Softball...
SOftball starts on monday and I cant hardly sleep i am so nervous! I had hoped to go out with my dad and carson to hit and field some, but we cant really even leave the house with my grandma in such a mess...I am trying so hard not to be selfish because I do love her to death, but The way it is throwing everyone's life off is just frustrating. There are so many things I wanted to do, and I cant do them. I long for one great nights sleep for my mom and I. We are the ones getting up and taking her to the bathroom ever couple hours...fun stuff... I just want a normal rest of teh summer- I wanna be able to lay out, to practice softball, and to sleep in.... Man am I selfish...I should be shot
I dunno how softball is gunna work out for me this year. It is my sr year and I want to play bad as anything. I still havent found where I belong. I do wonder if and where i would be playing if I went to school somewhere else... Had different coaches, played on a different team growing up, or started playing when everyone else did. I want so bad to be good at something- for me, and mostly for my dad. He had big dreams of me and Evan being athletes, and in most ways I feel as if I have let him down...not that he would EVER say that...I know he loves me, but I just want him to be proud of me as an athlete. It gets so frustrating tho because its like I cant stay healthy enough to play pain free. I dont remember the last time that somewhere didnt hurt. I dont remember the last time i ran around the bases without thinking my knee would callapse on me. I wanna play so bad I can't stand it, but I dont know how much more pain I can play in...the sad thing is noone knows how it feels nor believes how much it hurts, and how frustrating it is to pretty much sacrifice your body for a sport that you suck at so bad that you will probly warm the bench again your senior season. To think of it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know where I belong on the field, I dont even know if i belong on the field AT ALL... I know I serve some purpose on the team...I just dont know what. Maybe it is just for the prayer and the "K some A" before games...and maybe I should just settle for that. I wanna try out at 1st and third...probly wont play at either but i guess i will try... if you have any words of encouragement feel free to comment. Either way, your prayers would be greatly appreciated!-Jenn
ps) I know, rain or shine, bench warmer or star player, that carson will be there. he doesnt and never will know what that means to me...I love you hunny
I dunno how softball is gunna work out for me this year. It is my sr year and I want to play bad as anything. I still havent found where I belong. I do wonder if and where i would be playing if I went to school somewhere else... Had different coaches, played on a different team growing up, or started playing when everyone else did. I want so bad to be good at something- for me, and mostly for my dad. He had big dreams of me and Evan being athletes, and in most ways I feel as if I have let him down...not that he would EVER say that...I know he loves me, but I just want him to be proud of me as an athlete. It gets so frustrating tho because its like I cant stay healthy enough to play pain free. I dont remember the last time that somewhere didnt hurt. I dont remember the last time i ran around the bases without thinking my knee would callapse on me. I wanna play so bad I can't stand it, but I dont know how much more pain I can play in...the sad thing is noone knows how it feels nor believes how much it hurts, and how frustrating it is to pretty much sacrifice your body for a sport that you suck at so bad that you will probly warm the bench again your senior season. To think of it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know where I belong on the field, I dont even know if i belong on the field AT ALL... I know I serve some purpose on the team...I just dont know what. Maybe it is just for the prayer and the "K some A" before games...and maybe I should just settle for that. I wanna try out at 1st and third...probly wont play at either but i guess i will try... if you have any words of encouragement feel free to comment. Either way, your prayers would be greatly appreciated!-Jenn
ps) I know, rain or shine, bench warmer or star player, that carson will be there. he doesnt and never will know what that means to me...I love you hunny