XPD and pissed off!
Ever had one of those days?
I think, finally, I will vent. Emily is safe in the bath with her Daddy, I have turned the volume on the TV so no one will hear the swearing and for the FIRST time since Monday I have five minutes alone time. I have seriously had a BASTARD of a day. To start off this evil day, I had a booking appointment with the midwife. For those without babies, this is where the midwife takes your blood pressure, weight, height etc.. and discusses your pregnancy thus far. So, using the tips I earned from a seven hour shift at work last night, Emily and I took a taxi to the Doctors. Emily doesnt like the Doctors waiting room. She didnt cry, but repeatedly made ear piercing screams. They kept me waiting FIFTY MINUTES before they saw me. Fifty minutes of my time is pretty bloody bad, but FIFTY MINUTES BABY TIME is FOREVER. Emily was screaming, throwing her toys around and generally feeling fed up for this fifty minutes. Finally my name was called. We went into the room where Emily was awed into silence by the new surroundings. The midwife looks for my notes. Alas, I have none. She then tells me to come back in 2 weeks. I was in her room for 30 seconds.
Anyways, we return home using the last of my tips for another taxi. Emily eats lunch and then has a nap. When she wakes up I, in my tender hormonal state, have been sobbing for a half hour. So we decide to go meet up with my friend Jo. Emily is a little grumpy but enjoying watching the ducks. Jo plays with Emily awhile then puts her back in her pram. Only Jo hasnt fastened her pram correctly so Emily falls out landing on her face, on muddy gravel, inches from a lake. She screams, I break down crying thinking how much worse it could have been, and it all ends in tears and disaster. Add onto this the fact I had 6 hours sleep after working last night, the fact that my pelvis is crunching and causing serious pain at the moment (may be caused by standing up for 7 hours a night at work) and the fact my parents still arent being very nice to me, TheMan has been working away for what seems like forever and I feel so damn alone and stuck.....well, the day has been messy to say the least.
I know its hormones but I just feel so low. TheMan has been working 4 hours drive away. I would KILL for 4 hours to drive and be alone. Then he gets home so late he puts Emily to bed, and then he has 6 hours to himself to do whatever he does, while I am at work. I feel like a damn babysitter for 12 hours a day, then I go out to work 7 hours a night. Am I a fucking mug?
I know I should not resent looking after Emily all day, but you know what sometimes I really do, I would LOVE to remember who I am and even have a bath or just do....well, nothing..awhile. So I guess that means I am not a perfect Mummy, but I knew that anyway. I really do feel like I wake up, work for 19 hours, then go to bed. Whereas TheMan gets home and when Emily is in bed at 7pm he can do whatever he wants to. I want to stamp my feet and shout "but I want some time!!!".
I guess, in summary, I am just really tired and hormonal at the moment. Thats it anyways, the vent is over.
I think, finally, I will vent. Emily is safe in the bath with her Daddy, I have turned the volume on the TV so no one will hear the swearing and for the FIRST time since Monday I have five minutes alone time. I have seriously had a BASTARD of a day. To start off this evil day, I had a booking appointment with the midwife. For those without babies, this is where the midwife takes your blood pressure, weight, height etc.. and discusses your pregnancy thus far. So, using the tips I earned from a seven hour shift at work last night, Emily and I took a taxi to the Doctors. Emily doesnt like the Doctors waiting room. She didnt cry, but repeatedly made ear piercing screams. They kept me waiting FIFTY MINUTES before they saw me. Fifty minutes of my time is pretty bloody bad, but FIFTY MINUTES BABY TIME is FOREVER. Emily was screaming, throwing her toys around and generally feeling fed up for this fifty minutes. Finally my name was called. We went into the room where Emily was awed into silence by the new surroundings. The midwife looks for my notes. Alas, I have none. She then tells me to come back in 2 weeks. I was in her room for 30 seconds.
Anyways, we return home using the last of my tips for another taxi. Emily eats lunch and then has a nap. When she wakes up I, in my tender hormonal state, have been sobbing for a half hour. So we decide to go meet up with my friend Jo. Emily is a little grumpy but enjoying watching the ducks. Jo plays with Emily awhile then puts her back in her pram. Only Jo hasnt fastened her pram correctly so Emily falls out landing on her face, on muddy gravel, inches from a lake. She screams, I break down crying thinking how much worse it could have been, and it all ends in tears and disaster. Add onto this the fact I had 6 hours sleep after working last night, the fact that my pelvis is crunching and causing serious pain at the moment (may be caused by standing up for 7 hours a night at work) and the fact my parents still arent being very nice to me, TheMan has been working away for what seems like forever and I feel so damn alone and stuck.....well, the day has been messy to say the least.
I know its hormones but I just feel so low. TheMan has been working 4 hours drive away. I would KILL for 4 hours to drive and be alone. Then he gets home so late he puts Emily to bed, and then he has 6 hours to himself to do whatever he does, while I am at work. I feel like a damn babysitter for 12 hours a day, then I go out to work 7 hours a night. Am I a fucking mug?
I know I should not resent looking after Emily all day, but you know what sometimes I really do, I would LOVE to remember who I am and even have a bath or just do....well, nothing..awhile. So I guess that means I am not a perfect Mummy, but I knew that anyway. I really do feel like I wake up, work for 19 hours, then go to bed. Whereas TheMan gets home and when Emily is in bed at 7pm he can do whatever he wants to. I want to stamp my feet and shout "but I want some time!!!".
I guess, in summary, I am just really tired and hormonal at the moment. Thats it anyways, the vent is over.