She's only happy in the sun
So I was doing a livejournal spring cleaning, just getting rid of trivial posts or one's where i ramble and moan for too long, and I found one from october of 2004 that I titled "ten things i hate about me." As I read it over, I realized how much of what I wrote was really true (even though I don't think I even knew what I was saying at the time) and how much I've learned since then. So I'm going to go through and sort of rewrite/flush out the ten things i "hated" about myself.
There are so many things in my life that I am so thankful for. I have the best family. They love and support me and push me in all the right ways. I go to an amazing college that is affording me with so many wonderful opportunities. I have the greatest friends, both new ones in Pennsylvania, and now all over the country who continually make me love and laugh. So much of me is still private, but now I see that as a good thing. I am content in knowing that there is a lot left of me for people close to me to learn about.
1. I'm still dramatic. I don't really cry anymore, and I've definitely toned it down a bit, but I'm just a dramatic person, and I don't dislike that about myself anymore.
2. When I wrote that I wasn't reliable the first time, I was completely right. This is one where I have definitely flipped things around. I've learned a lot in the past year or so and I feel like a lot of my friendships have strengthened and I'm much more invested in them. I don't doubt in myself the ability to be there for any of my friends, and I feel like in return I have a new found confidence that they will always be there for me too.
3. I'm no longer (too) uptight or untrustworthy. I've definitely stopped watching other people have fun and started joining in. Life's better that way. I still have morals, they're just less strict. As a result, I'm a happier person. I think I've caused a lot of problems in my life by being too quick to judge and snap about things I was for some reason just afraid of. I regret that, and I'm sorry.
4. I'm self-consumed. I am. I want the best for myself. I also want the best for the people around me too. I've met a lot of different kinds of people since I've been away. I'm much more tolerant now. I have grown to be able to appreciate certain types of personalities even through I might not want to be friends with them.
5. "I can be cruel. Somtimes i make fun of retarded people. SHHH! I know it is so horrible, what is wrong with me seriously, it's some sort of compulsion."
Yea, sometimes i still make fun of retarded people.
6. I definitely have an appreciation of money now. I don't abuse it, I save it, and I am proud that I work for it myself.
7. I gossip sometimes, but not all the time. I'm much more selective with my material.
8. I'm HEALTHY! of course I have little pig out nights, but I eat well pretty consistently and I exercise everyday!
9. I plan. Socially, I've been for SURE living in the moment. It's fabulous. Too bad there's not more living in the moment to be done... Academically, I have been planning and being really productive. I have such a positive mental state now.
10. I don't really have time to analyze myself anymore.
OK, so it sounds like I'm a different person. I'm really not at all. I'm still me, I think maybe (hopefully) I have done some growing up.
There are so many things in my life that I am so thankful for. I have the best family. They love and support me and push me in all the right ways. I go to an amazing college that is affording me with so many wonderful opportunities. I have the greatest friends, both new ones in Pennsylvania, and now all over the country who continually make me love and laugh. So much of me is still private, but now I see that as a good thing. I am content in knowing that there is a lot left of me for people close to me to learn about.
1. I'm still dramatic. I don't really cry anymore, and I've definitely toned it down a bit, but I'm just a dramatic person, and I don't dislike that about myself anymore.
2. When I wrote that I wasn't reliable the first time, I was completely right. This is one where I have definitely flipped things around. I've learned a lot in the past year or so and I feel like a lot of my friendships have strengthened and I'm much more invested in them. I don't doubt in myself the ability to be there for any of my friends, and I feel like in return I have a new found confidence that they will always be there for me too.
3. I'm no longer (too) uptight or untrustworthy. I've definitely stopped watching other people have fun and started joining in. Life's better that way. I still have morals, they're just less strict. As a result, I'm a happier person. I think I've caused a lot of problems in my life by being too quick to judge and snap about things I was for some reason just afraid of. I regret that, and I'm sorry.
4. I'm self-consumed. I am. I want the best for myself. I also want the best for the people around me too. I've met a lot of different kinds of people since I've been away. I'm much more tolerant now. I have grown to be able to appreciate certain types of personalities even through I might not want to be friends with them.
5. "I can be cruel. Somtimes i make fun of retarded people. SHHH! I know it is so horrible, what is wrong with me seriously, it's some sort of compulsion."
Yea, sometimes i still make fun of retarded people.
6. I definitely have an appreciation of money now. I don't abuse it, I save it, and I am proud that I work for it myself.
7. I gossip sometimes, but not all the time. I'm much more selective with my material.
8. I'm HEALTHY! of course I have little pig out nights, but I eat well pretty consistently and I exercise everyday!
9. I plan. Socially, I've been for SURE living in the moment. It's fabulous. Too bad there's not more living in the moment to be done... Academically, I have been planning and being really productive. I have such a positive mental state now.
10. I don't really have time to analyze myself anymore.
OK, so it sounds like I'm a different person. I'm really not at all. I'm still me, I think maybe (hopefully) I have done some growing up.