Okay, I am updating
Since getting and then losing my sorta-dream job, I have been thrust back into the good life of full-time studentry. Which is, might I say, how I like it. Doing animation for the first time in my little life and it is fun and rewarding and a pain in the ass, but that is all well and good enough. I have 3 full quarters of school left, including this one, and then a handful of credits to finish up in the summer. Then I will be a degree holding, job-hunting, college graduate. I'm trying to get pumped up about this but it isn't easy. Seeing what good all of my friend's degrees have done for them.. not. This is the path I'm on so something good is bound to come of it. And by "something good" i mean a fucking job that won't make me want to kill myself. Cause if there is something I am in no need of, it is reasons to kill myself.
Life is generally okay, though. Portland is where I want to be. Whenever I am driving back into the city from where-ever it is that I might have gone, I can't help but grin at the city lights. And as i cross over that wonderful Hawthorne bridge on my way home, i think of how lucky I am to have this place that makes me feel like I am home.
Things with Chris are better than they have ever been. He works long, shitty days, but when he comes home to me, that is all that seems to matter. This phase of life seems very temporary to me. HE hasn't found a job he wants to be doing, and I'm still in school, so we are nearing our goals, but we have not attained them.
I have come to the realization that I need to make some major life changes for the sake of my sanity and good health. The news of Betsey's cancer, and the lack-of-news about Kristina's possibly cancer leaves me seeing God in the sunsets and doubting whether or not sunsets really exist. I am anxious all the time. All the time. It is interfering with my life. I have pills for this, and I am taking them. Most of the time.
I miss Kristina and I miss my college friends. Lucky, a lot of them have moved here, or are moving here soon. I think I just miss being so close to all of them, seeing them so often. I have so many regrets about things in Olympia that I will never get to fix. Relationships that suffered because of me, or maybe because of them, or someone else who stepped in and helped fuck shit up. Either way, it makes me think of the day i left for college, holding Kristina and telling her i'd never be far away. And now look at me, far far away.
I should not be left alone for too long. And that's what my days are now, me all alone, trying to motivate myself to do school work. Its ridiculous. This recipe sucks.
The good news is I have a lot of songs ready to be recorded. Almost a full album's worth. And i'm sorta happy with the material. I want to play shooooowwwwssss.
Anyway, i should go now. I'm sure all you want to do is read about my lame life.
Love love love love
Life is generally okay, though. Portland is where I want to be. Whenever I am driving back into the city from where-ever it is that I might have gone, I can't help but grin at the city lights. And as i cross over that wonderful Hawthorne bridge on my way home, i think of how lucky I am to have this place that makes me feel like I am home.
Things with Chris are better than they have ever been. He works long, shitty days, but when he comes home to me, that is all that seems to matter. This phase of life seems very temporary to me. HE hasn't found a job he wants to be doing, and I'm still in school, so we are nearing our goals, but we have not attained them.
I have come to the realization that I need to make some major life changes for the sake of my sanity and good health. The news of Betsey's cancer, and the lack-of-news about Kristina's possibly cancer leaves me seeing God in the sunsets and doubting whether or not sunsets really exist. I am anxious all the time. All the time. It is interfering with my life. I have pills for this, and I am taking them. Most of the time.
I miss Kristina and I miss my college friends. Lucky, a lot of them have moved here, or are moving here soon. I think I just miss being so close to all of them, seeing them so often. I have so many regrets about things in Olympia that I will never get to fix. Relationships that suffered because of me, or maybe because of them, or someone else who stepped in and helped fuck shit up. Either way, it makes me think of the day i left for college, holding Kristina and telling her i'd never be far away. And now look at me, far far away.
I should not be left alone for too long. And that's what my days are now, me all alone, trying to motivate myself to do school work. Its ridiculous. This recipe sucks.
The good news is I have a lot of songs ready to be recorded. Almost a full album's worth. And i'm sorta happy with the material. I want to play shooooowwwwssss.
Anyway, i should go now. I'm sure all you want to do is read about my lame life.
Love love love love