Dorky rolling backpack and an ativan cutback
Ok well. My weight loss seems to be concrete as I have not gained any back, however I didn't lose today. I was hoping so bad that I would.. I know thats asking allot since I should be thankful for the few that got knocked off this week, but I long for a world of quicker, faster, thinner... immediate gratification. I don't generally feel too hungry anymore except for right before my allowed eating times. Which is good, however there are always those times that are exceptions to the norm where I am ravishing for food. The times I feel like I want more, usually aren't because I am so hungry but rather because of some other reason I can never put my finger on.. I was wonder what my housemate must think, how I eat the exact same thing every single day. Hey at least I'm predictable! I like the meals I eat, and I look forward to them. My face has cleared from my CSP so much. I must say this is the best its looked in years. I am done in the bathroom in the morning in record time. Just feels so good. Raises my self esteem allot. I had a hard time today with one thing. I met for a study group at starbucks with a couple of girls from my class. I was really nervous. I went it went well but I kept feeling so self conscious, especially since I brought my really big bulky dorky backpack that has wheels, because I thought people might want to get online (allot of our coursework is online) and it holds my laptop as well as books... I know its silly and at my age I shouldn't be worrying about "looking dorky" but I do. And because I feel anxious about it I feel immature. Its not that I want to be supercool, I just don't want to draw negative attention to myself. I want to just sorta fit into the crowd at least at first while I'm getting to know people more. Sorta make friends BEFORE they know I'm crazy. lol. Anyway on my way home I became increasingly anxious about it and ended up taking a 3rd of an ativan... I've had some feel lately that my ativan will slow my metabolism since its a setative, so I've been avoiding it whenever possible. Well I guess there is not much other news. I've been slightly depressed today, but still keeping it together, and studying for my first graduate exam tomorrow. I hope it goes well...