I Really Hate Jung Yunho
i really hate jung yunho
dbsk; yunho/jaejoong; romance, light humor; pg
summary: candy boys couple pageant is back! jaejoong is furious at these disrespecting noobs and decides to teach them all a lesson by convincing yunho to reenter again. more couples, more bitch fights, more random wtfuckery! be sure to vote for your favourite couples this year around~~~~
an: this is a sequel to i hate jung yunho! i apologize beforehand because it's probably not going to be as funny as the first only because back then, i was younger … and had more, hmmm, "happiness" in me? i guess? not saying that i'm not happy right now but i'm not psychotic like i was in grade 9. D': i'm more of a moderate, chill, happy? and i guess that fic was more crack than it was for the storyline..... ah, whatever! lots of light drama in this fic though and it's more organized and stuff :D
btw the lj users i use this fic are in no way affiliated with the story (unless they want to be~ LOLADJFLAJD) so like, ... if they're actual users whose names are the ones i chose, then ;___; im sorry. okay bye. TT TT
chapter 01: introduction
Post as: Boojae (switch)
Post to: Boojae
Date: February 15th, 2013; 10:38pm
Userpic: (default)
Subject: these fucking amateurs
Really? Are they actually going to do this? Fuck them all, those stupid pieces of cow dung- Ah, guys! Sorry for that. You probably have no idea what's going on right now, do you? My lovely fans, the ones who have never left my hairless side for three years! How are you all? Fine and begging for some of that seksi yoonjae love, I hope! (-ｏ⌒)
Hmmmmmmm, well, I guess some apologies are due for not at all updating on mine and Yunho's life for the last four years. Must've been painful especially seeing how Yunjae ended with the two of us beating the shit out of each other instead of having sexy timez. Well, I'll assure you, after I kicked Yunho's ass (the little shit face was sobbing an ocean and grasping at his tenders moobs once i was done with him >:3 yeah, mother fucker, what chu want? i didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me.) I made it up to him by having my wicked ways with him, if you know what I mean? /nudge nudge wink wink
…. What? You actually think I'm going to spare some details? Did you NOT read what this story was rated? PG13, guys, PG13! Which I guess isn't too innocent now since thirteen year olds these days are already doing the dirty. :/ what has the world come to, WHAT? i crai inside. i didn't even get my first kiss until i was like…. never mind. It's me, I'm too pretty to be left unkissed for more than like, 3 seconds out of the womb.
Ah, I really should just get on with it, shouldn't I? Um, well Yunho and I are fine and dandy. We've actually made it past high school somehow and are now studying in university. He's studying to become a chiropractor and I've gotten into the cosmetics line where I naturally should be. Could you imagine me as anything else like some sort of singer who, joined with two of his other bandmates, left this ridiculously famous five member band and had a lawsuit with their company and somewhat won and are now separated from their other two members, one of which I am deliriously in love with? Seriously. Let's be real.
Yoochun is taking a year off and working to gain some extra cash. Changmin is in some engineering program and I think he may be dead or nearly dead because I have not seen that kid in maybe a month. The last time I did see him was when I broke into his dorm and saw him hunched over a pile of books with 3 inches of dark bags under his eyes. Not a pretty sight. And he hardly answers my texts or phone calls. Like who else is going to listen to me rant about how much Yunho pissed me off the other day by eating all my cucumbers and deciding to throw out all of my pineapples that I hit him with (along with old ladies) at randomly obscene moments? Nobody. God, he is just so selfish sometimes. （ｉДｉ）
And then there's Junsu, that little fucking creep. He got better than before. He's not trying 24/7 to get my balls in his mouth so that's a plus. He also took Penelope away from Yunho, that bastard. My poor baby was suicidal when it happened. Yunho cherished Penelope, treasured her and cared for her like the good father that he is! And that duck butt had to heartlessly snatch him away just because of one little mistake of letting Penelope loose and lost into the big, dark, yeti-killing world. Junsu just got his big butt into the problem when it was actually between Yunho and Changmin. I don't even know what he has to do with yetis. Like, sometimes I look at him and I'm just like,
(omfg isn't it ridiculously cool how i you can add gifs now to livejournal posts! adlfjaldfjalkdadljd i'm totally going to abuse this >:DDD)
These past four years have been bordering along insanity… really. I don't know how to sum it up but pretty much the Yunjae fanbase exploded and has actually reached … other countries. I know, freaky isn't it! Yunho and I were as horrified as we were pleasantly surprised. Horrified more because, we are not the typical couple… at all. We're not really that loving towards each other, actually, never. We fight a lot, about everything and anything. The only use he has to me is buying me Nair and having angry sex with him (don't tell him I said that ;A;), other than that, we can't have a decent conversation without wanting to rip each other's throats out.
At first most of our fans enjoyed us bickering and thought it was adorable or whatever. But they kept asking us to show some love towards each other and, I mean, I would try to be a little loving towards that idiot but he honestly is the most frustrating person I've met in my life. ( ¬д¬。) I don't even know why I love him. I don't even know why anyone loves him! If I was his mom, I'd have thrown him across the ocean or have vultures get at him. Our fans grew a little annoyed and I guess… well, this is the reason why most of them have decided to leave our fanbase and ask BoA for another Candy Boys Couple Pageant. And that is exactly the reason why I am so angry. Not because there's another pageant because, sure, let them have one. Who am I to stop them? I already won. But the issue is the couples that have entered. They're all hollering how they're more real than Yunjae are and that they're better and sexier and cooler than we are! Can you believe that?
There's even one couple where the one of the kids looks exactly like me. His name is Karam or something. And I heard he has this super, huge, fantastic crush on… wait for it, MY YUNHO! That little fucker. I bet he doesn't have as smooth and hairless legs like I do. I bet he can't cook as well as I do. I bet he can't stylishly and suavely kick Yunho's flat ass like I can. Hmph, he's got nothing on me. 凸(｀0´)凸
I mean, I want to enter again just to prove how wrong all these amateurs are and that Yunjae is the ultimate couple in the world but…. I'm too lazy, ahahaha. (￣ω￣;) Well, I mean… I guess I could do something, yeah! I'LL TEACH ALL THESE NOOBS HOW TO BE THE PERFECT YAOI COUPLE EVER. I WILL WIN ALL THOSE COMPETITIONS WITH MY BEAUTIFUL HAIRLESS LEGS (courtesy of my environmentally friendly Nair Hair Removal Cream. I'm telling you guys and girls, use it. If you had enough money to buy your mom a birthday present or Nair, choose the Nair.) AND CHARMING SMILE AND CHISELED ABS AND FLAWLESS SKIN AND STUPENDOUS HAIR AND SEXY TOE NAILS AND.. then there's Yunho with his small face, which is whatever, anyways I will def - oh shoot, Yunho came home. Talk to you all soon, guys!
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(109 Comments) - Leave a comment
asaikaru: Go Jaejae! Your loyal yunjae fans are still here, waiting for yunjae's comeback! :33333
2342_mysticalmadness: Yunjae is fake and all of you fans are delusional. :@ Jaejoong and Yunho are clearly straight!
yunnnnnnnnlovesssssjaeeeeee: @2342_mysticalmadness omfg i cANT.
seksiboys28: @2342_mysticalmadness are you dumb? are you dumb? ARE YOU DUMB? THEY FULLY HAD SEX ON THE BED, THE FLOOR, THE ROOF, THE KITCHEN COUNTER, YOUR KITCHEN COUNTER, ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD, AND YOU STILL THINK THEY'RE FAKE AND WE'RE DELUSIONAL AND THEY'RE STRAIGHT? oh honey, please pass on the joint you're smoking because that must be some strong shit for you to ever think Yunjae is fake.
blackstrked: omg can u guys plsssssss have sex and video tape it for us /NOSEBLEED *o* plz, do it for ur fans, jaejae!
