(no subject)
ive been living with this optimism since summer that basically reassures me that one day we're going to all grow up and just be. like i wanted.
and as i reparked, i thought about it some more and i really did believe that maturity comes with time. i was really looking forward to being 23 (which, apparently, entitles you to booty-calls) and not worrying about these things anymore.
the fact that you're 24 and i completely understand what you're going through, and i'm 18 and you completely get why any of this makes me upset erased any sense of optimism. and somehow we got around to talking about culture and family and how this basically shapes who a person is. how i missed this before is beyond me... but basically you talked about how your friends have tight-knit families and that they are always together... and that you're different, which is why you seem "bad" or whatever it is, and your family life isn't like theirs. and i somehow really really understand this. my two families are so different and im so used to two different groups of people that i love for different reasons not getting along at all. and im not really sure why they talk so much shit about each other but im beginning to think that it's in my blood. except when it comes to family life, im the mediator, believe it or not guys.
its starting to fucking kill me to hear my friends say these things about each other, in my best interest or not. i hate it even more that i see it too, but i don't care. i don't want to care. i just don't see how some people can actually like things about me that other people can't stand. and please, no clichés about how you can't please everyone. i just want to understand.
anyway back to what i was saying. i was a little scared to grow up, but now i'm terrified. nothing changes, guys. slight variations, but seriously, this is life.
back to carmela: you didn't take away all of my optimism, though. you said you found people who are different like you (oxymoron?). and like you said, it's hard to shed the people that have always just been there.
new topic:
i know the only faults that i find in others are the ones i find in myself. and maybe it makes me sound like a hypocrite, but at least i want to be better. i think that everyone does this, to a certain extent. and i think we all also try to erase all the people that remind us of the mistakes we've made... or the things we hate about ourselves.
sad sad sad sad sad sad.
nobody bother telling me anything anymore. oh wait, that needed no instruction.
and as i reparked, i thought about it some more and i really did believe that maturity comes with time. i was really looking forward to being 23 (which, apparently, entitles you to booty-calls) and not worrying about these things anymore.
the fact that you're 24 and i completely understand what you're going through, and i'm 18 and you completely get why any of this makes me upset erased any sense of optimism. and somehow we got around to talking about culture and family and how this basically shapes who a person is. how i missed this before is beyond me... but basically you talked about how your friends have tight-knit families and that they are always together... and that you're different, which is why you seem "bad" or whatever it is, and your family life isn't like theirs. and i somehow really really understand this. my two families are so different and im so used to two different groups of people that i love for different reasons not getting along at all. and im not really sure why they talk so much shit about each other but im beginning to think that it's in my blood. except when it comes to family life, im the mediator, believe it or not guys.
its starting to fucking kill me to hear my friends say these things about each other, in my best interest or not. i hate it even more that i see it too, but i don't care. i don't want to care. i just don't see how some people can actually like things about me that other people can't stand. and please, no clichés about how you can't please everyone. i just want to understand.
anyway back to what i was saying. i was a little scared to grow up, but now i'm terrified. nothing changes, guys. slight variations, but seriously, this is life.
back to carmela: you didn't take away all of my optimism, though. you said you found people who are different like you (oxymoron?). and like you said, it's hard to shed the people that have always just been there.
new topic:
i know the only faults that i find in others are the ones i find in myself. and maybe it makes me sound like a hypocrite, but at least i want to be better. i think that everyone does this, to a certain extent. and i think we all also try to erase all the people that remind us of the mistakes we've made... or the things we hate about ourselves.
sad sad sad sad sad sad.
nobody bother telling me anything anymore. oh wait, that needed no instruction.