Happy Birthday... Wherever you are
Grad school is tiring, work is tiring. I am out from 8 am everyday and get back home around 12am after work. Lately, I feel like I'm purposely staying off facebook because facebook has that new feature that shows you things that happened on certain days, and for some reason, it always likes to show things with Mao and it just hurts too much for me. I miss him. It's not just him I miss. I miss the friendships I had because of him, the family I found because of him. And it feels like they have all disappeared. It really hurts when I think about that, because at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do when things like that happen. Hyung is all I have left, afterall.
Today, I had a really bad day. Maybe it was the fact that I knew, if he was still here, we would be celebrating his 24th birthday together, maybe talk about Jonghyun's success and tease the others. But now, how do we celebrate this day? We sit around staring at old messages, old pictures, and reminisce... Tears fall without permission, my eyes dry up. I try to be strong, but it doesn't want to stay in...
Happy birthday, love. It still hurts to think about you, to think about the memories we had and the memories we could have made. Deep down, I know it'll always hurt, and that the feelings will always be there, but for reasons I can't explain, sometimes I wished I could strip these feelings, strip them, but then I'll strip you, which would pain me more...
Today, I had a really bad day. Maybe it was the fact that I knew, if he was still here, we would be celebrating his 24th birthday together, maybe talk about Jonghyun's success and tease the others. But now, how do we celebrate this day? We sit around staring at old messages, old pictures, and reminisce... Tears fall without permission, my eyes dry up. I try to be strong, but it doesn't want to stay in...
Happy birthday, love. It still hurts to think about you, to think about the memories we had and the memories we could have made. Deep down, I know it'll always hurt, and that the feelings will always be there, but for reasons I can't explain, sometimes I wished I could strip these feelings, strip them, but then I'll strip you, which would pain me more...