(CLICK TO VIEW ALL COMMENTS)
Changmin's Answering Machine
Automatic Message: Greetings, carbon based lifeforms. I cannot reach the phone right now because of a) i am dying b) i am seriously dying and c) i am dead. Please leave a message and I will get back to you never.
*beep*
Changmin, this is not funny, okay? DO YOU HEAR ME? I NEED TO GET A HOLD OF YOUR SKINNY ASS. Drop those books that are clearly not as entertaining and important as I am and come have lunch with me today. I changed my phone number by the way because these freaky yunjae fangirls keep prank calling me and pretending to Yunho so they can hear me have phone sex with him, which will like, never happen. We're more classy than that and can control our raging hormones a bit better than that. I mean, we've even stopped getting it on at the back of the bus. Now that's something! Anyways, enough of my sex life (and your nonexistent one, ahahahah), my new phone number! It's now 344. 819. 4400. Text me, asshole.
*beep*
Choikang Changmin, this is your mother speaking. You can't die yet, not until you get on the dean's list and have graduated with a 4.0 GPA. *long pause* Just kidding! Come home soon for dinner over the weekend. Your dad and I miss you. Oh and there was this bubble butted boy who came over the other day and returned a yeti to us named Penelope. I never knew you had a yeti, I didn't even know yetis existed! Anyways, I didn't really know what to do with her so she's sleeping in the dog house with Spots….. I fear for Spots' life. Okay, well… I hope you are doing well. Bye!
Call History
Kim Jaejoong <344.819.4400>
Choikang Changmin <344.789.5435>
Changmin: What do you want from my life?
Jaejoong: CHANGMIN, MY BABY, YOU'RE ALIVE!
Changmin: Barely. This program is-
Jaejoong: Yeah, okay, moving on! I have a big problem!
Changmin: /sighs Yeah, yeah, sure, what else am i good for? Definitely not a normal life, with a normal girlfriend and a normal dog, living in a normal house, in a normal country, and a normal level of happiness. Nope! Not at all. Solving problems, it's what I do.
Jaejoong: Why so glum, chum?
Changmin: It's just that I-
Jaejoong: Oh yeah, we were supposed to meet up for lunch. I'm staaaaaaaarving! I ate breakfast at like, 10:30 something.
Changmin: That was an hour ago.
Jaejoong: UGH, I DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING FOR LONGER THAN I THOUGHT. I swear, I have some sort of eating disorder. I mean, who doesn't eat anything for more than hour?
Changmin: I KNOW, YOU POOR BABY. YOU DIDN'T EAT FOR AN HOUR WHILE PEOPLE IN APRIKA HAVEN'T EATEN IN DAYS OR WEEKS OR MONTHS. My kokoro is breaking for you.
Jaejoong: Thank you for your concern, babe.
Changmin: Fat ass.
Jaejoong: Whatever, we all know that I am beautiful and you is pitiful.
Changmin: You know, words hurt.
Jaejoong: So do my eyes on a daily basis whenever I see your face but you'll learn to take it in stride.
Changmin: Why are you like this?
Jaejoong: Like what, magnificent and sweet? It comes naturally, boo.
Changmin: Natural like your bleach blond hair?
Jaejoong: Of course!
Changmin: You're an idiot.
Jaejoong: Dannnnng, the shaaaaade.
Changmin: Jaejoong, are you hungry or not?
Jaejoong: OMFG SEW HUNGRY.
Changmin: Then I'll meet you at Mcdicks in 30.
Jaejoong: Kay, bye!
*Click*
------
"Aw, my gof! Dis, dis is da shit, aw yeuuuuh," Jaejoong continues, stuffing another chicken nugget in his already too full mouth and taking a huge gulp of his coke to wash it all down. I just stare at him in disgust. Who knew the great and beautiful and suave (his words, not mine!) Kim Jaejoong is like a wild boar who's been starved for millennia when it comes to Mcdonald's chicken nuggets combo, supersize.
I finally take some time out of my busy life from studying to deal with this inconsiderate llama and his boyfriend troubles. Why am I such a selfless individual? Why? It baffles me how somebody could be as loving and selfless and full of rainbows like I am. I should get a cookie or an oscar handed to me by a half-nude Eva Langoria.
I was about to take a bite from my big mac when Jaejoong opens his mouth again to speak gargled nonsense and he starts spitting everywhere like a machine gun. "Dude, watch where you're aiming that lethal weapon!" Too late, I watch in horror as a spit droplet from his mouth just lands on top of my bun in slow motion. Fucking A. "Thanks. Thanks for that, asswipe. Now I have nothing to live for anymore. You snatched away everything precious in my life."
Jaejoong (finally) swallows all the food in his mouth. "Relax, Changmin. It's just a drop. Not like we haven't exchanged bucket loads of saliva before anyways."
"Why are you recalling events that happened 4 years ago? Besides, your raging hormonal boyfriend knocked my lights out before I could touch those dry crusts you call lips." I inwardly shudder both from the image of kissing him and from that lovely, lovely blossoming bruise I got from Yunho's bony ass knuckles coming into contact with my soft and squishable cheeks.
"It was your plan though! I bet you secretly wanted to kiss these crusty crusts lips of mine, oh yes you did." Jaejoong waggles his eyebrows at me with a stupid grin on his face. What is wrong with this kid? Does he not understand that I like the voluptuous (o )Y( o) of a woman and not his |. .| ?
"Do you even understand what straight means? How many times do I have to tell you I don't fancy you in that way, at all!" I wipe the spit from my big mac and take a bite out of the heart-attack-inducing sandwich. Mmmm, fat. Mmmmm, grease. Mmmm, bacteria residues from Jaejoong's spit.
"Yeah, yeah, that's what every guy says and then they just stuff their hands in another guys pants and tell them they're just doing a brother a favour and checking if he has gonorrhoea or if he left his car keys in there or something."
What do I even say to that? What? I just opt to glaring holes into his eyes. He gets the message.
"Okay, okay, you're straight! Anyways, my problems! You! Fix them for me!" He throws himself across the table, knocking into my big mac which then just happens to fall on the floor (great), and holds onto my hands like a mad man.
"First you gotta promise to buy me big macs for the next 5 years of my life." I grin as his face pales and he lets go of my hands, straightening himself.
"I would, but you won't even live for the next 5 years if you keep eating big macs. Let's say, for a week."
"No way! Three months or nothing." I bargain with him again. There's no way I'm agreeing to a week of big macs for all the ensuing pain and turmoil I'm going to have to suffer trying to solve all of Jaejoong's melodramatic problems that just seem to be taken right out of some sort of fanfiction written by this crazy, 18 year old girl living in that cold shit storm of a place Toronto.
What? This is a fanfic written by a crazy, 18 year old girl living in a that cold shit storm of a place Toronto? If that's the case, then can I have a sombrero? Please? No? Wow, fuck you bitch.
"Minnieyah, I'm thinking of you here! I'm thinking of your beautiful, toned figure wasting away at the hands of these Mcdonald fiends! Don't let them brainwash you, man. Those happy meals don't even make you happy!" Jaejoong nearly screams, gaining the two us dirty glares from surrounding families. Even this one little girl dressed in a dora shirt was giving us a nasty glare. Dumb kid. Go choke on your cheeseburger.
