"without you, the poetry in me is dead"
of all people, why are you here?
it's not like you. you don't usually look back or question your decisions.
i love you. if you love me, why could we not work on it?
is there so little to redeem me in your eyes? is it foolish that i see enough value in me to have been confident you enjoyed being with me?
nothing compares to you. i can do nothing. everything returns to grey, but now i see how bleak it is.
why are you checking my journal? i have pages and pages i have written. do you really want to read them, to know how i'm doing? what good would it do? make you feel bad, or mad, or disgust you? all of it i want to tell you, i want to see you every day, but i am trying not to embarrass myself or hurt you. that would be emotional blackmail and manipulation.
the only thing that you could say to me, to make this better, would be that you had made a terrible mistake, and it would have to be true. that so many other factors had come into play, that you were stressed, that you had denied your own emotions, that you didn't know how to address issues constructively, whatever. that you have realized the great value of our connection, and are now willing to work together, seriously, to make it a healthy one, instead of just hoping it would get better on its own. did you really think that was possible?
i live far away, i am extremely isolated, i deal with things differently than you. i am under stress, you are under stress, and you do not want to put the effort and open communication in that it would take. you do choose the easy path, ace, you do. your life will be the poorer for it, as will mine.
either you do not feel at all for me as i feel about you, or you are being lazy and taking the easier, coward's path. growing and changing within any relationship is a challenge. ending a relationship is simple and easy to justify. i imagine this is even more true for you than most others. i overestimated your ability and willingness to communicate and feel empathy. but without having faced and overcome the many challenges time brings, a relationship lacks depth, breadth, and history. streams are pretty, fascinating, and fun, but the ocean is infinitely more vast.
so, as you have done before, you do it now: turn your heart cold to me. i have seen all compassion slide from your face and not understood where you had gone. at the end, as i stood by the door, with you on the couch, i could feel you just wanting me to leave, it was a terrible shock. but i did leave, because i love you.
it's not like you. you don't usually look back or question your decisions.
i love you. if you love me, why could we not work on it?
is there so little to redeem me in your eyes? is it foolish that i see enough value in me to have been confident you enjoyed being with me?
nothing compares to you. i can do nothing. everything returns to grey, but now i see how bleak it is.
why are you checking my journal? i have pages and pages i have written. do you really want to read them, to know how i'm doing? what good would it do? make you feel bad, or mad, or disgust you? all of it i want to tell you, i want to see you every day, but i am trying not to embarrass myself or hurt you. that would be emotional blackmail and manipulation.
the only thing that you could say to me, to make this better, would be that you had made a terrible mistake, and it would have to be true. that so many other factors had come into play, that you were stressed, that you had denied your own emotions, that you didn't know how to address issues constructively, whatever. that you have realized the great value of our connection, and are now willing to work together, seriously, to make it a healthy one, instead of just hoping it would get better on its own. did you really think that was possible?
i live far away, i am extremely isolated, i deal with things differently than you. i am under stress, you are under stress, and you do not want to put the effort and open communication in that it would take. you do choose the easy path, ace, you do. your life will be the poorer for it, as will mine.
either you do not feel at all for me as i feel about you, or you are being lazy and taking the easier, coward's path. growing and changing within any relationship is a challenge. ending a relationship is simple and easy to justify. i imagine this is even more true for you than most others. i overestimated your ability and willingness to communicate and feel empathy. but without having faced and overcome the many challenges time brings, a relationship lacks depth, breadth, and history. streams are pretty, fascinating, and fun, but the ocean is infinitely more vast.
so, as you have done before, you do it now: turn your heart cold to me. i have seen all compassion slide from your face and not understood where you had gone. at the end, as i stood by the door, with you on the couch, i could feel you just wanting me to leave, it was a terrible shock. but i did leave, because i love you.