I'm too sick to sleep so...

[ukulele_lady]

I broke down today.

I was talking to my mom and I just started crying. Maybe it was because I'm so sick and feel like crap, but really I think there was more to it. I don't know. I guess I just feel like I'm never going to be on my own. I'm sick of being broke, and there being no hope of it getting better. I'm so sick of depending on my parents, especially when I don't really like who they are as people. I feel like I'm taking advantage of their money, and their taking advantage of my need of it. I don't want anything from them, because I don't want to have anything to do with them. At the same time, I can't afford to not take things from them. They want control over me. They can't have that unless I owe them something. They feel like if they keep helping me out that they have a reason to govern my every action. I believe that as long as they do help me, they have every right to tell me what to do, but that doesn't mean that I'm ok with that. I just want to live my own life, and be content in it. Unfortunately right now I can't have that.

I don't want to squander my youth by wishing it were gone, but part of me just wants to be settled in life.