Don't look at me like that! Parents nowadays don't teach any of those little slugs any manners. Like, just the other day I heard some kid complaining how his mom didn't wake him up in the morning so he had to rush to school and didn't have enough time to charge his iPhone 5. He was 8. I am an 18 year old man and I still have the motorola Razr!
"They make me happy. And besides, my knowledge is not free. You either pay up or suck it up." I reply back, crossing my arms over my "beautiful" and "toned" chest, as deemed by butt-kisser over here.
"Fine, asshole. If this is how you want to be." Jaejoong huffs, mimicking my pose and crossing his arms over his chest in defeat.
"Okay, well now that we have an agreement, tell me your problems, Jae. Let it all out. And I'll try not to laugh."
And just because you guys like all these random formatting that makes no sense whatsoever and this story will probably would be spat upon or burned by writers everywhere for the lack of consistency and english fail, i'll just continue our conversation in the "write out initials of people involved with msn/online grammar" format displayed below. You're welcome.
CM (this is me, changmin, in case you thought it was Jaejoong trying to name himself "cock/cook master"): What are you doing?
CM (this is me, jaejoong, and changmin was right, i am calling myself the "cock/cook master"): Changing my name.
CM: but this is all in m..my head
CM: i know, but if i can get under your skin, i can easily get inside your ~dangerous~ mind
CM: change back, you're confusing people. YOU'RE CONFUSING ME.
CM: no fuck you. i do what i want, bitch.
CM: jaejoong, i'm having an identity crisis right now. CHANGE BACK.
CM: no.
CM: JAEJOONG-
CM: no.
CM: Jaejoong-
CM: no.
CM: Jaejoong do it now or else I'll write on my livejournal that you're into beastiality and you get freaky deaky with your cat Jiji.
CM: …..
JJ: i hate you.
CM: I love you too.
JJ: But wait, how do you have incriminating photos of me and Jiji? What I do with my cat behind closed doors is between Jiji and I!
CM: Your door was open though.
JJ: Oh my god, you're acting as if I ate out my pussy's pussy. Can't an owner kiss their pets, huh? Call the popo, we got a manic on the loose!
CM: There's kissing and then there's KISSING.
JJ: I fail to see the difference between the two.
CM: I used capslock on one of them.
JJ: Still failing.
CM: Yeah, at life.
JJ: Excuse me, bu-
CM: You're not excused, you're kissing your cat!
JJ: Yeah, well. Yunho was being a douchebag and I had no lip action for a few days. So….
CM: I can't believe this.
JJ: I JUST KISSED JIJI'S HEAD. HEAD. And no, not that HEAD. Get your mind out of the gutters, Shim.
CM: Yeah, right. I know you're into this type of thing, man. Although it's sick and twisted in every way possible, but me being the amazingly kind hearted, super kawaii desu friend that I am, I accept you for who you are. /pats shoulders
JJ: … Please. Somebody arrest this individual. READERS, call the police. I'm being harassed!
CM: I just touched your shoulder!
JJ: Listen here, mister. I am in a committed relationship with Jung Yunho, okay? OKAY? You can't just go randomly touching people who are clearly claimed. Do you not read gay mangas? If the potential love interest harasses and tries to get touchy feely with the beautiful and innocent and easily-swayed uke (Okay, I admit it… I am.. uke. I will not say it again!) then the crazy psychotically possessive seme aka JUNG YUNHO, will pop out of nowhere in all his masculine pride (this includes his droopy MAN-boobs. You see, MANboobs. Italicized, underlined, and bolded for extra emphasis, bitches!) and kick your ass and hold me against his chest and say in a fierce voice, "Do not touch what is mine!"
CM: ….
JJ: ….
CM: ...
JJ: ...
CM: ...
JJ: ...
CM: /cups groin
JJ: CHANGMIN WHAT ARE YOU HOMYGOD HOMGYDOADLADJL HAMANAHAMANAHAMANA-
CM: i don't see a manic seme charging at me like-
YH: /POPS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH ALL HIS MANLY PRIDE (+ DROOPY BOOBS SWAYING MAJESTICALLY IN THE WIND) AND PROCEEDS TO KICK CHANGMIN'S ASS
JJ: /starry eyes~~~~ Yunho!
YH: Don't touch what's mine!
JJ: Hah, in your face, Changmin! I told you the seme always pops in at the most opportune moments!
YH: I feel like I just acted out one of the scenes from those yaoi mangas you read.
JJ: How did you even know to come?
YH: My "Uke-Is-In-Grave-Danger" alarm went off.
JJ: But how did you know where I was?
YH: I put a tracker inside your kidney.
JJ: Wat.
YH: Wat.
JJ: Wat.
YH: Wat.
JJ: ...
YH: Nothing!
CM: Ugh…. Why is it that you always kick my ass, Yunho?
YH: I don't know, why is it that you always want to have some of Jaejoong's finely sculpted ass?
JJ: Oh you sweet talker you! I worked very hard on this ass and it's so nice to have somebody appreciate all my hard work and dedication~~~~
CM: Shut up, pancake butt.
JJ: W-What-t? /splutters
CM: I just wanted to prove the point that the gays do not rule the world but clearly I'm wrong.
YH: Damn right you are.
JJ: Us gays are the ones that make the sun rise every morning and the earth to rotate on its axis and gravity to occur. We are the force. We are the wind. We are.. the LIFE.
CM: ….
YH: …. Too much, boo.
JJ: Well us gays are also extremely dramatic too so whatever.
CM: Listen, Jaejoong. You brought me out here to this wonderful establishment with oh-so-quality food called McDonalds to tell me your problems. So, TELL ME THEM.
YH: What problems?
JJ: Oh, the ones about how people are disrespecting the greatest and realest couple ever, Yunjae!
YH: What are you even talking about?
JJ: Did you not talk with BoA recently? She made another Candy Boys Couple Pageant and the contestants are slandering our names. Especially my doppelganger Karam, who bites everything off of me including my beautifully styled hair and my kissable lips.
CM: Who's this Karam guy?
JJ: Are you deaf or are you deaf? He's my doppelganger! He looks exactly like me and also, get this, are you listening guys?
CM: Yea-
JJ: Guys. Guys are you listening? Guys, okay, guys. Seriously, are you listening? Guys.
YH: We're liste-
JJ: Come on guys, seriously. Okay I'm going to tell you. Are you listening? Guys. Guys come on. Listen to me. Are you ready? Yeah? Are you? Guys. Guys, really.
CM: … Jaejoong, do you want to die?
JJ: Eventually, yeah.
CM: Yeah, well if you don't shut up and tell us what it is you were going to tell us then you will die in the next five seconds.
JJ: I can't shut up and tell you guys at the same time, Changmin. Jeez, and you're supposed to be considered the "smart" one.
CM: Jaejoong…
JJ: Okay, okay! Stop getting your panties in a bunch. So pretty much this Karam kid has this unbelievably large crush on MY boyfriend!
YH: Me? Man I don't want another Jaejoong!
JJ: /piercing glare. And what do you mean by that, Jung?
YH: N-Nothing! Of course, the more Jaejoongs the better!
JJ: Oh, so now you're saying I'm not enough for you? /north-korean-nuclear-bomb-death-ray-glare
YH: No! That's not what I mean at all! You're more than enough, you're actually too much for me!
