(no subject)
The sun is about to rise. The moon is still shinning, my house is pretty silent.. well other than my mothers stomps on the floor above me.
Outside the sky is gray and blue. This is what 6am feels like. I feeling a know all too well. I should really get into a normal sleeping pattern sometime before summer classes begin. Birds are being all sorts of loud now. I'm really not sure what I'm rumbling on about at the moment.
but as always there is something wrong. I mean why the fuck else do people have a livejournal other than to rant on about something that just isn't right in their life. Thus I will utilize this network for its purpose.
SOMETHING IS WRONG!
Terribly horribly fantastically wrong.
There is something so wrong that I'm not even what the fuck it is really.
I mean I can mention a few things.
I mean for one my depression.. that makes me want to stay indoors and slip into comas.. stay up all night.. and hate everything (but arent I fucking good at faking it?)
Secondly.. My mother.. .and entire family for that matter that just never seem to understand that I am not part of any orgies, satanist cult, drugs, alcoholism, ..... also my mother thinks it's funny to threaten my animals.. and to just ruin days on end and vacations
There are my friendships and relationships that.. im not sure what it is but something feels off.. Maybe Im just detached which could be from the depression.. but at the end of the day I can only really talk to one person deeply about my problems.. and I don't even see her that often.
I really don't feel like I can turn to the person i spend most of my time with because..well.. I just tend to make them all sorts of sad or mad when I say anything so I don't bother
I just never seem to satisfy anyone in a relationship ( in everysense of the word) Maybe thats why I have committment issues with every one.. friends.. family.. relations.. myself..
I miss vanishing into thin air for months at a time.
The thrill is gone from everything. .and maybe im expecting too much out of life or I want something that doesn't exist.
Outside the sky is gray and blue. This is what 6am feels like. I feeling a know all too well. I should really get into a normal sleeping pattern sometime before summer classes begin. Birds are being all sorts of loud now. I'm really not sure what I'm rumbling on about at the moment.
but as always there is something wrong. I mean why the fuck else do people have a livejournal other than to rant on about something that just isn't right in their life. Thus I will utilize this network for its purpose.
SOMETHING IS WRONG!
Terribly horribly fantastically wrong.
There is something so wrong that I'm not even what the fuck it is really.
I mean I can mention a few things.
I mean for one my depression.. that makes me want to stay indoors and slip into comas.. stay up all night.. and hate everything (but arent I fucking good at faking it?)
Secondly.. My mother.. .and entire family for that matter that just never seem to understand that I am not part of any orgies, satanist cult, drugs, alcoholism, ..... also my mother thinks it's funny to threaten my animals.. and to just ruin days on end and vacations
There are my friendships and relationships that.. im not sure what it is but something feels off.. Maybe Im just detached which could be from the depression.. but at the end of the day I can only really talk to one person deeply about my problems.. and I don't even see her that often.
I really don't feel like I can turn to the person i spend most of my time with because..well.. I just tend to make them all sorts of sad or mad when I say anything so I don't bother
I just never seem to satisfy anyone in a relationship ( in everysense of the word) Maybe thats why I have committment issues with every one.. friends.. family.. relations.. myself..
I miss vanishing into thin air for months at a time.
The thrill is gone from everything. .and maybe im expecting too much out of life or I want something that doesn't exist.