this fucking feeling

[uglyhumor]

i spent a good amount of time sitting in my backyard, smoking cigarettes and deciding which songs i wanted to listen to while smoking each cigarette. i had about 10, i think. pretty bad. but i liked the feeling i was having. at one point, i wanted to go inside to put on a sweater. but when i tried opening the door, it was locked. dotty had accidentally locked it! so i had to go through the window of the guest room, which is somewhat of an obstacle. it's about 2 and a half feet high. and i was feeling weak. i was halfway in when i saw one of the people living in the house walk by. we didn't sell my old house because my cousin wanted to continue living here. so we decided to rent out rooms. so i saw the guy walk by and i was like "hi! excuse me! excuse me!" but he didn' hear. this is because he always has headphones on. whenever i see him, which is usually in the kitchen, he has his headphones on. i don't know he's listening to. he's pretty dorky. 30 something and all he does is study all day. and he always wears all black. a black sweater and black sweats. i find him amusing. anyway, he didn't hear, which i thought was funny. i started laughing with my stomach on the window and it hurt.

anyway, it's not really that cold, but my fingers are numb and my heart is racing and i'm shivering and shaking like a maniac. dotty and i are about to go out. everything feels so funny.