JJ: Wow so now I'm fat to you? If anything, you're the one who's fat. Look at your saggy WOmanboobs!
YH: No, Jaejoong, that's not what I meant! I-
JJ: Listen here, barnacle brain! I am not your punching bag for insults. Okeh? I hab a soul. Okeh? A Korean soul. You are not Gahd, eyou don't know how hard eet was por me. To wash my clodes in da ribayr~.
YH: But Jaejoong, you have a dual washer and dryer set.
JJ: OH SO NOW I'M SPOILED AND UNCULTURED. FUCK YOU, JUNG. FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.
YH: Mother of God, Changmin, help me out here!
CM: Just shut up! Shut up and pretend you're a log and maybe he'll forget everything you said about him being an annoying, prissy, pain in the ass boyfriend.
JJ: WHAT?
YH: Shutting up and pretending I am a log!
JJ: …I'm going to forget this ever happened, Yunho. But be warned, if I hear you saying stuff like this about me again, I'll cut your balls off and eat them.
The Log: That sounds hot.
CM: You guys are a bunch of freaks. Jaejoong is into beastiality and you're into cannibalism!
YH: Ew, Jaejoong. I wanted you to be open with me about your sexual fantasies but this is just too much.
JJ: It's not true! I just kissed Jiji on the head and this guy is twisting it around in his sick, perverse mind.
CM: Yeah, whatever. Yunho, I'm telling you, don't ever bring Taepoong near Jaejoong. I'm keeping my precious MangDong away from this vermin!
JJ: You're taking this joke way too far, Changmin! I love Taepoong with my heart, my mind, and my soul.
CM: You have none of the above three.
JJ: Why you little piece of shi-
YH: Stop! Both of you. Now, Jaejoong, what do you want us to do? Who cares what other people think?
JJ: I do! I want us to enter the competition again as veterans.
CM&YH: What!?
YH: Uh, no. I can't deal with all that ensuing dramabeans that occurs with these weirdo fangirls that are way too obsessed with the relationship of other people than their own lives. And besides, I'm pretty sure we can't enter again.
JJ: I'll text BoA and ask her, but if she says yes, can we Yunho? Please~? /puppydog eyes
YH: No.
JJ: Please, please, please, please, please, pLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YUNHO I HATE IT THAT THESE PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE HOW PERFECT WE ARE AND THAT WE ARE THE BEST COUPLE IN THE WORLD AND ALL THEIR SHIPS ARE SINKING LIKE THE MOTHER FUCKING TITANIC (LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HOMIN? MORE LIKE NOMIN. /TSUNAMI OF VOMIT) AND THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BOTHER ANYMORE BECAUSE WE ARE AS REAL AS JUNSU'S BUBBLE BUTT AND CHANGMIN'S TALLNESS AND G-DRAGON'S OBVIOUS LOVE FOR CL AND 4MINUTE MORE LIKE HYUNA'S-MINUTE SUCCESS AS A GROUP AND PSY'S HATRED FOR HIS OWN SONG GANGNAM STYLE-
YH: Oka-
JJ: AND IT'S NOT OKAY THAT THESE NOOBIES ARE RIDING ON OUR SUCCESS AND FAME AS A COUPLE BY DOWNGRADING US AND ALL THESE ANTIS ARE GOING AROUND BITCHING ABOUT HOW OUR PHOTOS ARE ALL OVER THEIR DASHBOARD ON THAT SITE TUMBLR OR THAT OUR SHIPPERS ARE USING THE WRONG TAGS AND WHATEVER STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER BUT IT DOES MATTER BECAUSE IT MAKES US LOOK LIKE WE'RE FAKE AND UNREAL AND DUMB AND STUPID AND THAT ONLY FREAKY OBSESSIVE PEOPLE ENJOY US WHICH IS KIND OF TRUE BUT I MEAN IT'S OKAY BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT THE ~*~*~*~LOVE~*~*~*~ AND THE LOVE WE ALL SHARE FOR EACH OTHER OR NOT REALLY BUT THE LOVE THAT THE TWO US SHARE IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT AND THAT'S WHY WE GOTTA SHOW IT TO EVERYBODY TO PROVE TO EVERYBODY THAT WE ARE REAL IN ADDITION TO GETTING THAT CASH PRIZE AND ANOTHER TRIP TO LA OR LE OR DE PARIS-
YH: Okay, Jaejoong! We'll enter.
JJ: I HATE ALL THESE HATERS AND I CAN'T WITH THEIR SHIT AND I HATE KAR- Wait, what?
YH: I said, we'll enter.
JJ: /UGLY SEXY SOBBING Y-Y-You're the best boyfriend ever!
YH: Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don't know.
JJ: Okay, did you know that the old lady that keeps following me recruited this creepy girl to follow me as well.
YH: Holy fuck, where are your pineapples?
JJ: YOU FRICKING THREW THEM OUT YOU LITTLE SHIT. NOW I HAVE NO AMMO.
YH: YEAH WELL THAT'S BECAUSE YOU KEPT CHUCKING THEM AT MY HEAD.
JJ: YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE THAT ATE MY CUCUMBERS, DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT SHIT IS?
YH: $1.34 YOU CHEAP WHORE.
JJ: UGH OH MY GOD GO DIE IN A FIRE
YH: OH YEAH YOU FIRST!
JJ: BEASTS BEFORE BEAUTY
YH: YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE UNDERSIDE OF A BABOON'S ASS
JJ: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Who are you? WHO ARE YOU?
YH: Wow, beauty and brains, it seems you lack them both.
JJ: That's it, you just gained yourself 20 spiky ass pineapples aimed directly at your ball sack.
YH: Pfffttt, you're taking aim at dancer!ho, my smooth Michael Jackson moves will save the day!
JJ: YOU LOOK LIKE A GAY PIPE CLEANER WHEN YOU DANCE.
YH: I'M BIGGER THAN YOU.
JJ: IN FAT.
YH: YEAH WELL EAT MY KNUCKLE SANDWICH /punches JJ
JJ: OW YOU MOTHER FUCKER, THAT HURT. /purple nipples YH
//JJ&YH continue to fight, reenacting Sasuke's and Naruto's Valley in the End fight only more gayly. Although the intensity of Jaejoong's fart on Yunho's face is almost as electric as a chidori.
CM: Okay... so, this is going to be a couple of lovely weeks coming up.
