Gender... that big ball of wibbly-wobbly, gendery-bendery STUFF.
In reply to a prior post, lady_savant asked why I would identify as agender. Well intended to reply directly in that thread, but my response got a tad too lengthy so I would make a new entry about it. :-)
To answer the question about the term agender for me. First some obvious and not so obvious points about me.
At birth, I fit the physical characteristics commonly identified as male.
I have no longer have any interest in transitioning compared to a few years ago as I usually feel comfortable with my body. On the days that I feel uncomfortable, I wish I wasn't male but I also don't desire to identify as female.
I see myself as feminine but NOT female.
Out of convenience and some necessity I present as male (not masculine)
Aside from outward appearances, I do NOT see myself as male in any way
I value gender neutrality in communication as my chosen first and middle name (soon legal) have neutrality as do my pronouns.
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I have tried to figure this out on my own. In the past, I decided on genderfluid but I think I didn't pay enough attention to the more middle-of-the-road/neutral genders as valid possible identities. When I settled on genderfluid, it wasn't the typical "flowing back and forth between male and female" as I have NEVER seen that in myself. I always defined it as "flowing back and forth between neutral and female but more often staying neutral while displaying feminine traits". Recently when I would talk with people about my genderfluidity, (with no pressure from anyone else) I felt that it just seemed off. So I did further looking into the other gender-identities.
Neutrois sounded plausible or gender-neutral as an identity with feminine aspects. For AMAB (assigned male at birth) individuals the one possible term called "transfeminine neutrois" fits me very well. For AFAB, "transmasculine neutrois" would apply. If I could genuinely choose what I "wanted" to for others and myself to see, I would get recognized as a completely neutral gender.
Well I discovered agender and with the above points describing how I feel about myself, I feel that either agender or "trans-feminine neutrois would seem to fit me most. Especially since with those, while MANY people identifying with the above terms choose to have a very androgynous look to them, the above terms never require androgyny. Many people have an idea about what neutrois may mean. The best and most widely agreed upon definition located at http://neutrois.com/what-is-neutrois/:
Some neutrois do feel completely genderless - that is, they have no gender, an absence of gender, or are null gendered. Others have an internal gender that is neither male, nor female, just neutral. Agender is a term used interchangeably for both. So while the prefix a- in agender may hint at a “lack of,” neutrois and agender do not always signify a lack of gender.
A definition of transfeminine neutrois which could apply to me as well:
Some neutrois people feel they aren’t completely 100% gender-free or gender-neutral; rather, they lean a little more towards one side or another of the gender spectrum.
Transfeminine means the person tilts towards female, transmasculine towards male. These are just two combinations - other people define their gender using other terms or phrases, not necessarily tied to the male/female binary. It’s important to note this does not invalidate, contradict, or cancel out being neutrois, as they still feel a strong affinity with this identity. Instead, being transmasculine or transfeminie or any other variation is more of a modifier or a complement which adds to the complexity of their gender, gender expression, or gender identity.
In these cases there might be a preference to present more closely to one gender over another, or it can be more comfortable to just live as one binary gender rather than the other. However, this choice is more often a result of convenience in order to navigate a society in which only two genders are recognized. A lot of people would ideally opt to have neutrois recognized as their gender and not be forced to make a decision between male and female only.
I acknowledge that in the past, I STRONGLY identified as female, not just feminine. But either
a) I have changed a bit since then
b) I misread what I exhibited.
c) I just have no clue :-P
Seriously though, most people also don't realize that gender-identity does NOT always stay static. It CAN change and does for many people. Maybe I really thought genderfluid as appropriate a while ago, and at one point I thought a sex-change must happen. Today I feel glad I didn't do it as I no longer feel the need for it in any way. Like I said above, I don't LOVE my male body and often wish I didn't have it, but at the same time, I don't wish for the body of a female. As such I still get dysphoria with no real option but to ride it out like most others who deal with it.
Just no winning I suppose. I hope that makes some sense and answers your question. :-)