please, stab me in my eye
God. I feel like sitting in the rain and smoking one cigarette after the other, for hours. I can't describe it, but I have this feeling of total peace. Peace isn't the right word, but it's the best I can offer at the moment. I feel completely centered. Maybe it's the combination of doing nothing and doing something at the same time. I'm not quite sure. To put it simply, when I sit and smoke a cigarette by myself I feel ok. I can just sit there and think. I feel content with my decisions. I don't think I can make you understand this unless you've experienced it yourself. I'm in turmoil. I think I'm actually going insane. I hate not being able to explain myself. My body feels like it's exploding. God, this is messing with my head.