--------
an: omfg, okay guys. i have so many fics that I restarted all at once but omfg, i really am so excited writing stories again. and i'm going to apologize on every author's note but i am definitely, definitely not going to be updating as much as i used to before because (if anybody is actually interested in knowing D':) i'm taking 6 courses (calculus/data management/advanced functions/bio/chem/drawing&painting) in day school and then i'm taking physics for night school + i applied to universities and i'm waiting dearly for my acceptance letter from my dream school so i'm going to be swamped! i'm also participating in this national bio competition exam thingy so i'm going to be dying under a pile of books but right now it's my march break so… i'm getting a bit of freedom but even now, i'm working all the time too TT TT
/CRYING
i also am so sorry if this story is such a fail, omfg. i'm not funny (like i ever was. ps. totally not fishing for compliments here, I SWEAR) and i kind of tried but this story, as i mentioned before, is more plot centred than crack so….. adljadflkjadf yeah. D': okay, so yunjae has officially decided to reenter into the candy boys couple pageant. this is just a short introduction. hopefully my next chapters will be much longer and more quality … than this one. ;___; okay, i should shut up now.
dbsk; yunho/jaejoong; romance, light humor; pg
summary: candy boys couple pageant is back! jaejoong is furious at these disrespecting noobs and decides to teach them all a lesson by convincing yunho to reenter again. more couples, more bitch fights, more random wtfuckery! be sure to vote for your favourite couples this year around~~~~
an: this is a sequel to i hate jung yunho! i apologize beforehand because it's probably not going to be as funny as the first only because back then, i was younger … and had more, hmmm, "happiness" in me? i guess? not saying that i'm not happy right now but i'm not psychotic like i was in grade 9. D': i'm more of a moderate, chill, happy? and i guess that fic was more crack than it was for the storyline..... ah, whatever! lots of light drama in this fic though and it's more organized and stuff :D
btw the lj users i use this fic are in no way affiliated with the story (unless they want to be~ LOLADJFLAJD) so like, ... if they're actual users whose names are the ones i chose, then ;___; im sorry. okay bye. TT TT
chapter 01: introduction
Post as: Boojae (switch)
Post to: Boojae
Date: February 15th, 2013; 10:38pm
Userpic: (default)
Subject: these fucking amateurs
Really? Are they actually going to do this? Fuck them all, those stupid pieces of cow dung- Ah, guys! Sorry for that. You probably have no idea what's going on right now, do you? My lovely fans, the ones who have never left my hairless side for three years! How are you all? Fine and begging for some of that seksi yoonjae love, I hope! (-ｏ⌒)
Hmmmmmmm, well, I guess some apologies are due for not at all updating on mine and Yunho's life for the last four years. Must've been painful especially seeing how Yunjae ended with the two of us beating the shit out of each other instead of having sexy timez. Well, I'll assure you, after I kicked Yunho's ass (the little shit face was sobbing an ocean and grasping at his tenders moobs once i was done with him >:3 yeah, mother fucker, what chu want? i didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me.) I made it up to him by having my wicked ways with him, if you know what I mean? /nudge nudge wink wink
…. What? You actually think I'm going to spare some details? Did you NOT read what this story was rated? PG13, guys, PG13! Which I guess isn't too innocent now since thirteen year olds these days are already doing the dirty. :/ what has the world come to, WHAT? i crai inside. i didn't even get my first kiss until i was like…. never mind. It's me, I'm too pretty to be left unkissed for more than like, 3 seconds out of the womb.
Ah, I really should just get on with it, shouldn't I? Um, well Yunho and I are fine and dandy. We've actually made it past high school somehow and are now studying in university. He's studying to become a chiropractor and I've gotten into the cosmetics line where I naturally should be. Could you imagine me as anything else like some sort of singer who, joined with two of his other bandmates, left this ridiculously famous five member band and had a lawsuit with their company and somewhat won and are now separated from their other two members, one of which I am deliriously in love with? Seriously. Let's be real.
Yoochun is taking a year off and working to gain some extra cash. Changmin is in some engineering program and I think he may be dead or nearly dead because I have not seen that kid in maybe a month. The last time I did see him was when I broke into his dorm and saw him hunched over a pile of books with 3 inches of dark bags under his eyes. Not a pretty sight. And he hardly answers my texts or phone calls. Like who else is going to listen to me rant about how much Yunho pissed me off the other day by eating all my cucumbers and deciding to throw out all of my pineapples that I hit him with (along with old ladies) at randomly obscene moments? Nobody. God, he is just so selfish sometimes. （ｉДｉ）
And then there's Junsu, that little fucking creep. He got better than before. He's not trying 24/7 to get my balls in his mouth so that's a plus. He also took Penelope away from Yunho, that bastard. My poor baby was suicidal when it happened. Yunho cherished Penelope, treasured her and cared for her like the good father that he is! And that duck butt had to heartlessly snatch him away just because of one little mistake of letting Penelope loose and lost into the big, dark, yeti-killing world. Junsu just got his big butt into the problem when it was actually between Yunho and Changmin. I don't even know what he has to do with yetis. Like, sometimes I look at him and I'm just like,
(omfg isn't it ridiculously cool how i you can add gifs now to livejournal posts! adlfjaldfjalkdadljd i'm totally going to abuse this >:DDD)
These past four years have been bordering along insanity… really. I don't know how to sum it up but pretty much the Yunjae fanbase exploded and has actually reached … other countries. I know, freaky isn't it! Yunho and I were as horrified as we were pleasantly surprised. Horrified more because, we are not the typical couple… at all. We're not really that loving towards each other, actually, never. We fight a lot, about everything and anything. The only use he has to me is buying me Nair and having angry sex with him (don't tell him I said that ;A;), other than that, we can't have a decent conversation without wanting to rip each other's throats out.
At first most of our fans enjoyed us bickering and thought it was adorable or whatever. But they kept asking us to show some love towards each other and, I mean, I would try to be a little loving towards that idiot but he honestly is the most frustrating person I've met in my life. ( ¬д¬。) I don't even know why I love him. I don't even know why anyone loves him! If I was his mom, I'd have thrown him across the ocean or have vultures get at him. Our fans grew a little annoyed and I guess… well, this is the reason why most of them have decided to leave our fanbase and ask BoA for another Candy Boys Couple Pageant. And that is exactly the reason why I am so angry. Not because there's another pageant because, sure, let them have one. Who am I to stop them? I already won. But the issue is the couples that have entered. They're all hollering how they're more real than Yunjae are and that they're better and sexier and cooler than we are! Can you believe that?
There's even one couple where the one of the kids looks exactly like me. His name is Karam or something. And I heard he has this super, huge, fantastic crush on… wait for it, MY YUNHO! That little fucker. I bet he doesn't have as smooth and hairless legs like I do. I bet he can't cook as well as I do. I bet he can't stylishly and suavely kick Yunho's flat ass like I can. Hmph, he's got nothing on me. 凸(｀0´)凸
I mean, I want to enter again just to prove how wrong all these amateurs are and that Yunjae is the ultimate couple in the world but…. I'm too lazy, ahahaha. (￣ω￣;) Well, I mean… I guess I could do something, yeah! I'LL TEACH ALL THESE NOOBS HOW TO BE THE PERFECT YAOI COUPLE EVER. I WILL WIN ALL THOSE COMPETITIONS WITH MY BEAUTIFUL HAIRLESS LEGS (courtesy of my environmentally friendly Nair Hair Removal Cream. I'm telling you guys and girls, use it. If you had enough money to buy your mom a birthday present or Nair, choose the Nair.) AND CHARMING SMILE AND CHISELED ABS AND FLAWLESS SKIN AND STUPENDOUS HAIR AND SEXY TOE NAILS AND.. then there's Yunho with his small face, which is whatever, anyways I will def - oh shoot, Yunho came home. Talk to you all soon, guys!
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(109 Comments) - Leave a comment
asaikaru: Go Jaejae! Your loyal yunjae fans are still here, waiting for yunjae's comeback! :33333
2342_mysticalmadness: Yunjae is fake and all of you fans are delusional. :@ Jaejoong and Yunho are clearly straight!
yunnnnnnnnlovesssssjaeeeeee: @2342_mysticalmadness omfg i cANT.
seksiboys28: @2342_mysticalmadness are you dumb? are you dumb? ARE YOU DUMB? THEY FULLY HAD SEX ON THE BED, THE FLOOR, THE ROOF, THE KITCHEN COUNTER, YOUR KITCHEN COUNTER, ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD, AND YOU STILL THINK THEY'RE FAKE AND WE'RE DELUSIONAL AND THEY'RE STRAIGHT? oh honey, please pass on the joint you're smoking because that must be some strong shit for you to ever think Yunjae is fake.
blackstrked: omg can u guys plsssssss have sex and video tape it for us /NOSEBLEED *o* plz, do it for ur fans, jaejae!
