(no subject)
The other night I went out to LJs because this dude Trevor was "spinning records" or some kind of stupid shit. I mean, there was a snow storm, I felt like a beer, and I figured that maybe just maybe I would hear some so-so music. In the middle of a not bad, but definitely not incredible evening this butter face (old smashed in hag) stood up near the end of the bar and decided why the hell not, and got super nasty. She took off her top, then her pants, and tried her very best to shake some shit. I mean, really, shit. Then she waddled up and down the bar showing off her super-obvious fake tits. She even tried to impress us (or scare us) by rubbing a dollar bill or two in her ass-crack. (I learned the importance of washing your hands after being anywhere near money.) In the middle of the gross naked madness Colin came up and asked me where I had left my purse. Puzzled, I looked under a pile of coats where I had left it along with Kyle's. Of course, it was long gone. I looked up at him as he told me to follow him outside. He pointed out this run down lady near the end of the block. Without even a second thought I sprinted toward her. I snatched, twisted her arm back and yelled to see under her coat. I mean, she was holding it over a bulge in her belly. Think about that, It was snowing cats and dogs outside and there is no way (at least I'm hoping) anybody stuck a baby in that monster, so really, what could she be hiding? We started to tussle, and finally, like a ray of hot white light l I saw my leather bag swinging near the top of her shoulder. The sight of it made me go absolutely hog wild. I pulled her in closer and started yelling big triumphant swear words and names (like crack bitch, for instance) before kicking the complete shit out of her. I grabbed her by the throat and started to punch her in already sunk-in mug. I stopped after I had her pinned down in the middle of the road in a pile of snow; short (unfortunately) of any nose bleeds or fat black eyes, just to let her know that there wasn't even a good fifteen cents in my entire bag.