to your life.
"Negative growth": newness that bring "baneful" to your life.

Positive growth seems to come to me in two forms.
One: a nurturing and growing environment that heals as the benefits of the lesson happens.
Two: a harsh, traumatic, jarring change that rips away the old in a (usually emotional) painful way.
Two styles I tend to refer to them as Goddess growth and God growth, however that's my own labels and not commonly used that way by most of the others I've met in my life.

Negative growth seems to happen when I'm ignoring (or more accurately "rejecting") the subtle hints for lessons that are impeding my life somehow. The subtle hints become much less subtle the longer I ignore them until they are the "Clue-by-four" upside the back of my head. Once I listen, they become positive growth patterns and I learn the lesson. So long as I ignore them they become more and more traumatic until the trauma is so great I can no longer ignore it. Sometimes that leaves scars -- some physical, some emotional. Which in turn get to be dealt with...