(CLICK TO VIEW ALL COMMENTS)
Changmin's Answering Machine
Automatic Message: Greetings, carbon based lifeforms. I cannot reach the phone right now because of a) i am dying b) i am seriously dying and c) i am dead. Please leave a message and I will get back to you never.
*beep*
Changmin, this is not funny, okay? DO YOU HEAR ME? I NEED TO GET A HOLD OF YOUR SKINNY ASS. Drop those books that are clearly not as entertaining and important as I am and come have lunch with me today. I changed my phone number by the way because these freaky yunjae fangirls keep prank calling me and pretending to Yunho so they can hear me have phone sex with him, which will like, never happen. We're more classy than that and can control our raging hormones a bit better than that. I mean, we've even stopped getting it on at the back of the bus. Now that's something! Anyways, enough of my sex life (and your nonexistent one, ahahahah), my new phone number! It's now 344. 819. 4400. Text me, asshole.
*beep*
Choikang Changmin, this is your mother speaking. You can't die yet, not until you get on the dean's list and have graduated with a 4.0 GPA. *long pause* Just kidding! Come home soon for dinner over the weekend. Your dad and I miss you. Oh and there was this bubble butted boy who came over the other day and returned a yeti to us named Penelope. I never knew you had a yeti, I didn't even know yetis existed! Anyways, I didn't really know what to do with her so she's sleeping in the dog house with Spots….. I fear for Spots' life. Okay, well… I hope you are doing well. Bye!
Call History
Kim Jaejoong <344.819.4400>
Choikang Changmin <344.789.5435>
Changmin: What do you want from my life?
Jaejoong: CHANGMIN, MY BABY, YOU'RE ALIVE!
Changmin: Barely. This program is-
Jaejoong: Yeah, okay, moving on! I have a big problem!
Changmin: /sighs Yeah, yeah, sure, what else am i good for? Definitely not a normal life, with a normal girlfriend and a normal dog, living in a normal house, in a normal country, and a normal level of happiness. Nope! Not at all. Solving problems, it's what I do.
Jaejoong: Why so glum, chum?
Changmin: It's just that I-
Jaejoong: Oh yeah, we were supposed to meet up for lunch. I'm staaaaaaaarving! I ate breakfast at like, 10:30 something.
Changmin: That was an hour ago.
Jaejoong: UGH, I DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING FOR LONGER THAN I THOUGHT. I swear, I have some sort of eating disorder. I mean, who doesn't eat anything for more than hour?
Changmin: I KNOW, YOU POOR BABY. YOU DIDN'T EAT FOR AN HOUR WHILE PEOPLE IN APRIKA HAVEN'T EATEN IN DAYS OR WEEKS OR MONTHS. My kokoro is breaking for you.
Jaejoong: Thank you for your concern, babe.
Changmin: Fat ass.
Jaejoong: Whatever, we all know that I am beautiful and you is pitiful.
Changmin: You know, words hurt.
Jaejoong: So do my eyes on a daily basis whenever I see your face but you'll learn to take it in stride.
Changmin: Why are you like this?
Jaejoong: Like what, magnificent and sweet? It comes naturally, boo.
Changmin: Natural like your bleach blond hair?
Jaejoong: Of course!
Changmin: You're an idiot.
Jaejoong: Dannnnng, the shaaaaade.
Changmin: Jaejoong, are you hungry or not?
Jaejoong: OMFG SEW HUNGRY.
Changmin: Then I'll meet you at Mcdicks in 30.
Jaejoong: Kay, bye!
*Click*
------
"Aw, my gof! Dis, dis is da shit, aw yeuuuuh," Jaejoong continues, stuffing another chicken nugget in his already too full mouth and taking a huge gulp of his coke to wash it all down. I just stare at him in disgust. Who knew the great and beautiful and suave (his words, not mine!) Kim Jaejoong is like a wild boar who's been starved for millennia when it comes to Mcdonald's chicken nuggets combo, supersize.
I finally take some time out of my busy life from studying to deal with this inconsiderate llama and his boyfriend troubles. Why am I such a selfless individual? Why? It baffles me how somebody could be as loving and selfless and full of rainbows like I am. I should get a cookie or an oscar handed to me by a half-nude Eva Langoria.
I was about to take a bite from my big mac when Jaejoong opens his mouth again to speak gargled nonsense and he starts spitting everywhere like a machine gun. "Dude, watch where you're aiming that lethal weapon!" Too late, I watch in horror as a spit droplet from his mouth just lands on top of my bun in slow motion. Fucking A. "Thanks. Thanks for that, asswipe. Now I have nothing to live for anymore. You snatched away everything precious in my life."
Jaejoong (finally) swallows all the food in his mouth. "Relax, Changmin. It's just a drop. Not like we haven't exchanged bucket loads of saliva before anyways."
"Why are you recalling events that happened 4 years ago? Besides, your raging hormonal boyfriend knocked my lights out before I could touch those dry crusts you call lips." I inwardly shudder both from the image of kissing him and from that lovely, lovely blossoming bruise I got from Yunho's bony ass knuckles coming into contact with my soft and squishable cheeks.
"It was your plan though! I bet you secretly wanted to kiss these crusty crusts lips of mine, oh yes you did." Jaejoong waggles his eyebrows at me with a stupid grin on his face. What is wrong with this kid? Does he not understand that I like the voluptuous (o )Y( o) of a woman and not his |. .| ?
"Do you even understand what straight means? How many times do I have to tell you I don't fancy you in that way, at all!" I wipe the spit from my big mac and take a bite out of the heart-attack-inducing sandwich. Mmmm, fat. Mmmmm, grease. Mmmm, bacteria residues from Jaejoong's spit.
"Yeah, yeah, that's what every guy says and then they just stuff their hands in another guys pants and tell them they're just doing a brother a favour and checking if he has gonorrhoea or if he left his car keys in there or something."
What do I even say to that? What? I just opt to glaring holes into his eyes. He gets the message.
"Okay, okay, you're straight! Anyways, my problems! You! Fix them for me!" He throws himself across the table, knocking into my big mac which then just happens to fall on the floor (great), and holds onto my hands like a mad man.
"First you gotta promise to buy me big macs for the next 5 years of my life." I grin as his face pales and he lets go of my hands, straightening himself.
"I would, but you won't even live for the next 5 years if you keep eating big macs. Let's say, for a week."
"No way! Three months or nothing." I bargain with him again. There's no way I'm agreeing to a week of big macs for all the ensuing pain and turmoil I'm going to have to suffer trying to solve all of Jaejoong's melodramatic problems that just seem to be taken right out of some sort of fanfiction written by this crazy, 18 year old girl living in that cold shit storm of a place Toronto.
What? This is a fanfic written by a crazy, 18 year old girl living in a that cold shit storm of a place Toronto? If that's the case, then can I have a sombrero? Please? No? Wow, fuck you bitch.
"Minnieyah, I'm thinking of you here! I'm thinking of your beautiful, toned figure wasting away at the hands of these Mcdonald fiends! Don't let them brainwash you, man. Those happy meals don't even make you happy!" Jaejoong nearly screams, gaining the two us dirty glares from surrounding families. Even this one little girl dressed in a dora shirt was giving us a nasty glare. Dumb kid. Go choke on your cheeseburger.
