everything will change, but love remains the same
Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty minutes. My chest hurts; lying in bed I wonder if it's possible to become physically ill from missing someone. No matter. I invent my own symptoms. And the doctor's orders? Close your eyes tight for the next eleven months. Pretend the world isn't spinning beneath your feet and you have nothing to grab onto. Laugh, but halfheartedly. Wrap your arms around yourself at night and fall asleep dreaming of someone else's hands.
I know this situation. I've done it before, but then again, I haven't even come close to what this is. The truth is, I can't decide if I'm writing about being away from someone or being in love. Either way, I am away from the one person who is simply perfect for me. For years I've been writing about relationships and drama and feeling like I was in love. Over the past few months I've realized why it's all felt so crazy and fucked up- it's all been wrong. I've cared about every single person I've ever been with, I don't doubt that. But I love Gavin...so much so that imagining living my life without him in it for the next year just seems like a nightmare someone needs to shake me from. It's not the amount of time we spend together or even what we do. It's the feeling I get just from looking at him, or having him curl into me at night, or pressing my nose against his to look at his blue eyes.
It's been 48 hours. I'm not a praying woman, but I pray that I get the strength to ride out the next 1,008 hours until I see him again.
I know this situation. I've done it before, but then again, I haven't even come close to what this is. The truth is, I can't decide if I'm writing about being away from someone or being in love. Either way, I am away from the one person who is simply perfect for me. For years I've been writing about relationships and drama and feeling like I was in love. Over the past few months I've realized why it's all felt so crazy and fucked up- it's all been wrong. I've cared about every single person I've ever been with, I don't doubt that. But I love Gavin...so much so that imagining living my life without him in it for the next year just seems like a nightmare someone needs to shake me from. It's not the amount of time we spend together or even what we do. It's the feeling I get just from looking at him, or having him curl into me at night, or pressing my nose against his to look at his blue eyes.
It's been 48 hours. I'm not a praying woman, but I pray that I get the strength to ride out the next 1,008 hours until I see him again.