I just want to go to VT sometimes...

[uknowulovemexox]

OK, so I saw him with her again today when I was driving to get my car detailed... For some reason, no matter how long it's been or how OK I am without him, I still die inside a little bit everytime it's put right there in front of me -- my heart races, and I just get so worked up inside -- all these fucked up emotions go through me - hate, love, jealousy, pity, anger, whatever... it feels like a little panic attack every single time I see any one of them, especially if it's him with her , and I hate it... I'm fine and I don't even think about it 98% of the time; but then there's the other 2% where I miss him so much, & I just want to die... I wish it would have ended up differently. I wish I didn't believe every little thing he told me... Almost 2 yrs of my life gone for him, and all I have to show for it is a little shoebox full of (now) pointless things, and an entire family that hates me... Part of me really wishes they would pick up & move away like we discussed, so I'd never have to phycially be confronted with the past. Part of me still wishes we could put it all behind us & be together like we wanted to be from day one, like we both still want to, to some degree...

Sorry, just having one of those 2% nights, and I needed to vent a little...

I'll be better tomorrow... :)