Don't look at me like that! Parents nowadays don't teach any of those little slugs any manners. Like, just the other day I heard some kid complaining how his mom didn't wake him up in the morning so he had to rush to school and didn't have enough time to charge his iPhone 5. He was 8. I am an 18 year old man and I still have the motorola Razr!
"They make me happy. And besides, my knowledge is not free. You either pay up or suck it up." I reply back, crossing my arms over my "beautiful" and "toned" chest, as deemed by butt-kisser over here.
"Fine, asshole. If this is how you want to be." Jaejoong huffs, mimicking my pose and crossing his arms over his chest in defeat.
"Okay, well now that we have an agreement, tell me your problems, Jae. Let it all out. And I'll try not to laugh."
And just because you guys like all these random formatting that makes no sense whatsoever and this story will probably would be spat upon or burned by writers everywhere for the lack of consistency and english fail, i'll just continue our conversation in the "write out initials of people involved with msn/online grammar" format displayed below. You're welcome.
CM (this is me, changmin, in case you thought it was Jaejoong trying to name himself "cock/cook master"): What are you doing?
CM (this is me, jaejoong, and changmin was right, i am calling myself the "cock/cook master"): Changing my name.
CM: but this is all in m..my head
CM: i know, but if i can get under your skin, i can easily get inside your ~dangerous~ mind
CM: change back, you're confusing people. YOU'RE CONFUSING ME.
CM: no fuck you. i do what i want, bitch.
CM: jaejoong, i'm having an identity crisis right now. CHANGE BACK.
CM: no.
CM: JAEJOONG-
CM: no.
CM: Jaejoong-
CM: no.
CM: Jaejoong do it now or else I'll write on my livejournal that you're into beastiality and you get freaky deaky with your cat Jiji.
CM: …..
JJ: i hate you.
CM: I love you too.
JJ: But wait, how do you have incriminating photos of me and Jiji? What I do with my cat behind closed doors is between Jiji and I!
CM: Your door was open though.
JJ: Oh my god, you're acting as if I ate out my pussy's pussy. Can't an owner kiss their pets, huh? Call the popo, we got a manic on the loose!
CM: There's kissing and then there's KISSING.
JJ: I fail to see the difference between the two.
CM: I used capslock on one of them.
JJ: Still failing.
CM: Yeah, at life.
JJ: Excuse me, bu-
CM: You're not excused, you're kissing your cat!
JJ: Yeah, well. Yunho was being a douchebag and I had no lip action for a few days. So….
CM: I can't believe this.
JJ: I JUST KISSED JIJI'S HEAD. HEAD. And no, not that HEAD. Get your mind out of the gutters, Shim.
CM: Yeah, right. I know you're into this type of thing, man. Although it's sick and twisted in every way possible, but me being the amazingly kind hearted, super kawaii desu friend that I am, I accept you for who you are. /pats shoulders
JJ: … Please. Somebody arrest this individual. READERS, call the police. I'm being harassed!
CM: I just touched your shoulder!
JJ: Listen here, mister. I am in a committed relationship with Jung Yunho, okay? OKAY? You can't just go randomly touching people who are clearly claimed. Do you not read gay mangas? If the potential love interest harasses and tries to get touchy feely with the beautiful and innocent and easily-swayed uke (Okay, I admit it… I am.. uke. I will not say it again!) then the crazy psychotically possessive seme aka JUNG YUNHO, will pop out of nowhere in all his masculine pride (this includes his droopy MAN-boobs. You see, MANboobs. Italicized, underlined, and bolded for extra emphasis, bitches!) and kick your ass and hold me against his chest and say in a fierce voice, "Do not touch what is mine!"
CM: ….
JJ: ….
CM: ...
JJ: ...
CM: ...
JJ: ...
CM: /cups groin
JJ: CHANGMIN WHAT ARE YOU HOMYGOD HOMGYDOADLADJL HAMANAHAMANAHAMANA-
CM: i don't see a manic seme charging at me like-
YH: /POPS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH ALL HIS MANLY PRIDE (+ DROOPY BOOBS SWAYING MAJESTICALLY IN THE WIND) AND PROCEEDS TO KICK CHANGMIN'S ASS
JJ: /starry eyes~~~~ Yunho!
YH: Don't touch what's mine!
JJ: Hah, in your face, Changmin! I told you the seme always pops in at the most opportune moments!
YH: I feel like I just acted out one of the scenes from those yaoi mangas you read.
JJ: How did you even know to come?
YH: My "Uke-Is-In-Grave-Danger" alarm went off.
JJ: But how did you know where I was?
YH: I put a tracker inside your kidney.
JJ: Wat.
YH: Wat.
JJ: Wat.
YH: Wat.
JJ: ...
YH: Nothing!
CM: Ugh…. Why is it that you always kick my ass, Yunho?
YH: I don't know, why is it that you always want to have some of Jaejoong's finely sculpted ass?
JJ: Oh you sweet talker you! I worked very hard on this ass and it's so nice to have somebody appreciate all my hard work and dedication~~~~
CM: Shut up, pancake butt.
JJ: W-What-t? /splutters
CM: I just wanted to prove the point that the gays do not rule the world but clearly I'm wrong.
YH: Damn right you are.
JJ: Us gays are the ones that make the sun rise every morning and the earth to rotate on its axis and gravity to occur. We are the force. We are the wind. We are.. the LIFE.
CM: ….
YH: …. Too much, boo.
JJ: Well us gays are also extremely dramatic too so whatever.
CM: Listen, Jaejoong. You brought me out here to this wonderful establishment with oh-so-quality food called McDonalds to tell me your problems. So, TELL ME THEM.
YH: What problems?
JJ: Oh, the ones about how people are disrespecting the greatest and realest couple ever, Yunjae!
YH: What are you even talking about?
JJ: Did you not talk with BoA recently? She made another Candy Boys Couple Pageant and the contestants are slandering our names. Especially my doppelganger Karam, who bites everything off of me including my beautifully styled hair and my kissable lips.
CM: Who's this Karam guy?
JJ: Are you deaf or are you deaf? He's my doppelganger! He looks exactly like me and also, get this, are you listening guys?
CM: Yea-
JJ: Guys. Guys are you listening? Guys, okay, guys. Seriously, are you listening? Guys.
YH: We're liste-
JJ: Come on guys, seriously. Okay I'm going to tell you. Are you listening? Guys. Guys come on. Listen to me. Are you ready? Yeah? Are you? Guys. Guys, really.
CM: … Jaejoong, do you want to die?
JJ: Eventually, yeah.
CM: Yeah, well if you don't shut up and tell us what it is you were going to tell us then you will die in the next five seconds.
JJ: I can't shut up and tell you guys at the same time, Changmin. Jeez, and you're supposed to be considered the "smart" one.
CM: Jaejoong…
JJ: Okay, okay! Stop getting your panties in a bunch. So pretty much this Karam kid has this unbelievably large crush on MY boyfriend!
YH: Me? Man I don't want another Jaejoong!
JJ: /piercing glare. And what do you mean by that, Jung?
YH: N-Nothing! Of course, the more Jaejoongs the better!
JJ: Oh, so now you're saying I'm not enough for you? /north-korean-nuclear-bomb-death-ray-glare
YH: No! That's not what I mean at all! You're more than enough, you're actually too much for me!
JJ: Wow so now I'm fat to you? If anything, you're the one who's fat. Look at your saggy WOmanboobs!
YH: No, Jaejoong, that's not what I meant! I-
JJ: Listen here, barnacle brain! I am not your punching bag for insults. Okeh? I hab a soul. Okeh? A Korean soul. You are not Gahd, eyou don't know how hard eet was por me. To wash my clodes in da ribayr~.
YH: But Jaejoong, you have a dual washer and dryer set.
JJ: OH SO NOW I'M SPOILED AND UNCULTURED. FUCK YOU, JUNG. FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.
YH: Mother of God, Changmin, help me out here!
CM: Just shut up! Shut up and pretend you're a log and maybe he'll forget everything you said about him being an annoying, prissy, pain in the ass boyfriend.
JJ: WHAT?
YH: Shutting up and pretending I am a log!
JJ: …I'm going to forget this ever happened, Yunho. But be warned, if I hear you saying stuff like this about me again, I'll cut your balls off and eat them.
The Log: That sounds hot.
CM: You guys are a bunch of freaks. Jaejoong is into beastiality and you're into cannibalism!
YH: Ew, Jaejoong. I wanted you to be open with me about your sexual fantasies but this is just too much.
JJ: It's not true! I just kissed Jiji on the head and this guy is twisting it around in his sick, perverse mind.
CM: Yeah, whatever. Yunho, I'm telling you, don't ever bring Taepoong near Jaejoong. I'm keeping my precious MangDong away from this vermin!
JJ: You're taking this joke way too far, Changmin! I love Taepoong with my heart, my mind, and my soul.
CM: You have none of the above three.
JJ: Why you little piece of shi-
YH: Stop! Both of you. Now, Jaejoong, what do you want us to do? Who cares what other people think?
JJ: I do! I want us to enter the competition again as veterans.
CM&YH: What!?
YH: Uh, no. I can't deal with all that ensuing dramabeans that occurs with these weirdo fangirls that are way too obsessed with the relationship of other people than their own lives. And besides, I'm pretty sure we can't enter again.
JJ: I'll text BoA and ask her, but if she says yes, can we Yunho? Please~? /puppydog eyes
YH: No.
JJ: Please, please, please, please, please, pLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YUNHO I HATE IT THAT THESE PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE HOW PERFECT WE ARE AND THAT WE ARE THE BEST COUPLE IN THE WORLD AND ALL THEIR SHIPS ARE SINKING LIKE THE MOTHER FUCKING TITANIC (LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HOMIN? MORE LIKE NOMIN. /TSUNAMI OF VOMIT) AND THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BOTHER ANYMORE BECAUSE WE ARE AS REAL AS JUNSU'S BUBBLE BUTT AND CHANGMIN'S TALLNESS AND G-DRAGON'S OBVIOUS LOVE FOR CL AND 4MINUTE MORE LIKE HYUNA'S-MINUTE SUCCESS AS A GROUP AND PSY'S HATRED FOR HIS OWN SONG GANGNAM STYLE-
YH: Oka-
JJ: AND IT'S NOT OKAY THAT THESE NOOBIES ARE RIDING ON OUR SUCCESS AND FAME AS A COUPLE BY DOWNGRADING US AND ALL THESE ANTIS ARE GOING AROUND BITCHING ABOUT HOW OUR PHOTOS ARE ALL OVER THEIR DASHBOARD ON THAT SITE TUMBLR OR THAT OUR SHIPPERS ARE USING THE WRONG TAGS AND WHATEVER STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER BUT IT DOES MATTER BECAUSE IT MAKES US LOOK LIKE WE'RE FAKE AND UNREAL AND DUMB AND STUPID AND THAT ONLY FREAKY OBSESSIVE PEOPLE ENJOY US WHICH IS KIND OF TRUE BUT I MEAN IT'S OKAY BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT THE ~*~*~*~LOVE~*~*~*~ AND THE LOVE WE ALL SHARE FOR EACH OTHER OR NOT REALLY BUT THE LOVE THAT THE TWO US SHARE IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT AND THAT'S WHY WE GOTTA SHOW IT TO EVERYBODY TO PROVE TO EVERYBODY THAT WE ARE REAL IN ADDITION TO GETTING THAT CASH PRIZE AND ANOTHER TRIP TO LA OR LE OR DE PARIS-
YH: Okay, Jaejoong! We'll enter.
JJ: I HATE ALL THESE HATERS AND I CAN'T WITH THEIR SHIT AND I HATE KAR- Wait, what?
YH: I said, we'll enter.
JJ: /UGLY SEXY SOBBING Y-Y-You're the best boyfriend ever!
YH: Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don't know.
JJ: Okay, did you know that the old lady that keeps following me recruited this creepy girl to follow me as well.
YH: Holy fuck, where are your pineapples?
JJ: YOU FRICKING THREW THEM OUT YOU LITTLE SHIT. NOW I HAVE NO AMMO.
YH: YEAH WELL THAT'S BECAUSE YOU KEPT CHUCKING THEM AT MY HEAD.
JJ: YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE THAT ATE MY CUCUMBERS, DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT SHIT IS?
YH: $1.34 YOU CHEAP WHORE.
JJ: UGH OH MY GOD GO DIE IN A FIRE
YH: OH YEAH YOU FIRST!
JJ: BEASTS BEFORE BEAUTY
YH: YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE UNDERSIDE OF A BABOON'S ASS
JJ: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Who are you? WHO ARE YOU?
YH: Wow, beauty and brains, it seems you lack them both.
JJ: That's it, you just gained yourself 20 spiky ass pineapples aimed directly at your ball sack.
YH: Pfffttt, you're taking aim at dancer!ho, my smooth Michael Jackson moves will save the day!
JJ: YOU LOOK LIKE A GAY PIPE CLEANER WHEN YOU DANCE.
YH: I'M BIGGER THAN YOU.
JJ: IN FAT.
YH: YEAH WELL EAT MY KNUCKLE SANDWICH /punches JJ
JJ: OW YOU MOTHER FUCKER, THAT HURT. /purple nipples YH
//JJ&YH continue to fight, reenacting Sasuke's and Naruto's Valley in the End fight only more gayly. Although the intensity of Jaejoong's fart on Yunho's face is almost as electric as a chidori.
CM: Okay... so, this is going to be a couple of lovely weeks coming up.
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an: omfg, okay guys. i have so many fics that I restarted all at once but omfg, i really am so excited writing stories again. and i'm going to apologize on every author's note but i am definitely, definitely not going to be updating as much as i used to before because (if anybody is actually interested in knowing D':) i'm taking 6 courses (calculus/data management/advanced functions/bio/chem/drawing&painting) in day school and then i'm taking physics for night school + i applied to universities and i'm waiting dearly for my acceptance letter from my dream school so i'm going to be swamped! i'm also participating in this national bio competition exam thingy so i'm going to be dying under a pile of books but right now it's my march break so… i'm getting a bit of freedom but even now, i'm working all the time too TT TT
/CRYING
i also am so sorry if this story is such a fail, omfg. i'm not funny (like i ever was. ps. totally not fishing for compliments here, I SWEAR) and i kind of tried but this story, as i mentioned before, is more plot centred than crack so….. adljadflkjadf yeah. D': okay, so yunjae has officially decided to reenter into the candy boys couple pageant. this is just a short introduction. hopefully my next chapters will be much longer and more quality … than this one. ;___; okay, i should shut up now.